Story Title: Memory in the Rain

Author: GreenGardenPop

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/366092

Title (3/5)

To start off, the title clearly does relate to your story. One thing is that the title should be written as "Memory In the Rain" instead of "Memory in the Rain." Second, although the title matches your story, it doesn't really interest me. It sounds pretty common, and I've seen stories with "___ In the Rain" pretty often, too.

Appearance (4/5)

Your appearance is fine. The cloudy textures remind me of the grey clouds before the rain starts coming down. The only thing I would say is to put who the author is on the poster. If you add your username, then people know that it's your story.

Description/Foreword (12/15)

This is probably the most simple description I've seen during the times I've reviewed! It's short, but it practically describes what the story's plot is. To be honest, the "*" signs weren't needed, but I guess you put them in since they appealed to your eyes. 

Although the description describes majority of your story, I think you could've added a bit more of a summary, since the summary is what the description is mainly for. 

Plot (10/25)

The idea of remembering the tragic past and running against a forbidden love is quite cliché, especially in one-shots that have angst and romance in them. I'm suspecting that Jiyeon is talking to Myungsoo, but by spirit, meaning that she's dead. Spirits that somehow speaks or react with the living lover is also a bit common, too. 

I do like all the details you put it. It really contributed to the mood. For example, the song you mentioned in the fifth paragraph: Moonlight Sonata. I went ahead and listened to the song while I read this in order to see if the song really contributed to the story, and it truly did.

Characters (5/15)

I've seen characters like Myungsoo, Jiyeon, and Jaejoong before in other fanfics similar to this one. One lover is gone, and the other main lead is morning for him/her to return. The lead character who is alive has a sibling who is in love with the same man/woman and wants to get engaged, but ends up failing to be engaged. I was hoping for a twist in the character, but I didn't seem to find much of a twist by the end of the story.

Writing (Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation) (16/20)

You didn't have a lot of errors. There were some run-ons and the shift to one character speaking and another character speaking was a bit confusing, but I'm sure that if you review your story, you'll find the mistakes and fix them.

Chapter 1:

Incorrect:

"I still remember the first time I saw you in the laboratory of geographic information system. At that time, you looked so frustrated. You scratched your head and sometimes your mouth moved as if you grumbled something-"

"I had trouble with the software that I used to analyze the network traffic of Busan city, and you suddenly approached me, then you asked what my problem was," she cut him off as she bowed her head. "Jaejoong, thank you so much for teaching me how to use that software."

Correct:

"I still remember the first time I saw you in the laboratory of geographic information system. At that time, you looked so frustrated. You scratched your head and sometimes your mouth moved as if you grumbled something–"

She cut him off. "I had trouble with the software that I used to analyze the network traffic of Busan city, and you suddenly approached me, then you asked what my problem was." She bowed her head. "Jaejoong, thank you so much for teaching me how to use that software."

Flow (5/5)

I think the flow was great! At first glance, I thought it was slow, but as I finished to the end, I didn't think that it was too slow or too fast. 

Overall Enjoyment (5/10)

I've read a few fanfics similar to this one, so it didn't really interest me. However, the last part when Jiyeon whispered her words to Myungsoo kind of creeped me out!

Total: 60/100

Review Done By: 500sunny500

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