-flashback-

''Kim Heechul! What are you doing in front of this house again?''

''Shhhh. I thought I told you before; this is where my crush lives.''

Donghae grimaced but made no other comment.

''Don't make that face. I know you think stalking is wrong but I... I just can't help it.''

Donghae sighed.

''When you fall in love you'll understand.''

''Understand... what is there to understand Heechul-ah... love can't even be explained. From what I've seen it just brings a lot of pain.''

''Just because I stare at him whenever he's outside doesn't mean I'm in pain.''

''I've seen you cry countless of times because of him.''

''Love can hurt as much as it can heal.''

''Oh that's interesting. Maybe I should write a novel on the superpowers of love.''

''You're making fun of me.''

Donghae laughed.

''Maybe.''

''Meanie.''

''What's so good about him?''

''He's smart, charismatic, caring and... he his room is all orange.''

Donghae laughed again.

''Orange room eh? Now who could resist that?''

''No one can understand love just as you said oh-wise-Donghae.''

''Yah! Kim Heechul, don't make that face! I'll support you.''

''You're not doing a very good job at it.''

''Give me a break. You've fallen for a first year... and on top of that he's a guy. He might not even be gay.''

''I don't think love is a matter of genders... I'm not gay. Hell I'm not drawn by men. You in the least. You're cute but you know... too smart.''

''Yah!''

Donghae had slapped his best friend's shoulder then.

''Want to come study at my house tonight?''

''By tonight you mean have fun with the PS3 your uncle gave you? Then yes.''

They laughed together and then went to school. That would be the last meaningful conversation they ever would have....

-end of flashback-

Donghae woke up gasping for air. It had been a while since he'd dream of Heechul. It felt like it didn't need to because Heechul was stuck to his skin. Heechul was inside him. Donghae had no idea what form he'd taken, but 'it' was nothing else but Heechul. It was all making sense now. It made sense why he felt better the second he was within Hyukjae's presence he felt better. The thrill he felt when he saw him walking outside, no matter how irrational, was now understandable. Heechul's ghost... whatever he had become... that was in him, wanted them to be close. Wanted them to be together. Maybe Heechul was trying to get his chance at romance with Hyukjae. But... Donghae couldn't do that. He couldn't be used as a vessel. He had already forsaken so many things for Heechul, even now that he was dead. Avoiding meeting his friends and breaking all ties with them. Excluding himself from others and letting him possess him and leave his body as he pleased... he was already doing so much for him, for his dead friend.

Donghae scratched his head. Heechul was there now. He could feel him inside of him.

''What do you want now?''

There wasn't any answer. There never was.

''You've seen the inside of his house. You've seen his mother... what more do you want? I can't do anything more for you. I know what you're trying to do now.''

There was a pain in his heart and his headache returned.

''Why do you do this to me Heechul... it's been three years already. Get over it!''

He slammed his fist into the wall and his eyes fell on his cellphone, sitting on the bed table. Suddenly, it appeared in his hand.

''What do you want now?''

The phone dialed a number on its own.

''What? Who are you calling?''

Donghae only had one contact in his cellphone so he knew the answer to that question. He sighed. He'd bought the cellphone hoping it would calm Heechul a little and also because he wanted to be closer to Hyukjae... for Heechul's sake. Only now he wasn't sure what he wanted. Hell, he wasn't even sure of who he was anymore. Hyukjae said he looked like Heechul. Was he muting into his dead best friend?

''Hello?''

A sleepy voice answered from the other end of the line.

''Ah... Hyukjae-ah... I'm so sorry to call you.''

Hyukjae chuckled once.

''What are you saying? You make it sound like it wasn't your fault. I answered right? It's all good. What can I do for you?''

''Yesterday...''

''Are you okay? I thought you'd suddenly become sick. You were very pale.''

''No... I'm all right.''

''You don't sound well at all. What's going on?''

''Just had a nightmare.''

The words were out before he could stop them.

''A nightmare? What about?''

''My... late best friend.''

''Oh... Kim Heechul right? I'm sorry to have brought him up. I didn't know about you guys. I only found out last night when my mom said she used to see you walk by together every morning.''

''He was such a stalker...''

Again the words came out on their own. Donghae had never talked to anyone about Heechul besides his psychiatrist... and now there was nothing more he wanted than telling Hyukjae the whole story. But how could he? What if he didn't want Heechul to bother their friendship. Why did a shadow of love have to mess their friendship up?

''Yeah? He wasn't that bad. He was so shy.''

''Shy?! Heechul wasn't shy at all.''

''Unlike you!''

''I'm not shy. I'm just...''

Sad...lonely...

''It's all right Donghae. I wish I'd notice you back then. Maybe I could've helped with all of it.''

''No... I think it would've made things harder.

''What do you mean?''

''Oh um... not that I don't like you! I like you a lot! But... I don't know... Heechul might not have liked it!''

Hyukjae burst out laughing.

''Donghae you are not making any sense at all! You sound so cute on the phone too... how could Heechul not have liked it. You were his best friend and I was friends with him. Not close, but I talked to him once in a while.''

''Did he tell you boys gave him a hard time for keeping his hair long and looking so fair?''

''No he didn't...''

''You weren't close with him at all then.''

Hyukjae was fully awake by then.

''So... you really called me just to tell me you'd had a nightmare.''

''No... um, my cousin wants to meet you.''

''Your cousin wants to meet me. Okay. What do we do about that?''

''Stop teasing me...''

''But you're so incoherent, it's hilarious.''

Donghae growled.

''My cousin said if I managed to bring a friend to meet him he'd agree to cancel my appointments with the psychiatrist.''

''Oh that sounds like a bargain. Why not ask anyone else though?''

''I don't have other friends.''

''What about that cute girl always sitting next to you?''

''I don't want to bring a girl, I don't want him to tease me for the rest of my life. Which he probably will do anyways.''

There was a pause.

''What?''

Donghae asked, breaking the silence.

''Nothing it's just. I haven't heard you talk like this ever. It's nice. You should call me more often.''

He giggled.

''Just try to make it a bit later. It is 6:00 AM and it is Saturday morning.''

Donghae covered his mouth. Damn that Heechul.

''I'm so sorry!''

''Oh it's all right. I'm glad you called.''

''What? Why? I used to be so pissed when Heechul woke me up so early in the morning...''

''You miss him a lot don't you?''

''I just... can't forget about him.''

''Ok. But don't let him haunt you for the rest of your life. You look so unhappy...''

''You've been watching me uh?''

''I'm a stalker too. Just a bit more discreet.''

''Why me though?''

''I don't know Donghae-ah.. I watched you all these years and I always hoped I'd someday be able to be your friend.''

-----------------------------------------

Men cry okay? Yes they do. They're just not real showy about it and it should be that way too. Because men are supposed to be strong and girls are supposed to be tended to. Anyways, besides reflecting on the roles of men and women, I do hope you're having a busy day because I am not. I am so tired I can't even bring myself to study properly and I've settled for writing instead. Because writing doesn't require that much energy since the stories are already in my head... so yeah.

Saranghae!

Author-nim