I squeeze the phone with dismay, my brain trying to remember a series of numbers usually I always remember, but for some reason this time evaporated. I  punched number by number with trembling hands, until finally ending waiting tone with Stephy’s sound –hello, I’m not at home, so please leave a message.

“Stephy?” I could hear the hysteria in my own voice although I did my best to suppress it. "Grandma was unconscious. We were in the hospital right now. Please come"

I put the phone back into place, staring at hospital hallway that looks deserted. Accident one hour ago feels so fast –Grandma was cut roses in the garden, then suddenly fell down and lost consciousness, Mom called the hospital, the ambulance came and bring  Grandma… everything is a blurry mess then. I were holding Grandma's hands tightly for a trip to the hospital, her figure disappeared behind the door of the emergency room, and Stephy's voice that sounded via voicemail, notify that she was not at home.

What should I do now? What will happen to Grandma? How about Gran ... No, no, that's impossible. For a moment, I felt the panic creeping back, control of my senses and makes it hard to think clearly. I closed my eyes, trying to calm down as much as possible. I'm not alone. I have Stephy and ...

Jinyoung! I rushed to put more coins into the machine up, hoping he was at home. His voice sounded after three rings.

“Jinyoung?!”

“J-Jessy? What’s wrong?”

I don't know how he could know that something was wrong with me even only one word that comes out of my mouth, but I was so glad he was there. Gran. Hospital. Just a piece of words capable I mentioned.

The response was very brief, without a moment of doubt. “Wait there. I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

When he hung up, I then realized my body was shaking.

***

He hugged me as he found me. I felt a warm embrace, the smell of vanilla mixed with sweat, and let his both arms around me and pulled me closer.

Jinyoung waiting with me at the hospital, not once let go of my hand from his grasp. I knew he was trying his best to cover up his own fear because I could see the worried expression on his face. So I tried this, share strength and hope that everything will be fine.

Not long after, finally the doctor came out to tell us that Gran is okay, just need a few days of hospitalization.

Me and Jinyoung stare each other, a sense of relief shown in both our faces.

“Thanks.” I said. I wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t here. That's what I wanted to say next, but the distance between us makes me not so say it. We both returned to our previous self –Jessica and Jinyoung, two close friends, nothing more than that.

But, Jinyoung took one step closer, his hand rubbing my head with a friendly gesture. He smiled –his expression  difficult to decipher, while the same hand down touch my right cheek, his thumb remove traces of tears which still made an impression there. I held my breath, not wanting to ruin the moment, and neither of us moved. I pay attention to every detail of the his thick eyebrows, slanted eyes are staring at me, half-smiling thin lips. He was so close, but so far away.

I'm not sure who first started, but a second later I felt his breath on my face, and our lips met. And as soon as the kiss happened, it's over. We back in our respective positions, keeping a distance so that we no longer touch.

I do not know what to feel, what he felt. Is that even real? Why I didn’t do anything to stop it? Should I be happy?

Something made ​​me aware someone there so I turned my head and saw Stephy. Her eyes looked at me and Jinyoung with disbelief. There was something in her face that made ​​me feel for the wound, but Jinyoung was the first move. Stephy brushed his hand in anger.

“Fany, listen to me first…” Jinyoung trying to explain, but Stephy didn’t listen. She didn’t want to hear any explanation from us.

When she spoke, her voice was calm and cool, like she was talking to strangers. “From now on, we are nothing to each other.” And, I know, that sentence was for me. Stephy didn’t need to say it, I know it already from her face.

She gave me one last sight, then turned without saying anything more.

***

Stephy didn’t answer my calls. Avoiding me at school. Reluctant to see me when I came to her house to explain. Didn’t read the memo that I left in the locker. She thought I was invisible –because everytime I approached her, she turned and walked in the opposite direction or passed as if I was not there. Once, I tried to force her to talk, and she pushed a chair and left without a word. I was not able to do anything about it, anyway, I know I deserve it.

Lately, Stephy spend more time with her friends from the science club, or alone. Apparently, she also avoids Jinyoung.

Me and Jinyoung was not talking –everything feels so awkward between us. Everytime we passed, none of us who stop to start a conversation. I am a lot more avoid his gaze, not prepared to deal with it. I felt guilty at Stephy, on Jinyoung.

I just want to talk with Stephy. If I may be honest, I don’t know exactly what to say to her. I just know I have to convey my feelings to her. I owe her the truth. So today I was determined to see her, no matter what happens.

I found her in an empty classroom. Biology lesson with laboratory activities held there has just ended, but she was silent on one of the seats in the third row, back-facing me and showed no signs of moving. Honestly, seeing her like this feels very lonely.

“Stephy?”

She said nothing, kept looking at whether what is being noticed on the whiteboard, pretend didn't hear me.

We never had a case of this before. We rarely argue, even when I accidentally broke a gift from his grandfather which was so beloved, even when she forgot to send the video to the short film competition and I was disqualified. We never fight. We're better than that. Stephy and I differ; Our friendship is different.

However, Stephy continued to stare straight ahead, sticking to her last words that started that day, I am nothing to her. I pulled up a chair and took place beside her, determined to try again, until she listened to me.

“Stephy, won’t you listen to me?”

This time, she turned her face, and I no longer see the sights of friendship in his eyes. "What else can we talk about? I've seen it all. You don’t need to lie anymore, Jess. I’ve had enough for that.”

"At least, let me explain. I do not want any misunderstanding between us."

Stephy chuckled, but there was no humor in her laugh. "Okay, let me get one thing straight then. Did you guys dating behind me?"

I shook my head firmly. "Jinyoung and I are just friends, not more. Jinyoung loves you, you should know that. Incident the other day was a big mistake. It was my fault."

Once again, she laughes. "Supposedly, you saw the way you looked at Jiny, your attitude around him ... You're not good at lying, Jess, but so far it looks like you've already successfully done. Admit it, you liked him, right?”

My chest tightened. What should I tell her? That I like Jinyoung since I first saw him, but he saw only Stephy? That I love him, even larger than I expected?

“C’mmon. Don’t waste my time.” She returned to continue with the same rude tone. "You like Jinyoung? Since when?"

I looked at her, knowing that this is all she needs from me: honesty. During this time, I had lied to her about my feelings, a selfish act that I thought would protect her. But Stephy, loving someone is a very difficult thing, isn't it?. Every time I feel it, I was so tightened it was difficult to breathe. At times like that, there's nothing I want than call you and pouring everything. But, I can not.

If allowed, I hope that feeling go away, so we don’t have to feel like this. I'll do anything to not hurt Stephy, really.

But, I can’t avoiding it.

“I’m so sorry, Stephy.”

That's all I can say to her, but I think it's more than enough for Stephy because she didn’t answer for a very long time. I think, with one answer, she would hug me and say everything will be fine. She always does. However, she began to incorporate her write tools into a bag, and then grabbed the books which are lying on the table. As she spoke, I realized there was bitterness in her voice.

"What I couldn’t understand no matter whether you like him or not because love is not wrong. But, a true friend is always honest with each other, no matter what the problem. True friend doesn’t do what you did. I thought you, of all people, would know that.”

She passed and slammed the door, leaving me alone in the classroom. That's when I realized I had lost my best friend.