Chapter 8: (First Time.)

 

She smelt a whiff of fresh air from the beautiful flowers that surrounded the park. He had picked a good location and she wanted to applaud him for bringing her here. Her hand was held in his the whole way there and she didn’t want to let go. As they slowed down to a spot where it seemed like Onew had picked, she quickly intertwined her fingers with his. She felt as if her dream was getting out of control, it felt so real and even though it would hurt her the next day she still wanted to enjoy it. She wanted to relish in it while she still could.

 

As they came to a stop, she noticed that they were under an old cherry blossom tree. Some of the petals had fallen, but as it was still the start of spring (and due to the nice weather) most were still in tack. The pink petals seemed to dance with the wind with the rays of sunlight subtly peering through them. They had sat on the ground with their backs resting on the trunk of the tree. This was their first date; what she was dreaming about was her first date with him. She realized that she did not want the dream to end, she hopes that she wouldn’t be awoken by anything and stay in this blissful state.

 

She still remembered everything that had happened that day, so much so she could predict the next moments that would play in her head. This date, their first one was more than perfect enough for her, was more than memorable for her and held a special place in her heart. More than anything she wished she could get that innocence back.

 

He reminisced on how beautiful it was that day, as he had sat next to her underneath that cherry blossom tree. The way their hands seem to perfectly fit together with their smiles so bright. Even though it was nothing but cheesy, it was all for one another and now that he didn’t have that with her he can’t help but feel so misplaced. He thought back, he didn’t want to really deal with those feelings right now. He just wanted to be drugged by the feeling he was recalling.

 

He took her shoulder that was opposite to him and pulled her closer to him, her head leaning against his shoulder. She didn’t seem offended in any way in his eyes and that gladdened him, knowing that she had accepted that they were together. Their idle chats had begun around that time, hushed whispers and never naming the other person. After all they didn’t want anyone to find out but it was special in their own way and it didn’t feel like they were hiding from anyone. It felt like he was free to fly anywhere he wanted, as long as she was at his side. Though that feeling didn’t vanish as time went on rather people broke them apart.

 

Their longwinded talks that morning made Onew happy, her was learning more about her than he had ever though he could in a few hours. It was a learning experience for him. The way she seemed to get so much out of him than any other person could but at the same time give the information he wanted from her. He remembers those little things the most, those things were hard to forget, they were what made her. They were what made her someone he loved, someone worth the risk for, someone worth his life and happiness for. She was that girl who kept his heart beating but at the same time made it stop. Onew caressed that picture of them in his hand again.

 

“Have you ever wondered what it would be like if?” He had looked at her curiously when she said that, what was she talking about?

 

“What do you mean?” He asked skeptically that day, he hadn’t gotten used to her personality yet back then, even though he loved every bit of it.

 

“I mean, is there something you regret in life. It’s impossible not to have one by now; sure you can keep going ahead and have ‘no regrets’. But in all honesty there are something’s you want to change even though you might not consider it as a regret. There’s always that feeling you get when you bring back those types of memories, it’s different from the rest. Like there was something wrong.” By this time he wondered why she was asking. Unsurprisingly his brain wondered if there was anything he wanted to change.

 

She looked up to him and smiled a little. “That’s the whole point in life right? Learning from your mistakes, even though you might not think of it as a regret. It might be something insignificant even, but for your whole life you just couldn’t forget what happened, what could have happened.” She looked up in the sky as if contemplative herself, of what she did regret.

 

Onew had been stumped at her question, he didn’t expect it from her but it was a refreshing surprise. It made him think a little more. He knew of a couple of instances, but he wouldn’t go as far as call it a regret but he had thought of the if’s and how come’s. Though there was one thing out of all that seemed to stand out to him at that particular moment. After all every time he thought of it his heart clenched and painfully ate him, he wondered what if every single time he thought of it. He never thought that their first date would bring up this kind of question, but it was her and she was as straightforward as ever. They had after all known each other a year prior to this set up.

 

He carefully looked at her. “I have one.” He had confessed, she seemed to be surprised he was willing to share but was grateful he was answering the question. “As funny as it sounds, no matter how many times I think it over, it's you that pops up. I don’t know exactly why. I guess you just fill my thoughts.” She blushed at the statement. Though what he really meant was it drove him crazy when he thought of her with other guys. It drove him insane, really.

 

She smiled in her dreams; she knew what he was going to say next. Every word already embedded in her memory, his answer was to the point (though with a few blushed and stumbles here and there) and it fluttered her heart. Though she didn’t necessarily believed the whole thing but it made her happy thinking about it. “My one regret in life is not meeting you often enough when we were just friends.” She was surprised at the statement when first said of course. She didn’t really expect that, after all she thought he was just joking the first time around. Though the real reason was because he seemed utterly happy with his job and she was just a friend of a friend and really she didn’t think she would have entered his mind a t all. Though she was still trying to get it around her head that he liked her at the time, apparently as much as she liked him.

 

“I always thought of you, I don’t know why but I did. I wonder if I had called you some more would we have been closer, would we have taken this step earlier or never at all? So you can say that it isn’t a proper regret but it was something I pondered long and hard about at times. Because no matter how much I think of it, based on my feelings right now, I would have known so much more about you.” She knew that feelings could change and that his had, but still she couldn’t help but wonder, what if too? What if they had become better friends before that, what would have happened to them? 

 

Now in his life there is one big regret and that is not being able to be by her side anymore. It should have been dating her or it could even be being in love with her but he could never put those as regrets as they were always a fond memory that he would rather not erase. Those feelings of those wonderful memories were always going to be a light in a path of darkness.