Goodbye, My First Lover

When you say 'I love you'

Another restless night went by and Eunhae's eyes were tinted with red. She hadn't gotten any sleep ever since her talk with Jaesoo. What would she actually say to Seungho? She's never done things like this before; she hated to make anyone sad. Once her alarm went off, she got up and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked horrible, but not as horrible as she felt. She took a deep breath and managed to get ready for school before walking slowly towards the bus stop. She wasn't in the mood for walking, especially when it gave her more time to think which made her even more upset. She stepped onto the bus and found herself a seat. Looking out of the window, she waited for the bus to begin moving again. "Excuse me?" a voice suddenly appeared by her side. To her surprise, she looked over at the voice's owner and met eyes with a familiar face. "You're Eunhae.. right?" he asked. She nodded and stared; she couldn't exactly match the face with any names. "I'm Simon... Jaesoo's friend," he greeted her, "mind if I sit?" she shook her head and made room for him on the bench. As he sat down, he placed his messenger bag on his lap and sighed. "Jaesoo talks about you a lot," he grinned. A smile formed on her lips and she couldn't help but feel those butterflies again. "... I also heard about Seungho hyung," he said softly. His head then turned to her and he gave her a shy smile. "If what Jaesoo talks about is true, I'm sure you like him a lot too," he finished. Eunhae nodded and her smile disappeared. For the rest of the trip, she pondered in thought while looking out of the window. What would happen in the next few hours? She didn't have a clue.

Once the bus had arrived at the school, Eunhae walked out after Simon and waved to him. "I hope to see you later, Simon." she smiled politely. He turned around and smiled back at her, "you'll do fine, you know? Besides.. I know love when I see it." She bit her lip and turned back around, starting for her classes. 

~~~~~~~

After endless hours of waiting and becoming even more nervous, the bell had rung for lunch. Instead of meeting up with Jaesoo, Eunhae had brought herself towards the library where she sat alone. As she ate her little packed lunch, she continued to feel sick. She wasn't looking forward to seeing anyone today. Not even Sooyoung, whom she'd talked to the other day about this. She stuffed with a big bite of her sandwich when she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Eunhae-yah~" a smooth and husky voice had sung. That was it-- that was when her heart had stopped and her stomach suddenly wanted to fly out of . It was Seungho and she knew his voice by heart. She slowly turned around and looked up nervously. "S-Seungho oppa," she faked a flimsy smile. "What are you doing here?" she asked. He smiled softly and sat beside her. "I've just come to check up on you.. I haven't really seen you in a while," he said with a tone that she was unfamiliar with. "Umm... ne, I've been hanging out with.. Jaesoo lately," she admitted, her gaze moving towards her lap. "I know," he said plainly, opening his lunch and looking over at her. She could feel his focus on her and she was too afraid to look back. "O-Oppa," she breathed shakily then. "Jagi...?" he said, quickly bringing his fingers towards her chin and lifting her gaze up to meet his eyes. She could see the fear in his eyes when he saw the tears swelling in her. "Jagiya, what is it?" he demanded. Her lips quivered and the tears began to run down her cheeks. "Yeob-- oppa, I need to talk to you.... about something," she finally got the nerve to say. She watched his ears move back and his jaw clench. "Bwoh? What is it?" she could hear him trying to control his voice from cracking. "Oppa... you haven't been around," she said softly, choking back the tears. She didn't have the heart to look at him anymore. She could feel her confidence and trust crumbling down in front of her.

For a while, it was silent. The library was only to those two and the atmosphere was rather uncomfortable. "Jagi..." Seungho finally said through a cracked voice. "Mianhe..." he breathed heavily. Eunhae then broke down in tears. There was no reason he should be sorry when she's been having fun with Jaesoo all along. "Mianheyo, jagiya... mianheyo..." he repeated. She couldn't take it any longer and she brought herself to swing her arms around his neck, pulling him so close to her she would've just died in his arms. "Aniyo, aniyo..." she cried, "I missed you, yeobo... I missed you so much..." Seungho's arms wrapped around her and he squeezed her tightly. "It's my fault for not being here, jagi" he admitted, her hair and sobbing into her shoulder. "It's not the same anymore, yeobo... I can't do this anymore.." she cried, her eyes squeezed shut as the tears continued to flow from her eyelids. Their cries echoed the empty room and they could feel each other's hearts breaking within their embrace. "Jagiya... I'm leaving," Seungho then said after another silence. Eunhae's arms released from their hug and her tears suddenly ran dry. "W-What?" she sniffed. "Jagiya, you're not happy with me... and I'm not happy here. You've known all along, haven't you?" he said shakily, sniffing back his tears as well. She had to admit she felt he'd leave because of all his absences but not like this... she was about to break down again.

She threw her arms around him again and cried into his chest. "Oppa, aniyo!" she wept, clinging onto him with all she could. "Ja... Jagiya," his voice trembled. "You'll be al-alright, arrasseo?" She shook her head violently and tugged on his shirt. "Aniya! You can't leave!" she continued to cry. "Jaesoo will take care of you, ne? Jaesoo will make you happy," he said softly, hushing her and resting his chin on top of her head. Her crying became a hush and she silently wept, knowing that he probably figured it out a while ago. "Oppa, you can't leave me.." she finally said. All the feelings and memories were rushing back to her now. She wanted him to stay. "Aniyo~" he hushed her again, "we can't keep basing our relationship on our first few months together, jagiya... we can't keep looking back and be happy because of that." Her crying became loud again and he rubbed her back, holding her as close to him as possible. "Jagiya..." he sniffed, "saranghaeyo." This time, she wailed. Crying harder than she ever could, her eyes clenched shut and threatening to give pain. "S-Sar-Saraaanghaeyoooo!" she cried aloud, hitting his chest and clinging onto him with all she could. "Saranghaeyo, you pabo!" she screeched. "Saranghaeyo, Jagiya... forever and always." he whispered, his tears running down his face as he continuely kissed her forehead. "Saranghaeyo.."

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