FLASHBACK

THIRD YEAR MIDDLE SCHOOL

Seungri was seating outside the school waiting for his parents because as usual, his parents were late to pick him up. He looked around, there was no one around and his stomach was rumbling. He stood up to walk around when someone ran into him, making both him and the unknown person fall to the floor. “Ouch”! There was a bruise behind his arm that was starting to bleed and it was hurting.

“OMO” The yelled person running to him but he refrained from looking up at the person. He didn’t want to look week as tears gathered in his eyes, he didn’t want to seem like a cry baby but the sight of blood frightened him “OMO, you’re bleeding” the person said taking his arm. “Y..you’re bleeding. It’s my fault” he looked up at the person now. Before him was a boy he’d never seen before, he had pale white face, and his lips were so red that it was almost as if he had lipstick on. With his jet-black hair, he could easily pass for snow white. ‘Whoa, why is my heart beating so fast’? “I’m so sorry” a pout was suddenly on the boy’s face, which was quickly followed by tear droplets.

“It’s okay” he snatched his hand away but the boy snatched it back before digging to his surprisingly large backpack. He watched as the boy took out a bottle of water and poured it on the wound before placing a Band-Aid on it. “Ta-da”! The boy announced, pleased with himself.

“Sponge bob”? he asked laughing.

“Do you want the hello kitty one”?

“No no” he said as he rose from the floor, to return to where he was seating previously. “Thanks” he told the boy as the boy sat next to him.

“No it was my fault anyway” the boy said sadly, still looking at his feet.

“What are you doing here this late”?

“Uhmm.. My friend has to clean some classrooms because he got in trouble so I’m waiting”. The boy said swinging his legs as spoke, he was cute. School was over but his uniform looked like they just got picked up from the dry cleaners. They sat quietly till his stomach decided to mimic the voice of satan, he was so embarrassed that he had to look away. He skipped out on lunch.

“Here” A container filled with kimbap and a juice box landed on his lap.

“Uhmm….”

“That’s my friend, bye” The boy said and ran away before he had the chance to thank him. He took a close look at the container; there were miniature drawings of flowers, teddy bears, with a name on the side that read ‘Jiyong’.

FIRST YEAR HIGH SCHOOL

He never saw Jiyong after that, and he soon graduated to high school, where his classes were on the other side of the building. He stopped looking but he never gave up trying to look out for the boy. He made new friends with three other boys in his class and the popular seniors. He got accepted into the football team, and was running late for his first practice, making him bump into someone as he was running.

“I’m so sor….” He stepped back before apologizing; he looked up to find the one person he’d been looking for. ‘Jiyong’

“Sunbae” Jiyong said bowing repeatedly “I’m so sorry, I just wanted to see how high school looks” he said as he continued his bowing. He was filled with disappointment; the boy didn’t seem to remember him. “Hyunseung”!! The boy yelled running away from him to joined his friend, as they ran away together. He played bad that day and was almost cut from the team.

It was his sophomore year when he ran into Jiyong again, but something about him seemed different about him; he always walked with his head down, never spoke to anyone. He wasn’t the cute boy who swung his legs anymore.

“Hyuuuungs”!! He yelled out in the locker room when the football team was changing into their gear. “How do I get someone to notice me”?

“Easy” Dongwook, one of his hyung said. “Be mean to them and they’ll come to you”

“Yeah” some other boys agreed.

“Everyone likes the bad guys. That’s why all the chicks likes me” Dongwook said proudly.

“But hyung you’re a little mean to people”

“Like I said… everyone likes me. Before I graduate next year, I’m going to teach you guys” Dongwook said to him and his three other friends.

“Hyung I don’t want to do that, I rather people genuinely like me than fear me” The newest of his friend, Seunghyun said, “Seungri ah, why don’t you just talk to the person. No smart person would like someone who treats them poorly” Seunghyun finished and walked away.

“Don’t listen to him…. acting all high and mighty. Follow my footsteps, and you guys will be kings of this school, and you’ll get anyone you want”

At first he followed Dongwook’s footsteps because he wanted Jiyong to notice him, but it never happened. He even began stuffing him in lockers, made up nicknames for him, and after Dongwook graduated, he was already so accustomed to the lifestyle that he continued. He couldn’t care less for Jiyong anymore till the moment, the freshman ran up to him telling him that Seunghyun’s mystery person was he, but his heart especially broke when he caught up with Jiyong and found that Jiyong was aware of Seunghyun’s identity. He was completely filled with rage when he saw the way Jiyong ran after Seunghyun pleading, and when Seunghyun left his phone behind, he broke into it. He was in the midst of reading their conversations when he received a message from none other than Jiyong himself. ‘You’re dead to me. Lose my number’ He texted back.

PRESENT

“Why you”?! Seungri cried out, before wiping blood off his the side of his lips.

“What”? Seunghyun asked confused, with his grip on Seungri tightening.

“We were both mean to him, but he choose you instead of me” For so long, he only looked at Jiyong. “What makes you think you deserve him”?

Seunghyun focused on his friend on the floor beneath him “I deserve him”? He asked bitterly “NEITHER OF US DESERVE HIM YOU DULL BASTARD”!! Seunghyun turned red with rage, angry tears started poured out “We deserve nothing than to worship the very ground he walks on” He finally pulled away from Seungri.

“Hyung..” Taeyang called out to him.

“You’re dead to me Seungri, but it shouldn’t matter since we were never really friends” He said before walking away, leaving the remaining things in his locker behind.

Not sure if he could stop the shivers in his hands, he took a cab home.

“Oppa” Hye Mi ran to her brother when she saw him leaning against the door. She decided to skip school after falling ill from her previous night.

“Save me Hye mi ah” Seunghyun said as tears rolled down his eyes. “I just want to die”

“Op…”

“I feel like my heart is about to explode. I want to see him but…” She felt pity for Seunghyun. She knew he loved Jiyong and felt guilty.

“Oppa lets go to the hospital”

“I cant Hye Mi… I know Dami noona won’t let me see him” He was desperately trying to stop the tears but the thought that his youngie was laying in a hospital as a result of his stupidity plagued him.

“Oppa do you really not mind that Youngie turned out to be a boy”?

“I don’t care… I never did, I was hurt because I thought I was being deceived” he answered truthfully.

“Then if you really like him, you’ll beg till you’re finally allowed to see him”

Jiyong had been stabilized and moved to a private suite in the hospital. There was an influx of people from the school visiting him, and they were all permitted to do so, all except the four boys who Dami refused. They never gave up; they remained on their knees in the lounge of Jiyong’s private suite for several hours before Jiyong’s mother intervened, pleading with Dami on the grounds of them being young boys that made a stupid and thoughtless joke. They all spent both their days beside Jiyong, except Seunghyun who did everything from the lounge. It had been five days and Jiyong still wasn’t waking up

“When was the last time you showered”? Dami asked joining in in the lounge. “Or ate a decent meal”?

“…” He couldn’t look her in the eye, his guilt weighing in on him.

“Seunghyun” Dami turned him towards her “I know you like Jiyong a lot” He looked up at her, shocked. “Hye Mi told me about you two and your Cinderella story like texts” she laughed a little “You should stop blaming yourself and go see him”

He was desperately trying to pull himself together but he’d been falling apart for the past five days, he’d even attempted joining Jiyong one day when Hye Mi caught him staring at the blade and stopped him ‘If you truly love him, you wouldn’t do it. How would he feel when he wakes up? What about me oppa’? She said before he proceeded to cry in her arms for the nth time that week. “Noona, I don’t know what to do”

“Go to him”

“I ca… can’t”

“Seunghyun look at you; you’re still wearing the same clothes you wore two days ago. You haven’t slept in days, you have obviously lost weight, I haven’t seen you eat anything and Hye Mi said you never eat the food she brings you either. You sit here all day everyday looking at your phone, you don’t even talk to your friends, especially Seungri” She felt pity for the boy; he was always looked so put together but he seemed to have lost his way. “Even Jiyong looks better than you right now” she kidded but he didn’t laugh.

“Noona how can you joke right now”?

“Come with me. I’ll buy you dinner and when we get back, you’re going in there” She pulled him up, dragging him all the way down the street to where several mini food trucks selling ddukboki were.

She force-fed him, even trying to make him laugh in the process. Her heart broke at the sight of him. Not just him but for the three other boys as well, the other night, she had to pull a weeping Seungri from Jiyong’s bedside and drive him home.  What saddened her was that her brother lived as though he had no friends when he had Hye Mi that genuinely cared for him, and two boys who loved him but didn’t know how to show it.

They returned to the hospital shortly, and like Dami said, she pushed him into the room, closing the door behind him. He stood with his back glued to the door; the only sounds in the room were those of his heartbeat, and Jiyong’s monitor. Slowly, he walked to over to the bed where Jiyong lay, his legs felt heavy, like they had bricks tied to them. He finally arrived at the bedside, and knelt beside it.

“Please forgive me,” He cried remaining in that position for several minutes before rising up to examine his face. Jiyong was indeed beautiful; covered from shoulder to toe in all white, he could have easily been mistaken for an angel. He took Jiyong’s hands in his and lay beside him. “Finally i realize that i'm nothing without you. I was so wrong, forgive me. My heart is broken like a wave, my shaken heart like a wind, my heart vanished like a smoke. It can't be removed like a tattoo. I sigh deeply as if the  ground is about to cave in. Only, dust are piled up in my mind" he recited part of Jiyong's Haru Haru lyrics before drifting into sleep.

Dami was ready to leave for the night; she was banned from spending the night in the hospital for the health of her baby. She was taking Seunghyun with her; the poor boy needed some sleep. She peeked in the room and smiled at the sight before her; Seunghyun was sleeping peacefully beside Jiyong holding his hand. She left them with the instruction that Seunghyun should not be disturbed. She had faith that her brother was going to wake up when he was ready, and when he did, she would welcome him with open arms and a punch to his beautiful face for making her worry.

He’d been roaming around a dark maze for what seemed like hours till he finally arrived at the middle where two pathways were present; one with a black light, and the other with a bright one.

‘You should come here” It was Taeyeon, she was standing by the black path “No one likes you anyway”

“Jiyong”! It was his mother; she was standing by the bright path. “My baby, please come to me”

“You’re dead to me, did you really think that I’ll fall in love with you” It was Seunghyun this time, he was laughing as he spoke beside Taeyeon. “I will only love someone like her”

“You can’t leave, have to see my baby. You have to come back,” Dami cried beside his mother. He was confused.

“Jiyong ah, my friend” Hye Mi walked up to him. “Saranghe” She had tears in her eyes but she was smiling “You have always done what people asked of you. They tell you that you’re a boy so you force yourself to act as such even though you don’t feel like one. They tell you that you’re dead to them, and you kill yourself”? Tears were pouring out but she still smiled as she spoke “When would you ever do anything that genuinely makes you happy? When would you learn to love yourself? You have so much light in you, and you need to stop letting people dim it” She pulled him into a hug “Make your own choice” She added before disappearing. The others were also gone. He stared at both paths before before walking toward one.

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A/N: like I said before, Seungri's part is just a minor part of the story. Don't be alarmed, I'm not going to go into unnecessary angst. On another note, this fic is ending soon and I just want to thank you guys for supporting me. You guys are amazing!!!