Returning My Best Friend

Diary Entry #30

“I’ve imagine you, drawing you inside my dream, the you who I kept along dearly and secretly, you have come to me my little star, my little heart, I tremble being right in front of you.”

New friendship yet same feelings. I am sorry for having you by my side knowing I’m slowly breaking you heart too. You who have given me the strength to fight is now slowly withering away. Your patience have exceeded my expectation yet here I am still playing with your feelings. Do I have the right to tell you yes? Am I sane enough to be the love of your life? Am I the girl for you? Or am I just a friend who will slowly break your heart?

I don’t know what to say to you yet I know I’m slowly falling for you….

******

It was supposed to be a day of celebration as Dara’s father gain another year. He had invited his closest friends the Kwon for dinner not knowing his daughter was hesitant. Though she wanted so desperately to distance herself from Jiyong, her parents were not helping. She dared not to talk or even mention her feeling for her best friend to them knowing they will do everything they can to bring them closer together.

“So it’s inevitable for you to see him tonight,” Bom spoke feeling sorry for Dara.

Dara turned to face her pouting from annoyance, “Yeah.”

“You can invite Seunghyun,” Bom addressed excited by the idea.

“Ani,” Dara disagreed, “I don’t want to trouble him.”

“Who says you’re troubling him?” Bom adamantly asked.

“He confessed to me and here I am not even answering and I’m gonna invite him to dinner so he can help me not be awkward with Jiyong.” She explained, “I feel guilty as it is, don’t wanna add feul to the fire.”

“Hmm,” Bom sighed defeated, “If only I could go, but it’s me and Taeyang’s anniversary.”

“I know,” Dara agreed fiddling with her school blazer, “I just wished I wouldn’t have to be there. I can’t face him yet.”

“Haist chingu,” Bom expressed annoyed, “Fate really is not helping here.”

Dara nodded, “Well I guess I have no choice.”

“Haeng-un-eul bil-eo yo,” Bom wished, “Hwaiting.”

“Some weird looking sandwiches,” Seunghyun answered quickly handing Dara his lunch. “Trade?”

Dara nodded handing him her lunch. It was the usual Korean food that her mom prepared. She was glad for the food yet eating it every day, one would grow tired of it, like her. She eagerly took a bit of the sandwiches amazed at how decadent and delicious it was. “Omo! This is so good!”

“I like your mom’s food better,” Seunghyun disagreed, “It has an authentic Korean taste.”

Dara laughed at Seunghyun’s critical comments about her lunch. “Yah Seunghyun-ah, just eat it.”

He laughed too realizing how stupid he was sounding, “Are you doing anything after school?”

She shook her head putting down the sandwich she was holding, “It’s my dad’s birthday today so I have to get home early.”

“Oh, appa saeng-il-eul chughahabnida,” Seunghyun greeted.

Dara smiled though it faltered after thinking about the party, “I’ll relay the message.”

Seunghyun quickly took noticed of this and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Hmm,” she sighed, “It’s just that since my parents and Jiyong’s parents are really close, they decided to have a get together later, just us as two close families.”

“And that’s bad because?” Seunghyun questioned.

Dara turned to face him, “It means meeting with Jiyong again.”

Seunghyun finally catching on muttered, “You know you can’t hide from him all the time.”

“I know,” she agreed, “But I really can’t face him, I don’t know if I’m embarrass for myself or if I just hate the way he looks at me after I confessed.”

“How does he look at you?”

“Like he feels sorry for me.”

“You’ll have to meet with him sooner or later, you can’t keep hiding,” Seunghyun answered, “Himneseyo!”

“Ugh, I know,” she replied, “At least Jiyong’s hyung will be there.”
“Dong-wook hyung?” Seunghyun asked seemingly excited
“You know him?” she asked surprised Seunghyun knew the evasive brother of Jiyong.

“Yeah, I know him very well,” he uttered, “He is my sister’s boyfriend after all.”

“Bo?” Dara yelped, “You’re sister is Han Byul unnie?”

Seunghyun nodded, “Deh, she’s my noona.”

“Daebak!” she said amazed, “Small world!”

“Yeah,” he agreed, “That’s why I’ve been friends with Jiyong since middle school.”
“Ahh,” Dara stated, “Now it all makes sense. Wah, it really is daebak.”

“Why?”

“’Cause I can invite you to dinner with us,” Dara announced finally having the guts to ask him to dinner.

“Naleul?” he uttered pointing to himself.

Dara nodded full of smiles, “Yeah, you’re like a close family now!”

“Are you sure it’s okay though?” Seunghyun asked not wanting to crash Dara’s father’s birthday party.

“Yup,” she answered, “My dad’s always asking if I have friends other than Jiyong, so I think it’s time to introduce you to my appa.”

“Wah, I feel like I’m going to meet my future father-in-law,” Seunghyun muttered jokingly.

“Yah!” Dara miffed.

“I’m kidding,” he assured, “Hwaiting Dara!”

Dara laughed at Seunghyuns words, how could she be sad when he was around to make her smile? “Thanks Seunghyun.”

“For what?” he asked.

“For being there,” she admitted, “I know it must be hard on you too, but I’m glad you’re still here.”

Seunghyun smiled meekly becoming shy at her words, “Yah, even if I say something different, you still talk so differently to me, you’re making me feel so awkward.”

“Mian…” Dara apologized, “Remember I’m the queen of awkwardness!”

“I’m starting to believe it,” Seunghyun jokingly replied, “Well I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Deh,” she answered.

*******

“Dara-ya!” Dara’s mom called, “The Kwon’s are here.”

Dara hesitantly got up from her bed. She fixed her hair and clothes going as slowly as possible, but it wasn’t enough. She headed for the family room to greet her uncle and aunt, along with Doong-Wook, his girlfriend Han Byul and Jiyong.

“Hwaiting!” she psyched herself up before finally meeting with them. “Annyeonghaseyo Samchon, imo.”

“Oh Dara-yah,” both her uncle and aunt replied. Jiyong’s mother quickly embraced her. “ I missed you! You rarely stop by the house now.”

“Mianhe Imo,” she apologized, “School’s been hectic.”

“Oh cre?” her aunt answered, “Come over when you’re not too busy okay?”

“Deh,” she uttered.

“Yah yeodongsaeng!” Dong-Wook called as he ruffled Dara’s hair.
“Aish oppa!” she replied, “Nae meoli!”

“Bogoshipeo yeodongsaeng!” he muttered embracing Dara too, “I don’t see you enough these days!”

“Mian oppa,” she apologized again then turned to Han Byul, “Unnie!”

Han Byul quickly embraced her too missing her little sister, “Dara! I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“I know!” she replied, “It’s been forever!”

“How’s dance?” Byul asked.

“Going well,” she replied, “Been practicing a lot these days.”

“Aigoo!” she cooed, “My little sister’s the best.”

Dara laughed before remembering he invited Seunghyun too, “Oh unnie I invited Seunghyun today.”

This caught Jiyong’s attention who stood quietly by his older brother’s side afraid to say hello to Dara.

“Oh cre?” Han Byul replied a bit surprised, “He never goes to parties.”

“I made him go,” Dara answered confidently, “I have my ways.”

“Did you beat him?” Dong-Wook interrupted, “Omo.”

“Ani oppa!” she whined, “He came willingly!”

“Ahh,” he replied turning to Jiyong, “You have competition.”
“HYUNG!” Jiyong blurted caught completely by surprised by his brother’s words.

“Waeyo?” he asked faking innocence, “Be right back I gotta go say hi to Imo.”
Dong-Wook hurriedly headed to the kitchen with Han Byul in tow. He knew his two dongsaengs needed the alone time.

“Annyeong,” Jiyong shyly greeted unable to meet Dara face to face.

Dara bowed awkwardly as if the man in front of him was a stranger, “An-nyeong.”

“What is this awkwardness,” Dara’s dad interrupted after seeing the two, “Yah stop fooling people!”

“APPA!” Dara called embarrassed, “Aish!”

“Oh cre cre, you guys can go in your room and watched T.V there,” he muttered pushing the two towards Dara’s room.

“Appa I’m waiting for Seunghyun,” she whined trying to stop her dad from pushing but failing.

“I’ll tell him to go to your room,” her dad replied, “No funny business though. Right Jiyong?”

“Deh?” he answered shocked.

“Watch the two,” his uncle replied finally letting go when the two reached Dara’s room, “You know how weird she gets when she’s crushing on someone.”

“APPA!” Dara yelled in frustration.

“BO?” her dad muttered, “It’s true anyways. I still haven’t figured out who turned you down and having you mopping around for months, I call that psycho.”

“APPA!” Dara yelled again knowing he was talking about her situation, “AISHH!”
“TSK,” her dad mocked before leaving her room.

“Mian,” Jiyong suddenly muttered knowing he was the cause, “I should not have come.”

“Ani,” Dara replied, “My parents would worry.”

“I can leave if you want,” he suggested.

Dara turned to him feeling the hurt in his voice, “And have my dad carry you here. It’s safer here. Less embarrassing.”

Jiyong chuckled, “I guess so.”

“Well uhm you can watch T.V if you want,” Dara answered, “Make yourself feel at home.”

“Uhm, yeah,” he uttered gawkily before taking a seat by her study desk.

Dara smiled making herself comfortable too despite the heaviness between them. She knew she could at least act civil with Jiyong, they were friends. After what seemed like hours of quietness Jiyong finally had the courage to talk. “H-how are you?”

“I’ve been good,” she answered meekly, “Been busy with dance.”

“Ahh,” he said, “How are you and Seunghyun?”

“Deh?” she asked flabbergasted.

Jiyong finally turned to her direction, “It’s been going around school, everyone’s saying you guys are a couple now.”

“W-were just friends,” she voiced as if wanting to prove it to him.

“I see,” Jiyong expressed timidly, “You’re rooms changed a lot.”

“Y-yeah.”
“I see you’ve taken most of our pictures down,” Jiyong admitted a little hurt that she was this obstinate about forgetting him.

“Y-yeah,” Dara answered again sadness in her voice.

“Mianhe Dara,” Jiyong uttered sadness clear in voice now too, “I’ve been caused all this. It’s my fault for hurting you. Mianheyo.”

Dara could not utter a single word staring at the sadness in Jiyong. She wanted to comfort him yet here she was staring at him knowing it shouldn’t be her to comfort him. She knew none of this was his fault yet she could not bring herself to say that to him. Was she blaming him? No, she could only blame herself for the trouble she caused. “Jiyong I’m sorry for making you feel like this.”

Jiyong faced her once again, “Ani, you have the right to love, I’m glad I’ve found out.”

“I’m getting over you slowly,” she admitted, “Don’t worry.”

“What if I don’t want you to,” he suddenly muttered, “What if I want you by my side?”

“You can’t,” Dara opposed, “You don’t need to pity me, I’m strong remember?”

Jiyong sighed feeling defeated and hurt, “Dara, if it means you’ll be my side forever, I’m willing to be with you. Falling in love isn’t hard.”

It hurt Dara to hear such words from him. She wanted for him to love her not force himself too, “If you’re going to love me because you need me I don’t want it. You need to be happy and if it means it’s with Seo Hyun, go for it.”

“If you really need the time Dara,” Jiyong started realizing her words, “I’m giving it to you.”

Dara smiled trying to hold the tears threatening to fall. It was hard hearing the words from Jiyong but she knew she needed to hear them. He was finally setting her free, finally realizing he didn’t love her.

“Thanks Jiyong,” Dara muttered.

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” he uttered hurriedly getting on his feet and leaving her. He quickly made his way out not bothering to say good bye. Tears fell from him as he quickly paced his walking finally turning into running. It had been raining yet he didn’t bother. He was hurting. He was letting his best friend go. He was setting her free. He ran, ran as fast as he could but stopped once he saw Seunghyun.

“Seunghyun,” Jiyong called.

“Jiyong,” Seunghyun muttered as he watched the lad wipe his tears. He knew where he had come from. “Are you okay?”

Jiyong smiled humbly, “I’m handing her to you.”

“Bo?” he replied, “Why?”

“To make her happy,” he answered, “I’m setting her free, I don’t wanna see her hurt anymore.”

“PABO!” Seunghyun yelled, “You love her!”

Jiyong’s tears where now eminent, “That’s why I’m setting her free. I love her too much. I’ve just realized it but I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Then be with her,” Suenghyun admitted though he too had feelings for Dara. He rather see her happy than be miserable.

“What about Seo Hyun?” Jiyong asked, “I don’t wanna hurt them both.”

“You can only be with one person Ji,” he replied, “One will be hurt in the end either way.”

“Yeah,” Jiyong answered, “I’m choosing Seo Hyun.”
“Be happy then,” a familiar voice interrupted. Both turned to face Dara who stood behind them drenched in water from the rain.

“Dara,” Jiyong called.

“I’m happy for you,” she uttered again, “For choosing Seo Hyun.”

“Dara wait,” Seunghyun interrupted but was quickly cut off from her.

“Ani Seunghyun,” she mumbled, “He’s chosen her.”

“Jiyong tell her the damn truth!” Seunghyun pleading. He didn’t know why he wanted both together but he wanted them too, “If you don’t tell her you’ll never be able to.”

Jiyong faced Seunghyun and then Dara finally determined to answer her, “Dara, I love….”

(Sorry had to cut it!)