leaves have just fallen from it's tree, they were bright-stunning-calming-and always made her day perfect, like no one else who would be gloomy when the wind greeted them.

She love wind, the wind always demanding her to the bright side of life, made a way to show her love to him... always made her relax and feel so light.. no... this autumn would be the last time she love wind... autumn and the son inside her belly...

it's the beginning of his tears, his pathetic life, and... the willpower to end his life... his dark memories...

"joonmyunie, did I do something wrong? did i? why you never comeback to home?" she was sickened by her husband behavior... She tried no to stressed out for their son's sake.
"Eunjae ah... it's important, I will back home, dear. Are you doubting me?" the black haired man sighed, too tired to explain.

"well, then tell me who the owner of this lipstick's stain that have formed in your own blouse, kim joonmyun?" Eunjae sobbed, he was a tipsy man when he went back to his home... And eunjae can tell it, her husband doing something... doing.. something outside and it's mean an affair...
"eunjae ah, you're into misunderstand with me, this is not like what was on your mind, I was having an alcohol and getting drunk, it's true... but the lipstick.. I don't know who the person was.... I'm even not knowing if there's a stain in my blouse.. just... don't think about it in a bad way, okay?" he reassured his wife, but it didn't work like his hope..
she was really mad, but it was misunderstand... he wanted to tell her, but the time really an agony for him.. his work couldn't wait either.. and it was the time that his boss commanded him to work for 3 days in China...
"we'll fix it when I turn back home, ehmm? Watch our baby, sweety..."he said and left her in their living room...

it wasn't helping her to relax, she believed that her husband was falling into someone...
why... why must you come to this world when your father going to leave me..



and as time goes by, when he was in China, their second son was a victim from the misunderstand before.... he was born with a mental sickness, autism, his mother couldn't accept it...
it was because of her, everytime she looking to his eyes, the burden will coming soon

"oppa... oppa... let's play something, like tea party with my annie and sooyoungie... deee??" the 7yo Sera asked him, and his blankly eyes were looking at her confusedly
"it's sno---snowy.. o--outt the-the-re.." he said and patted his sister head..
"Ahhhh, please, It's boring to stay at home like this... where is appa and eomna??" she was pouting and whinning when Sehun stayed in silent.. he was thinking hard, whether it was good thing or a bad one? will their parent scold him if he didn't listen to their direction..
"oppa, jeballll" she said with an aegyo... and sehun love her too much so he nodded and they were playing in the yard
but sera was in a good mod, she jumped so high in happily ecstatic and her doll was drowning in their pond because of sera's activity before..
"oppa annie is going drown... pick it up for meeee"  she said and cried so hard because of it
Sehun walked to the pond and tried to get the doll to his hand.. and succeed...
"oppa gomawooo, I love oppa so much..." she jolted in happiness, sehun smiled at his sister..
"sto--stop it... ba..back..home" he said but she kept jump there and here and she slipped to the rock next to her.. and her body fell into the pond... sehun gasped in shock... he tried to reaching sera with his hand, but it was difficul because Sera was  unconcious..
"ah... ah.. ju..ma... ah..juhmma aAHJUMMMMAAAAA!!" he barked loudly even no one heard him... but the ahjumma suddenly back from her way from their garden.. she gasped in horror.. didn't believe what she saw.. and it was the hard start of sehun... with sera..

“what happened to our daughter..it's your fault!!!! why you doing this to her??”  he was replaying his mother words one by one.. he sat in the hospital’s chapel, looked at Jesus..

he put down his head like a defendant of a murder’s case..  

“it’s... my..fa--fault??" he asked a question to Jesus’ statue.. he held his hand to his left cheek.. his mother slapped him before... when she said it meaningly and it hurted him so much, so deep...

“if... You take me... in your place... they will  happy.. without me... without me..” his gaze was on the snowy sky above him. He then made a letter and put it in Jesus’ hand..

“please... please... I knew I was a trouble...”he said and slept soundly in Jesus’ foot...

“I found him at the chapel … and he was having a nosebleed before... his bloodpressure descended..  the doctor told me that he was depressed” his father said slowly to his wife... no answer..she just let her head down and gazed to the floor.

“would you want to read it?” he handed a piece of paper to her

God

Appa and eomma are having a hard time, they were worn out and I know..I was a trouble for everyone..

eomma, appa mianhae...

God...

How about take me back to Your side, they will be happy without me...they will be the happiest family ever exist..A-and I’ll doing anything..

so eomma won't cry again..because of me..

So take me from her…

Sehunie

gawked widely, couldn’t believe at  her son’s words. She did slap him before and it was hurting him,

“is he really want to die?? God can take me away instead…” she said and tears were streaming down on her face..

“please don’t make him as a burden,  he’s already hurt..” her husband high pitched his voice… couldn’t stand when his son had found almost frozen outside… this was killing him… inside

“I love him.. I really do.. but..” she said desperately..  hoarse tone  came from her lung, she palmed her face with her hand…

“love him isn’t enough, you didn’t pay any attention and didn’t gave him any secure feels…” his voice was an disappointment… he sighed and rubbed his temple… didn’t want to continue this arguing..

============================================================================================================================

hwelooooo, so sorry couldn't do any update before..

the tests are really suffocating me little by little...

subs and comments juseyooo, ^^

kekekekeke