Y O O N A

Donghae had been fired and it was all my fault.

It was six o’clock in the morning the next day and I sat up in bed, staring at the diamond ring wrapped around my finger.

This is all my fault.

Part of me wanted to go back in time and stop myself from speaking to that orange-haired foreigner as we got off the bus. But part of me said, “No, stay here. You two are meant to be and you are just facing challenges.”

Part of me wanted to go back in time to warn myself not to agree to be his interpreter. But part of me said. “You did the right thing. Look where it landed you. You deserve to experience the love this man is giving you.”

There was a battle that was raging on inside my head and the angry voices and the clanging of swords and shields drove me crazy. The worst part is, I didn’t know which side I was on.

Refusing to be caught up in the middle of this mess, I hastily hopped off the bed and got dressed. Maybe an early morning walk at the beach would do me some good. I had always been acquainted with the seashore as a child. Before my mother went to marry someone else, our family would spend weekends camping out at the shores of Dokbayo.

I grew up smelling the salt in the air, hearing the waves crash against the cliffs and feeling the warmth of the sand beneath my feet.

I need to be comforted and I was certain the beach would give me the comfort I’m looking for.

~~~

There was a weathered wooden bench located at the far side of the beach and that was where I sat. The sun was rising behind me and gave the ocean waters a blue-green glow. Far off in the distance, the blurred silhouettes of the hills appeared like the shadow of a slumbering giant. Up above, the seagulls squawked and glided with unsurpassed grace under the soft, billowy clouds.

I sighed.

This world – it was beautiful. But why do ugly things have to happen here? Why can’t everything flow as smoothly as the waves that rolled and kissed the sands?

“I knew I’d find you here.”

I almost stumbled from my seat. I turned around and found Donghae leaning on the bench with one hand. His mother probably told him where I went.

Hae glanced down at me, his eyes all sore and puffy. He probably cried all night. Slowly, I stood up and embraced him.

He hugged back and my hair. “Yoong, you shouldn’t go off by yourself. What if something happens?”

“I’m sorry,” I told him as I buried my head into his chest. I could hear his heartbeat.

Donghae hugged tighter. “It wasn’t your fault. Come on, let’s go get some coffee.”

~~~

He took me to a café not too far away. It was located on a small street right next to a shopping center. We wordlessly sat down and sipped our espressos.

Mid-way through, Hae slid his iPod across the table and nodded up at me. I placed the earphones in my ears and pressed play.

I heard the drums beat slowly as if luring me to sleep. Then, I heard the boyish vocals.

“When the visions around you,
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surround you,
Are secrets and lies,”

I looked up and Hae was smiling at me.

“I'll be your strength,
I'll give you hope,
Keeping your faith when it's gone
The one you should call,
Was standing here all along…”

I smiled back.

“And I will take
You in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you…”

We didn’t talk at all yet I felt it was the best conversation I’ve ever had.

It was almost nine o’clock when we left the coffee shop. The streets were becoming crowded as more and more people flocked to the large shopping center nearby.

Suddenly, I heard someone scream. It was in Korean so I didn’t understand but anyone could’ve detected the amount of surprise in it.

I wheeled around and saw a girl – her arms fully stretched out, her fingers pointing at me, her face distorted in anger. She shouted something again but this time, two or more girls who stood next to her started to scream along.

I didn’t understand what they were saying but I knew that it wasn’t at all nice. They ran up to us and started yelling some more.

Before I knew it, they were hurling crumpled pieces of paper our way.

Donghae stepped in between and said something to the girls. They cried out to him.

“Oppa, oppa,” they were saying, their voices filled with despair.

Hae clicked his tongue and placed his arm around me. “Come on, we have to get out of here.”

The girls – they kept on multiplying. Pretty soon, they surrounded us. All of them sported the same expression – faces full of burning hatred and disappointment. They were calling me names, I was sure, and even though I didn’t understand it fully, I felt those words hit me like arrows on fire.

My head began to spin.

Everything around me became blurry.

I felt like I wanted to lie down.

The screaming voices became louder and louder by the minute.

The faces became more and more distorted.

My hands flew up to my ears and I walked faster and faster until I was running. I didn’t know where I was going anymore. I didn’t know what was around me.

That’s why the noise of the motorcycle skidding to a stop surprised me. I wheeled around and stepped out of the way just in time. But I guess I stepped into a puddle because my feet gave way and I slipped.

But instead of falling on the ground, I was submerged in water.

~~~

Author's Note: The song above is  "This I Promise You" by N'SYNC. In one of his interviews a few years back, Donghae said this was his favorite song. And guess what? It just seemed to be the perfect song he'd like Yoong to listen to when she's feeling down. Click here to listen to it.