I slumped on my bed letting the paperbags of my new clothes fall on the floor but holding on to the box that Jessica gave me. I sat up on the bed and excitedly opened the box. A smile formed in my face as soon as I saw what’s inside. 

 

It was a mickey mouse designed mug. Inside there was a note saying 'Jessica is Sorry.'

 

That's the time that I thought that maybe, just maybe,  Jessica really was a sweet girl in the end.

 

What Makes a Rock Star

 

Chapter 6

(I'd Hate To Be Me)

 

“Again.”

 

“No.”

 

“I said, Do it again!”

 

“I’ve been repeating this since yesterday! How am I going to win if you keep on making me do routines over and over again?” Jessica complained.

 

“Repetition is the key to mastery. Now repeat it.”

 

She glared at me before glumly faced the piano again and started playing the song again.

 

It’s my third day in Jessica’s school and this our second practice session together but just like what happened yesterday, there hadn’t been any improvement. At all.

 

Believe me she was doing great playing the piano but once she started singing while playing, it’s another story.

 

“Your voice is shaky! How many times do I have to tell you to let the lyrics flow? If you keep on thinking while playing you’ll never hit the right notes! ” I reprimanded.

 

“If you think you’re so good then why don’t you play this and I’ll sing!”

 

“And what? Let you be dependent on me? Listen if you want to win you should start trying doing it simultaneously now. And anyway if you think you’ll do better with singing without playing the piano why don’t you just ask someone to play it for you while you sing? That would be more helpful for both of us!” I asked her. I'm so sick of her complaints. She wants me to help her but she’s not helping herself.

 

“You don’t understand! I should do this alone!” She insisted. Just on that moment, a knock was heard from the door of the music room and the beautiful face of Seohyun peeked from the door.

 

“Ahmmm. Sorry to disturb you Sunbae-nim but I need to use the music room now.” She said after giving both of us an acknowledging nod. She smiled at me right after that, making my heart flutter in happiness. 

 

“Tsch.” I heard Jessica which made me turn my attention back to her. She’s glaring at me. “Acting like a love struck nerd doesn’t suit you…. Baldy.” She muttered silently enough for Seohyun not to hear her.

 

“Shut up.” I hissed at her. She just rolled her eyes in return. Jessica started gathering her things while I turned my attention to Seo. “Don’t worry Seohyun, we just finished anyway.” I said, smiling widely.

 

“Oh really? I’m glad I didn’t bother you much.”

 

“Oh come on. You know you’ll never be a bother for me. Never for someone as beautiful as you.” I said. She looked down shyly and blushed.

 

*cough*stupidnerd *cough* Jessica coughed behind me. I ignored her and continued smiling at my newfound cutie,  Seohyun.

 

“Listen.” I said nervously. “I discovered this new ice cream shop near the school. They said their vanilla ice cream is really good.” I peeked at her from the corner of my eyes and continued when I saw she was looking at me expectantly. “Ermmm… I was just wondering if you could accompany me there this Saturday.” I said, scratching the back of my neck in embarrassment. 

 

Asking someone out has never been hard for me before. Actually, I never really did it before. Girls were the ones chasing after me.

 

I observed her as she furrowed her eyebrows, trying to decide whether to consider it or not. I looked at her with puppy hopeful eyes. 'Say yes! Say yes!' I chanted in the back of my mind. 

 

And just as she was about to answer.

 

“Ouch!”

 

I roared as something hard hit the back of my head, sending me forward. When I opened my eyes, I realized Seohyun’s face was only inches away from me. Her eyes widened and so did mine.

 

“You’re really beautiful.” I blurted out unconsciously and started grinning.

 

She looked away shyly right before I felt a force pulling my collar backwards.

 

“Bye Seohyun. Yujin and I are going now. We still need to practice.” Jessica butted in and said dismissively as she dragged me to the door. “Don’t try to resist.” She hissed at me viciously.

 

Seohyun gave me a worried expression while I gave her a thumbs up and a nervous smile. "I'm okay" I mouthed.

 

---

 

“What the hell was that about?!” Jessica shouted in anger as soon as we're out of anybody's ear shot.

 

“What? I told you.  I have a crush on her. How can you expect me not to make a move?” I said nonchalantly.

 

“Yes. I know about that, but doing all that in front of me! You’re so shameless!”

 

“Whatever. It’s just you, I can do anything I want.” I told her menacingly.

 

“Oh? Really? It’s JUST me? I just want to remind you, Baldy, that without my permission you can’t go anywhere. WE. HAVE. A. CONTRACT.” She reminded me coldly, her arms crossed.

 

“You know, I don’t know what makes me sign that contract anymore. You're controlling everything. I mean am I not allowed to have a life? And look at you! If I want, I can just walk away like nothing happened but stupidly, I did not!”

 

She shook head dejectedly. “You know. I’m also wondering why you didn’t.” She said  before turning her back on me. “Let’s stop this. Mr. Jan is probably waiting for us outside now.” Mr. Jan, I discovered, was the name of Jessica’s driver.

 

In front of us I saw Im Yoona, or Yoong, as Seohyun addressed her, looking at us intensely. She had her arms crossed and the stance made me think that there was hostility in her presence.

 

When Jessica told me her full name, I admit, I was surprised. I remember that name. It's the name of the girl I flirted with during the fan signing event.

 

Comparing that sweet girl to this one? They’re like two different entities….. Except that they’re both pretty.

 

Just when we’re about to walk past her, she extended her arms, blocking our way. Jessica gave her an indifferent stare. “I just want to say that I’ll be watching both of you closely.” She looked threateningly at Jessica. “Especially YOU. I’m not like everyone. I’m not afraid of you.” She said, standing right in front of Jessica, holding her gaze.

 

For some reason I could sense a cat fight coming.

 

Jessica raised an eyebrow at her then she smirked. Flipping her hair to the side as she walked, she deliberately bumped Yoona on the  shoulder and said, "Enjoy the view."  She walked ahead, leaving the enraged Yoona behind.

 

I followed behind her, not before glancing at Yoona confusedly.

 

I did not saw that coming at all.

 

---

 

“Yah!” I shouted behind Jessica. She’s been walking really fast; I could barely catch up without running. “What the hell was that about?” I asked her.

 

“Nothing.” She said coldly, not even bothering to stop. Students were looking at us or at Jessica, to be exact, in a cowering manner as we walked past them.

 

“Jessica, I’m really confused here. Enlighten me.” I said from behind her.

 

She scoffed. “I don’t care. I don't see the need for me to explain myself.” She said dismissively.  

 

Then all of a sudden, she stopped on her track. Her body stiffened and I peeked from behind to look at what made her stop.

 

“Hi there MY Jessica.” Onew said, sitting on top of the pillar right before the gate. He jumped out, landed perfectly on the ground and approached us in a very cocky manner.

 

That’s all it took for me to instinctively bring myself in front of Jessica to obstruct him.

 

“What do you want?” I asked while eyeing him the way I did to those disrespectful reporters who always seemed to forget the line between business and personal life.

 

He smirked at me cockily while briefly looking away and looking back with a hostile expression. “I’m here to pick my fiancé up and I have something to tell her too. Do you have any problem with that? Now out of the way.” he said as he held his chin up smugly.

 

Fiancé? Jessica?

 

For some weird reason I felt a pang of betrayal. I looked at Jessica confusedly. She has an indifferent expression but she held my gaze. My eyes grew wide when she nodded. She turned around and walked away, making more distance between us.

 

Onew smirked wider. “See that, nerd? Now scoot.” He said before pushing me aside and making his way to Jessica.

 

Jessica walked farther so that I will not hear whatever they are talking about. I saw Onew holding her waist suggestively before leaning his face towards her. I held my breath. It’s not for me to react negatively about his manner but he has a way of getting on my nerves.

 

I exhaled in relief when I saw him avert his direction to Jessica’s ears. He whispered something to her and I saw her closed her eyes tiredly. She glanced at me briefly before looking at Onew and nodding her head.

 

Onew put his arm around Jessica’s shoulder possessively, a smug smile plastered on his face. They walked towards me. “Tell him now.” Onew instructed Jessica while eyeing me.

 

“I’m going with Onew. You can do whatever you want for now. Be back before 10.” She said without looking at me and walked straight almost leaving Onew’s arms floating on air. He instantly fastened his pace to catch up with her and put his arms around her again.

 

I could on stare at their retreating figures, trying to make sure that my eyes were not deceiving me.

 

Onew opened the door of the car. Jessica was about to go in but when Onew saw me staring at them an evil grin came on his face. He pulled Jessica harshly and back hugged her possessively.

 

I winced. What the hell did she see in that guy?

 

He slowly encircled his arms on Jessica's waist, making sure I was seeing everything. Jessica was just standing there, looking at the ground passively.

 

Finally having enough, Jessica took off Onew’s arms and went inside the car. Onew saluted at me before going in the driver’s seat.

 

Shocked as I was about how things unfolded, I couldn’t do anything productive. My mind was clouded. The scene was playing in my mind on replay and all I could feel was the bitter feeling my heart was emitting.

 

---

 

“Yo.” I said, looking at the guys who, I’m surprised, are busy looking through their music sheets.

 

“Yuwreee!!” Tiffany said and happily ran towards me.

 

I opened my arms to welcome her only to be surprised when gummy bears flew towards me like missiles. I tried to shield myself from Tiffany, as she kept throwing gummy bears on me as she went nearer and nearer.

 

“How dare you go away without telling us!!! You STUPID,” A gummy bear flew on my eye “SELFISH,” Another hit me on my forehead “SNOB,” Hundreds simultaneously hit my face as she threw the whole container of it on my face “PATHETIC,” She said while gritting her teeth “BALDY!!” She screamed before punching me hard on the gut.  I groaned and kneeled as I clutched my stomach.

 

“Hahahahahaha! That’s what you get for ditching us!” I looked up at Hyoyeon who's laughing evilly at me, his hands on his waist. 

 

“Hyo’s right” Soo said before crawling on the ground, picking up the gummy bears and shoving it to his mouth. “That was *munch* really *munch* over *munch* the top!” He said. I pushed him.

 

“Eww. Soo. Those are dirty.”

 

“What? They’re still food! You should not waste food!” He said while munching nonstop. “Do you know how hard I try to get one of these? And Fany only wasted them on you!”

 

“Yah! You're an idol! What will people say if they know your food obsession!” He ignored me and continued eating.

 

They need not to tell it but I know they’re glad I’m back.

 

“Yul.”

 

Even him.

 

“Tae.” I said.

 

We stood there, holding each other’s gaze. Then I broke it to look at Soo and Hyo knowingly. They nodded in understanding, stood up and left us.

 

“Tell me everything.” He said.

 

I sighed before I began telling him everything. About the contract. About what happened at the club. Jessica and our deal. Everything.

 

Taeyeon is the only one I can confide to. I trust him more than anyone in the band. Not because I favor him. No. But, because among all of us he is the mature one. The one that leads you, show you what's wrong from what’s right. We know almost everything about each other.

 

He knows a lot about me. He’s even the first one to know about my songwriting dilemma and my desire to leave the band.

 

I know a lot about him too. One of those things is the fact that he’s in love with Tiffany from the moment he set eyes on her.

 

“So how’s everyone doing while I’m out?” I asked, changing the subject.

 

“You know the answer to that. Everyone was worried about you. Tiffany was so worried about you. You know how much that girl clings on you. You should have thought about her before doing something so reckless.”

 

“Tae, do you still believe that Tiffany is in love with me?”

 

He did not say anything.

 

“Come on man. Tiffany only sees me as an older brother, nothing else.”

 

“That’s what you want to believe because you don’t like her the way she does to you.”

 

“And that’s what you want to believe because you’re afraid to tell her your feelings.” I said with a smug. He sighed. “Tae, I think you should use this chance to hang out with Fany more. I think with that, you’ll realize that what I’m telling you is true.” I said and pat his shoulder. “I need to go now. I’ll be back as soon as I’m done with this. Wish me luck.” I said and turned around.

 

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to the others?”

 

“I’ll come back, Tae. I’ll say goodbye when this all ends.” I said sadly, because the time I’m referring to is when I leave the band for good. “Take care of yourself. Take care of everyone.”

 

I walked out then suddenly I heard Tae calling after me. I turned around and catch the object he tossed at me. It’s his phone. “Use that to call us. Don’t worry, I won’t tell our manager about where you are.” I nodded. “And one more thing; I’m proud of your decision about that girl. You’ve matured Yul. Take care of her and come back okay?” He said and smiled at me.

 

I nodded slightly before I shoved my hands in my pocket and walked out.

 

----

 

Being with my band always has a soothing effect on me. Since I got to the business, they have become my second family. My brothers and sister. With us, together, it feels like even with the superficial world we live in, there is a haven of truth that exists only between us five; a haven that made us feel complete, made us feel real and truly important.

 

---

 

“Where have you been?” Jessica said, bringing down the book she was reading on her lap.

 

“None of your business.”

 

“It’s past ten.”

 

“And?”

 

“You’re supposed to be here before that!” She shouted, losing her temper.

 

I looked ahead bitterly, trying to ignore her. I was tired. It had been a bad day and the drama had drained my energy up.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“In my room.”

 

“Answer me first!”

 

I looked at her coldly. “I don’t want to.” 

 

Then she looked away and bit her trembling lips. “I’m sorry.” She muttered.

 

“For what?”

 

“For not telling you about Onew.”

 

I huffed. “You don’t have to. Besides I just looked really ridiculous trying to protect you from your fiancé anyway.” I said sarcastically.

 

“I’m sorry. It’s just that… I- I..” She sighed in frustration. “Forget it.” She said, sadness was evident in her eyes and started getting watery. Next thing I know she's looking up, willing back the tears.

 

It hurts seeing women cry.

 

Right at that moment, I wanted to tell her that it’s really nothing. That my frustrations were just piling up and were coming back up. That it’s not her fault. I wanted to tell her to stop crying. That she could call me Baldy for a hundred times. She could even make a lullaby out of it if she wants to. 

 

But my pride was telling me otherwise.

 

So that’s what my body did.

 

I stood there, motionless, observing her as she made her way up the stairs. A maid was on the way down. She stopped and greeted her.

 

“Happy birthday Jessica-ssi.”

 

 

---

Meet Onew (Lee Jinki)

 

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