With his elbows resting on the edge of Jaejoong’s bed, head buried in his hands, Yunho shook softly and took a deep, raspy breath as the thoughts in his head raced on. It had been four days since Jaejoong’s surgery and there had been no change, no movement, nothing. While the doctors continued to encourage him with statements like “It will take time.” and “Don’t worry.” Yunho’s heart couldn’t hear them. All he knew was that the person he loved the most in this world was lying lifeless before him and there was nothing he could do about it except wait and pray. His vitals and condition had continued to improve but a small part of Yunho feared that Jaejoong would never wake up and that tore at his heart and muddled his mind.

“Four days…” mumbled Yunho as he rubbed his hand down his face and sighed “Why isn’t he…”

Junsu, sitting on the other side of Jaejoong’s bed, looked up at Yunho and frowned. Yunho had been so engrossed in his vigil beside Jaejoong’s lifeless body that the wait, worry, and torment of the situation, was written all over him. His hair, unkempt and unwashed, took on a dull hue. His normally warm and tan skin had lost all of its life and now bared a soft and pale witness to his inner heartbreak. His deep brown eyes, once lively and sparkling, were now lost within his pain and were haunted with the darkness of many sleepless nights. He was no longer the Jung Yunho he knew. Without Jaejoong in his life, Yunho had become nothing more than an empty shell, as if his soul truly been lost to the world. He was without feelings or thought –save for Jaejoong.

“He will wake up soon.” comforted Junsu as he walked around the edge of the bed, dropped his hands on Yunho’s shoulders, and rubbed gently “He will, I promise.”

“You keep saying that…” sighed Yunho as he ever so slightly leaned into Junsu touch “But…”

“Yunnie…” interrupted Junsu softly, and lovingly, as he looked down at Jaejoong’s still unconscious face “…you can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s not good for you, or Jae.”

“The doctor said that it may take days for him to recover enough to wake up.” reminded Junsu as he squeezed Yunho’s shoulder reassuringly and subversively tried to give himself a pep talk in the process “We just have to be patient. He will wake up real soon. He will come back to us. You’ll see.”

“We have to have faith.” added Junsu with an almost unsure smile.

“I know…but its hard.” confessed Yunho softly “I’m so worried about him that I really can’t even think straight anymore.”

“That’s because you refuse to take a break from this place.” scolded Junsu caringly as he gave Yunho a gentle shake “You’ve been here every day, without fail, and have barely left Jaejoong’s bedside for more than a few minutes. You rarely eat and I don’t think you’ve gotten more than two hours of continuous sleep since he was admitted.”

“You need a break.” concluded Junsu lovingly “If only for a few hours.”

“I don’t want a break. I don’t want to leave him.” argued Yunho softly “I have to be here when he wakes up. I just can’t leave him like this.”

“Yes you can.”  urged Junsu with a soft smile “I promise I will watch over him. I won’t leave him for a second. And if anything happens you will be the first person I call. I swear.”

“Please Yunho.” begged Junsu softly “Go back to the beach house. Take a few hours and just get away from this place for a little bit. Your heart, mind, and body, all need a break before you collapse from the stress.”

 “You know I love you Yunnie…” chuckled Junsu playfully as he leaned in close to Yunho’s ear and squeezed his shoulders again “but I have to say, you look like .”

“Funny.” mumbled Yunho grouchily.

“And you’re so completely exhausted that you didn’t even notice that I had come in the room earlier.” scolded Junsu.

“I stood there for almost ten minutes before you noticed me.” teased Junsu with a soft push.

“I’m sorry about that.” apologized Yunho with a deep sigh.

“There’s no need to apologize to me Yunnie. You didn’t do anything wrong.” comforted Junsu “But, that right there is the reason why we all are so worried about you right now. Not acknowledging someone’s presence in the room is completely unlike you. You need to rest. You’re running yourself into the ground.”

“Please Yunnie…” begged Junsu softly “if not for your own sake, do it for me and Yoochun. You are really scaring us right now.”

“Alright.” conceded Yunho with a deep sigh as he glanced over his shoulder at Junsu’s concerned face “I guess a few hours won’t kill me.”

“That’s the spirit.” chuckled Junsu sarcastically as he patted Yunho on the shoulder.

With one last longing look at Jaejoong, Yunho stood up, reached over and squeeze his hand lovingly, and then turned and walked away. As he exited the room, Junsu rubbed the bridge of his nose as sighed slowly.

“What are we going to do?” whispered Junsu, softly to himself, as he took up Yunho’s spot in the chair next to Jaejoong’s bed “If Jae doesn’t wake up soon, I’m really afraid that Yunho is going to truly fall to pieces.”

As Junsu watched over Jaejoong, he couldn’t help but think about Yunho. Junsu had finally come to terms with the fact that he, himself, held some blame for all of this. He had diluted himself for so very long, making himself believe that putting Jaejoong and Yunho together was the right thing to do, but after watching what Yunho’s pain and worry had been doing to himself these last few days, Junsu wasn’t so sure anymore. There were things about Jaejoong that Yunho still didn’t know, things about Jaejoong that Junsu knew he could never say. He couldn’t tell Yunho, it was something that Jaejoong had to do himself.  There was a part of Jaejoong’s past that had to be told eventually, a secret that until that night Jaejoong almost drowned, even Junsu hadn’t known, and he worried about what would happen when everything came out in the open –when Yunho found out the whole truth.

“That damn necklace.” mumbled Junsu as he heard a knock on the door.

“Come in.” called out Junsu.

As the door swung open, Junsu smiled and nodded as his eyes beheld Yoochun’s somewhat cheerful state.

“You look like you finally got some sleep.” stated Junsu with a soft laugh.

“Yeah.” answered Yoochun “I ended up having to take something to sleep but I got some sleep none-the-less.”

“Yoochun!” scolded Junsu worriedly “You know those pills are bad for you.”

“I know but I just couldn’t get my mind to settle.” nodded Yoochun understandingly.

As Yoochun scanned the expanse of Jaejoong’s hospital room, a curious looked flashed across his face when he noticed that Junsu was alone.

“Where’s Yunnie?” questioned Yoochun.

“He went to the beach house.” answered Junsu as he turned his attention back to Jaejoong.

“Really?” asked Yoochun surprised “How did you manage that one?”

“Guilt.” chuckled Junsu as he readjusted the corner of Jaejoong’s blanket.

“Good… then…maybe…” stammered Yoochun softly “Maybe…When he’s finally alone, he’ll react to this the way he’s supposed to.”

“What do you mean?” questioned Junsu as he flashed curious gaze in Yoochun direction.

“He needs to cry.” said Yoochun bluntly as he sat down on the other side of Jaejoong’s bed.

“He’s only cried once since all of this happened.” noted Yoochun “And it was only for a few minutes, in the damn hallway. He so occupied with taking care of Jae, he hasn’t let this situation sink in and he hasn’t dealt with it emotionally.”

“He needs to be alone. He needs to cry it out.” sighed Yoochun. “He needs this. He needs to break down and get it out of his system before he really does lose it.”

 “I know.” sighed Junsu as he reached up and rubbed his temple “I had my moment already, and I felt better afterward. I found that I could think more clearly afterwards. Crying helped and I know it will help Yunho too.”

“I just hope he doesn’t hold it back.” mumbled Junsu disappointingly.

After a few moments of silence between the two friends, Yoochun cleared his throat and started to speak again.

“Have you heard from him yet?” questioned Yoochun “Changmin…”

“Yeah, he called me this morning before I came to the hospital.”  answered Junsu softly as he leaned back in the chair and rubbed his eyes.

“Where has he been?” questioned Yoochun with a strange look.

“He didn’t say, but he did say that he would talk to Yunho.” answered Junsu “He said something about needing to clear the air.”

As Yunho stumbled into the darkened beach house he kicked off his shoes and moaned tiredly. He had been so emotionally and physically exhausted that he didn’t even want to think about anything right now, other than his bed. His throat, dry and hoarse, ached softly as he released a sorrowful sigh while his eyes took in the darkness of the house.

“Water.” thought Yunho as he skulked his way across the living room and headed for the kitchen.

Reaching the refrigerator, Yunho opened the door, snatched out a bottle of water from its door and gulped it down without hesitation until the bottle was almost completely empty. Taking in a deep breath and sighing satisfactorily, Yunho tossed the bottle into the sink and closed the refrigerator door. As the heaviness in his legs began to increase, he made his way back out of the kitchen, across the living room, and down the hallway as he thought about nothing other than his own warm bed. Opening the door to his and Jaejoong’s shared bedroom, Yunho stepped in and closed the door behind him. Leaning himself against the door, he sighed heavily as he looked over at the pristine, untouched bed of Jaejoong’s and shook his head. Laying his head against the door, Yunho closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip as the worry for Jaejoong he had been trying to suppress, crept back up on him. In the silence of the empty room, Yunho began to mull over everything that had happened between him and Jaejoong over the last few months and, thanks to April’s concerned musings about Jaejoong’s intentions, finally came to the realization that even though in his heart he felt as if they were meant to be, the truth may not be in fact that simple.

Dropping his eyes to the floor, Yunho sighed once more and immediately became confused when a strange sound from the darkness assaulted his ears.  

“You lied to me, you know.” came a soft and familiar voice.

Yunho, startled by the unseen voice, looked up and strained his vision to see where it had come from. Across the moonlit room, Yunho spotted a dark figure sitting on the edge of his bed, near the wall.

“You said…” continued the figure as it stood and reached out for the nearby table lamp.

 “…that you would never hurt me again.” he said as he flicked the light on, revealing his identity.

“Min…” gasped Yunho softly.

“No matter what happens...you said.” continued Changmin “You would make sure that I would never feel hurt, misunderstood, unworthy, or unloved.”

“I believed you…” he continued as he stared at Yunho intently “and you lied to me.”

“Min…” sighed Yunho.

Yunho knew why Changmin was there. He had been waiting for the day that his first love would walk back into his life again and throttle him for what he had done that night. Under the guise of being incoherently drunk, he had tried to drown out Jaejoong’s memory by sleeping with Changmin. He had accosted him, fondled him, and tried to do everything he could to seduce Changmin into to sharing his bed. Yunho hadn’t been as drunk as many would have expected. He had been in his rational mind and at the time, what he had done to Changmin made sense. He knew that Changmin still wanted him, desired him, and he knew that small part of him, the part that was overcome with loneliness, wanted Changmin too. He honestly believed that if he rekindled his relationship with Changmin, he could get over Jaejoong. So, rather than keep his desire and mind rooted in reality, Yunho had let it all go and did something to Changmin he swore he’d never do.

He had tested him.

When Changmin pushed him away, Yunho felt even more rejected and heartbroken. If the person who had loved him for over fifteen years no longer wanted him, how could he expect someone, who had known him for less than a year, to want to be with him? The pain of Changmin’s rejection had pushed Yunho to his breaking point and had it not been for Junsu’s miraculous appearance the next morning, he would have certainly ended his suffering on his own.

He had thought about it, planned it.

“I’m sorry.” whispered Yunho solemnly.

“Sorry?” questioned Changmin as he closed the gap between them and stared at Yunho’s downtrodden face “Is that all you have to say to me?”

“I know what I did was wrong. I broke my promise. I tried to…” said Yunho heartbreakingly “I’m sorry I did that to you Minnie. I just… I just wanted to forget …him…this…everything. I wanted to go back to a time where I was happy and everything was …much more…simple.”

“So, I was right. You were just using me?” growled Changmin bitterly “To forget Jae.”

Yunho nodded regretfully.

“!” growled Changmin under his breath.

“I know you’re angry. You should be.” nodded Yunho as he finally looked up at Changmin’s face “If it makes you feel better… go ahead. You have my permission. Hit me, strangle me, beat me up, or whatever else you need to do to feel like justice is served.”

“I deserve it anyway.” sighed Yunho as closed his eyes and bowed his head.

Changmin just stared bitterly at Yunho’s somber form in the soft glow of the room. As seconds passed like hours, he truly contemplated throttling Yunho within an inch of his life but he knew he couldn’t. That wasn’t why he was here. He was here to clear the air, to find an answer to his question, and no amount of revenge would take precedent over that.  With a deep sigh, Changmin stepped closer to Yunho and grabbed him softly by the chin, lifting his eyes to meet his.

“I’m not here for that…” whispered Changmin softly as he leaned in close to Yunho’s face.

As the feel of Changmin’s warm breath caressed his cooled skin, Yunho looked at Changmin with a sense of wonder as the mood around them suddenly began to shift to something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Why then…” breathed Yunho softly as he watched Changmin hovering ever so close.

“I’m here…to test you…” whispered Changmin seductively as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Yunho’s pale ones.

The contact, somewhat foreign yet familiar, shocked Yunho immediately. Why was Changmin kissing him, after he had so adamantly rejected him a few weeks ago? What was this all about?

Before Yunho could move away, or protest, Changmin reached up and grabbed a handful of Yunho’s hair, near the nape of his neck, and pulled him deeper into the kiss. His lips were so needy, so wanting, that Yunho’s defenses immediately dissolved as a haze of desire, fueled by his loneliness and an aching need for a loving touch, overpowered him. His latent desire, a desire that had been trapped and banished to the dark recesses of his heart, instantly muddled his rationality, and without hesitation Yunho wrapped his arms around Changmin and kissed him back fervently.

Giving in…

Leaning into Changmin, bringing their bodies flush against one another, Yunho tightened his arms around the man’s slender frame as Changmin wantonly ran one hand through his hair and caressed his cheek with the other. As if the world around them melted into nothingness, Yunho relished the feel of Changmin in his arms and suddenly felt as if this was truly where he belonged. Running his hands up the length of Changmin’s well toned back, Yunho moaned softly as the sensation fanned the flames of his desire and plunged his mind into a dark haze of need.

As their desire continued to build and build, Changmin’s ually mischievous nature took over and before his more calm and collected self could stop himself, he instinctually started pulling Yunho towards the nearby bed. As the feel of Changmin’s arms tightened around Yunho’s waist and his mind registered the sensation of him pulling him from the door, Yunho suddenly stilled when his conscience manifested itself in a hurried flash of images flickering through his mind.

Jaejoong smiling…

Jaejoong laughing…

Jaejoong crying…

Without warning, nor contemplation of how his actions would look to Changmin, Yunho suddenly spun Changmin around, pushed him back against the door hard, and broke the kiss –hanging his head immediately as an enormous pang of guilt hit his chest like a freight train. Breathing heavily and trying to slow down his chaotic heart and stem the wildfire of desire that threatened to ruin everything, Yunho closed his eyes and dropped his shoulders in shame.

He knew this was wrong.

“We can’t…” Yunho breathed out painfully as the guilt at what he almost did, began to fervently flood his heart and mind “I can’t…Jae…Until I know for sure…I can’t do this to him…”

“I’m sorry…” he added as he dropped his hands from Changmin’s shoulders and sniffled “I just can’t betray him again… I can’t…”

“I know.” smirked Changmin mischievously.

Changmin had warned Yunho that he was going to test him and test him he did. The kiss was meant to be a wakeup call for Yunho. He wanted Yunho to choose the life he wanted. If Yunho could let Jaejoong go, he would take him into his bed and they could pick up where they left off all those years ago. If he couldn’t, Yunho would push him away. As much as Changmin hoped that Yunho would choose him, he had to know for certain where Yunho’s heart truly belonged.

Although, getting swept away in the moment hadn’t really been part of his plan, the second Yunho pushed him away Changmin knew that Yunho had made his choice. His question had been answered.

“Yunnie…I’m sorry.” said Changmin softly “I had to know for sure.”

“If you love him that much…” smiled Changmin “I won’t ever stand in your way. I want you to be happy, above all else.”

“The past will stay the past from now on.” nodded Changmin knowingly “I’ll never do this to you again. I swear it.”

“Min…” sighed Yunho as he looked up into the face of his first love “I know that your feelings have never changed and I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you want anymore…”

“Enough.” interrupted Changmin lovingly as he put his hand up and motioned Yunho to stop his words “This was never completely about rekindling our past. I had to know if you truly love him and I have my answer.”

“I will always love you Yunho…” confessed Changmin sweetly “But, I know now that it’s Jaejoong, and not I, that is meant to be by your side. It’s always been him. He is your happiness. He is your destiny, your future.”

“Min…” sniffled Yunho “I’m sorry…”

“There is no need to feel sorry towards me anymore Yunho.” smiled Changmin “You should never feel sorrow because you found what makes you truly happy.”

“I know…” stammered Changmin shakily “that you really don’t need it, but I will give it to you anyway. You have my blessing. Go to him. Be happy for once, Jung Yunho.”

“Just promise me one thing…” added Changmin softly.

“What is it?” questioned Yunho curiously.

“Promise me that you will do everything in your power to keep your happiness with you forever.” requested Changmin with a sincere smile “Never let anyone take him from you and never let him go.”

“I promise.” smiled Yunho.

As the midmorning sun slowly crept across the room, Yunho shifted slowly and moaned softly from the confines of Jaejoong’s bed as the throbbing in his head, from hours of crying alone, persistently echoed in the recesses of his mind.

After his final confrontation with Changmin, Yunho had finally had the break down he had been suppressing all this time. Crying had never come naturally to Yunho but for the first time in his life he had finally let all of his emotions loose in one go. He didn’t hold back for a moment and let his heartache and pain seep out in unheeded waves upon his cheeks.

Lying silently in the middle of the bed, Yunho clinched his eyes shut as the memory of his emotional breakdown sifted through the haze of his ever persistent exhaustion. The more he thought about it, the more the whole scene seemed utterly shameful to him. There he was, an adult with a multi-million dollar earning career, sobbing like a five year old –screaming and wailing into his pillow like some over emotional widow at a funeral, in the middle of the night.  He couldn’t believe he had acted so shamelessly, so childishly.

What would crying really do? Would crying wake Jaejoong up? Would crying bring Jaejoong back to him? Would crying make all of this right again? What purpose did it serve other than making his heart feel even heavier and tiring him out even further?

“None…” thought Yunho with a sigh.

“Stupid…” mumbled Yunho, as he reached up and rubbed his eyes “…so stupid.”

With another exasperated moan, Yunho slowly sat up and looked at his surroundings. Through the double glass doors that lead out to the pool, Yunho looked out at the sun-filled blue sky. Today was going to beautiful but he wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. Glancing over at the clock, his eyes suddenly widened when he realized that it was pushing noon.

“…” grumbled Yunho “I slept too long.”

Snatching his phone off the bedside table, he immediately dialed Junsu’s number and waited for him to pick up.

“Hello…” said a very groggy Junsu.

“How is he?” questioned Yunho frantically.

“He’s fine Yunho.” answered Junsu “The nurses have already checked on him this morning and everything still looks good. The doctor said that with any luck he should wake up in the next day or two.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” nodded Yunho into the phone.

“No you won’t.” argued Junsu adamantly “You’ve only been gone from here for eight hours and I can almost bet you still haven’t eaten anything yet.”

“Shower and eat first.” ordered Junsu.

“But I’m not hungry.” sighed Yunho.

“Don’t care.” replied Junsu flatly.

“Eat anyway.” ordered Junsu more sternly before he immediately ended the call, leaving Yunho no time to argue.

“Fine.” mumbled Yunho as he tossed the phone on the bed beside him.

 Half an hour later, clean, refreshed, and somewhat awake, Yunho ventured out of his and Jaejoong’s shared bedroom for the first time. Walking into the living room, he stopped for a moment when he heard an unfamiliar sound coming from the kitchen.

“Min?” thought Yunho as he continued walking.

As he entered the kitchen, his eyes fell upon the back of a strange woman. She was tall and thin, with long brown hair, wearing a simple pair of pink colored pajama bottoms and a white tee. Walking up to the island Yunho stopped and stared at her as she fiddled with something on the stove.

“Good morning.” said Yunho as he cleared his throat.

“Oh?” said the woman as she turned around and revealed her face.

“Good Morning Yunho.” smiled Eun Mi “I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No…” smiled Yunho.

“Coffee?” questioned Eun Mi politely as she held up the pot.

“Yes, please.” he answered as he sat down on one of the bar stools.

Eun Mi poured Yunho a cup, and with a smile she placed it on the counter in front of him.

“Black right?” she questioned.

Yunho nodded in agreement. Grabbing the cup from the counter, Yunho took a sip of the hot amaretto flavored liquid and sighed.

“I hope you don’t mind that its flavored.” mentioned Eun Mi as she turned her attention back to the stove “I can’t really stand plain coffee.”

“Its fine.” said Yunho “It’s delicious.”

“Oh…Since we haven’t been formally introduced…” she offered as she turned to grab something out of the refrigerator “I’m Eun Mi, by the way. But I’m sure you knew that already.”

“I’m Jae’s…friend, I guess you could say.” she added.

“From what I hear, you’re much more than a friend.” chuckled Yunho knowingly.

“Therapist, sounding board, babysitter, cohort, girlfriend, lover, sister…” laughed Eun Mi sweetly “I guess you can say, I’m a little bit of everything but friend seems more appropriate. Don’t you think?”

Yunho nodded softly.

“Good.” giggled Eun Mi softly as she quickly changed the subject “I’m making a little breakfast. It won’t be as fabulous as Jae’s cooking but if you’re hungry, you’re welcome to have some. It’s just soup, rice, and a few leftovers.”

“That’s sound fine.” agreed Yunho “Junsu said I’m not allowed to come back to the hospital till I eat something anyway.”

“Well…” she smiled as she turned her attention back to Yunho and placed a bowl of hot soup in front of him “We don’t want Junsu mad at you, now do we?”

“No…” laughed Yunho.

Even though this was the first one-on-one interaction he had ever had with Eun Mi, Yunho instantly understood what Jaejoong liked about her. They were basically strangers to one another, yet in the span of five minutes, Yunho had already become comfortable with her to the point that there wasn’t a bit of awkwardness between them.

“Interesting talent.” thought Yunho as he watched Eun Mi set out the rest of the food and sigh satisfactorily.

“Well, at least it looks good.” said Eun Mi as she sat down.

“Eat up.” added Eun Mi as she motioned to the food in front of Yunho.

As they began to eat their breakfast, Yunho couldn’t help but notice that Eun Mi seemed a little distracted. Every once in a while she would glance up at him with a worried look and the moment she noticed he was looking at her, she would turn her attention back to her food. To him it seemed like Eun Mi wanted to say something but was fighting with herself over it. To break the tension he was feeling, Yunho decided to ask her a simple question that ultimately turned into something much more than simple.

“So...” ventured Yunho “When did you get here?”

“Last night.” answered Eun Mi as she kept her focus on her half eaten bowl of rice.

“Last night?” thought Yunho as his mind flashed through the memories of his confrontation with Changmin and the crying spell he had afterwards. His heart instantly sank into the pit of his stomach.

“When?” choked out Yunho as he nervously took a sip of his coffee.

“Around nine, I think.” she answered softly.

“!” thought Yunho as he realized that Eun Mi had been there the whole time.

Sighing deeply, Yunho averted his eyes from Eun Mi as the shame and embarrassment of last night washed over him.

“There’s no need to feel embarrassed.” ventured Eun Mi as she noticed how uncomfortable Yunho looked “Everyone has their bad days.”

As a moment of silence fell between them, Yunho felt even more uncomfortable. After everything that had happen last night, he had taken solace in the fact that he was at least alone in the house and now he found out that he, in fact, wasn’t.

“Thank you by the way…” offered Eun Mi softly.

“For?” questioned Yunho hesitantly.

“Honestly,” she started “I’ve had my reservations about your intentions with Jaejoong all this time. I wasn’t sure how much you really cared about him or even if you were worthy enough for him. But, after last night, I realized that you truly do care about Jaejoong –enough so to even turn down Changmin.”

“.” thought Yunho as his eyes widened in panic “She heard all of that too?”

“Don’t worry.” said Eun Mi lovingly, as if she knew what Yunho was thinking “I won’t tell Jae about it.”

“I wasn’t even going to bring it up, but…” she stammered softly “after what you said and did last night, I felt like thanking you was the appropriate thing to do.”

“Jaejoong has never really had someone love him enough to be utterly faithful to him.” she added sadly “It’s nice to know that he has someone like that now.”

“Even when that person doesn’t even know if Jaejoong loves him or not.” sighed Eun Mi as she finally looked up at Yunho’s face “I know it’s hard for you –trying to understand your feelings for him, what his feelings are for you, and what will happen to him and the both of you. And, I’m sure that all of this is weighing heavily on your mind, constantly.”

Yunho nodded.

“But, even so, you are still standing by him and as his friend and sister, I really appreciate that.” smiled Eun Mi.

“I love him.” confessed Yunho “I could do no less.”

“But…” said Yunho before Eun Mi cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“I know.” interrupted Eun Mi.

“Yunho…” she began again with a deep, drawn out sigh “I have to level with you on something.”

“Oh?” questioned Yunho curiously “What is it?”

“Me being here, right now, isn’t a coincidence.” she admitted softly “I was waiting for you.”

“After everything that has happened between you and Jaejoong…” said Eun Mi after she took a deep breath and mustered up her courage “Well, I think you and I should have a little talk about Jaejoong.”

“Is this going to be a big sister lecture?” chuckled Yunho as he tried to lighten the darkening mood.

“So to speak…” she answered “There is something I think you should know about.”

“I’m not supposed to say anything. In fact, if Jaejoong ever finds out that I even brought this up to you, he will be furious with me, and very heartbroken.” offered Eun Mi “But, I think it’s a story you deserve to hear.”

“It’s something Jaejoong doesn’t like to even remember…or talk about.” sighed Eun Mi painfully.

“I don’t like the sound of this already.” argued Yunho softly “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

“I know I shouldn’t but it needs to be told.” nodded Eun Mi “For both of your sakes…”

“You wonder sometimes don’t you?” questioned Eun Mi after a short pause “You wonder why Jaejoong does the things he does for you? Why he would go to such lengths to keep you safe and happy?”

“Yes.” answered Yunho softly.

“And more importantly, you also wonder if Jaejoong is really in love with you and, if he is, why he hasn’t said anything?” probed Eun Mi “Am I right?”

Yunho nodded sadly.

“That’s why this story needs to be told.” declared Eun Mi lovingly “Do you want to hear it now?”

“Please.” answered Yunho as he noticed the conflict in Eun Mi’s eyes. He could tell that she was adamant that what she needed to tell him was important and now his curiosity had been peaked.

What would be so important that Eun Mi would risk betraying Jaejoong for?

“A long time ago, before my brothers became part of Jaejoong’s life…even before his father died… Jaejoong was a normal, fun loving teenager. He worked hard at perfecting his skills as a pianist. Tirelessly, without a real break, he spent hours and hours every day practicing. He had very little friends and spent a lonely childhood cooped up in his house. Because of his natural beauty, he was even an outcast at school. The boys all thought Jaejoong was too girly to be friends with and the girls were jealous of his looks. He was tormented and bullied every day.” said Eun Mi “After three years of basically being under house arrest, shunned by his peers, and having no real fun, Jaejoong began to feel left out in life. He battled his loneliness constantly and no matter how much he begged and pleaded with his parents to allow him to have some friends, or go out and have fun, they would always say no.”

“He was an introvert; a loner.” she continued “After a while, Jaejoong’s impatience grew to the point that one day, without a word said to anyone, he ran away from home.”

Yunho, unable to contain his amusement, chuckled softly at Jaejoong’s impetuousness.

“Although his misadventure only lasted the day, it proved to be one of the best days of his life.” smiled Eun Mi.

“How so?” questioned Yunho curiously.

“That was the day he met him…” continued Eun Mi “Jaejoong had managed to walk about six miles from home that day and found himself in a small park near an elementary school. It had a small practice field, a few fountains, lots of gardens, and a small playground. After wondering around the park for an hour, Jaejoong settled down on one of the swings in the playground and thought about his life. Before he knew it he began to cry. There was no telling how long he had been crying but as the sun started setting in the sky, he was startled by the sound of approaching footsteps and voice that called out ‘If you’re going to cry like that, use my hanky.’”

“That’s when he saw him for the first time.” smiled Eun Mi “A young boy, about his age, with a bright smile and beautiful eyes. The moment Jaejoong saw him, he fell in love.”

Yunho looked at Eun Mi intently.

“Who was he?” questioned Yunho.

“Jaejoong has never told me his name.” she admitted softly.

“It was the first time Jaejoong had ever fallen in love… love at first sight…his first love.” continued Eun Mi “The young boy, apparently concerned for Jaejoong’s well being, spent the next few hours sitting on the swing beside him and tried to comfort him. As they talked, they began to form a bond with one another and ended up being best friends.”

“Over the course of the next week, and with a little convincing from Jaejoong, his parents allowed him to spend time with his new friend.” said Eun Mi “As time went by, Jaejoong’s feelings of love for the boy continued to grow –even though he knew that what he was feeling wasn’t the natural order of things. His parents were traditionalist, expecting a daughter-in-law and grandchildren one day, but Jaejoong knew that his heart wanted something more –that he wanted him, and he refused to care about what they were expecting. He wanted to be happy but in his own way.”

“Eventually, after about a month or so of knowing the boy, Jaejoong decided that he would gather up his courage and confess his feelings.” sighed Eun Mi sadly.

“Oh boy…” muttered Yunho.

“He set up a ‘date’ with the boy –making plans to meet him at the movies.” nodded Eun Mi “His plan was to treat the boy to a movie, and then take him back to the park where they had met and tell him how he felt. But…”

Eun Mi dropped her head and took a deep, labored breath before she turned her attention back to Yunho and continued.

“He never got to…” sniffled Eun Mi softly.

“Why?” questioned Yunho apprehensively.

“As Jaejoong was leaving the house for his date with the boy…” choked Eun Mi “the phone call about his father’s accident came. Jaejoong was so lost and devastated at the sudden news of his father’s death that the plans he had with the boy were instantly forgotten. His stepmother was hysterical, his uncles were furious, and he was just…so lost.”

“After the funeral, Jaejoong went to see his friend –to apologize for standing him up, but when he arrived at the boy’s house, he found it empty.” sighed Eun Mi “Apparently, during the time that Jaejoong was dealing with his father’s death, the boy had moved and left no forwarding address.”

“He was gone just like that.” said Eun Mi with a snap of her fingers for emphasis.

“Wow.” sighed Yunho “Jaejoong must have been crushed.”

“Crushed?” questioned Eun Mi sarcastically “that doesn’t even remotely describe it.”

“I know Junsu told you that Jaejoong’s father’s death was the reason why he had become such a rebel    and started living a dangerous lifestyle, but…” said Eun Mi “that’s not entirely the truth.”

“While I’m sure it played a part in Jaejoong’s downfall, it was the loss of his first love that started him down that path to begin with.” informed Eun Mi.

Yunho looked at her, utterly shocked.

“So Junsu deliberately lied to me then?” he questioned.

“No…” answered Eun Mi “Junsu doesn’t know about this. Jae’s never told him.”

“So that’s the end of the story?” questioned Yunho confusedly.

“I’m afraid not. That’s not even the worst part of this story.” moaned Eun Mi dejectedly “After…my brothers… got a hold of Jaejoong… Well, let’s just say that beating him, him, torturing him, and belittling him at every turn, wasn’t the worst thing they did to him.”

“What do you mean?” questioned Yunho as he leaned in and concentrated on Eun Mi’s words.

“Because of what they did to him, the precious and loving memory he kept for that young boy became corrupted.” sighed Eun Mi sadly “Something that was once so pure in Jaejoong’s heart and mind, became twisted by the abuses he endured while under Jiyoung and Junjin’s possession, and over time Jaejoong began to despise the boy.”

“But it wasn’t his fault.” argued Yunho softly.

“You know that, and I know that, but to Jaejoong the memory of that boy became a painful reminder of the life he would never have.” answered Eun Mi “Jaejoong became so bitter that he swore that he would never give his heart to another person as long as he lived.”

“What are you trying to say Eun Mi?” panicked Yunho as he fears suddenly seemed to be coming true “Are you saying that Jaejoong will never love me?”

“No…I’m not saying that at all!” denied Eun Mi fervently as she waved her hands in front of her adamantly.

“Then why did you say that?” growled Yunho softly “Why the hell did you tell me this anyway?”

“Calm down Yunho…” ordered Eun Mi sweetly “I’m getting to that.”

“Because of all of this…” continued Eun Mi in a serious tone “Jaejoong has forgotten what real love feels like. He doesn’t recognize it anymore. His ideas of love have been so overshadowed by years of pain and self-hatred that he doesn’t know what his heart wants, when it wants it. He’s spent the last few years deliberately keeping people at bay, stopping them from getting too close, as if he trying to protect them from his twisted sense of reality and love. He’s punishing himself.”

“Why on earth would he?” questioned Yunho “That makes no sense Eun Mi. Why do that to yourself, especially considering what he’s been through. You would think that he would crave love.”

“Most normal people would, wouldn’t they?” nodded Eun Mi “But, Jaejoong isn’t most people.”

“Is there anything I can do?” questioned Yunho “To help him I mean…”

“And that right there is why I’m grateful that Jaejoong has you in his life.” scoffed Eun Mi with a smile “You know you are a very rare breed Yunho. Most people would have run away screaming by now, but you haven’t.”

“I love him Eun Mi.” reassured Yunho once more “I’ve never felt this way about any other person in my life –not even with Min Hee or Changmin, and I honestly can’t picture my life without him.”

“I can see that.” smiled Eun Mi as she took a sip of her now cold coffee.

“Well then… if you want to help Jaejoong…” she continued “Love him faithfully and confess.”

“You have to tell him how you feel.” smiled Eun Mi “Be honest, sincere, and truthful with him. Only after that will Jaejoong truly understand how you really feel. If you do that, he will find the courage to tell you his own truth.”

“Even if he refuses to accept your love in the beginning, you have to promise me that you won’t give up on him.” scowled Eun Mi “He may believe your confession immediately, but he may not. If so, you must stay resolute. Show him every day, and in every way, that you truly do love him and a time will come when your love will get through to him.”

“If you can do that… if you have the strength and are willing to go the distance…” sighed Eun Mi “then I know you will both find your happiness with each other.”

“If not…” she added sadly “Then I’m begging you to walk away now.”

“What Jaejoong needs the most right now is faith.” sighed Eun Mi “He needs to know that the people around him love him unconditionally. If you can’t give him what he needs, you will only do more damage, and as his friend and as someone who truly does love him, I can’t let you make this worse.”

“I hope you understand that.” sniffled Eun Mi as she looked at Yunho’s face with pleading eyes “I won’t let anyone hurt him again.”

“I promise you…I will never abandon him…I won’t hurt him ever again.” answered Yunho as he reached out and grabbed Eun Mi’s hand reassuringly “I’ve learned my lesson. I will do whatever it takes to make Jaejoong happy –even if that doesn’t include loving me in return.”

“I promise.”

As darkness descended on their little world Yunho sat quietly next to Junsu on the couch and peacefully watched over Jaejoong’s sleeping form. Several hours had passed since he had returned to the hospital, and still there was no real change. Jaejoong’s vitals were great, his wound was healing nicely, and there was no sign of infection, and yet he was still unconscious.

Junsu and Yoochun had spent the night, and most of the day, keeping a lonely vigil beside Jaejoong’s bedside and their worry had begun to take its toll. A few hours ago, when Yunho arrived at the hospital, he found Yoochun passed out in a chair the corner of the room and Junsu nodding off on the couch. As much as he knew that they truly cared for Jaejoong, he was also painfully aware of how boring and how draining the wait could be. Yunho sent Yoochun back to the beach house immediately, to get some much needed rest, but allowed Junsu to stay. Junsu seemed more at ease and well-rested than Yoochun and a part of Yunho took comfort in how adamantly strong he was being in all of this. Junsu was being his rock, like always. Yunho had always known that Junsu’s strength was just a façade that he put up; to protect himself and to protect those he cared about; and he knew how draining that could be. Even though it bothered him sometimes, he was truly grateful for it none-the-less.

“Su…” said Yunho softly as he looked at Junsu’s statuesque face “Are you alright?”

“I’m…ok.” choked out Junsu softly.

“You don’t sound alright.” scoffed Yunho lovingly.

“You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know?” teased Yunho as he nudged Junsu’s shoulder with his own.

“I know…” sighed Junsu “But its better this way.”

“We have too many basket cases here already.” laughed Junsu as he looked up at Yunho and smirked mischievously.

“True enough.” laughed Yunho.

“You really do look like you need a break though.” sighed Yunho caringly “Maybe you should just go.”

“Now, I’m getting sent home…to bed? That’s a switch.” laughed Junsu mockingly.

“Yah!” cackled Yunho as he swatted Junsu playfully on the arm “If you can do it, so can I!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” smiled Junsu coyly as he stood up “I was going to head out anyway.”

“I’ll see you in the morning Yunnie.” nodded Junsu as he headed for the door “Try and get some rest tonight too.”

“I will.” agreed Yunho with a wave goodbye.

While the light from the early morning sun trickled in through the partially open blinds from the nearby window, Yunho slept quietly in the chair next to Jaejoong’s bed, head in the unconscious man’s lap. The night had been somewhat peaceful for Yunho. No nurses came into bother him, no pesky late night phone calls or visits from well wishers, just him and Jaejoong together. The peacefulness of the room had lulled Yunho to sleep sometime around three in the morning and even though he never really wanted to fall asleep, he did so thankfully.

Dreams came easily to Yunho that night. Between his talk with Changmin and Eun Mi, Yunho had finally come to realize that it was his charge in life to make Jaejoong’s life better. He knew what he had to do, what he had to say, and he was determined to show Jaejoong exactly how he truly felt. With this in mind and for the first time in well over a month, Yunho had finally managed to dream of something pleasant. He dreamed that they were back on the sailboat he had rented on their vacation. They were laughing and carrying on as if only their world existed.

As Yunho dreamed of that intangibly happy life, a smile stretched across his face and a soft sigh slipped past his lips as he snuggled deeper into Jaejoong’s thigh.

While the warm sun beamed over head, Yunho happily smiled at Jaejoong as he watched beautiful man ramble on about his new favorite books series and its upcoming movie.  

“You’re really excited about that movie huh?” chuckled Yunho as readjusted the pillow under his head, on Jaejoong’s lap, and smiled brightly.

“Yes.” laughed Jaejoong as he reached down and ran his hands delicately through Yunho’s hair “You’ll go see it with me when it comes out, won’t you love?”

“I wouldn’t miss a chance to see you smile.” answered Yunho as he leaned into Jaejoong’s touch and sighed contently “I do anything for that smile.”

“Anything?” questioned Jaejoong mischievously.

“Anything.” said Yunho as he flashed a wicked smile.

“Promises, promises.” giggled Jaejoong as he continued to run his hands gently through Yunho’s hair.

The feel of Jaejoong’s touch in the dream world felt so real that Yunho unconsciously smiled in the real world once again.

Leaning into Jaejoong’s touch, Yunho smiled softly as he gazed up as his lover’s face and reveled in the serenity of their surroundings.

“Why do you look so happy?” questioned Jaejoong playfully.

“Because I’m with you.” he answered with a loving scoff “Where you are, there is always happiness.”

“Some say happiness is just a dream for people like us, you know?” sighed Jaejoong as he looked down at his lover’s face.

“Well, if this is a dream...” sighed Yunho as he reached up and pressed Jaejoong’s hand deeper into his hair “…then I never want to wake up.”

“Yunnie…” smiled Jaejoong sweetly “…we can’t sleep forever. Someday we will have to wake up.”

“Never…” sighed Yunho softly as he turned into Jaejoong and wrapped his arms around the slender man’s waist.

 “Yunnie wake up…”

As Yunho’s eyes began to flutter and the haze of his dream world began to fade, he suddenly began to feel the weight of the world again. The warmth of Jaejoong’s thin thighs under his head, the coldness and emptiness of the hospital room…

…And the gentleness of a soft touch.

“Yunnie…wake up.”

Yunho’s eyes fluttered once more before his mind suddenly registered that the feel of someone’s touch was more real than dream. Opening his eyes slowly, adjusting the brightness of the room, Yunho winced softly before he reached up and grabbed the hand that was gently running its fingers through his hair. As his hand landed on the tangible extremity, Yunho’s eyes shot open in surprise. Jerking his vision to the head of the bed, Yunho gasped softly when he saw the golden brown eyes of his love staring back at him worriedly.

“Jae…” breathed out Yunho in amazement.

“Good morning Yunnie…” sighed Jaejoong with a sweet smile. 

A/N (1): I hope everyone enjoyed this update. We only have a few more chapters left to go. Please follow this LINK to subscribe to my next story, "Midnight Winds", and as always thank you so much for all your support ~ KpopNoona.

A/N (2); Since my original oneshot "Moonlight Confessions" recieved a fair amount of love, and many of my readers requested more drabbles within it's universe, I have converted this fic post into a collection of one shots. Please subscribe to this listing and look forward to my next one-shot. ~KpopNoona