Title: As Slow as Leech's Walking

Author: unicorneatinglays 

Title -4/5

Haha, when I saw it, I was like, "What the heck?"  People who are looking for a good crack oneshot would definitely click on this. At first, I was like, "....Leeches don't walk..." Haha...I loved how you tied in your title at the end! I did have to take off a point for the grammar. It should either be "As Slow as a Leech's Walking" or "As Slow as Leeches Walking."

Description/Foreword  -10/15

Hm...it wasn't really eye-catching. Nor was it really long. It was short, concise sentence that told the reader all what the story was about. It didn't arouse that much curiosity to read the story. And there was no foreword....so I couldn't grade that.

Character Development/Showcasing -14/20

Uh...I couldn't really see any character development in here. Sehun's character is sort of....vague? What is he like? I can figure out that he is quite scary when he is mad and nervous when it comes to love. That's about it...A little more elaboration, please?

Appearance -5/5

Well..Sehun's expression in the picture did match the frustrated feel in the story. So, can't really mark off points for that. Formatting's fine.

Originality/Plot -13/20

It was definitely a plot I've never seen before. But...it wasn't really a plot. More like an account of just another incident in life. There wasn't really any...any...closing? Conclusion. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the ending. It ended perfectly. But it doesn't really tie all the knots. Does the internet work? Does LuHan get the message? How does he react to it? Etc. Overall, the originality was great; it was just the lack of plot that got me I guess.

Flow -3/5

It did feel a little rushed to me. Even though it was just a oneshot, I felt like you could've added more detail and elaborate more. Like the beginning scene with bubble tea. That part was kind of confusing. To help the reader understand, you could elaborate on that (Like on why he owes a bubble tear <---you were kind of unclear on who owed it.)You could elaborate on why Sehun liked LuHan. Like more of their moments together. And why Sehun thought Chanyeol was annoying.

Grammar/Spelling -23/25

Were there grammar mistakes throughout the story (comma splices, run on sentences, fragments, no commas where needed, etc.)? Was there improper word usage? Spelling errors?

Nope. Well, not that many. I mean, there was the title. Great job on the consistent verb tense! Not many people get that. I would say that mostly stories are usually in past tense, but since you're consistent, it doesn't matter. You did have some inconsistent persons (Like 1st person, 2nd person, 3rd person) but it wasn't serious. You also didn't capitalize and punctuate some stuff, but again, nothing gravely serious. There is some awkward wording. And one thing that really bothered me because it's the main point of the story.

"Why are you slower than leech's walking?"

An article before leech's would greatly improve this amazing sentence. Your story was just full of small grammar mistakes that could be easily fixed if you read-over your story.

Thank you.

That is all.

General Enjoyment/Last Comments - 3.5/5

I did enjoy it somewhat. It was a quick read, thank God. Improvement? Uh...look at my comments in the 'Plot' section. I think that's where I took the most points off. There was some slight ...did I mention that I didn't do or oneshots? But it's okay :) This is a pretty good exception to the rule. But still...no please ^^

Sorry if I seem harsh at some parts and noncommittal at others. I wasn't trying to. It's just that I have a project due tomorrow. Anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed your review. My first review at this shop~ <3 Thanks for requesting form Kaleidoscope Fantasy Review Shop~

75.5/100 points

Rview Done By: kittyxluvlee

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