Chapter 2: (Her Misunderstandings.)

She does not know this, all she knows and all she believes in is that he broke up with her to be with someone else. It wasn’t unreasonable to break up with her though, how could she deprive him of his happiness? It was her fault she had held on for far too long and was oblivious to his true feelings. It was her fault he had to wait a couple of months to start dating JungAh because he was too kind and wanted to consider her feelings. This was what she believed in and this was what she was going to stick with, if ever someone says otherwise, she had her mind set and ready for combat. The SHINee members and JungAh were one of the set battlegrounds, because she knew someday she was going to face them whether she liked it or not. It was impossible not to, especially if she was going to stay on this path. She wanted to achieve something in this war. Whether it be wining him or losing him or finding someone else entirely, because there were many things left unsaid. She needed closure.

Seeing SHINee’s and JungAh’s faces made her heart ache. She used to be good friends with Taemin and Key, but what had happened because of Onew? But she could ever blame Onew, it seemed like even though she tried to hate him to move on it didn’t work. Feelings didn’t lie and didn’t change in an instant or even when you desperately try to, it doesn’t change unless something significant happens in your life or enough time passes by and in rare cases it doesn’t and that was what haunted her. Even though she wanted to stop it, how could she when she was still attending his concerts and watching his shows? She should have banned herself from seeing it, but she didn’t, she had kept delaying it. Saying to herself that this was the last time or the last week, until it became like now. She didn’t fight he love for him anymore and even though in some cases it would hurt her, she always had enough courage to go on. For the world did not wait on her but keeps going round, so for now she will wait, as a fan, until the storm inside of her wavers and finally she is ready for battle.

He saw her in the crowd, and for the first time in a while he had a real smile. She was still supporting SHINee even through all that he put her through. It was evident in his eyes that she had started to slip back into her everyday routine without him; it was a sign that she was in someway moving forward. It made his day; it was the first time in months (well ever since the break up…) he had seen her and now that she seemed well he felt elated. Though that nagging feeling about her health would always be there, at least he knows that she can take care of herself. The members always asked him is she was ever going to come back, if she was going to call and always asked him why their friendship with her had to deteriorate because of the break up. He never really had answers to that and before he could ever put a word in, they would always reassure him that even though they feel that way it was not his fault. It was she who didn’t call anyways; it was not he controlling her.

Though he knew that they felt that it was mostly his fault, the small glint of sadness in their eyes proved two things. That it was indeed partly his fault but also because they missed their leader. After all he hasn’t been the same since he incident, his happiness meter had changed from a full gauge to under halfway. He drowned himself in work, whether it had been shows or dancing or singing. He looked at their pictures together all the time. He wanted to turn back the clock and every time he did Onew scolded himself for not being able to keep that promise. To keep her safe.

He misses her more than she could ever comprehend and it broke him even more that he had to make scandals with JungAh, even though JungAh was a great person he thought of her as a sister. JungAh was the one who comforted him when he broke up with the girl he loved. JungAh was an important friend and because of this, he had asked her to do this for him. To make scandal that they’re dating (even though they were never going to confirm it) so that it would be safe for her, it would be safer if the whole world found out he was dating someone else. Even though it was just a scandal there was nothing else to go by, and what they see is what they believe. So he set out to fake some ‘dates’ with JungAh just a few weeks ago and the date was spread on the news like wildfire. After all they had assumed that they were dating a year before, which made it more believable. There were different responses but he didn’t care about that, he cared the she was finally protected. He did feel sorry for JungAh though, after all he must have caused her troubles with what he asked her to do.

When he started dating the person he loved, he wasn’t stupid and he knew the consequences but he had always thought that he could protect her from most of these problems and the she was strong enough. Back then, he was naïve enough and now he realized how much danger he had put her in. He should have thought about it more back then, he shouldn’t have fallen in love with the girl but he did and he felt like it would never change. He was going to watch her from afar when he sees her on the streets he was going to watch her, when she came to his concerts, just to see if she was doing well. That’s all he wished for, that she would be well and whoever it is that broke them apart won’t break her even more or harm her. This was what he wished to the heavens; he wasn’t going to let his sacrifice go down to nothing. If something had happened to her, no one else but himself was to blame. It was his fault.