Chapter 5

What is this feeling?

I pushed him away immediately, when i realized what he was doing, My eyes were so wide that they were the sige of an apple, I look at Zelo, He is making this face --> Then back at Jeremy 'WHAT THE HELL JERK?! What the was that??!' 'I just tought you didn't just know how much i Love you' 'WHAT? And that is how you show me?? Infront of everyone?' I slapped him as hard as i can. Everyone was looking at us. I felt Tears coming soon, I had to run away. I ran out of the school building and hid myself behind a sports storage. I think that was the longest time i have ever cried. 'Relationship with me and Zelo, complitely ruined!' I was thinking myself. It was starting to get cold, since i didn't bring my jacket with me. I didn't want to go get it from the schoolbuilding eather. 'whaaa,, what should i do..??'

You heard steps coming. Oh no, someone's coming!! and i look like a mess! You covered your face with your hands so the persond wouldn't see you. 'Here you are!' you knew that voice.. You moved your hands from your face to see who was speaking. 'Z-zelo..?' 'Everyone was worried about you! They sent me to look for you' He sat next to you and gave you his jacket. 'I- .. I'm sorry..' 'It's not your fault.. I explaned the thing to the teacher so they wouldn't put you in detention or anything..' You started crying a little bit again.. Zelo was confused 'A-Are you Okay??' You looked at him and gave him a small smile 'It was my first kiss so i.. kind of overreacted..' 'Damn.. Your first kiss? Now when that's over, the rest of the kisses don't really matter right?' 'whatt...? well i guess not..' 'Good..' goood? wait what? Zelo grabbed you chin gently and Turned you head to him. You were shocked. What is he doing??? 'Forget the one moment ago, remember this one as your first.' He came slowly towards your face and gently pressed his lips against yours. He put his hand behind you head and deepened the kiss. You tougt you were going to melt and die. He broke the kiss and asked 'You're not going to slap me riight?' You didn't say anything just smiled like an idiot. 'Good' He said and kissed you again. He got up 'Alrighty, it's time to go back to class.'

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ilovebapxo #1
Chapter 9: PLEASE UPDATE MOREE !! <3
kepumusse #2
You should consider a beta-reader for your fics. You have quite many beginner mispellings, such as crab (*grab), glass(*class), sit to my seat (*sit on my seat) Everyone are (*everyone is) up to dress up (*up to dressing up). You should also always write the pronoun "I" with capital I.

All these are just from the first chapter, which is barely half a page.

Grammatical errors and misspellings make stories hard to follow and the reader can't grasp the atmosphere etc. you're trying to convey because he/she gets distracted with them. You also come across as more professional, if you manage to write proper English. If you can't, then just stick to your native language.

I also didn't quite appreciate the way you used pictures in your story. It just makes me think that you were too lazy to actually describe the things in picture.
Ambrelamotte #3
Update please !!!^^
jello_
#4
Chapter 8: I really like this story^^
Update soon~
Xoxo424 #5
Chapter 2: This story......i keep rereading it. <3 hehe. Update soon :)
Xoxo424 #6
Chapter 1: please update soon