Scrunched up into a sobbing mess of the cold floor of the hospital corridor, Junsu ran his hands through his hair and pulled harshly as his mind raced with images of Jaejoong laying on that sterile operating table; just through those ominous glass doors that currently barred him from seeing the face of his dearest friend. “He has to live.” thought Junsu as the tears that had been streaming down his face for the past hour continued their flow unheeded. Yoochun, leaning against the opposite wall from Junsu –with his arms crossed over his chest and his head hung low, cried silently as the sounds of Junsu’s incessant sobbing echoed in the deserted hallway.

“Damn it.” thought Yoochun as he clamped his eyes shut and tried to control his emotions.

He was worried about Jaejoong, just as much as everyone else was, but a small part of him was happy –happy that there had been a security camera in that alley. The security team caught the whole incident on video and after observing Yunho and Junjin’s confrontation, and Jaejoong’s corresponding injury, they had acted quickly. Within minutes, the venue’s entire security force was on a frantic search to find Junjin while the medical staff appeared before Yunho only minutes after Jaejoong’s world went black. While the manhunt was still in full force, and Junjin still hadn’t been found, the city police had taken up the case and were conducting a city wide search. Junjin’s photograph, description, and list of crimes were dispersed to every precinct within minutes of Jaejoong’s stabbing. The police were doing all they could to find the man that I had tried to kill Jung Yunho, and had mortally wounded Jaejoong, and Yoochun took comfort in that. He had faith that Junjin would be caught and would pay for all that he had done but his heart ached knowing it had to come to this for Jaejoong to finally be safe.

As much as he hated to think of the worst case scenario, Yoochun couldn’t keep those evil and heart wrenching thoughts from his mind. He had always been the strong one among all of them, the one that could always be counted on to keep his wits about him in any situation, but even he knew that if Jaejoong somehow didn’t survive this, even he wouldn’t be able to cope with the aftermath and devastation that would be left in Jaejoong’s wake.

He wanted to be strong for Yunho and Junsu. He knew he had to be. He was the only person in the world that both Yunho and Junsu would lean on if the worst should happen. He promised himself that no matter what happened he would do everything he could to keep his mind straight. He couldn’t break down now. He couldn’t lose his grasp of reality and fall into sorrow. He had to be strong, unwavering, simply because he knew just how attached Junsu and Yunho truly were to Jaejoong and what the unknown was doing to them.

Yunho was in love with Jaejoong, but what most didn’t realize was that so was Junsu –and Yoochun knew it.

Though he knew Junsu would never admit he had feelings for his dearest friend, Yoochun could see it in his eyes every moment they were together and even when they weren’t. There was a bond between Junsu and Jaejoong that couldn’t be easily defined. It was an enigmatic mix of friendship, loyalty, brotherhood, love, attraction, pity, care, worry, and trust that seemed unparalleled to any bond he had ever seen between two friends. He knew that no matter how much they loved each other on some deeper plane of meaning, they would never be more than what they were now. Their world was chaotic enough. Complicating their lives together, even further than it already was, would be their downfall. They were far beyond just brothers and friends, they were an everlasting family and that’s how they wanted it. No matter what the world threw at them, they would always protect one another without fail.

But now, the bond they shared had begun to fade. Not because of a change of heart, or of jealousy, but because of that fateful injury. The small sliver of hope that Junsu had held deep in his heart for years had instantly faded away, the moment Jaejoong stepped in front of Junjin, and Yoochun could see Junsu’s realization with every tear he now shed.

 Junsu had finally realized that the bond he had with Jaejoong was nothing in comparison to the bond that Jaejoong now harbored for Yunho. Never once did Junsu ever feel that Jaejoong loved him enough to sacrifice his own life to save him. They loved each other, there was no doubt in that, but he knew that their love would only go so far. It was strong but flexible, however the love that Jaejoong had for Yunho was unyielding and unbreakable. Jaejoong had only known Yunho personally for less than a year, yet that sacrifice came to him without even flinching for a moment and Junsu instantly knew that the love between Yunho and Jaejoong was something truly precious -even if its existence pained a small piece of his own heart.

He had always known that Jaejoong loved him but he never once believed that little voice in the back of his head that constantly whispered the possibilities of something more. He knew that it was a line that Jaejoong would never be able to cross. It was a line drawn in the sand, not by Jaejoong, but by Junsu himself. He knew, since the very beginning, that Jaejoong would never have any romantic feelings for him –after all, their personalities, likes and dislikes, and views on life were so different from one another that it truly made no sense why they were even so close to begin with. But, he knew that the bond they shared was something very unique.  Wanting to protect it, he decided many years ago to never cross that line. Instead, he dedicated his life to taking care of Jaejoong and making him happy any way he possibly could. That’s why he originally introduced Jaejoong to Yunho. He knew that Yunho could one day become Jaejoong’s true happiness.

Even though a small part of him was still regretting that decision, the rest of his heart and mind knew that it was the best thing he could have ever done for the person who meant more than the world to him.

As Junsu’s cries continued to echo in the lonesome abyss of the empty hallway, Yoochun sighed deeply and worried for Junsu’s sanity. He had never, ever, seen Junsu in such as state and it frightened him. Yoochun knew how hard this was on Junsu, how his heart ached and his mind tormented him, and he knew that he needed to do something soon or Junsu would have a complete nervous breakdown.

“Su…” thought Yoochun.

The pain echoing across Junsu’s face, had become too tormenting for even Yoochun to watch.

Yoochun could never admit it openly but he felt a kinship with Junsu unlike anyone he had ever known. They had grown up the same way, suffered the same losses and wins, believed in the same ideals, and enjoyed many of the same things in life. Many joked that they seemed to be doppelgangers of one another, or even soul mates, because their alikeness was so uncanny. It was weird. The first time they met three years ago, Yoochun had barely looked at Junsu and took him for nothing but a flash-in-the-pants playboy type with no real depth to his personality. But over the years of knowing him and still keeping in contact with him, even when Yunho and Junsu weren’t speaking to one another, Yoochun had realize that there was something very special about Junsu. He had become a special person to Yoochun without even trying. He had a heart unlike any man he had ever known and always went out of his way to make people happy –even at the cost of his own happiness. An honest, hardworking, and caring personality that wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice his time or profits to make sure that someone found their own happiness in life, was very rare in their line of work and even more so in the world.

For a long while, Yoochun even had a glimmering thought that perhaps he was infatuated with Junsu somehow, even thought he was absolutely not attracted to him physically. In his heart he felt at ease around Junsu but the rest of him was always nervous and reserved when in his presence. It was like he was comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. He didn’t complain though. He knew that whatever he was feeling for Junsu was just a manifestation of his latent need to have a connection to another person other than Yunho. Yoochun had grown up with very little friends in his life, just like Yunho, and Junsu’s uncanny ability to dissolve the haze of mistrust that they both had carried most of their lives was astonishing. Junsu had not only become their rock during the hard times and their shelter in the storm, but he had also became their heart, teaching them both how to treat others in the process. That’s why Junsu’s current state was plaguing Yoochun’s heart and mind so painfully. To see someone who was always cheerful and loving, be so lost in so much pain, gnawed at Yoochun’s heart and in a way made him feel guilty even though none of this was his fault. He needed to do something. He needed to reassure him somehow. He needed to give him hope, just as he had done for Yoochun so many times before.  He had to pull Junsu out of his misery before the caring man he had always adored disappeared forever behind a mask of sorrow.

 “Su…” ventured Yoochun softly, as he closed the gap between them and dropped his hand on Junsu’s shoulder “…you have to calm down love.”

“I can’t.” cried out Junsu “I…just…can’t.”

“Jae…” gasped Junsu sporadically as he bordered on hyperventilation “He…could…die…”

“He won’t.” comforted Yoochun as he kneeled down in front of the heaping mess that was once known as the most well composed man in Korea and gently ran his hand through Junsu’s hair “Jae won’t leave you. He won’t leave me.”

“And he, most certainly, won’t leave Yunho.” he added as he glanced up a Yunho’s frozen form and frowned painfully.

Yunho, frozen in fear, sat on a nearby bench with his bloodstained hands laced together in front of him and his head bowed –trembling uncontrollably. With no discernible expression of any kind on his face, nor even a whimper of distress passing through his lips, Yunho stared down at the floor completely oblivious to anything around him save for the image of Jaejoong’s dimming smile in those last few seconds.

“Don’t fall apart love.” smiled Yoochun with a coy smirk “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“You have to keep it together.” scolded Yoochun lovingly as he rubbed his thumb across Junsu’s ear and looked deeply into the man’s pain filled eyes “For Jae’s sake as well as ours. Ok?”

“I don’t think, I can.” cried Junsu as he immediately broke eye contact, buried his head in Yoochun’s chest and continued to sob.

Wrapping his arms around Junsu, and running his hands back through the trembling man’s hair, Yoochun sighed deeply and hugged him carefully.

“He will be alright. I promise.” whispered Yoochun supportively as he dropped his chin on top of Junsu’s head and hugged him a little tighter.

“Trust me…” whispered Yoochun lovingly as he closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

Moments later, Yoochun and Junsu were both pulled out of their sorrow by the fast approaching, clattering sound of high heels echoing in the hallway. Looking up just as the sound stopped, Yoochun and Junsu’s eyes landed on the petrified face of Eun Mi as she glared down at the unwashed, unchanged, blood splattered body of Yunho.

“It’s…true…” stuttered Eun Mi.

“Jae…he’s…” she sputtered before she suddenly collapsed on the floor in front of Yunho and started to shake uncontrollably –eyes never unlocking from the sight of Yunho’s bloodstained hands. She had hoped it was all a lie and Jaejoong wasn’t hurt, but as she took in more and more of Yunho’s paled and lifeless face, all her hopes instantly vanished.

Hesitantly reaching out her trembling hand, Eun Mi softly gripped Yunho’s interlaced hands and squeezed gently.

“I’m so sorry Yunho.” cried Eun Mi painfully as she dropped her head in shame.

She knew what this moment was doing to Yunho –the chaos churning inside him because of the unknown. The fear that enveloped his mind and the worry that consumed his heart was subtly written all over his face.

Junsu and Yoochun watched their interaction with baited breath. Yunho hadn’t spoken a word since the medical team loaded Jaejoong into the ambulance. So, to stem any tide of a possible breakdown from their enigmatic singer, they had chosen to not even speak to him –hoping that he would somehow find away to cope with this situation without completely losing it. He had been holding up fine for the last hour, barely speaking and lost in his own thoughts. Yoochun had honestly thought that Yunho was taking this whole ordeal better than he could have imagined but a part of him knew that looks can, and usually are, very deceiving. He knew it was coming. He knew Yunho would blow a fuse eventually but he had secretly hoped that with Eun Mi now here, she would be able to keep him calm enough to stop the oncoming emotional breakdown.

The second Eun Mi opened to speak again, their hopes for a cool, calm, and collected Yunho, instantly vanished.

“He will be alright.” comforted Eun Mi as he squeezed his hand gently once more and tried to summon up her own courage “He’ll never leave you.”

As she uttered those words, Yunho suddenly snatched his hands away from her grip and erupted into uncontrollable and heart wrenching sobs. Burying his face in his hands, Yunho let the torrent of emotions, that he had been keeping at bay for the last hour, stream unheeded down his face with no concerned for how his behavior would affect those around him. Keeping up appearances, as an artist, had always been a precursor to every thought and action he had ever taken but right now, none of that mattered. Jaejoong, the love of his life, was dying. He was lying on that cold, sterile operating table as his life was slowly draining away –one drop of blood at a time.

“Yunnie…” whispered Junsu softly as he scrambled up from the floor and came to Yunho’s side “It’s ok. Jae will be ok.”

“You have to hope. You have to have faith.” added Yoochun lovingly as he sat down beside Yunho and hugged him around the shoulders “He will be ok.”

“This…is…all…my…fault.” gasped Yunho sporadically as he tried to stem his overflowing emotions and panicked beyond all reason “If…I…had never…”

“Don’t say that!” interrupted Eun Mi “This is not your fault. All you have ever done is love Jae. You have been the best thing that has ever happened to him. This isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is.” replied Yunho “If I hadn’t been here in the first place, Jae would have never been there.”

“He came to find me because he wanted to protect me from Junjin.” sobbed Yunho “And, because of me, he might die.”

“How can this not be my fault?” cried Yunho as his face contorted in pain and he clutched Yoochun’s arm “He’ll die… because of me… because I was greedy…because I loved him…”

“Stop it!” growled Yoochun as his anger suddenly flickered “This is not your fault. It’s Junjin’s. Jae loves you so much. He wouldn’t want you blaming yourself for his choice. He chose to protect you and Jae’s love is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“You’re doing a disservice to Jae’s love for you by thinking that way.” he added coldly.

 “Junjin…I will kill that son of , I swear it!” fumed Yoochun softly as he breathed out slowly while hot tears continued to stream down his face.

“I will kill him. I WILL kill him!” he reiterated with a knowing nod before burying his face in his hands once more and rubbing harshly.

“Let’s not talk about him…” sighed Junsu as he leaned his head against Yunho’s shoulder and winced painfully “He will get what’s coming to him. I promise.”

“Su is right.” nodded Yoochun softly “Right now, Jaejoong needs us to think happy thoughts. If we get riddled down in sorrow, we will only hurt Jaejoong more.”

“Right…We have to think positively and positive things will happen.” smiled Eun Mi as a tear streamed down her cheek.

For a second time, the four friends were pulled out of their sorrow by the clattering sound of quickly-approaching footsteps. Looking up, Yunho eyes suddenly flashed red as his eyes landed on Jiyoung’s horrified and concerned face.

“You son of a !” exploded Yunho as he pulled away from Yoochun’s comforting arms, shrugged off Junsu, and lunged at Jiyoung with all the fury of hell before anyone else could react. Hitting Jiyoung in the jaw as hard as he could, Yunho was bound and determined to kill Jiyoung in that moment as the sight of Jaejoong’s fading eyes flickered in his memory. As his first punch hit, Yunho grabbed Jiyoung by his jacket and steadied him so he couldn’t fall, and then hit him in the face again and again. Slipping out of Yunho’s clenched grip on his shirt, Jiyoung collapsed to the floor and immediately covered his face with his arms as Yunho towered over him and continued to wail on him with all the rage within him.

“Please stop!” begged Jiyoung between the gasps of air, screams of pain, and the splattering of blood “Mercy!”

“Mercy?” questioned Yunho in a fit of rage as the many stories of Jiyoung and Junjin’s torment of Jaejoong echoed through his mind and he continued to land calculated hit after hit on the monster in front of him “Where was your mercy when Jaejoong begged you to stop beating him…stop torturing him…stop him? Where the was your mercy then? …You bastard!”

Momentarily surprised, that Yunho knew something that intimate about Jaejoong, Jiyoung pulled his arms from his face for a second and glared at Yunho.

“I WILL ING KILL YOU!” screamed Yunho as he reared back and punched Jiyoung the second he let his guard down.

“Stop it Yunnie!” screamed Junsu as he grabbed Yunho around the waist and pulled “You’ll kill him!”

“Damn right I will!” fired back Yunho, raging beyond belief “This bastard deserves to die!”

“Yunho!” yelled Yoochun as he grabbed Yunho right arm and pulled “You can’t do this! He’s not worth it!”

“Jae is worth this!” growled Yunho as he pulled his arm free and landed another punch on Jiyoung’s face.

“Jae wouldn’t want this!” screamed Eun Mi from the top of her lungs as she began to panic and grabbed Yunho’s other arm “He would never want you to go to prison because of him! Please Yunho! Stop!”

“Get your ing hands off me!” spat Yunho as he glared at Eun Mi with a hate for her that shot right through her heart “Or you will get the same, you ing !”

“Yunnie!” yelled Junsu shocked as he witness the fury spat in Eun Mi’s direction “What the hell?”

“That’s it!” yelled Yoochun as his own frazzled emotions and anger suddenly took over.

“Enough!” snapped Yoochun as he grabbed Yunho harshly, spun him around, snatched him up by the throat and pushed him back against the wall as hard as he could “Yunho! ENOUGH!”

“Let me go!” screamed Yunho as he struggled against Yoochun’s grip “That bastard has to die for Jae to be safe! He has to die!”

“Not by your hands!” fired back Yoochun as he tightened his grip and tried to get Yunho to submit “Do you understand me? NOT…BY…YOUR…HANDS!”

“Yunnie…” begged Junsu “…please stop!”

“Damn it Yoochun! Let me go!” growled Yunho angrily as Yoochun tightened his grip a little more “You know what that bastard did! You know what he put Jae through! How can you do this to me?”

“I’m not doing this to you! I’m doing this for you!” fired back Yoochun “I won’t let you go down this road! Not now, not ever!”

“Now stop fighting back!” threatened Yoochun “Or I will choke the life out of you. Do you understand?”

Junsu just stared at Yoochun’s face for a moment. He couldn’t believe that one of his closest friends was being so threatening, so violent. It was completely unlike him and it scared Junsu to death.

As Yoochun kept his grip on Yunho’s slowly submitting, yet defiant form, Eun Mi clamored to her brother’s side and tried to help him up. Junsu, confused by Eun Mi’s actions for only a mere second, offered his hand to the battered and bleeding man. Pulling Jiyoung off the floor, Eun Mi looked up at her brother with a quiet rage and concern muting her face.

“Why…” she squeaked “Why are you here?”

Jiyoung flashed her a heartbreaking look and she immediately knew the answer. Jiyoung had never stopped loving Jaejoong and he was just as frightened and worried for him as the rest of them. Till this day, Eun Mi had never doubted that the raw, uncontrollable feelings of love he and Junjin carried for Jaejoong weren’t real. No matter how misplaced their affections were, their hearts still felt what they felt.

Jiyoung closed his eyes painfully and rubbed his forehead regretfully. He deserved Yunho’s wrath, he knew that, but no amount of physical pain that Yunho could inflict on his body was more torturous than the emotional pain that was wracking his heart and mind at that very moment.

“I tried to protect them.” uttered Jiyoung softly “But I failed.”

“Protect…them?” questioned Junsu softly as his eyes suddenly widened in surprise.

At that moment, everything suddenly became clear to Junsu as he looked up at Jiyoung with an understanding gaze.

“So, that’s why Jaejoong disappeared.” acknowledged Junsu.

“He was trying to protect Yunho.” sighed Junsu as he glanced up at Yunho, who had suddenly stopped struggling against Yoochun’s grip and stared at Jiyoung as they continued to talk.

Jiyoung nodded in agreement as he reached up and wiped the blood away from his lip with the back of his hand.

“He knew…” ventured Jiyoung “that if Junjin ever found out about his emotional connection with Yunho, he would go after him. He knew with his obsessive personality, he would see Yunho as a threat.”

“So…” he continued “Jae went into hiding while…I tried to deal with Junjin –before he found out.”

“I promised him…” sighed Jiyoung as he grimaced in pain “that I would take care of Junjin before he could do anything to hurt Jae or Yunho. As a way to earn his forgiveness, I would see to it that his future would be free of Junjin’s constant threat forever.”

“But, I failed.” sighed Jiyoung “After I sent Jaejoong away, Junjin had a meltdown. He felt betrayed by me but more so by Jaejoong. He was so irate that two days after I sent Jaejoong into hiding, Junjin vanished. I did everything I could think of to find him. My security team was tracking him, trying to locate his whereabouts. I had my bodyguards and hired henchmen combing the streets and following every possible lead they could find. I even had personnel watching Jaejoong constantly –ready to intervene if Junjin made an appearance.”

“But you said you didn’t know where he was…” angrily whispered Eun Mi under her breath.

“And truthfully…” he continued as he glanced up at Yunho’s irate face and pointed at him “I had you followed as well.”

“What?” questioned Yunho furiously.

“In fact, all of you were being tailed.” he concluded as he looked into the faces of Junsu, Yoochun, and Eun Mi “But, he never appeared before any of you.”

“He had literally dropped off the face of the planet until earlier today when he used a credit card to buy a train ticket to Pusan.” sighed Jiyoung.

“When I got the call that Junjin was headed for Pusan, I immediately called Jaejoong to warn him.” added Jiyoung with deep sigh “And when he found out that Yunho was in Pusan too… well…”

“Damn you Jae.” sighed Junsu frustratingly as he reached up and ran his hand through his hair “You came here knowing what would happen…and you came anyway.”

“None of this would have ever happened if you two bastards would have just left Jaejoong alone in the first place!” growled Yunho, as he snapped again and tried to wring Yoochun’s hand from his throat “The only way for Jae to be safe is for both of you to disappear forever!”

“Let me go!” protested Yunho as he glared at Yoochun “You have to let me protect Jae. Let me go NOW!”

“You better go!” threatened Yoochun viciously as he flashed Jiyoung a hateful look and tried to keep Yunho back “I don’t think I can hold him much longer, nor do I even feel like I should at this point. Leave now before I lose all self control and let him loose willingly.”

“Go.” reiterated Eun Mi as she reached up and pushed on Jiyoung’s chest, knowing exactly what Yoochun was thinking at that very moment “Just go!”

Jiyoung instantly conceded to their demands and backed away with an understanding nod. He flashed a quick apologetic look at his sister before turning on his heels and walking away quickly. As Jiyoung disappeared around a corner, Yoochun slowly released his grip on Yunho.

“I’ll let you go…” warned Yoochun “But you better stay put. Jae is more important that revenge. If you even think about going after that bastard…I will break your legs.”

“Do we understand one another?” threatened Yoochun with a low growl.

“Alright.” conceded Yunho with a hesitantly irritated nod and sigh.

Junsu immediately pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and dialed the front desk.

“There is a battered and bleeding man in a grey suit that will be coming through the lobby in a few minutes, have security detain him immediately and contact the police. He is a suspected accessory to an attempted murder.” he ordered sternly.

“Yes sir.” answered the desk clerk.

“What are you doing?” questioned Eun Mi “Jiyoung didn’t do this.”

“I know.” sighed Junsu as he hung up the phone “But if the police can’t catch Junjin, he’s their best lead to finding him.”

Even though the thought of her terminally ill brother rotting away in jail for something he hadn’t done tore at her heart, Eun Mi conceded to Junsu’s logic. He was right. If they couldn’t find Junjin, Jiyoung would be the only one that would be able to. She hoped that it wouldn’t come to that though. She knew that look in Jiyoung’s eyes. She knew that if Jiyoung found him first, after seeing what his actions had done to Jaejoong and his new family, he would surely kill his only brother with his own hands. She didn’t want that. As much as she hated her brothers for what they had done to Jaejoong over the years, she didn’t want to live with the guilt knowing that they had such a horrific fate between them.

Collapsing to the floor, Yunho flexed his throbbing and bleeding hand and contemplated going after Jiyoung himself. Right now the only thing he wanted more than beating Jiyoung to death was news about Jaejoong’s condition. It had been almost two hours since they took him to the operating room and still no word. The wait was killing him. The guilt was killing him. And the unknown was tormenting every single one of his thoughts. All he could think about was Jaejoong. All he could see was Jaejoong’s pain-filled smile and all he could hear was Jaejoong’s ominous plea of forgiveness.

Yunho leaned back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling, and tried to stem the tide of anger swelling in side him –while Yoochun continued to hover around him, ready to interfere if Yunho made a go for Jiyoung again. As his rational and calm mind began to flicker through the darkness of his chaotic and furious mind, Yunho sighed deeply and thought about Jaejoong’s final words to him once more.

“Please…for…give…me.”

“What did he want to be forgiven for?” thought Yunho as he replayed those final moments in his head for the millionth time.

Yunho couldn’t for the life of him understand what Jaejoong had felt sorry for or what he thought he needed forgiveness for. He had never done anything to hurt his feelings. It had always been Yunho that took Jaejoong for granted. He was the one who ignored his own feelings and made Jaejoong misunderstand him. He was the one who kept the truth from him. He was the one who abandoned him in the first place. He was the one who, in the end, failed to protect him. How in the world did Jaejoong ever feel like it was all his fault? When in truth, it had always been Yunho’s?

Did Jaejoong somehow know that those final moments would be there last? Did he know that he would be leaving Yunho alone from that moment on? Did he ask for forgiveness knowing how Yunho would suffer when he disappeared from their world? Did he feel at peace at what he had done for Yunho?

“Why did he look so happy in that moment?” thought Yunho as his tears began to fall once more.

As these unanswered questioned spun chaotically through his mind, Yunho pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in his hands. Convinced that Yunho would not attempt going after Jiyoung, Yoochun resumed his spot on the nearby bench and shook his head as Junsu sat down beside him and cleared his throat –trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill forth again. Yoochun reached over and patted Junsu’s knee gently then gave it a loving squeeze as he try to reassure his frazzled friend.

“Just breathe.” whispered Yoochun lovingly.

“I’m trying.” sighed Junsu slowly.

As time continued to tick eerily by and no word came from the doctors, the four friend’s anxiety continued to mount. While hospital staff tried to comfort them by saying that no news was good news, they didn’t realize that their comforting words were having the opposite effect. By hour three of Jaejoong’s surgery, Junsu was so emotionally exhausted that -after taking a seat next to Yoochun on the bench, he dropped his head into Yoochun’s lap and passed out. Yoochun, running his fingers through Junsu’s hair, just sighed deeply and wished that they would hear something soon as he continued to watch Eun Mi pacing back and forth –lost in thought. As stressed out as he, Eun Min, and Junsu were, Yoochun knew that Yunho was hurting more than anyone.

After the fight with Jiyoung, Yunho hadn’t said a word and was still sitting on the floor where he had left him, head resting on his knees and staring at those ominous glass doors. As hospital staff intermittently entered and exited through those doors, Yunho’s hopes would soar and immediately crash as disappointment would hit him again.

“What’s going on?” thought Yunho as he closed his eyes and tired to fight back the tears in his eyes “What’s taking so long?”

“Excuse me?” piped up an unfamiliar male voice a few minutes later “Are you Kim Jaejoong’s family?”

Yunho’s eyes immediately snapped open to see a middle aged man, dressed in baby blue operating scrubs, looking down at him. Scrambling to his feet, the moment Yoochun nudged Junsu awake and stood up; Yunho looked at the doctor with a frightened look.

“Yeah we are.” answered Yoochun “How is he? Is he ok?”

“He…” started the doctor as he dropped his head a little “He’s in recovery. It was hit and miss for a little while but the prognosis, for now, is good.”

“The knife wound was very deep…” he continued “Puncturing his right lung, severing two major blood vessels, lacerating the outer wall of his heart.”

“Dear God.” whispered Yunho as he suddenly began to feel faint and wavered. Yoochun immediately grabbed him by the arm and steadied him.

“Yunnie…keep it together.” whispered Yoochun lovingly.

“His lung collapsed immediately…” continued the doctor as Yunho refocused on his face “hence why he passed out at the scene. Due to the massive amount of blood loss, the stress on his heart was exacerbated and at one point we had to call for a crash cart.”

“Crash cart?” questioned Junsu “Are you saying his heart stopped?”

The doctor nodded hesitantly.

“We had some very intense moments for a few minutes but we were able to restart his heart without major complications.” informed the doctor “Once his blood pressure and respiratory rate normalized, we were able to continue with the surgery. We’ve re-inflated his lung, repaired the damaged blood vessels, and sutured the laceration on his heart.”

“However…” said the doctor ominously “those injuries sustained are not our greatest concern.”

“What do you mean?” questioned Yoochun.

“Besides the massive amounts of blood lost, and the momentary oxygen deprivation his body underwent, it was the angle of knife’s entry that was more precarious. There is possibility that he may have suffered a more permanent, life long, injury because of this incident.” sighed the doctor

“Permanent?” panicked Yunho as he closed his eyes and tried to breathe.

“What is it doctor?” questioned Junsu as he looked at the man’s hesitant face.

“The blade may or may not have come in contact with the T3 spinal nerve.” winced the doctor painfully  “Upon visual inspection, the nerve looked intact but when it comes to major nerves of the body, even the slightest trauma can have a disastrous effect.”

“So what are you trying to say?” panicked Junsu as his heart instantly dropped “Are you saying he will be paralyzed?”

“At this point in time we can’t be one hundred percent sure but the possibility of partial paralysis is there.” said the doctor somberly “So you may want to prepare yourself just in case.”

“Dear God.” cried Yunho as he instantly collapsed to the floor.

“Yunnie!” sniffled Junsu as he ran to Yunho’s side and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“Paralyzed…” whispered Yunho in disbelief “Please no…”

“Where is he now?” questioned Eun Mi as she finally found her voice.

“He’s currently in recovery. Once the anesthetic wears off and we are sure he is stable, we will transfer him to a secured private room upstairs.” informed the doctor.

“Secured?” questioned Eun Mi.

“With the nature of and circumstances from which his injuries were sustained, the director of the hospital has ordered that Mr. Kim be kept under guard while he recovers.” said the doctor “It’s in the hospital’s best interest to keep Mr. Kim as safe as possible due to current media situation.”

“We understand.” nodded Yoochun.

“Mr. Kim Junsu?” probed the doctor after a moment of silence passed between them all “Since you are the patient’s legal guardian, there is something I would like to discuss with you in private.”

“You can just say it here.” replied Junsu as he rubbed Yunho's back reassuringly “We’re all family here.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible.” said the doctor flatly “Hospital policy dictates that I talk to you privately.”

“Very well.” said Junsu as he nodded at Yunho and followed the doctor down the hall.

Stepping into a nearby empty room, the doctor closed the door and sighed regretfully.

“Is there something wrong?” questioned Junsu worriedly.

“Possibly…” replied the doctor “There is something I need to ask you.”

“…and give you.” he added softly.

“What is it?” questioned Junsu.

“I don’t know how to say this delicately so I will just ask it bluntly.” said the doctor “Does Mr. Kim have a history of mental illness?”

“I beg your pardon?” questioned Junsu surprised.

“Has Mr. Kim suffered from things like panic attacks, mental breakdowns, or seizures?” clarified the doctor.

Junsu sighed heavily, knowing where this conversation was headed.

“It’s imperative that you are truthful with me on this Mr. Kim. The patient’s health and well being could be at risk without this information.” advised the doctor.

“At risk?’ questioned Junsu confusedly “What do you mean?”

“As you may be aware…” started the doctor “Hospital policy dictates that patients suffering from any form of mental illness must be handled differently than our regular patients.”

“Differently?” scowled Junsu as he looked up at the doctor with a sudden desire to punch the man.

“If Mr. Kim suffers from mental illness, he will be put under stricter guard to prevent any harm from befalling him or the staff.” said the doctor bluntly “You need to tell me if we need to make those arrangements now.”

“Guard?” questioned Junsu “Meaning what? You will restrain him, or something?”

The doctor nodded carefully “If necessary, yes.”

Junsu stayed silent for a few minutes, thinking about what the doctor had said and before he would agree to anything or divulge any information about Jaejoong’s past to the man, he needed to know why the doctor was asking all of this in the first place.

“Did something happen you’re not telling me about?” questioned Junsu irritably.

“There was an incident during pre-op preparation.” informed the doctor.

“What happened?” sighed Junsu.

“When Mr. Kim arrived at the hospital he was unconscious due to the lack of oxygen in his system. We began prepping Mr. Kim for surgery; administering medications to slow his bleeding, giving him a blood transfusion, and oxygen help him breathe. After his breathing and vitals stabilized in a range suitable for surgery, we continued to prep him and put him under general sedation to ease our ability to administer the anesthesia.” started the doctor “While the sedative was taking affect, Mr. Kim woke up and had, what I can only describe as, a major panic attack. He was gasping for air, mumbling someone’s name, flailing around, and digging at his chest and neck.”

“That behavior is something I’ve never in a patient under sedation before.” sighed the doctor “He was unresponsive to our audible instructions and refused stay still even though his flailing could potentially worsen his injuries. We tried to immobilize him but he was much stronger than we expected.”

 “He was flailing around so bad that at one point, unbeknownst to Mr. Kim, he inadvertently hit one of the OR nurses in the face –breaking her nose in the process.” informed the doctor.

“Jesus.” whispered Junsu softly.

“One of our other OR nurses, Nurse Choi, surmised that Mr. Kim seem to be suffering from some sort of stress disorder or possible panic induced seizure.” he continued “Nurse Choi then noticed moments later that Mr. Kim seemed to be grasping for something that was missing. She has been trained to deal with patients with mental illness and had worked at a mental institution in the US for almost ten years before coming back to Korea. With her experience and training, she deduced that whatever Mr. Kim was grasping for could possibly be his coping mechanism. She glanced down at Mr. Kim’s neck and noticed a necklace that had inadvertently fallen down around his neck and was lying on the operating table. The moment she handed it to him, he immediately calmed down and the moment the sedative took full affect, he passed out.”

“Once he was completely under anesthesia, we removed it so we could perform the surgery.” noted the doctor.

“Under normal circumstances, we take all of the patient’s personal effects and put them away for safe keeping until they recover from surgery.” sighed the doctor.

 “But after witnessing Mr. Kim reaction under sedation, and receiving a stern lecture from Nurse Choi, I got the impression that his necklace was something quite precious to him.” said the doctor as he reached into his pocket.

“I thought it would be best to give it to his guardian instead of putting it in storage. Something tells me that when Mr. Kim wakes up, he’ll be looking for it.” added the doctor as he reached out and placed it in Junsu’s hand.

“As long as he has it…” sighed Junsu knowingly as he clutched it tightly in his hand “You won’t have any problems, I assure you.”

“Are you sure we don’t need to take extra precautions?” probed the doctor once more “If we need to, you need to tell me now.”

“You won’t.” smiled Junsu as he opened his hand and thumbed the dark red stones on the necklace’s pendant “I promise.”

“Jaejoong’s condition stems from an incident in his past. He has PTSD and this necklace is like a warm blanket for him.” informed Junsu “As long as he has this close to him, he is completely lucid and normal.”

“There won’t be any need for concern.” added Junsu with a smile “I assure you.”

 “Very well.” answered the doctor with a nod as he conceded to Junsu’s reassurance, excused himself, and walked out of the room.

Junsu looked down as his hand and scoffed in disbelief.

“Damn it Jae…” sighed Junsu disapprovingly as a memory flashed across his mind “I thought you let this go.”

[Flashback]

“Something’s wrong.” informed Junsu “He’s shaking and shivering like he’s freezing but his running a high fever.”

“His color doesn’t look good either.” added Yoochun “Maybe we should call a doctor.”

“We need Doctor Jeon.” replied Yunho as he glanced up at Yoochun.

“But he’s all the way in Seoul.” argued Junsu as he wrapped Jaejoong in another towel.

“Actually…” started Yunho.

“Right!” said Yoochun as he snapped his fingers together “We ran into him this morning didn’t we Yunnie? He’s staying at the resort with his wife for the week.”

“Come on.” ordered Yoochun.

“Su, look after Jae. We’ll be back.” said Yunho sternly before he ran out of the room, down the hallway and out the front door as fast as he could, with Yoochun close behind him.

Junsu ran his hand gently down the trembling and pale face of Jaejoong and tried to fight off his sense of worry and panic. Running his hands down to Jaejoong’s shoulders and rubbing gently, Junsu smiled and tried to warm him. As Jaejoong continued to shake, Junsu knew he had to get him out of those wet clothes as soon as possible to ward off any latent sickness. Running his hands down Jaejoong’s chest to the hem of his shirt, Junsu began to pull on the fabric when Jaejoong suddenly grabbed his hand and shook his head.

“No…” squeaked out Jaejoong through chattering teeth.

“You’re freezing. I have to get you out of these clothes and dry.” smiled Junsu as he grabbed Jaejoong’s hand and pulled it away.

“You have to trust me Jae. This has to be done.” he reiterated as he slowly started pulling Jaejoong’s shirt over his head.

As the soaking wet fabric slid over his chin, Jaejoong reached up and clutched his chest in that ever familiar spot and hunched over the second the shirt was completely pulled away. Unaware of Jaejoong’s instantaneous reaction, Junsu reached down and grabbed the hem of Jaejoong’s shorts and pulled them away quickly before grabbing the discarded towel from the floor and wrapped it around Jaejoong waist tightly. Stepping away, Junsu ran into the bathroom and grabbed three more towels and then dug through the dresser next to the bathroom door and grabbed some warm dry clothes. Coming back to Jaejoong’s side, Junsu looked down and finally noticed that he was still hunched over –clutching his chest.

“Does your chest hurt?” questioned Junsu worriedly.

Jaejoong said nothing.

“Jae?” questioned Junsu as he reached out, cupped Jaejoong’s chin, and lifted his eyes.

The look on Jaejoong’s face tore through him like chaotic lightening flickering across a stormy sky. He didn’t look as if he was in pain, nor did he look like he was scared. He looked as if he was lost, like he didn’t know where he was or who was looking at him in that moment. He wasn’t the loving Jaejoong whose eyes always flickered with joy when they glanced his way. He looked heartbroken.

Wrapping a large white towel around Jaejoong’s shoulders, Junsu rubbed gently and tried to dry away the cold droplets of pool water that were stubbornly clinging to his best friends translucently pale skin. Jaejoong slowly reached out with his unoccupied hand and clutched Junsu shirt and pulled him close –clamoring for warmth. Sighing deeply, Junsu continued to rub Jaejoong’s body with the towel. As he rubbed the top of Jaejoong’s shoulders, his hand slipped over the edge of the towel onto the back of Jaejoong’s neck and his long slender fingers came in contact with something foreign. Without even thinking, Junsu clutched the thin object between his fingers and pulled gently only to feel it go taught in his hand before being snatched out from his grip. Pushing Jaejoong back away from his chest, Junsu looked down at Jaejoong’s chest and finally noticed that he was clutching the bottom of a thin gold necklace draped around his neck.

“Oh?” questioned Junsu in surprise as he reached out with his hand and tried to touch it “What’s that?”

“Don’t.” shuddered Jaejoong as he pulled his hand away from Junsu’s reach –still clutching the necklace.

“Jae?” questioned Junsu softly “Are you still hiding things from me after all these years?”

“Se…cret.” whispered Jaejoong softly.

“I will keep it.” nodded Junsu as he reached out and clutched Jaejoong’s clenched hand “Let me see.”

“Promise?” whispered Jaejoong.

Junsu nodded softly as Jaejoong slowly opened his hand “I promise.”

Some hours later, among the beeping and chiming of several different vital monitors, the four friends hovered quietly around Jaejoong’s unconscious form and watched him breathe in and out slowly with the help of an oxygen mask. Yoochun had taken up a standing spot near the end of Jaejoong’s bed while Junsu and Eun Mi sat diligently on the nearby couch and Yunho kept a strong vigil sitting beside Jaejoong on the bed, caressing his lifeless hand lovingly. Sighing deeply, Yoochun ran his fingers through his hair and looked at Jaejoong’s unconscious face and wondered when he would wake up. That’s all the four of them wanted right now, to see his eyes open and to see that smile, but as the hours slowly ticked by all their hopes and wishes went unanswered.

“Yunho…” ventured Yoochun, as he watched Yunho fight his fatigue -with every bob of his head “You haven’t slept since yesterday. You need to get some rest. Go home. We’ll watch after Jae.”

“No.” answered Yunho adamantly as he shook his head and tried to chase away his tiredness “I’m not leaving him.”

“You three go home.” he added coldly “And get some sleep.”

“But Yunho…” protested Junsu as he glared at his friend disappointingly “You need sleep more than us.”

“I will be fine here.” sighed Yunho with a wave “I won’t leave him, so you all should just go.”

“Are you sure?” questioned Eun Mi sleepily.

“Yeah, just go.”  nodded Yunho without taking his eyes away from Jaejoong.

“Come on.” said Junsu as he stood up and tugged on Eun Mi’s arm “There’s no sense in trying to talk him when he’s like this. He won’t listen to us anyway.”

“You coming Yoochun?” probed Junsu.

“Later.” answered Yoochun with a nod.

As Junsu and Eun Mi walked out and shut the door behind them, Yoochun walked around the bed and stood behind Yunho. Dropping his hands down on Yunho’s shoulders, he massaged them gently with a forced smile.

“Yunnie…” sighed Yoochun after a few minutes of silence “Promise me something…”

“Hmmm?” questioned Yunho as he continued to Jaejoong’s hand lovingly.

“Promise me that no matter what happens…” sniffled Yoochun “You will never forget the gifts Jaejoong has given you.”

“Gifts…” questioned Yunho softly as he looked over his shoulder at Yoochun’s face.

“You’re life…” smiled Yoochun “and his love.”

“There is no greater gift than a sacrifice for love.” grinned Yoochun knowingly “It’s a very precious thing.”

Yunho nodded softly as he tried to fight back the tears that threatened to spill forth.

“I won’t.” answered Yunho “I swear it.”

“Good.” smiled Yoochun with a happy sigh.

At that moment, the two friends were interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door. Scrambling to his feet, Yunho made his way to the door and opened it. Staring back at him was one of the two burly security guards that had been station outside Jaejoong’s room.

“What is it?” questioned Yunho.

“I’m sorry to disturb you Mr. Jung…” started the man “but the front desk just contacted me on our walkie-talkies.”

“And?” sighed Yunho irritably.

“There is a foreign woman downstairs in the lobby requesting to see you.” informed the security guard “She’s refusing to leave until she meets with you.”

“Foreign?” asked Yunho “Like American?”

“Yes sir…” nodded the man “Her name is… April...I think…”

“April?” questioned Yunho loudly in complete and utter shock “Why is she in Korea?”

“Yoochun…” said Yunho hurriedly as he glanced over his shoulder.

“Just go… I’ll stay with him.” interrupted Yoochun “It has to be important if she came all the way here from New York.”

Yunho instantly darted past the two security guards and took off down the hallway towards the elevators.

“April… what the hell… are you doing here…” thought Yunho as he reached the elevator doors and jumped in.


 

A/N: I want to apologize to all my lovely subscribers, and to the subscribers of my current beta "At Your Pleasure" by yunjae2013, for the lack of updating and editing. I came down with a head cold, almost two weeks ago, and it's evolved into the full-blown flu. Between bouts of coughing, weezing, sneezing, and sleeping, I managed to finally get this chapter squeaked out for you guys. As my head is still numb from the medication and sinus pressure, there is a high chance that this chapter will have severe grammatical mistakes. I hope that those of you who are my die-hard subscribers will grant me a small repreive this time. Until I recover from the flu, to where I can function somewhat normally, I wont be updating any fanfictions or doing my beta's on my regular schedule. I will however work on the update for TFP as much as I can and if Im lucky, and felling better, I should have the next update out by the end of next weekend. Thank you all for understanding and your support!