Y O O N A

The moment I woke up, the first thing that I saw was my father’s face – beautiful despite its age. The first thing I felt was his arms around me. The first scent I smelled was that ancient perfume he’d been using since forever. And the first thing I heard was his sobs. Dad was crying.

And I guess I started crying too because everything became blurry all of a sudden. I felt like I had dove into the deep, dark abyss and spent an eternity there. But now, I was relieved. I’m alive. I’m alright. And my father is with me.

“How long had I been sleeping?” I asked once Dad let go of me.

“You’ve been at it for almost a day,” said someone else. I squinted and realized that someone else was standing behind my father.

He looked haggard – his overgrown, vibrant orange hair was disheveled and there were dark circles beneath his eyes. It seemed as though he hadn’t had much sleep.

“Annyeong,” I smiled at him. I learned that from Sulli.

Donghae beamed back and took a seat next to my dad.

“Your Majesty, I’d like to ask you something,” Donghae said.

“Sure, son,” Daddy said. “Go ahead.”

Honestly, to hear my father address Donghae in such a manner surprised me. Did something happen while I was asleep?  I tried to straighten up in bed but my body still felt weak – tired.

“Sir, I want you to know that nothing will ever change how I feel for your daughter,” he looked at me, then at my dad, who nodded passively. Then Hae’s gaze returned to me. “No death threats and no illness will change the fact that I –“

Here, he choked on his words and I could see tears well up in his eyes. “I love her.”

My dad kind of jumped back a bit. It must’ve felt awkward for him. Was this how they do it in Korea? Or was Hae only doing this because, like me, he felt that every moment I’m awake is precious. Because no one knows when I’d sink back into the voids of that deep slumber.

“I want to ask for your daughter’s hand,” Hae continued. “I’d like to ask your permission if I could have her as my girlfriend.”

“I am not the one to decide,” my father answered quickly. He gently placed his hand on mine. “Only Yoona could give you that kind of permission.”

My father and Donghae both turned to me.

As I looked back at them – at the miserable expressions on their faces, a war began inside of me. I realized that these people mattered to me. I didn’t want to go through with this illness alone. I wanted to be with them.

But on the other hand, I didn’t want to hurt them. I didn’t want them to love me because in the end, I didn’t want them to experience grief if ever something would happen.

I didn’t want them to suffer if ever I’d die.

What should I do?

“I’m going to die,” was all I could say. Tears slid down my cheeks and blotted the bed sheets.

Donghae leaned closer. “I want you to spend the rest of your life knowing that you are loved. So much. Allow me to do that.”

I gulped. I didn’t want to hurt this guy, but I guess it’s too late. I guess I couldn’t persuade him to reconsider.

“Fine then,” I tried to pass off a sneer. “You look so desperate I couldn’t help but feel sorry for you.”

“Yoona!” my father exclaimed.

“I’m just kidding, Dad,” I said. “If it’s alright with you, I’d like to give this man a chance. Just so he knows how it’s like to date a princess.”

“Once you’re better, I’m taking you to my home in Mokpo. Maybe the fresh sea air will do you some good,” Donghae excitedly suggested.

Dad cleared his throat.

We both turned to him, waiting for what he has to say. But as expected, my dad laughed heartily. “Go ahead. I’d like you to enjoy your life, too, Yoona. I’d like you to experience the joy and bliss of loving and being loved. Argh! I sound like I’m in a soap opera. Could someone please play some background music?”

“I could sing, Sir, if you want,” Donghae began. “Ibyeori oneun geol, algo isseodo”

“Oh, good, you’re singing, but we don’t know what in tarnation that means!” My father exclaimed.

Laughter ensued.

Tears of sadness were replaced by tears of joy.

Bittersweet.

That’s how I could probably best describe that moment. Because despite the disheartening gloom that mercilessly embraced our souls, we still managed to create tiny flickering lights – effervescent, but still existing.  

In that darkness, we created sparks of hope.

~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: The song Donghae is singing is "My All is in You". To all Pyros, take a look at this and rejoice: http://khanhinkorea.tumblr.com/post/5365105414/day-75-childrens-day. YOONHAE is REAL! I hope Mr. Takshi, Takshi, Takshi is one honest man.