Chapter 1: (For Her.)

She watched as he glided across the stage, never missing a single beat. She watched as he walked across and around it, smiling cutely to the crowd as a sign of gratitude for their support. He was kinder than he looked, yet his face was already angelic.

She missed him so much.

But he didn’t miss her, she knew, he had a girlfriend now JungAh from After School. Not like she didn’t expect it after all they had broken up a few months prior, but that didn’t make it less agonizing. Though what was worse was the ever present need to torture herself by walking through the the stadium doors and knowingly loosing herself again and again to him. He was like a drug that she couldn’t stop taking and she was lost in its artificial paradise. Where their secret was real and tangible. Nobody had known about them, so it was all the more intoxicating. Captivating in a way the entrails and traps you in a bubble of bliss. 

She was merely a fan here but she was glad, at least she still had some kind of role in his life. She could keep up the rouse even just for a little longer.

She was sure he didn’t know that she still supported him, that she hadn’t moved on. But that was okay as long as she still got to see him, even like this, as painful as it was. True to her words though she was just a shadow following him. She hated how vulnerable she had become because of him, she wanted to blame him with all her heart but she couldn’t, she never could. It wasn’t entirely his fault because it was her fault too, she started falling and no one had told her to do so, it was at her own accord. Though she wondered what had she done wrong in her life or their relationship to deserve this unyielding pain in her chest that attempted to swallow her whole.

She gulped as he went pass her side, being the hopeful she was, but she also knew that she shouldn’t have been at all. She had hoped he had seen her that he had seen her sadness and would come back (she scoffed at her own thoughts). Though that was far off from what she knew her reality was, she was a realist after all. He was an internationally recognized K-Pop Star and even though she was smart, there was no way she would be able to get into his world. She knew the odds of her meeting him again were slim to none. She knew this journey that she was embarking on would be lonely. But at least, through this she could still hear the sound of his voice.

She was back to square one. She was a nobody again, and even though the company her dad owned was renowned in the world she was kept a secret, no one knew of her. She was fine with the idea though, she lived with it once she will live like this again. She had good resolve and it would not fail her.

(All she had was hope.) 

He had said goodbye to her, after two years of being together. She didn’t understand why at first, of course. She thought that she was so irrevocably in love with him to realize he had moved on, from her. She thought that she had been so infatuated not to see the signs, but to her there was none, everything seemed to be okay until that one evening. He came running, she thought he was excited to see her but it was otherwise. The look on his face was one she would never forget, pain. It was on instinct she had grabbed him by the wrist and asked him what was wrong, if he was okay? But all he did was took her hand away from his wrist slowly and gently, as if he was afraid he would break her and turned away. That was when he said those words that she thought she would never hear from his lips. “Let’s break up.” He had said it in such a low tone, if they weren’t alone she wouldn’t have picked it up but she did and those three words broke her heart.

“Break up? Why?” She was hopeful, that she had heard wrong or that he would change his mind at the last minute or that he heard the pained tone coming from to at least think twice about what he just said.

She didn’t know that he did, he wanted to change his mind and stop hurting her but he could not. Especially if it meant hurting her more than now, even though he knew he had hurt her already by the tone in her voice, he could not do anything but say those words to break her even more. To make sure she stays safe he will do this even though it will hurt him too and as much as he wanted to be selfish, her well being always came first no matter what the cost, even himself. He braced himself to say the words he had been building up the courage to say, without breaking and this was the rare and upper tune time to do it. What happens afterwards though was something he could deal with by himself, he does not know how hard it will be to face but he will face it for her.

He took a small breath and looked her in the eyes, and his heart broke into little tiny pieces. Here eyes shone in the moonlight and her hand trembling, he felt it when he took her hand away but he could also see her body racking. He opened his mouth again, wanting to be able to get this over and done with but no sound came out. It was hard, it was absolutely painful to do something like this, but it was for her. “You heard what I just said, let’s break up.” His tone was raspy and his voice soft. He heard himself tremble, did he just give himself away? He looked up to see that her face blank, before she could even think about doing anything to make him change his mind he dragged himself away from her.

He heard the sobs from where he stood, behind the trees in the park he left her in. He wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t going to leave a crying girl alone: the crying girl he loves. He knew her too well; he knew that once she felt like you abandoned her it was forever in her mind. He knew she would not hope for them to get back together and that she would be able to move on. Find a better guy in a better circumstance that was what he hoped for her. So when he followed her home, which was only a few blocks away from the park he chose to meet her with, he silently said a goodbye. “I’ll always be thankful. I love you.” He whispered to the wind wanting someone to pick up this desperate call, his final farewell.