Chapter 6: (Back to the Start.)

She had sighed once the concert was over, she wouldn’t be able to see Onew in person for a while and even though that was disappointing she felt annoyed at herself. What was wrong with her? She wanted another woman’s man; last time she checked it wasn’t part of her moral code. All these unnecessary thoughts ran through her head. She wasn’t a bad person; she never did hateful things that could have caused her this pain. So what did happen? She just closed her eyes and sighed. She finally got out of the stadium and got in the car, double-checking if all her belongings were there.

The concert itself was amazing, the amount of energy they put into impelling the audience up was incredible. When Onew cried in the song she had deemed her favorite she wondered if it was because of her. He had sobbed for the first half of the song and was flat the next, all of SHINee seemed to be in pain too. She wondered what had happened to them, but she knew the pain he felt (if there was any…). She had cried after all, it described their relationship so well that it alarmed her, she adored this song and it turned out she took it to heart.

She sighed and started her engine off to drive; she should focus on the road at this emotional state. She didn’t want to cause an accident or be in an accident. She wanted to be well so that when she meets JungAh and Onew at least she could state proudly that she was doing well and they didn’t interest her. When in fact all she could think about was whether or not JungAh was there with Onew or if JungAh had called him, it made her head swarm and her heart constrict. She tried not to think about the endless possibilities and drove on. She stepped on the gas pedal and zoomed on the highway until she reached her apartment. She carefully parked the car and went into her apartment; she opened the door and waited for the signal that it was locked. Only then could she freely move around her apartment.

She changed her clothes, got chocolate ice cream and settled on the coach to open the TV. Once she did, she regretted it right away, a gossip show was on and the scandal involving Onew and JungAh was being reviewed. She almost immediately changed the channel, when she saw a picture of him smoking an electronic cigarette. Surely it didn’t cause him any harm, since it was just flavored water, the smoke evaporated water but still when had he picked up the habit? She didn’t think of it any longer, as she scolded her self for even thinking it as her business, she was a fan but a fan’s insight could only go so far.

She quickly changed the channel to a weather channel. The weather flashed before her, for today, tomorrow and the next week with a sweet song in the background. It gave her comfort, she had something else to think about, whether it is what to wear the next day or how much she didn’t or did like about the weather. How much the weather had changed from the day before, her musings helped her but what she did like the most was the music. It usually whisked her away to sleep whenever she felt like crumbling away. Of course there were more exciting and entertaining shows on that evening but she couldn’t think of any channel as of yet and whatever her heart led her she decided to follow. She wanted to be able to trust it again after having it torn away by the person she loves.

As the night went on, she realized hat she needed to wash up, change and go to bed. The weather channel had almost lulled her to sleep on the sofa and it took almost all of her energy to force herself awake. Once she had finished those duties, she wistfully went to her queen sized bed with baby blue sheets and fell asleep. Snuggling onto her similar covered pillows, knowing the only place she could be happy were in her dreams.

Once Onew got back to SHINee’s apartment, he felt the need to do something, anything. It wasn’t that he wasn’t already tired enough from the concert but because he was nervous. He was jittery after the talk he had with his fellow members. He didn’t like the feeling that it gave him. s seemed to be okay with what he felt, but he felt sorry for all the things he did. He missed her more than ever and he wanted to call her, like the many times he did before in the past few months.

He ended up looking over their pictures once again, those pictures in a treasure box under his bed, reliving all those memories he had of them together. He came across a picture of the place where they had their very first date. He recollected their memorized there and a small smile curled upon his lips. Their first date seemed like it was so far ago now. It was after all two years since they had started dating and three years since they met. A few months since he last held her and told her he loved her and a few moments since he had last since her. He shook those thoughts away no wanting to remember the last time. He focused on the picture. He reminisced of the past, it was their first date and it was non-the-less enthralling.

He retained the events that unfolded on that day in his head. He woke up in the morning wondering where he should bring her and what he should wear. He felt like a girl, thinking about all those things but they were dismissed once he thought about seeing her. Not just as friends but also as a girlfriend, he was innocent then and didn’t know such things would happen in the future. His heart was fluttering and he was excited, that finally he was going on a date with someone he liked. He looked through his clothes and chose a white shirt with random splatters of color on it and black jeans, topped with a blue and black varsity jacket. He took a blue high cut converse and took his sunglasses and black hat out.

He took a shower and went to eat breakfast with the members afterwards. Key seemed excited about the prospect of his Hyung finally going out on a proper date with the girl he liked, so he gave Onew tips about how to act the whole morning.  Everything he said though, Onew already knew but he assumed that Key was just reminding him. Onew was in too much of a good mood to even ask Key to stop bickering and nagging. As far as he’s concerned he was in cloud nine. The world seemed to be going towards his direction and he liked it.