It all still feels surreal somehow, being able to watch one of his favorite bands performing live.

With one of his favorite people, no less.

The venue was smaller than Wooyoung had expected, but with that Urban Zakapa was able to share a nice, intimate concert with their fans. It felt nice to drown himself in the beautiful songs and soothing voices, singing along with the other fans present at the concert. It wasn’t the kind of feeling he wanted to experience in a concert— he expected being a part of a loud, energetic crowds with equally loud fan chants surrounding him— but this experience is one of a kind too. Besides, they got the front seats with a good view of the stage, and this kind of concert is definitely safer for him so he wasn’t going to complain about it.

Even after an hour the concert ended and they’re at the old, abandoned train station again, Wooyoung can still feel the excitement rushing in and he still can’t stop talking about how good the concert was.

“That was amazing!” Wooyoung exclaims, feet stepping forward on the rusty rail. He realizes he can balance better now. “Can I just take them home so they can sing to me everyday?”

“I guess it could be discussed but I don’t think they have a place in your house,” Nichkhun plays along.

“That’s too bad~” Wooyoung singsongs. “I guess they really can’t because if I were to bring them back, I’d take the orchestra band too. They’re all so amazing!”

Nichkhun chuckles. “I know. That’s all you’ve said for the past hour.”

“Because they were really amazing! The live band, the orchestra, the crowd! Ah, I want to go back to three hours ago,” Wooyoung sighs, half content, half wistful. “Thanks for taking me to the concert, Khun,” Wooyoung looks at Nichkhun and smiles. Nichkhun smiles back at him.

“I’m just glad you had a great time on our first date,” Nichkhun says.

“I did! I had an awesome time and— wait, what?” Wooyoung stops in his tracks and turns around completely to face Nichkhun. “A date?” he presses cheekily.

“Well yeah, it was a date,” Nichkhun shrugs. “Was it not?”

“No way,” Wooyoung disagrees. “If you want a date with me, you’re gonna have to ask properly,” he continues. He meant to tease Nichkhun but the thought sends butterflies fluttering in his stomach and now he suddenly feels a little shy. “That wasn’t really a date. You invited me before we, umm, go out together...” his voice trails off into a hushed tone, embarrassment painting a shade of red on his face although he is glad Nichkhun probably can’t see it under his scarf anyway. Nichkhun laughs.

“You made your point. Well, we still have time right now,” Nichkhun says as he checks his watch and then to the sky where the sun is. “The sun’s just setting in. We can still go on a proper date,” he grins.

“Really?” Wooyoung asks.

Nichkhun nods. “So do you wanna go on a date with me? We can go somewhere, eat our dinner and get ice creams or something.”

Wooyoung visibly brightens up. “Did you say ice creams, or did you really say ice creams?”

“Yes, I said ice creams! So, do you wanna go?”

“Yes, I do! Let’s go!” Wooyoung says and starts walking on the rail again. He’s not giving up until he reaches to the tunnel at least. “What do people do on dates?” Wooyoung wants to know. He has some general ideas about it but he’s just curious on how people spend their time on their dates.

“They go out and hang out and have fun,” Nichkhun says, a bit noncommittally.

“What? That’s what we usually do,” Wooyoung makes a point.

“That’s different. We’re actually doing it together right now.”

“But we’ve always been doing these together for a while,” Wooyoung blinks his eyes. Now he’s getting a little confused of what Nichkhun‘s trying to say.

“I mean, together together. As a pair?” Nichkhun explains patiently. “There’s a difference between doing it with your friends and with the person you’re currently seeing.”

“Is that so?” Wooyoung wonders. It’s not like he doesn’t know. He just doesn’t have any experience in this at all.

“Yeah. With your friends, there’s a limit to what you can do with each other together. With your pair, it’s a little special. You spend quality time getting to know each other more and start developing stronger feelings and deeper care for each other. Yeah, those kind of stuff.”

“I see,” Wooyoung nods his head. He can’t really tell the difference apart right now but maybe soon he will, and he’ll understand more then.

He doesn’t know why the thoughts of Nichkhun with Junho come bothering his mind again though. Wooyoung quietly exhales in displease at his own curious thoughts on how did the two of them use to spend their time together before. He’s not sure he wants to know, but doesn’t know if he can live with the curiosity either. Wooyoung breaks the silence again after a while.

“Khun, will you be honest with me?” he starts quietly and almost hesitantly.

“Of course. I will always be honest with you.”

“Then...did you— did you,” his voice turns quieter the more he grows unsure about asking it. But he’s been wanting to know the truth for a while now and here’s his chance. “Did you really stay back because of Junho?”

“Hmm,” Nichkhun hums admittedly.

“Oh...” When Wooyoung thinks about it, it’s really not such a big deal. But for Nichkhun to stay because of Junho, then Junho might have meant a hell lot to him and that bothers him somehow. Will he ever mean anything to Nichkhun as much as Junho had to him?

“I thought we could give it another shot.”

“Hmm,” Wooyoung simply replies, feeling his mood slowly dampening. Why did he even ask in the first place if he knew this would happen, if he knew he wouldn’t be able to take it very well, anyway? Well, screw him and his curiosity.

“But hey,” Nichkhun gets his attention again. “If I hadn’t met Junho again, if I never stayed, do you think we even had the chance to meet each other?”

Wooyoung ponders about it, pouts and shakes his head.

“Exactly. Actually, I’m kinda glad I decided to stay. I might have stayed because of Junho but I don’t care anymore. I’m still here now because of you. For you.”

Wooyoung flickers his eyes to Nichkhun. “Really?”

“Yes,” Nichkhun gives a gentle look at him. “Do you trust me?” He asks as he holds his hand out.

Wooyoung shifts his gaze down to Nichkhun’s hand, stares at it and back up to meet with Nichkhun’s gaze. He finally settles his gaze at Nichkhun’s hand again as he contemplates what Nichkhun’s said and considers his own feelings about this. It would be a lie to say he didn’t trust Nichkhun. Indeed, he really does, maybe even more than he should— but he just can’t find a single reason not to. Although there’s still a part of Nichkhun he doesn’t know yet, so far he’s been nothing but kind and patient towards Wooyoung and it’s kinda hard not to put some trust in him even if it’s just a really small ounce of it. So he nods his head and slowly places his hand onto Nichkhun’s, where Nichkhun grabs his hand and interlaces their fingers together. Wooyoung shivers at the cold from Nichkhun’s hand, but it’s quickly replaced with warmth as Nichkhun shoved their linked hands into the front pocket of his sweater. Wooyoung slightly blushes at the contact of their hands, but follows Nichkhun obediently when the latter one pulls him off the rail and walks away from the area, heading to the bus stop.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Nichkhun smiles. Wooyoung stares at the blinding smile and shakes his head, his own way of saying it's nothing. “We really don’t have to talk about me and Junho anymore. It’s all in the past now. We should talk more about us.”

“Thank you,” Wooyoung says. The day is slowly turning darker and there’s no one else around so it’s just the two of them waiting at the bus stop. “Even though I’m so unworthy of any of this, you still…”

Wooyoung feels Nichkhun squeezing his hand as he turns to look at him. “Hey now, don’t think like that. All you have to do is just put a little faith in me, I’ll definitely make you happy. Just let me take care of you, let me show you what’s it like to be loved and to be in love. Don’t think of anything else. Just remember you deserve all of this, okay?”

Wooyoung searches for Nichkhun’s eyes and can’t help but smile, nodding his head. “Thank you,” he says again. Nichkhun smiles too and fixes Wooyoung’s scarf around his neck. Wooyoung thinks it’s very silly of him to suddenly get this shy around Nichkhun when he was still fine just a few moments ago. It’s not like he just knew Nichkhun or anything for him to act this way, but there’s just something different in the way Nichkhun looks at him and treats him now. It feels foreign but nice and Wooyoung thinks he can get used to this— to having Nichkhun’s full attention and care on him. It makes him feel extra special.

“Why does South Korea get this cold?” Nichkhun pulls out Wooyoung’s hand in his pocket and joins it with his other hand. Nichkhun uses his hands to rub on Wooyoung’s and blows warm air onto them to keep him warm. “Don’t get cold.”

Wooyoung chuckles but lets Nichkhun continue doing what he’s doing. Wooyoung feels warm and fuzzy on the inside no matter how cold it is on the outside, and he thinks he’s slowly feeling the difference between being just friends with Nichkhun and being with him now.

+

Wooyoung opens the fridge to get himself a drink when he hears his mom calling for him from somewhere in the house.

“Wooyoung, is that you?”

“Mom?” Wooyoung looks inside the fridge and takes a small carton of banana milk out. “Yes, it’s me,” he shouts back, just to make sure his mom hears him. He pulls the carton open and closes the fridge, immediately chugging down his banana milk.

“Come and look who’s here,” his mom calls again. Wooyoung blinks and wonders to himself, slowly walking towards where he thinks his mom is right now.

“Who’s here?” he questions himself quietly. “Mom?” he enters the living room and sees the backside of woman with medium-length hair sitting on the couch. He stops and blinks at the familiar figure, waiting for her to put her cup of tea down and actually turn around.

“Hi Wooyoung,” she greets, red lips curving into a wide grin. Wooyoung’s eyes widen in disbelief and delight seeing the woman he hasn’t seen for a while now.

“Fei noona!” Wooyoung greets back and approaches the couch, kneeling behind it and resting his folded arms on the headrest. “When did you come back? I thought you were in Hong Kong!”

“I just got here a week ago!” she says.

“And you only come visiting now?” Wooyoung fakes a hurt expression. Fei covers with the back of her palm and laughs softly. “Ohhhh did you come back to cook me yummy foods?”

“Wooyoung,” his mom says, but she’s chuckling along with Fei too. “That’s not very nice.” Wooyoung pouts and Fei pats his head.

“It’s okay. I will cook you foods. I have so many new recipes I want you to try!”

“Really?” Wooyoung brightens up.

“Yes, of course. But not now,” she gives an apologetic look.

“Fei, I have to look after my bakery now,” Wooyoung’s mom chimes in.

“Oh, yes! Please do. Sorry to bother you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she smiles and gets up. “Keep her company until your brother gets here, okay?” she tells Wooyoung, squeezing his shoulders.

“I will!” Wooyoung assures. He gets up from the floor and sits next to Fei on the couch as his mom leaves the room. “Are you back in Korea for work? Or just visiting?”

“I guess both. Wow, I haven’t been in Korea for a while but everything still feels the same. It‘s nice, the familiarity. How have you been, Wooyoung?”

“Great, actually!”

“I’m glad. You look so much healthier. Happier. I’m really glad,” she pats Wooyoung’s head again. Wooyoung thinks she never really changes over the past years. She’s still the Fei Wooyoung knew from back then; the kind, polite girl from next door when they lived in Busan once. She is what people called family friend. She was still in contact with them when they moved to Seoul, mostly because she attended the same university with Minjun. Although they never really told Wooyoung themselves, up until now Wooyoung still believes Minjun and Fei had dated before at some points in their lives.

“Mmm,” Wooyoung nods his head in agreement. “You wanted to see Minjun hyung?”

“Yeah. Do you think he will be back soon?”

Wooyoung shrugs hesitantly. “I’m not sure…He gets really absorbed with his works. Sometimes, he doesn’t even get back for dinner. Maybe you should call him and let him know.”

“Ah, it’s okay. If he doesn’t show up, I’ll come again some other day. He might be busy, I don’t want to bother him.”

“Does that mean you’re staying here for a while?”

“We’re opening a restaurant here in Seoul so I guess, yeah. I’ll be staying here for a while,” she smiles.

“Noona, that’s really great! From that moment you made me that Chinese style Korean barbecue and cucumber soup, I knew you were gonna be a good chef,” Wooyoung says jokingly while putting his thumb up, although he does mean it as a compliment and an expression of being proud of her achievement as well. Just like how it has always been a dream for Minjun to be an architect, Fei has always wanted to be a chef and open her own restaurant. Now that they both have finally achieved their dreams, he’s happy and proud of them both.

“Thank you, Wooyoung,” she laughs. “You’re always so nice to me. You’re going to attend the grand opening, right? I have a few celebrity friends, maybe you will like them,” she winks knowingly.

“Celebrity friends?” Wooyoung gives an incredulous look at Fei. “Wow, noona, you’re really big now.”

“It’s nothing,” she waves her hand dismissively. “They just happened to be my customers before.”

“Star-studded event or not, you know I’ll be there,” Wooyoung says. “I mean, you know, if invited.”

“Of course you’re invited!” she laughs again and lightly hits his arm. Wooyoung decides he really loves the sound of her laughter. “It’d be really great if your whole family could go. It would mean a lot to me.”

“We’ll be there. I’ll make sure everyone is going! Noona, we‘re really happy for you. I‘m happy for you.”

Fei looks at him appreciatively. “Thank you, Wooyoung. Really, sincerely.”

Fei reaches for her cup of tea again, and Wooyoung downs his own drink as they fall into a comfortable silence. Not so long after, there’s a rumbling sound of a car’s engine entering the garage and they both throw each other a look. It’s barely even 5 in the afternoon and Wooyoung’s surprised Minjun’s already back home. Or maybe, it’s just his dad?

They wait in the silence, listening to the sound of the engine dying down. Then there’s a sound of the door slammed close and footsteps slowly approaching the house. The knob twists and both Wooyoung and Fei tilt their heads up towards the door, where Minjun enters carrying a tube in his hand while the other is used to unfasten the tie around his neck.

“Hyung,” Wooyoung calls.

“Oh, Wooyoung-ah,” Minjun looks up, expecting to see Wooyoung alone but he is surprised to see Fei there with him too. Wooyoung looks at Fei and then at Minjun, smiling. It takes a few seconds for Minjun to register what’s going on before a warm smile can finally be seen on his face.

“Minjun,” Fei greets.

“Fei,” Minjun acknowledges. He puts the tube down on the couch and approaches Fei with his arms slightly opened. Fei stands up and wraps her arms around Minjun, rubbing her hand on Minjun’s back as he buries his face at the crook of her neck. Wooyoung stares fondly at them and then realizes they’re sharing hushed words with each other. Not wanting to interrupt their moment, Wooyoung quietly leaves the room.

“Is your brother here?” Wooyoung’s mom asks when she sees him entering the bakery. She cranes her neck towards the direction of the living room as if she can really see them from there.

“Oh,” Wooyoung confirms. “Just got back home. Where did Fei noona get our new address?”

“Probably from your brother,” she shrugs. “Hey,” she leans on the counter so she can get closer to Wooyoung. “Why don’t you be a good boy and tell your mommy what you saw in there?” she wiggles her eyebrows at Wooyoung. Wooyoung back his head away a little, blinking and looking strangely at his mom, and then he chuckles.

“Mom, I thought we don’t do gossiping,” he reminds her.

“Aww come on now,” she pulls on Wooyoung’s arm. “We’re not gossiping, I just wanna know what’s going on. That one son of mine is so reserved about his love life. As a mom, I’m sure you also think I have the right to know, right? He is my son after all. His happiness is my happiness.”

“Mommmm,” Wooyoung pulls a whiny face. “Why do you put me in a difficult situation?”

“Come on, tell me,” she presses. “I won’t tell your brother, I promise. It’s just between the two of us.” She links her arm around Wooyoung’s and now Wooyoung’s leaning on the counter as well, standing just beside his mom. He takes on last look at the living room.

“They were,” he starts, leaning to the side a little to his mom.

“They were?” she encourages.

“They were hugging each other, that’s all. I can’t hear what they say.”

“Oh Minjunnie,” she shakes her head.

“What?”

She shakes her head again.

“Hey mom, did they ever go out with each other? I mean as lovers?” Wooyoung asks curiously.

“For a little while, they did,” she nods this time. “But your Minjun hyung was busy with his last year in university and your Fei noona had to leave to study abroad, so they broke up. I only knew about this because your dad told me. Minjun was so brokenhearted so they talked it over a couple bottles of soju.”

“Really?” Wooyoung widens his eyes in disbelief at this new information. He never really noticed and Minjun and him never talked about this kind of stuff with each other. Actually, all they ever talk about when they’re together only involved Wooyoung and his affairs. Never about Minjun’s. Wooyoung feels slightly guilty now for Minjun has only been worrying about Wooyoung too much he barely has any time to think and worry about himself.

“Yeah. Ah, I hope things work out well for them. I really like Fei,” she says.

“Me too,” Wooyoung agrees. If they care and love each other, Wooyoung really hopes for the best for them, really hopes things would work out for them. Despite being busy with their works, they would make time for each other, right? Wooyoung hopes they love each other enough to at least try to make an effort to make it work. He would like to see them both happy with each other. He’d be really grateful to God if Minjun finds his happiness in Fei. He sighs. “Relationship is complicated. Love is complicated.”

His mom chuckles and squishes Wooyoung’s cheeks. “No, it isn’t. It’s so much simpler than we think. We people tend to make it complicated.”

Wooyoung thinks it over and finds some truth in her words. “People are complicated!”

“Indeed, we are,” she giggles and then gets back to work. “If you’ve found someone you love, don’t take them for granted. Grab them while you still can. You’ll never know when people will slip away from your hands,” she adds in casually, although there’s an underlying tone of worry and sadness in her voice. Wooyoung gives her a knowing look.

“Don’t worry, mom. Minjun hyung and Fei noona will be just fine,” he offers, even though that wasn’t the only thing she talked about. She smiles, suddenly aging so much more, and then nods her head. “I’ll be upstairs,” he announces and walks up to his bedroom. He doesn’t even check on Minjun and Fei, still wanting to give them some privacy. He will need to talk to them later.

Wooyoung slumps on his bed and absentmindedly stares at the ceiling although his thoughts are flying everywhere. How much did Minjun and Fei have to endure being so far away even though they know they love and care for each other? How did they take the pain? Do they still feel the same? What will happen to them now?

Wooyoung knows the reason why he’s worrying about them is because they’re both people he cares a lot about. They’re so much older than him and probably have so much experience in everything more than he ever will. He can’t help but think about Nichkhun, to the day when he has to leave somehow and he feels his heart aching at the thoughts of having to part with Nichkhun. What will happen to them then? Will it be over just in a blink of an eye?
What will happen to him? Will he even get the privilege of having another tomorrow in the first place?

He feels scared, but sad more than anything. It’s not that he’s being negative again, it’s just whenever he thinks about his numbered days, he can’t help but feel sad and angry because how the hell is he supposed to leave everything and everyone behind? He wants to be happy. For once, he wants to be happy and selfish and greedy and live longer so he can prolong the happiness he’s getting.

For once, he’s actually, really scared of dying.

Wooyoung grabs his phone from under the pillow, wiping the tears he doesn’t even know were trickling down his cheeks. He suddenly feels his time is too limited, feels so scared he’s wasting too much of his precious time and won’t get the chance to do the things he wants to do and say the things he wants to say. Unfortunately, he’s still not very good at expressing himself and this proves to really be quite a nuisance now. He just wants people to know, but how? How does he do it?

what are you doing?, he types a text to Nichkhun. Although it takes a while for Nichkhun to reply back, the text does come in.

sorry, had basketball practice! =] getting some drinks with friends then heading back home, it says.

oh.

what’s wrong? Everything alright?

What’s wrong is that he’s thinking too much, Wooyoung thinks. Already worrying about tomorrows when the day today hasn’t even ended yet. Worrying about Nichkhun leaving when he’s still here. Worrying about dying when he’s still alive. Worrying about losing when there’s nothing there in the first place.

Wooyoung doesn’t reply. This sudden change of moods is so ed up and ugly, and all he wants to do right now is dwell some more in his pathetic thoughts. The sound of his phone ringing wakes him up again, though. Expectedly, it’s Nichkhun.

“Wooyoung?” he hears Nichkhun’s voice at the other end. At the background, there’s a sound of voices chatting around and people laughing happily.

“Hey,” Wooyoung says back softly.

“Is everything okay? You didn’t reply my text so I was worried.”

“Everything is fine,” Wooyoung tries to smile so his voice doesn’t give his real mood away. Nichkhun stays silent for a while.

“Are you sure?”

Wooyoung sniffles. “Yeah.”

“You—” The noises at the background turns quieter and Wooyoung’s assuming Nichkhun’s moved to a different room now. “You doesn’t sound like you’re fine,” he hesitates. “Is everything really okay?”

Wooyoung chuckles. “Yes, everything’s okay. I just—” he stops. Nichkhun doesn’t interrupt, only waiting for Wooyoung to continue. “I missed you is all.” He hears Nichkhun breathing out a sigh of relief and then his laughter rings in Wooyoung’s ear.

“Oh, Wooyoung. I thought—” he says. “I missed you too. A lot. A lot lot, like really lot.” Wooyoung laughs heartily. “Do you want me to come over later? Sorry, I’ve been so busy with school and practices for the match.”

Wooyoung breaths in and out deeply. “Yes please,” he says, glad to hear his own voice sounding normal again. “Since you’re already out anyway, I’m expecting you’ll get me bubble tea.”

“Yessir~ anything else you want? I can get them for you.”

“Just hurry and get here.”

“Did you really miss me that much?” Nichkhun teases. Wooyoung snorts into the receiver.

“I don’t know. Why don’t you come here yourself and find out?”

Chuckling, Nichkhun replies with a “Okay, I’ll be there soon. See you later!”

“Okay,” Wooyoung simply says. “Don’t take too much time.” He hangs up on the call and puts his phone aside. “I don’t have much time left, do I?” Wooyoung says as an afterthought, staring straight ahead at the ceiling again. “Then I shouldn’t waste it,” he decides. “Let’s make every moment counts.”