Chapter 4: (Their Concerns.)

The SHINee members at the end of the song gave him a big hug, whispering to him that it would be all right. They felt it too; they felt the sadness that emanated from their leader. It was even more painful because it was completely opposite of their cheerful and lovable leader. It showed a side to him that none of them knew, a dark side that was slowly eating up his heart. To them it seemed like he was ready to quit anytime if it wasn’t for the workload that helped him take the pain away, even just for a little while.

They knew he hated just sitting there because it reminded him of her and they hated seeing their older brother like that. So even though they didn’t want him to overwork himself they let him do it. It gave them so much grief to even think about their leader feeling that way, he was human and isn’t perfect as everyone utters. He had his own difficulties and his own preferences to certain things and the image he puts up to the audience isn’t entirely true. They weren’t together anymore and that was what made them worry, he didn’t have the strength he used to have when he was with her.

Out of all the members Jonghyun understood the most, he knew what it felt like to loose someone to forces beyond him. What it felt like to loose someone you love all of a sudden, and it was hard. It was so difficult that sometimes Jonghyun himself felt like ruining his image just to get Sekyung back, but he couldn’t it was too late now and he had move on. His brother though, his brother had lost his love for the first time and it was painful for Jonghyun to see Onew like this. It bothered him how much it had affected everyone’s lives, especially the leader’s. He had stopped going out with them, which made it seem like they weren’t close anymore. Onew also had a bad habit of keeping everything to himself, so they didn’t know the extent of the damage. Even though he did show grief how much grief did he hold within himself?

It scared Jonghyun to be honest; he never thought it would be this bad and that their leader would fall this far and deep. They could understand why, she was a girl that had a lot of charms; even SHINee had fallen for her charms. They didn’t tolerate her because she made Onew happy but they actually liked her as a person, as a friend. She was a girl with a feisty attitude because she knew who she was; she wasn’t timid and didn’t need to be protected. She had her moments of sudden forgetfulness and clumsiness that made her cute in their eyes.

She was a fast thinker, a good friend; and even though she was all of the above they could never forget her smile. For when she was with Onew a pretty smile spread on her lips that never went down. She was as happy as he was; everyone around them knew that. So why did they destroy it? It angered Jonghyun to no end. No matter what Jonghyun made it his mission the make his older brother smile again, for he deserved it.

All the SHINee members gave Onew a squeeze and continued on with the concert with a sad spirited Onew. Who still showed a great performance, he had acted almost through out the whole thing. Only when the gloomy ballads came around was when it seemed like he was genuine to s. He feigned happiness and the members knew it, ever since that song he had been in the most depressed mood, but it didn’t radiate off him like it did in the song. It made them scared of what would happen to heir leader. Did he really just give up on himself and on her?

As the concert came to an end, Onew watched for her in the audience once again and he had found her. Smiling and cheering SHINee on and a genuine smile found a way to his face. He was happy that he could see her like this but when he turned to see the other fans and went to look at where she was again, her smile had faded. He scrunched up his face and wondered why? He had also wondered why, why was she crying during that song, but he knew he could dismiss that as being touched. After all it was her favorite song and it was a hard song to listen to, especially with the voice he was singing with.

Why was she frowning? Did she realize something? He had sighed, what right did he have to know anyways, he broke her heart and didn’t come back to repair it. It was his fault after all, so what right does he have invading into her life? But what wrong was it to be curious over the one you love? He had focused on her face; there were marks where the tears had trailed downon  her soft cheeks. He wanted to come down from the stage and hug her but he couldn’t. He knew the controversies it would make and tha would not keep her safe. The reason why he was doing this after all, breaking his heart over and over, is to keep her safe. Somehow, no matter how many times he says that it feels unjust and unfair, his head was in a jumbled up mess ever since she was gone and it drove into a corner. That’s why he drove himself into work, so that he would forget everything and just focus on work.

He kept his eyes trailed onto her, for the rest of the song right until the very end. Even when he was all the way on the other side from where she was, he could still her. Of course he had learned how to search the crowds for her very easily, after all she was a fan who earned enough money to buy expensive tickets. Even though she swears at him sometimes for the tickets being too expensive, she still bought it. She had never once said that it was a waste of her money, and he appreciated her for her support but also for her unyielding love for him. It must have been really hard on her as he was  was touring, and had lots of overseas schedules when they were dating. It must have been hard for her to watch all those things he was doing. He was never able to go and say to world that he loved her; that they were dating. He knew sometimes he could have just avoided all the rules and told the world they were in love but that would have caused more trouble.

He glanced at her once again before finally leaving the stage for the last time. It might very well be the last time he saw her. This time she smiled and waved goodbye to SHINee and this gave his heart a little bit of relief, because at least she did not leave the concert sulking. That way he also didn’t leave the concert depressed and in a bad mood. She knew what to do to make him feel happier than the normal happiness he had ever since they broke up. Then again, she was the cause of all the sadness and pain in his heart. He had thanked everyone for the hard work they put into the concert before going to their change rooms. He went back to SHINee’s dressing room and changed out of his sweaty clothes into clean ones that he could go to their dorm in.