A/N: I'll be using a third person POV in this chapter.

 *** indicates that the next paragraph is a flashback.

---

Staring at her retreating back, she suddenly felt so far. “Stay. Stay with me for a while. I’ll let you go, just... just… for a while... stay. Please.”

 

I was yearning for her to stay. When she stopped and she glanced at me over her shoulder, I still had that little part of me that says, ‘Even sinners could love.’ but that part of me died when she left after only saying, “Goodnight.”

 

What Makes a Rock Star'

 

Chapter 22

(What Lies Behind the Wall)

 

Jessica looked at the empty seat beside her with despise. Eyebrows furrowed and nose and upper lips scrunched up in annoyance. She let out a huff before crossing her arms and averting her gaze to the window. A scowl plastered in her face, aimed at all the unlucky gals that dare to look at Jessica from outside the car window.

 

To another person’s point of view, Jung Jessica, the heiress of the Jung’s and her school’s very own Ice Princess, might have looked pissed, angry and ready to pounce at anybody who’ll dare disturb her even more. Jung Jessica always had a cold aura about her, but this time it’s not the cold aura that made Mr. Jan looked away from staring at her through the rearview mirror of the car. It was that pained look in her eyes and the way it flickered with hope whenever she gave discreet glances at the seat beside her.  She looked like she’s expecting someone to magically appear beside her. She had the exact same look her younger self had on after the day her mother left her in the park and all the days before Kwon Yuri came into her life. Even for Mr. Jan, who had seen Jung Jessica in that state many times already, seeing his Young Lady in the state was still painful to see.

 

Mr. Jan swerved the car to the left, decreasing the velocity of the car as they entered the gate of his Young Lady’s school. Stopping the car on their usual spot, Mr. Jan glanced at his Young Lady, who hurriedly gathered up her things with a distressed expression on her face. She smiled at Mr. Jan when she noticed him staring. Ignoring the worry forming in the pit of his stomach, Mr. Jan smiled in return and went out of the car to open the door for her.

 

As Mr. Jan followed the petite figure of his Young Lady grew smaller and smaller by the distance, he felt an urge to call a certain young lad. But he dismissed the thought. Watching as his Young Lady’s steps, giddy and hurried at first, slowed when she caught herself, he concluded that he couldn’t do that.  If her Young Lady had been working so hard to avoid Kwon Yuri, what help would calling the young man do? He’ll only burden his Young Lady. The young man, as well. So he clenched his fist in frustration and entered the car with a sigh. In his mind, he drew a picture of how he predicted his Young Lady's day would be. Knowing how hard headed his Young Lady could be, he knew that even when she finally saw the young man she secretly was crying for on their ride back home the day before, she would only miss him more. Because that's how his Young Lady had always been; Afraid of being too close. Afraid of being exposed. Afraid of having anyone see her vulnerable.  And the last thing wanted by a person like her, who worked so hard to appear strong, was to be with someone who could easily make the wall around her crumble.

 

---

 

Jessica didn’t know what she should do with her feet. To fasten her pace or to slow down? She knew the sulky yet annoyed rock star was following her; a reason enough for Jessica’s thoughts to turn into a pool of contradictions. Jessica stopped and pretended to rummage her bag. In the corner of her eyes, she peeked at Yuri who was ducking at the column along the corridor for cover. It was easy to find him. The crown of his wig easily gave him away. Jessica clamped , locking up the giggles that threatened to escape . Kwon Yuri had no idea that Jessica already knew he was there, how ridiculous she thought he was or how fast her heartbeat became with the thought of having him behind her.

 

Then Jessica caught herself. The humorous smile turned bitter as her gaze fell on the ground again, her hands turning into a fist. 

 

She continued walking with a pained expression on her face; an expression she made sure no one from her school would ever see. Jessica muttered some curses under her breath. It’s not a day for you to find Kwon Yuri’s silly stunts adorable, Jessica!, she said to herself. No. Not today. And probably not until the end of the remaining days you had left.

 

Bothersome. Yes, that was it; bothersome. Today, Jessica swore to fool herself into believing that Kwon Yuri, along with all the feelings his presence made her feel, was nothing but bothersome.

 

Jessica straightened up and resumed walking. No one was at your back, she said to herself. No one will ever be. Always remember that, silly.

 

----

 

Jessica spent her first and second period with nothing but a new set of notebook and her old pen to aid her. All her books and old notes were gone now, probably swept and thrown to the thrash by the janitor. Jessica felt a twinge of regret. Not because of her books and notes but about other things, like the picture of her and Yura for example. She knew she should have picked them up when they were all scattered on the floor, just like what the over bothersome Kwon Yuri was suggesting. If only she did, she could have had a chance to check if the picture was still there and she wouldn’t be eaten by regret like she was feeling now.  

 

But she didn't. All because of her pride and reluctance to let Hara and her posse from having the satisfaction they wanted from messing with her locker. Now, no matter what she does, she won't have that picture back.

 

---

 

Soon after, she found herself in front of her locker. She couldn’t help but pause and stare. The sight of the thrashed locker made a bitter feeling crept up Jessica’s chest. Last thing Jessica wanted was to see the treasured locker in this state. But as much as she didn’t want to, she got no choice. Jessica needed to pay for her sins; she needed to get the letters.

 

After inhaling a lungful amount of air, Jessica painstakingly held on to the locker and opened it. As usual, handful of letters awaited her inside; some were reminder of the she was and others were remnants of the dream she once had. Jessica fought to keep her expression passive as she put them all in her bag. With her mind flying to other places, it took her a while to finish the easy task.

 

While putting the last letter away, a familiar feeling started. Again, she felt a craving for something, for someone. Unable to resist the drive, Jessica pretended to stretch her neck and sneaked a glance at both her sides. A pang of disappointment hit her when she found no one was around.

 

But of course, she said to herself as she smiled bitterly, he would not be around anymore. What was she expecting? After how she treated him last night and how she purposely ignored him this morning, she already doubted if Yul would even bother talking to her, what more to wait for her for lunch like he always did in the previous week. Yul might be persistent sometimes but he’s not a fool. He already lowered his pride for her last night. He wouldn’t stoop so low.  Besides, Jessica was not that special.

 

As if finally replenishing the strength to go to the cafeteria for her lunch, Jessica straightened her posture and closed her locker. Jessica knew Hara and her posse was observing her from somewhere. Dismissing the empty feeling inside, Jessica flipped her hair and walked down the hall with grace. She felt lost inside but she wore a straight face. For a year now, that was how Jessica protected herself around other people; keeping the truth hidden behind the regal mask of an Ice Princess. She wouldn’t let anyone see that any of the things they did to her affected her, hurt her. Because that was the first lesson Yura taught her: Never let your enemies think they’re the winner.

 

---

 

Yura. Just thinking about her made Jessica’s chest tighten. How long has it been since Yura indirectly taught her that lesson? Two years? Two and a half maybe? But, even though Jessica couldn’t pinpoint how many years exactly it was since then, all their memories were still imprinted on her mind. Vivid and detailed, like they all just happened yesterday. 

 

Jessica didn’t know what came over her. For all she knew she was thinking about having lunch, then Yura invaded mind and before she realized it, she’s already inside a lavatory, the nearest one to the music room; the place where she first met Yura. She held onto the wrist that wore the friendship bracelet Yura gave to her for her birthday; the same bracelet Kwon Yuri picked up for her on their first meeting, as she stared at the spot where Yura picked up a broken freshman version of her and put her back to pieces.

 

***

 

At that time, all that mattered to Jessica was to stay as far away from anyone as possible. She was a mean girl in middle school. A girl who used her family’s reputation to manipulate and bully other people. A girl full of insecurities who only wanted a little attention. But after all the trouble she got into, she never got what she wanted. No. Not a bit. So instead of wasting her time making others as miserable as her, in high school, she decided to change. She didn’t want to be someone she’s not anymore.

 

But all sins should be paid. Jessica was not an exemption. In her first year of high school, it was in the second week of classes when she first had a taste of her own medication.

 

***

 

Jessica had just come out of the cubicle when a painful grip on her hair dragged her to the corner of the comfort room. Five female students; three freshmen, like her, and two juniors had  her cornered. Jessica couldn’t remember how many slaps she received and how much hair she had lost that day. All she could remember was how she locked herself inside the last cubicle and curled her body in the corner with all the things that were previously kept neatly inside her bag floating in the toilet bowl beside her. Students come and go. The sounds of flushes filled Jessica’s senses but non-reaction of the other students to her sobs kept her crying. 

 

That day, like every day after her mother left her, Jessica felt like nobody cared for her.

 

Silly her, she thought. If years of making trouble were not enough to make her own father be a little attentive to her, what made her think that simply by crying openly in the school cubicle was enough to make anyone, especially these selfish students, care. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” she muttered in between sobs, clenched fist tightening in every pound she gave the cold floor. She hated how her lips trembled non stop as she cried so she bit her already reddened knuckles. Her eyes darted at the lone fly on the wall of the cubicle. She smiled bitterly for realizing how pathetic she was. Why the hell was she glad to have a fly as a company? She gritted her teeth at the realization. She really was pathetic and that fact made her cry even more.

 

It was then, right after she buried her face on her knees, when she heard the sound of the door opening and a voice of a girl humming a song. The voice sounded wonderful. Pressing her ear on the wall, she identified the song as one of Cliché’s, Korea’s hottest band, hit songs. She closed her eyes and listened. For a moment, while hearing the girl sing, she felt better. A little less sad. A little less lonely.

 

Then the humming stopped. It gave Jessica a sense of panic. She didn’t know what came to her but when she heard the sound of the faucet being turned off; she scrambled to her feet and abruptly pushed the door open. Jessica didn’t even bother to fix herself. She crawled her way out of the cubicle in urgency, uniform torn, hair dangling all over her tear drained face, her hands reached out like a pleading soul. “Wait~” was all Jessica managed to shout at the girl. Jessica didn’t mean to but being in the horrendous state she’s in, she had terrified the girl. Enough for the girl to give out a scream that even Jessica’s dolphin ones could not be compared to, before her eyes rolled on its sockets and she passed out.

 

The next thing Jessica knew she was sitting on the floor, shaking the shoulders of an unresponsive girl, having the most frightening time of her life.  

 

***

 

“So, you’re a first year?” Jessica nodded, hands on her lap while sitting in front of frustrated Yura. Yura muttered some curses under her breath as she examined her now drenched state after Jessica, stupid freshman Jessica, decided to splash her with water to wake her up. Yura glared at the nervous looking first year and groaned. She wanted to nag the first year but unfortunately, the girl looked so much like a lost kitten that she couldn’t get herself to be more irritated. She gave the first year another scan. Yeah, she decided. A kitten the pitiful creature was. Just a quite dirty one.

 

Heaving a sigh, Yura stood up and took off her blazer. She looked at the seemingly innocent first year as she hung the blazer on her arm. “You’re lucky that you’re new here. If not, I would have report you to the student council.” Yura would have just left after saying that but the way the first year looked down shamefully and muttered another “I didn’t mean to” and “I’m sorry” again bothered her.

 

Yura sighed for the nth time and cocked her head to the side. “Are you going to stay here?” she asked the first year. The younger girl only buried her face behind her hair and didn’t speak. Yura rolled her eyes. She hated drama. “Well, if you plan to stay here for the rest of forever, can you at least fix yourself? Honestly, I can’t leave you here with you looking like that. I mean, look at you! You look like an effing ghost! Leaving you here looking like that is risking another student to another fainting incident!” Yura said, bringing her hands up in exasperation.

 

Yura was expecting Jessica to start fixing herself but the younger girl only held her head lower. Not getting the response she wanted, Yura felt like she didn’t have a choice. She crouched in front of the sulking freshman and did the thing she at the most; making other people feel better.

 

“Look. I won’t ask you what happened. Okay? I don’t do that tell-me-how-you-feel . And unfortunately, I don’t do that let-her-stay-there-and-die either. So how about you follow me to my locker, let’s get you something to change with and you go back to your class and show the es that did this to you that they need to step up their game because you’re nowhere near affected by what they did to you? There. How about that?” Yura suggested; trying so hard to sound nonchalant because sounding dramatic would be such a pain in the . Reluctantly, she held out her hand to the freshman and had her lips pressed into something that resembled a smile, all were efforts to make her look less threatening to the freshman.

 

The first year looked at her hand then back at her face, wearing an expression of both doubt and confusion.

 

Unable to tolerate such an awkward situation, Yura impatiently grabbed the freshman by the arm and helped her up. She brushed the dirt on the younger girl’s uniform and fixed her hair. Contented, Yura gave her own reflection in the mirror once-over and flipped her hair, before she dragged the freshman out of the god forsaken comfort room and led her in front of Yura’s very own god forsaken locker.  

 

That day, Yura did not only manage to help a struggling first year but earned herself her very own little follower.

 

***

 

Jessica, a spoiled brat, knew little about putting her feet on others shoes. Jessica, a bully, knew little about properly interacting with people. Jessica, an anti-social, knew little about properly showing her emotions and feelings. She learned everything about those things from Yura, the only person in the world Jessica ever looked up to.

 

Unfortunately for Jessica, aside from the first one, Yura also lacked on the latter two. In the end, Jessica ended up being socially awkward spoiled brat with a habit of doing things that contradicts what she really feels. 

 

But it didn’t really matter to Jessica at all. Jessica knew she could be whatever she wanted to be. Yura, her mentor and first true friend, didn’t really care. Jessica knew that Yura accepted everything about her.

 

… Well, except the fact that Jessica didn’t like Cliché.

 

***

 

“Why not?!” Yura exclaimed, leaning over the chair to shorten the distance between her and the now blonde haired Jessica (Yura loved dyeing hairs and would not let even Jessica’s beautiful natural brown locks off the hook.) “Why don’t you like them? I mean, can you not see this?” Yura pointed at the picture of Kim Taeyeon aka The Charmer while looking at Jessica with all seriousness. “See!?” She almost shoved the picture to Jessica’s face.

 

Jessica raised an eyebrow at the picture before shaking her head. The frustrated Yura dramatically (absurdly, in Jessica’s point of view) stood up and banged their table in conviction. “Okay! This can’t be! This just can’t be! Let’s go to the music room! I’m going to change your mind, you dimwit.”

 

That day, Yura played the piano for Jessica; performing the same song she was humming the day she first met her. Listening to Yura play as she sang, a sudden realization hit Jessica. Her eyes widened. She was wrong all the time.

 

Yura was not the one who confided her first on that day.

 

It was music.

 

***

 

Asking Yura to teach her how to play piano means learning the songs of Cliché first before she learned the basics of piano. It was not surprising that after three months of training, Jessica could play mostly Cliché songs and she couldn’t deny those pieces became the pieces she enjoyed playing the most. Cliché’s music spoke to her and she loved the meaning of each and every song.

 

***

 

On weekdays, either Yura will go to Jessica’s house after school to teach Jessica how to play piano or Jessica will go to Yura's house so they could spazz together while looking up Cliché on the internet. But of course, those activities were right after they finished reviewing and working on their homework. Yura might have seemed like a happy go lucky in the eyes of many but in reality, she was a serious student. And she made sure Jessica will be one too.

 

On weekends, Yura has special piano lessons so Jessica would spend her day learning the piano alone. That was also the time Jessica would be free to gawk at her newfound idol.

 

Kwon Yuri. The leader of Cliché that Jessica began to like after learning that he’s the composer of the band. Who, unfortunately, happened to be the only member of Cliché that could Yura particularly dislike.

 

“He’s like Tin Man! Only in his case, he’ll never have a heart! That’s why he goes around breaking others’ hearts! That bitter macho!” Yura would exclaim and look at Jessica with angry eyes, as if suggesting that taking a liking for Kwon Yuri was some sort of a deadly sin. Yura would even struggle to find lame excuses when Jessica caught her drooling over Yul’s abs whenever she thought Jessica was not looking. That’s how much she despised the guy.

 

***

 

A bond bounded by gratitude, sisterly love for each other and love for the same band and music. It was the only bond Jessica ever knew and ever had. She protected that bond. Cherished it. Fought for it.

 

But no matter how big that bond means for Jessica, Yura will always mean more. Yura made Jessica feel like she was not alone. She was the first person that Jessica ever thought of as company and Jessica would do anything to keep it that way. 

 

***

 

Yura dreamed of being a musician. Despite her outward interest in rock music, Yura dreamed of being a classical pianist. And she was determined to be just that. She worked hard. Practiced a lot to the point that she became the best pianist their school got.

 

One day, they were at Yura’s house when Yura informed Jessica that she would be participating at an audition for a part for a well known orchestra (“I will be big in no time, I tell you!” Yura exclaimed excitedly), Jessica was already sure Yura would pass. Yura had won a lot of piano competitions. There’s no way she could lose that audition.

 

“But I need someone to sing while I play. It’s kind of in the rule.” Yura suddenly said right after Jessica gave her speech of encouragement. “Could you do it for me?” Yura held her hands together and smiled pleadingly at Jessica, all her teeth showing. Jessica could only look at Yura with horror. She aggressively shook her head and hurriedly gathered up her things. She wanted to be out of there as fast as possible. “Jessica, pleaseeey pleeasy pleeeeeaaaassseeee.” Yura ran after her, showing her aegyo, batting her eyelashes at Jessica and smiling like no tomorrow. It was like a horror movie to Jessica. She hated seeing Yura’s alligator smile. That smile never failed to leave a trail on her dreams.

 

But after hours of pleading and a lot of bribery from Yura, Jessica heaved a long sigh. She covered her face with her hands and nodded timidly. The next thing she knew, she was already on the ground because her sunbae tackled her and single handedly rolled their bodies on the floor.

 

---

 

Jessica couldn’t help but smile at the memories.

 

But along with the good came the bad. Jessica’s lips trembled as she imagined how the friendship she cherished the most perished flashed before her eyes.

 

***

 

The same floor was the first thing Jessica saw after Yura slapped her hard when she came to Yura's house to apologize the day after the audition. Holding her reddened cheeks, Jessica looked at Yura’s pained expression confusedly. When Jessica decided not to show up on the day of Yura’s audition, she thought Yura would understand why.

 

Yura didn’t mention to Jessica that if she got the part in the orchestra, she’d have to leave school and travel to Paris for training. It might have been a selfish decision for Jessica to ditch audition but it was also a selfish decision for Yura to show Jessica how it feels to have someone to lean on, only to carelessly take that privilege away from her. Jessica was not used to being alone anymore. Nor could she afford being alone again. Before, she only survived by putting a tough act and creating a protective barrier between her and other people. Yura melted that barrier. Yura made her feel bare. Yura made Jessica believe that she had a shoulder to lean on. If Yura leaves her, how was Jessica supposed to face the world alone again? How would Jessica bring back her barrier? Jessica just didn’t want to be vulnerable, and of all the people, Jessica thought Yura would understand and forgive her for that.

 

But it turned out she was wrong. Yura didn’t. She said Jessica’s insecurity was not enough reason for her to take Yura’s dream away. She said she hates Jessica. She said she doesn’t want to see Jessica anymore. Yura ended their friendship that day and decided to take away any chance for Jessica to patch up their friendship by transferring to America a week after.

 

Just like that, Jessica was left once again.

 

This time, more vulnerable than ever.

 

---

 

Today, like all the other days when the memories of Yura effortlessly engulf her, Jessica felt the pain of being alone; the feeling of facing everything on her own with no one to trust or someone to lean on. She remembered the hardships she had been through to put up the wall that Yura once destroyed and felt a strong need to cry. After all, crying had been her only way to surpass that ed up phase in her life.

 

But Jessica knew so well that that was not the right time and right place to cry. She looked up and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. Never show your weak side at school, right?

 

Realizing how melancholic she was acting, Jessica couldn’t help but thought of reasons why she was acting that way. It had been so long since she acted all dramatic and melancholic over Yura and their severed friendship. She had come to a point before when she barely feel a thing. So why now? Why again? Now when she’s already used to her lonely disposition for useless things like friendship and loneliness to even matter to her?

 

As if on cue, Jessica’s phone vibrated twice. Two messages received. The name that flashed on the screen answered her questions.

 

From Baldy,

Hey, brat. I accidentally bought more food for lunch. That stupid guy from the cafeteria made some mistake with my order. I didn’t want to waste it so... yeah. Told one of your classmates, the girl with tics that sit by the door, to give it to you. Don’t even dare not get it from her! Don’t waste food, brat! Eat, okay? See you at practice.

 

From Baldy,

Call me if anything happens.

 

Jessica’s grip on the phone automatically tightened as if wanting to crush the innocent thing with her own hand.

 

Of course. It was all Yuri’s fault. He’s the reason she was not as numb as before. He came and made Jessica feel like he cared. No matter how Jessica pushed his buttons, he stayed. Even when Jessica thought he gave up on her, he came back.

 

He made Jessica feel like she's not alone again; exactly like what Yura did. 

 

And like Yura, who melted the protective wall around Jessica like it was nothing, Kwon Yuri effortlessly did that too and made Jessica vulnerable again. 

 

Jessica realized what Yuri did to her yesterday. When Hara and her posse locked her in that storage room and destroyed her things; her books, notebooks and especially the music sheets that Yura gave to her, right in front of her eyes. 

 

God knows how hard Jessica struggled after Yura left. How hard she worked to put up a wall again to protect herself. How she masked her fragile state with a wall of arrogance, coldness and indifference and learned how to act like she got everything under control even when she didn't. To swallow her pride whenever someone bullied her and needed to act like it was nothing to her even when it hurts. Endured the bitter taste in whenever she needed to say something bad just to make others leave her alone. Jessica fought the suffocation of acting tough when she was so weak inside. After Yura left, Jessica lived like that; true emotions protected by the wall she built well in her heart. 

 

Before Yuri came, barely did anything other students did affect Jessica to the point that she'll look for someone's help or comfort. 

 

Until one day. Yesterday, to be exact.

 

Even though she managed to act indifferent on that time when Hara and her posse locked her in that storage room and destroyed her things along with the music sheets that Yura gave her, inside, she felt so afraid and defenseless. And when Hara closed the door and locked her in the dark, she felt lost and pitiful. Never until that time did Jessica wanted more than to call someone.

 

Yuri.

 

She's craving for Yuri's presence. She badly wanted to run to him for comfort, or to call him so that she could hear his voice; the voice that, unknowingly, became a reassurance to Jessica.  A reassurance that someone would come for her. That she was not alone anymore. That again, she has someone to lean on. 

 

Which was the reason exact why Jessica didn’t want him by her side anymore.

 

Jessica knew that she had to stop and draw the line. Kwon Yuri had invaded the wall around her, rendering her fragile again and if she kept him close, she might end up broken again. Jessica couldn't afford that. She's not even fixed at one piece in the first place.

 

So, putting every thought and longing she felt at the back of her mind, Jessica took a deep intake of air and turned her back.

 

She’s off to face the cruel reality of the present, once again, with a straight face and fake arrogance.

 

---

 

Jessica was yet to come out of the lavatory when the face of cruel reality manifested itself in the form of a tall freshman standing by the door.

 

“You miss her, don’t you?”

 

 Im Yoona was in the process of braiding her brown hair to one side, with an expression of amusement on her face. It seemed that she had been standing there for a while; silently observing the unaware Jessica while the latter was in the middle of her reverie. With one hand securing her yet undone hair, Yoona reached for the door knob. A clicking sound of the lock. Yoona had locked them inside.

 

“What do you want Yoona?” Jessica asked coldly. Jessica cursed inside. She was not in the mood to face Yura’s aggressive and vengeful younger sister right now.  

 

“First things first. I’m not following you, okay? I was with Seohyun in the music room. I went here merely to fix my hair. I didn’t know you were here, Jessica.” Yoona said, her bitterness evident on the way she spat Jessica’s name. “But since you’re here and Seohyun was busy talking with your nerd protégé at the moment, I’ll take this chance to talk to you privately. You won’t mind right?” Yoona said with a coy smile as walked to the side. She used her thin arms to prop herself up the counter. Arms crossed, body leaned slightly forward, Im Yoona cocked her head to the side. “So, let’s get back to the question. Missed her? Yura? Because the way you’re being all melancholic, staring at nothing like you did before, it’s clear that you do.” She said, now securing the end of her braid with a rubber band.

 

Jessica, not in the mood and right mind to think of a feisty answer, sighed in defeat. “And if I do, would you stop bothering me?”

 

“Nope. But you missing her would at least make me a little satisfied. After all, you did hurt my sister, you know? It’s kind of fun seeing you suffer.” Yoona answered, with a satisfied smirk.

 

“Good for you then.” Jessica replied and started walking to the door but before she could pass before Yoona, Yoona already jumped off the counter and blocked her way. 

 

“We’re not done talking yet, Jessica.” Yoona reminded, raising an eyebrow as if to intimidate. “So tell me. Why did you ask that nerd to ask Seohyun to accompany you at the coming music contest? What are you planning, huh? You don’t plan to pull off another Yura-stunt, do you? Because, Seohyun doesn’t really have anything to lose. You won’t gain anything from her. I don’t know what you’re going with but you better not drag my best friend in any of your mess.”

 

“Wait. Me? Asked Seohyun to accompany me? Excuse me but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I plan to do the contest alone, Yoona.”

 

“Oh yeah? Like you can win that contest alone, Jessica. Come on. We both know you’re just a novice. And considering how competitive you could be in things like this, it’s a given that you’ll do anything just to win and by that, I mean by getting the best pianist in school to accompany you, which, unfortunately, is Seohyun.” Yoona’s voice was now exceptionally louder than before.

 

“Yoona, I don’t know why you’re thinking that way but Im being honest~” Jessica lost her composure and started to explain but Yoona cut her off.

 

“Honest? You? Being honest? Wow! You think I’m stupid, Jessica? I know you even before my sister became your best friend. You were a bully back in the middle school we graduated from and I know you won’t do anything good.”

 

“I did NOT ask Seohyun for help. And even if I did, why would you think I’ll ditch her, or do her harm? I’m not the way I was back in middle school, Yoona! I’ve changed!”

 

“You changed? Hah! You said that to me back then too! Because you wanted me to stop reminding Yura-unnie what a bad company you are. Thinking about that now, I almost believed you back then. I almost believed that the school bully who once subjected me to humiliation had changed.

 

“If you’re thinking that I’ll even consider believing another one of your bulls, your wrong, Jessica. If you could ditch my sister, your ex-best friend, just because you can’t accept that she’s already off to achieve her dream while you’re stuck here rotting with your ed up issues, how will I believe you won’t do anything bad to poor Seohyun, who’s not even your friend at the first place?” Yoona narrowed her eyes at Jessica, judging her, and spat those sentences with despise.

 

Frustrated, Jessica gritted her teeth in an attempt to keep shut. She looked away, not wanting anymore of Yoona’s judging stare.

 

“Find another pianist. Let Seohyun off the hook and don’t bother any of my friends again.” Yoona threatened before she purposely bumped Jessica with her shoulders before taking her leave.

 

Yoona was already by door when she heard Jessica’s soft voice, “Why does everyone think I’m off to do something bad even when I’m not doing anything at all?"

 

“Because we already know what you like to do. You’re miserable, so you have an impulse to drag everyone else down to make them as miserable as you. We know who you are. You could never lie to us.” 

 

---

 

Jessica walked as fast as she could. She wanted to be out of there as fast as possible. She was on the verge of breaking down, and unlike other instances that she was, this time she didn’t want Yuri to see. She didn’t want him to comfort her because she knew she’ll get used to it and crave for more.

 

Nearing the vicinity of the music room where, as Yoona mentioned, Yuri was talking with Seohyun, Jessica felt that urge again. If others have comfort food, Jessica has a comfort person and for her, Kwon Yuri was that person. As she got nearer and nearer,  with every step, the urge to look his way became stronger. Defeated, ‘Just this once. Just one look, I swear.’ she said to herself. Just so she could ease the longing even a little.

 

But the longing she felt was replaced by bitterness and jealousy the moment she peeked inside the music room and caught a glimpse of Yuri and Seohyun hugging figures. She felt like the harsh reality just punched her hard on the gut, making her knees weak in the process. Unable to move, she stood there staring at them, unscathed even when Yuri noticed her and immediately untangled himself from Seohyun’s embrace.

 

Jessica fought to keep her expression passive as she nodded at the two figures, muttered an apology for invading their privacy and quickly walked away, her steps almost passing to that of running.  

 

She didn’t get the chance to see the tears in Seohyun's eyes. The alarm and worry on Yuri’s face as he looked at her. How that expression quickly turned into a guilty one when he faced Seohyun to excuse himself and how he smiled at Seohyun gratefully after she nodded and told him, “Go after her.”

 

 

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A/N: I'm sorry for getting your hopes up about updating early. Just so you know, this chapter went through 7 revisions before I finally finished it (As in I needed to start everything over and over again because it didn't work.) I kinda struggled with the POV that I used but I needed to use it for it was the most effective way on how I could convey this chapter.  

 

If in case you were confused about what happened in this chap, read this:

In this chap, we got to know what goes on to Jessica's mind, her lonely disposition and why she acted the way she did on the previous chapters (explains the title for this chap). We also got a little flashback about YuraXSica friendship and how it ended. And yes, the reason I gave about why Sica ditched Yura in the audition is the only reason why she did it. Remember that Sica had been left by her mother and that traumatized her. You can't really blame her if she had been selfish (It's one of  her character's flaws, whereas Yoona's flaw was being prejudiced and unforgiving). Yoona is Yura's younger sister and she was Jessica's schoolmate during middle school, where Jessica bullied Yoona.

 

And yeah about Yura, Jessica and Yoona s: Yura is 2 years older than Jessica while Jessica is two years older than Yoona. Yura and Yoona has four years gap. Their current ages are: Yura 20, Jessica 18 (not exactly a minor) and Yoona 16.                                                                                                                                                         

Other matters about the letters, Yoona claiming that Jessica asked Seohyun to be her pianist on the concert (w/c you probably know why by now) and all the other things I haven't clarified yet will be tackled on the next updates.

 

And about the last scene..... yeah.

 

Thank you all for reading and supporting this story. Please do leave a comment. Constructive criticisms are much loved.To those who upvoted, thank you very much! I really appreciate it!