Review for: ElleJacobs!

Story Title: Rules of Attraction.

Author: ElleJacobs

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/307985/rules-of-attraction-drama-infinite-myungsoo-romance-schoollife-ellejacobs

Title: 2/5

I don't know if it's just me, but I don't quite see the connection between the story and the title. I mean, Sunggyu and L both have a thing for Hana, but I don't get the "Rules" part....

Appearance: 5/5

Clean and neat, just the way I like it! The poster was just... Wow.

Nothing else I can say, except for excellent!

Description & Foreword: 8/10

I was into the description – literally.

The little note at the bottom really made me anticipate what was gonna happen. I felt as if I was really reading a novel that I bought from a bookstore.

However, you didn't elaborate your story further in the foreword and I was slightly disappointed. But since your description was good enough, it kinda covered up the absence of your foreword.

Characterization:13 /15

Hana is one of a kind. I liked the fact that she carried a slightly aloof persona, and was quite tough, unlike the usual hackneyed "a weak damsel in distress who cries over trivial matters" which most authors use. (And I'm guilty of that sometimes.)

But on another note, she is really sweet and fun to be with. She is a perfect mix of tough, y lady who at the same time, can be really sensitive. I like that.

What really blew me away was L and Sunggyu. They are both so stubborn, and they have personalities that are so alike; like being competitive. It makes me wonder what shaped them into the way they are.

I love your deep analysis of the characters.

Trust me, I wanted to give you full marks for this. But being the cruel reviewer I am, I deducted two marks. There is still room for improvement! (Although you are quite amazing now, and I can't seem to pick out any faults). I don't want to give you full marks because I don't want you to be complacent.

Keep trying, and maybe in your next story (if you decide to choose my review shop again) I might give you full marks. Hehehe~

Story Flow: 10/15

For now, it is quite okay. Not too fast, not too slow. The flashbacks really helped me to have a deeper understanding of why things are the way they are now. However, I can't give you more marks cause I need the full story to have a much detailed conclusion.

Language: 27/30

This is the highest mark I ever gave, although I'm still new to this 'reviewing' thing.

I tried so hard to pin-point and find mistakes in your language. But I can't.

It was near perfect, and the vocabulary you used was varied and appropriate.

However, there were a few mistakes here and there.

"Her hand felt soft against his and the slight touch brought a gentle shutter to his body. Her hand felt soft against his and the slight touch brought a gentle shutter to his body."

-Her hand felt soft against his and the slight touch brought a gentle SHUDDER to his body.

And I think you accidentally repeated the sentence. >_<

"Give the new ones there numbers."

Dongwoo reached into his black bag and took out three brand new jerseys. He called out the names and respected numbers.

-There are a few mistakes here and there:

"Give the new ones THEIR numbers."

Dongwoo reached into his black bag and took out three brand new jerseys. He called out the names and RESPECTIVE numbers.

Yeap, that's all the mistakes I tried to find. And there's a couple of things I would like to mention about your writing style. (Good Things)

"Hana was what it read on his phone and after giving it much thought erased it and entered the characters 그 여자 instead, which translated to "that girl". The reason behind being that in his eyes she wasn’t just some girl, she was more than that, more than just a name in cell phone. He wanted it to be his own, something distinctive, like how he had Hoya under YOHA in his phone. The only one who wasn't different was Sungyeol but that was because he insisted that L could only add an emoticon after his name. L originally had it as a -__- face but Sungyeol changed it to a >.< instead. L and Sungyeol ended up coming to a compromise and it changed to a :) in the end. But even then there was a meaning and a story behind it and he wanted hers to have the same effect."

-I LOVE THIS PARAGRAPH. I like the meaning under it. This gives L a kind of warm vibe to his "playboy" or "cold" exterior.

What I'm amazed is, you used such a simple example of 'naming the phone contacts' to portray a much deeper meaning, and it made me feel that L was a real person with real memories, instead of just "oh, so he's like that just because. Full stop."

I gave you a lot of marks for that! :D

However, instead of really putting the emoticons in the middle of the sentence, you could have named the expressions first, THEN put the emoticon in brackets beside it.

Another thing, your sense of humor. I love a humorous narration, really. It is funny in a sarcastic way, and it just seemed so... Natural. As compared to some authors, who try too hard that the end product is a little forced, your way of humor seems effortless, yet full of impact:

A man of very little words that one was, Hoya thought as he sighed back at L.

"That " Sungyeol began as he went to stand in front of Hoya, "we all have class 4 together and only you have 3. What are the odds of that?" Hoya's eyes narrowed.

And here’s our man of too many words.

Oh, the contrast between L and Sungyeol. HAHAHA. I love you for this!

Like I said, your language mark was the highest I ever gave. I'm genuinely amazed. Job well done! :DD

Overall Enjoyment: 15/15

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. No joke. There wasn't a moment I disliked your plot, story, characters (except for Minkyung) or anything, for that matter.

Once again, thank YOU, for writing so well.

Bonus Marks: 5/5

Do I HAVE to repeat why I gave you full marks? Hahaha.

There isn't much I can criticize about your story.

Kudos to you, author-nim! ^^

TOTAL MARKS: 85/100

Review Done By: SweetHoneyy

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