Seunghyun’s day was filled with donuts, coffee, reading, discussing, and Jiyong, lots and lots of Jiyong. They decided to start with their most recent notebooks and work backwards. Seunghyun often looked up at Jiyong who was reading and tapping his finger to the beat on the table, sipping his coffee slowly. Seunghyun was sure there wasn’t a more beautiful sight.

The more he looked at Jiyong’s work, the more his stomach sank. He was leaps and bounds ahead of his raps. He knew it. There was so much…hip hop just radiating from his words. Every now and again he found lyrics that had so much more behind the words. There was sorrow, loneliness, new beginnings, and a hint of strength. He bit his lip. Was this how he felt? Was this Jiyong in these lyrics?

There were marks on the pages in different handwriting and various hues of ink. Jiyong had guidance on his lyrics. He felt his stomach lurch when he saw YG’s signature on some of them as a pass. It was hard to grasp the normalcy this must be for Jiyong. He envied his work so much.

“Hey. Seunghyun?” Jiyong finally spoke from across the table.

“Yeah?”

“Is it okay if I write on some of your lyrics? You can for mine if you’d like. I’m just really itching to write some of my ideas down.” Jiyong asked, obviously fidgeting.

“Um…yeah, sure. That would be great.” Seunghyun said, stretching his arms back.

He looked over to see Jiyong shudder.

“What?” Seunghyun asked.

“Nothing. This is just going to take some getting used to.” Jiyong said quietly.

“What is?” Seunghyun asked nervously.

“I don’t know. Everything. It’s just been so long since I have seen you, so much has changed.” Jiyong tried to explain, rubbing his eyes with his palms as he put Seunghyun’s notebook down.

Seunghyun was starting to fidget in his seat again. He hadn’t had a cigarette since he got there this morning. He didn’t know how Jiyong would feel about it so he tried to bite his lip and wait it out. It was getting a little difficult though. Maybe he could fake that he got a phone call and go outside. Just as he was reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone in defeat, Jiyong stood up and stretched.

“You don’t mind if I go out for a smoke, do you?” He asked Seunghyun, pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

Seunghyun felt his jaw drop. “Uh…um…no. I was just about to go out myself.” He said pulling out his own pack.

Jiyong laughed quietly. “And here I was worrying all day about it.” He muttered.

Seunghyun walked through the doorway as Jiyong asked the cashier to watch their table while they went outside. The brisk air hit his face. It was the end of February but the temperature wasn’t warming quickly. The only proof that spring was coming were the buds on the cherry trees forming.

He reached into his pocket for the worn lighter, letting the light envelop the end of the white stick pressed against his lips. Not long after Jiyong stood next to him, tapping his pack against his leg and extruding a stick. Seunghyun held up the flame to Jiyong, like they did this everyday. Jiyong’s eyes widened but he leaned into it, letting his smoke make its first appearance of the night.

It was quiet for the first minute, only the sounds of the city from a block away hitting their ears. Seunghyun felt his jitters slowly melting away with each time he inhaled.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, what had you start smoking?” Seunghyun asked.

Jiyong looked at the sky, exhaling as he thought. “Hmm…I guess it was all the stress I have. It was eating me up and this helped me calm down a little. I also had friends who smoked who recommended it to me when they saw how tense I was becoming. How about you?” Jiyong explained, scattering his ashes on the asphalt in front of them.

Seunghyun thought. He started smoking a couple years before. It was only when he drank but eventually he realized from inhaling his friends’ toxic fumes that he relaxed from the smell. Soon, he started bumming smokes off of them until they got mad at him for the habit. Since then it has only been occasionally building up to twice a day, after school and dinnertime. He would always tell his omma he was going for an after dinner walk. She would perk up and encourage his healthy routine unknowing of the new tendency he was really forming. Now it was his comforting habit.

“About the same reasons. It was just nice to smoke while I drank but that lead to me realizing through my friends that it was a great stress reliever.” Seunghyun explained.

Jiyong snickered. “Yah. Look at us. It’s like we’re old men, talking about how stressful our lives are.” He said.

Seunghyun smiled. “Yeah, kind of, but we don’t have the luck of dying any time soon.” He joked.

“Too fast to live, too young to die.” Jiyong said quietly, shuffling his foot on the ground.

“Wow. That’s pretty accurate.” Seunghyun said at an equal volume.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Jiyong said with a sad smile.

Silence descended upon them again and Seunghyun starting kicking at a stray stone on the pavement after he threw the useless filter into the street. He didn’t feel right going inside but he didn’t want to form the habit of lighting up another one just yet. The silence was unlike the one before it. This one was uncomfortable and filled with the weight of years of unspoken histories.

“So…” Jiyong began, “do you know what today is?”

Seunghyun stretched his mind. There was meaning in those words. He watched Jiyong rock back and forth on his heels and toes nervously. What day was it? He was never good with dates.

“Um…is it February 25^th?” Seunghyun guessed.

“It’s the 26^th. I’m a little late, I know but I got you something.” Jiyong said nervously, reaching into his coat pocket.

He got him something? . What was he forgetting? Curse his brain for forgetting the important things. This had to be important.

“Put your hands out and close your eyes.” Jiyong said biting his lip.

Seunghyun did as instructed and felt something hard and plastic drop into his hands.

“You can open your eyes now.” Jiyong said.

Seunghyun opened them to see a bright red Bearbrick in his hands, he turned it over and saw someone had drawn a heart in permanent marker on its back. Seunghyun looked up shocked to see Jiyong’s retreating back going into the café and he swore he heard Jiyong say “happy anniversary, hyung.”