Review for: AllisonIsSunshine!

Story Title: Christmas Spent Away From Home.

Author: AllisonIsSunshine

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/345152/christmas-spent-away-from-home-christmas-yoseob-you-cute

Title: 5/5

Nothing wrong with the title and it isn't really cliche.

It relates to the story and doesn't reveal too much. Good! ^^

Appearance: 2/5

First things first, the font. It was really cursive in some chapters, and normal in others. My advice is, decide on a font that isn't difficult to read.

Maybe Georgia, Times New Roman or Lucida Sans Unicode.

And I think, towards the later chapters, your paragraphing was gone.

I mean, you didn't separate the different paragraphs so it looked really unappealing to read.

One last thing: Have you requested for a poster/banner? Maybe you should if you haven't, cause a banner or poster can really do a lot to attract readers!

Description & Foreword: 3/10

I have to say, if I were to stumble across your fic, i wouldn't be tempted to read your story.. Reason being, your description was quite mundane, and short.

It didn't leave an impact on me, and I don't feel tempted to click the 'next' button.

In addition, your foreword was just a note to why or who you wrote this fic for.

And since you didnt leave an impact in your description and you didn't give a slight idea as to what will happen in your foreword, most readers wouldn't bother to read the fic.

Sorry for being so blunt. The description and foreword is the bait. And if it isn't done properly, readers won't be hooked! So I suggest you try and come up with a description or foreword that can leave the reader wanting more!

Characterization: 11/15

Emma was really cute, and I liked it. But what intrigued me was Allison.

Maybe cause you're describing yourself? It felt so real, like I really know Allison in real life. She also had a personal touch to her. Good job!

Story Flow: 5/15

Although I like the storyline, I would have to point out that things are happening too fast.

Yoseob and Emma has known each other for maybe... Less than two weeks? And suddenly, Yoseob asks her to be his girlfriend? I don't know about you, but I will never wanna be in a relationship with a guy I barely even know, even if his looks are to die for.

Please, slow down a little! Don't be afraid to Take your time, let he characters know each other. It's really hard to imagine being in a relationship with someone you just met a few days ago. And it's really creepy, if ya ask me. :/

Language: 28/30

Basically, there's nothing wrong with your language. Just a few mistakes here and there.

Standing on the sidewalk as people rushed past you, on their way into the station, you looked down the busy street.

It should be:

You were standing on the sidewalk looking down the busy street as people rushed past you on their way to the station.

Slipping into a bar stool, you waiting for the bartender to arrive.

Should be:

Slipping into a bar stool, you waited for the bartender to arrive.

Of course. Thank you for inviting me, and allow unnie to tag along.

Should be:

Of course. Thank you for inviting me and allowing unnie to tag along.

Note: The comma was irrelevant, because 'and' is already a conjunction.

Basically, that's all the mistakes I could gather. There were a few spelling errors, but I don't think they affect the overall understanding of the fic. But I advise you to double check the spelling before posting the chapter(:

Overall Enjoyment: 13/15

I really like your fic, that's why I subscribed! I look forward to your updates~~~

Although I enjoyed it so much, I had to say the flow was too quick, so it kinda creeped me out.

Bonus Marks: 1/5

Yay! I look forward to seeing your fic grow and improve!

If you need any help, you can always PM me, I'll try my best to help with your fic(:

Note: I know, the marks were really low. But I know you can do better. Strive to make your fic better! HWAITING!

TOTAL MARKS: 68/100

Review Done By: SweetHoneyy!

Dont forget to credit the shop and link back!