It’s so dim in here. There are so many people too. I wonder if Jonghyun’s band is really that popular or maybe it’s just the club. I wonder when Jonghyun’s band is going to come on? I thought to myself as I looked around the club again, looking at all the different types of people dancing, drinking, and having fun. I notice that some people are looking at me weird; I guess since I’m just standing off to the side not really doing anything, I probably do stand out quite a bit. I soon feel someone tap my shoulder and look over to Soohyun who doesn’t look any happier to be here.

            “Are you ok? Do you want to go?” he asks me and I shake my head before signing back.

            “I’m fine. I think you’re the only one that wants to leave. Look at Inguk hyung, he’s over there dancing and having fun. Why don’t you dance with him?”

            “I don’t want to leave you by yourself. Also I was never a fan of clubs. They’re too loud and crowded. I don’t even know why I brought you here after that stunt you pulled earlier this week by basically running away,” he signs out and I let out a soft sigh.

            “You know I didn’t run away and I already apologized for not telling you that I was at Jonghyun’s place. Also it can’t be that bad. I mean the music probably is really loud since I can feel the bass send vibrations through my body. Still isn’t it fun nonetheless?” I sign out and this time I could see Soohyun sigh. I just laughed at him a bit before looking over to see Inguk dancing with another guy, it was harmless but I still decided to tease my cousin anyway.

            “Also you might want to go dance with Inguk hyung now or else someone else might take your place,” I said and he looked over to Inguk before telling me to wait here while he went over to him. I laughed at his jealously before turning my attention back to the stage. Nothing was happening yet and I was starting to wonder if maybe we had the wrong night or it was cancelled or something. Just as I was about to take my phone out and send Jonghyun a text however, the strobe lights grew more intense and the people in the crowd seemed to get more rowdy.

            I turn my eyes back to the stage and soon I see four guys walking onto it, one of them being Jonghyun. They all look really good, which probably explains all of the women in the audience going crazy over them, but my eyes stayed glued on Jonghyun. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt and a black studded leather jacket on top of that. His hair was slicked back into an up-do and he was wearing plenty of accessories that pulled his whole look together. Simply put, Jonghyun looks hot.

            Wait no. Why do I think Jonghyun looks attractive? I’m a guy and he’s a guy, but I mean there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging the fact that another guy is good looking though right? Plus…

            I thought back to when we were in his car and I thought he was going to kiss me and felt my heartrate increase. I had had dreams of him almost kissing me since then and one time he actually did kiss me, in the dream of course. I mean, if it’s Jonghyun, maybe it won’t be so bad to like him, even if we are both guys right?

            I shook myself from my thoughts and continued to watch Jonghyun’s band play. Taemin was even on stage dancing and hyping up the crowd with them and I realized this was the first time I’ve seen Taemin dance since he got his surgery. He looks truly happy and I now realize how much of an I was sort of being to him just for the simple fact that he can hear now while I still can’t.

            Their set soon ended and everyone was clapping and cheering. They must’ve asked for an encore because I saw Jonghyun smile before turning to the rest of the band and soon they were playing another song. I really was enjoying watching him sing. He was jumping around and interacting with audience and he really seems to be having fun on stage. It barely bothers me that I’m not able to hear him and the group because just the energy that crowd is giving off is enough for me to have fun.

            I was clapping and cheering with the rest of crowd when they finally ended their set and left the stage that I didn’t even notice Soohyun had come back over to my side until he rested an arm around my shoulders, scaring the living crap out of me in the process.

            “I’m guessing you enjoyed the show,” he signed out to me once he had my attention and I nodded my head enthusiastically.

            “Yea, it was really nice to watch and really fun. Did you like it hyung?”

            “Hmm…yea, they’re not bad. Your friend, Jonghyun, his voice is actually really nice. He could probably make a career out of singing if he really wanted to,” Soohyun said and I started to feel bad since I couldn’t hear it.

            “Ah really? I wish I could hear it.”

            “Maybe one day. You never know when you’ll get your hearing back,” he said and I shook my head.

            “Hyung, you know my hearing is never coming back. Not unless I get surgery or something.”

            “Well maybe one day we can get that for you,” he said with a smile and I couldn’t help but smile back. I know he means well but it was something that was easier said than done.

            “Anyway, we should get going,” he then signed out and even though I want to meet Jonghyun and his band I also know that Soohyun really wants to go so I decide to not say anything about wanting to meet Jonghyun and follow him and Inguk out of the club.

           When we arrive back at the apartment, I realize that I’m way more tired than I thought I was back at the club. So I say goodnight to Soohyun and Inguk before going into my room to get myself ready for bed. While putting on my pajamas I notice my phone light up on my bed. I go to pick it up and see that I have a text from Jonghyun.

From Jonghyun:

            Hey, did you like the show?

To Jonghyun:

            Yea, it was really fun and you guys looked so good!

            I typed out responding to his message quickly to only receive another one back just as fast.

From Jonghyun:

            That’s good. Why didn’t you stay though? I thought we could hang out after the show.

To Jonghyun:

            I’m sorry. My cousin was tired and wanted to go so I left with him as soon as you guys finished playing. I wanted to come meet the rest of the band too.

From Jonghyun:

            Oh just them? You didn’t want to come see me?

            I could feel my face heat up a bit as I read Jonghyun’s last text and was unable to stop my mind from drifting into remembering that brief moment in his car. I shook myself out of my thoughts so that I could type a quick response to Jonghyun.

To Jonghyun:

            Of course I came to see you but I would like to meet the rest of the guys one day.

From Jonghyun:

            How about tonight then?

What is he talking about tonight? I think to myself as I look at the clock seeing that it’s almost 11:30. Like yes, it’s a Friday but I really doubt Soohyun would let me go out this late at night.

To Jonghyun:

            What do you mean? It’s so late and Soohyun won’t let me leave this late.

From Jonghyun:

            Then sneak out.

            I read his message over and over about 6 times as I contemplated actually sneaking out but soon realized that even if I did leave, I had no way to really get to where Jonghyun and his friends would be. I still didn’t understand the public transportation system well enough and I definitely didn’t have enough money to call for a taxi, so I decided that I wouldn’t be able to meet up with Jonghyun, at least not tonight.

To Jonghyun:

            I can’t. Remember the last time I tried to take the bus by myself? Plus I’ll get in trouble.

From Jonghyun:

            I do. That’s how we met lol, but don’t worry about that I’ll come pick you up, but if you’re worried about getting in trouble….

            Jonghyun most recent message trailed off and I looked at it while biting my lip, trying to decide if it was worth the risk, before deciding what the hell.

To Jonghyun:

            Alright let’s do it! You’re gonna come pick me up right?

From Jonghyun:

            Yup, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. I’ll text you when I there.

            I read his last message as I lay in my bed, trying to think of the best way to leave without getting caught. Then I decided on just going for it. So I got out of bed and quickly got dressed in a pair of black jeans and a long sleeved gray shirt. Then I tried my best to open my door as quietly as possible, before looking both ways to make sure neither Soohyun nor Inguk was near before walking out into the hallway. Right before making a run for the door I looked around the corner to make sure if they weren’t in the living room and once I knew the coast was clear I made my way to the door and ran out of it as fast as possible. As soon as I was outside of the apartment I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding and made my way downstairs to wait for Jonghyun to arrive.

            I had to wait for about twenty minutes but once he pulled up in his car I didn’t even care that I had waited for him as I slid into the passenger’s seat and gave him a large smile. I quickly typed a message out on my phone asking where we were going and he just mouthed it’s a surprise to me. Well I’ve already snuck out; I might as well go with the flow at this point.

            It was about a thirty minute drive thanks to Friday night traffic but soon we were pulling up to a barbeque restaurant. Jonghyun had to drive around back to park the car since it was pretty busy but I didn’t mind having to walk a little bit to get inside. Once we were inside, Jonghyun lead us towards a back corner of the restaurant and soon his friends came into view. They were all sitting down, laughing, drinking, and already grilling up some meat to eat. As I got closer and got a good look at his friends, I could definitely see why they were so popular with the women at the club. They were all extremely good looking. If they didn’t make it as a band, I’m pretty sure they’d be able to get by on their looks alone.

            Jonghyun pulled out a chair for me to sit next to him, before taking a seat himself. Then I noticed him introducing his friends to me and I gave a slight wave to them, to greet them back. As Jonghyun was pulling out his phone, to probably text me and let me know his friends names, one of them beat him to it as he started using sign language to talk to me.

            “Hey Kibum. I’m Woohyun and this is Minho and Myungsoo,” Woohyun signed, introducing the other two people at the table. I was shocked at first that one of Jonghyun’s friend’s knew sign language but at the same time happy that I would be able to communicate with someone easily here.

            “Nice to meet you all,” I signed and Woohyun simply nodded his head and relayed the message onto everyone else.

            As Jonghyun was passing me some side dishes and a couple of cooked pieces of meat Woohyun signed that his mother was hard of hearing so he always knew sign language, but he spoke at the same time. So I figured he was answering someone’s question and just signing the answer out, so that I knew what he was talking about too.

            “What about you Kibum? Can you hear at all or..?”

            “Nope, fully deaf over here,” I said, exaggerating my answer by shaking my head and pointing to my ears.

            “Oh but you came to our show; yet you couldn’t hear anything? Did Jonghyun drag you along just to show off?” Woohyun asked and I shook my head.

            “No I asked to come. I just wanted to see what the band was like since Jonghyun’s always talking about it. You guys seem to have a lot of fans, so you must sound good I assume,” I said laughing a bit to myself since obviously I couldn’t hear to know if they actually sounded good or not.

            “Yea I guess we’re pretty good but I think a lot of people come because our front man is so hot”, Woohyun said sarcastically and I looked over to Jonghyun before turning back to him and saying

            “Eh, I think he’s just alright.” Which caused both of us to laugh and that was when I felt Jonghyun tap my shoulder.        

            “What are you guys talking about?” he asked, speaking slowly so that I could read his lips. I shook my head and waved him off as if to tell him nothing, but he seemed to keep staring at me, not happy with my answer. That was when Woohyun tapped my hand to bring my attention back to him.

            “I think someone’s jealous,” he said laughing and I laughed too.

            “He’s just upset I’m not giving him all of my attention. Anyway what instruments do each of you play? I know I saw you guys tonight but I was pretty far back and only really saw Jonghyun.”

            “Oh well I play the guitar but I also support Jonghyun as backing vocals, Myungsoo over there plays drums, and Minho plays the bass. Plus I would be upset too if someone as cute as you was ignoring me,” Woohyun added to the end. I didn’t know how to respond but I felt my face get warm as I looked away from him.

            Jonghyun brought his head closer as if trying to get a look at my face but I just pushed him away as I started to eat some of the food that he had placed in front of me. No one had ever called me cute, well Soohyun and Inguk did all the time but they didn’t count. I never had a stranger actually tell me that and I knew it was showing on my face, especially since someone as attractive as Woohyun said it too. Man I’m becoming weird. Ever since that time I thought Jonghyun was going to kiss me, I’ve felt I’ve been acting weird…different. Never would I have gotten shy by another man calling me cute and I especially wouldn’t have thoughts about kissing one but, then again, I never really had friends before, besides Taemin that is. Maybe this is just normal for me? Maybe I…like men?

            I shook my head to clear the thought away as soon as it popped into my mind. I shouldn’t be thinking such things right now. Not when I’m out with a group of people and everyone is having a good time. No, save those thoughts for when I get home and I’m alone so I can work them out privately.

            I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Jonghyun looking at me with what I deciphered as concern in his eyes. I must’ve really looked like I was losing it over here.

            “Are you ok?” he asked and I nodded my head and gave him a smile to show him that I was fine. That was when Woohyun gathered my attention again.

            “Hey, how long have you and Jonghyun been friends?” he asked. I shrugged my shoulders as I thought about how long Jonghyun and I had actually been friends.

            “Hmm…maybe for about a month so far. Why?”

            “Oh, it’s just, I don’t know strange to me that you guys have been hanging out for so long and he hasn’t even attempted to learn sign language. I mean he could easily ask me and of course I would teach him things, especially since we spend so much time together during band practice, but who knows. Jonghyun always has his own way of doing things,” Woohyun signed.

            I looked from him to Jonghyun and started thinking about what he said. I mean at first I didn’t mind that Jonghyun didn’t know sign language. We always found other ways to communicate, but now after finding out that one of his close friends knows sign language and he hasn’t even tried to learn how to spell out his own name…it had me thinking, maybe I wasn’t important enough to learn a new language for. Maybe he didn’t plan on being friends with me long, so why would he go through the trouble? No, no…maybe he’s just lazy. I shouldn’t think such negative thoughts about him, but as Woohyun’s words kept circling my brain, it was easier said than done.

            For the rest of the night, everyone continued talking and laughing with each other. I shook off my negative thoughts as best as I could and talked with Woohyun a lot for the rest of the night. Occasionally some of Jonghyun’s other friends would jump in the conversation and Woohyun would be our translator. It was fun and Woohyun and I even exchanged phone numbers before leaving the restaurant.

            As Jonghyun and I were walking to his car, Woohyun had texted me saying that we should meet up and hang out again sometime soon. I quickly texted him back with a smile on my face, agreeing, as I thought of what we could do when we met up. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to make a new friend; I guess I wasn’t a lost cause after all.

            Woohyun and I were still texting a bit back and forth as Jonghyun and I got in the car. I sat in the passenger’s seat and waited for Jonghyun to start the car as I was typing my response out to Woohyun’s most recent text, but after a minute I didn’t feel the soft vibrations of the car’s engine running under me and I looked over to Jonghyun to see him staring at me. I stared back at him for a moment before turning back to my phone and opening a new message so that I could text Jonghyun but before I could even type out one word I felt my phone being taken from my hand. I stared at Jonghyun with wide eyes as he chucked my phone into the backseat of his car.

            What was he doing? Why would he take my phone and throw it like that? Did I do something wrong?

            All these thoughts ran through my mind at one time and I didn’t know what to do. I had no way of communicating with Jonghyun now, except for using my voice, which I really didn’t want to do. I was just about to reach in the back for my phone when Jonghyun pulled his phone out of his pocket and typed out a message before handing it over to me.

            ‘What were you and Woohyun talking about all night?’ it said and I read it over twice before responding.

            ‘Nothing. Just normal stuff, why did you throw my phone though?’ I asked. I know there’s no way he threw it because I was talking to Woohyun, but when he handed me back the phone I realized that that was exactly the reason why he did it.

            ‘Well why were you ignoring me all night? I invited you out. I drove you here, I wanted to hang out with you but all you did was talk to Woohyun and ignore me all night.’ Jonghyun typed out before holding the phone in front of my face for me to read the message. I looked from the message to Jonghyun and just as I was about to reach for the phone he locked it and placed it in the cup holder.

            I continued looking at him confused. I couldn’t read what was going on in his mind and it bothered me. Was he really that upset that I was talking to Woohyun? Didn’t he bring me out to meet his bandmates? Shouldn’t he be happy that I got along with one of them? Then what about the time he ignored me for an entire week to hang out with Taemin? I was just about to voice the last concern but just as I was about to open my mouth and attempt to speak I felt his hands on either side of my face and soon I felt his lips on top of mine.

            My eyes shot open as wide as they could go when I felt his lips touch mine. I didn’t know what to do. I could hardly tell if this was real or not but Jonghyun must’ve been able to sense my hesitation because soon I felt one of his hands move from my cheek to the back of my neck, to keep me from pulling away from the kiss. Slowly, I closed my eyes and tried to kiss him back. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right, I mean I had had dreams of kissing him and now that it was happening, I wasn’t sure if it felt right. Soon his other hand started moving down my chest before he placed it on the upper part of my thigh. I let out a small gasp as he moved his hand closer to my crotch and my heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.

            Jonghyun had taken that small window of opportunity to place his tongue inside of my mouth. I felt his tongue moving around my mouth and I didn’t know what to do. I felt myself becoming aroused as he massaged the inside of my thigh, but as his hand started moving even higher, I placed my hands on his chest to push him away. It was all moving too fast and I couldn’t even comprehend if this was what I really wanted. Jonghyun didn’t move far from me, just far enough so that our lips weren’t touching.

He stared at me with hooded eyes and I had to turn my head away from his to gather both my breath and my sanity. Jonghyun took his hand and placed it under my chin to turn my head back towards him. He stared at me for a while and I felt myself growing shy under his gaze and soon he moved his lips to speak. I moved my gaze from his eyes to his lips to see him say three small words that made my heart stop.

“I like you.”

I didn’t know how to react to his words as I pulled myself away from him and shook my head. I couldn’t believe it. I must’ve read his lips wrong. Next thing I knew I felt one of his hands place itself back on my cheek and I turned to look at him as he used his other hand to interlace our fingers.

“Kibum…I. Like. You,” he said again and soon his lips were back on top of mine as he removed his hand from my face and wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me as close to him as possible, being that the divider was…well dividing us.

This time I gave in quicker to the kiss. After seeing him say those words, I felt like it was ok. There was nothing wrong about me kissing him. I liked him and he liked me. What could be wrong about that? That was until he took my hand and placed it directly on his crotch. I could easily feel how hard he was in his jeans and I didn’t know what to do. So I just removed my hand and acted like it didn’t happen but all he did was place it back on top. That was when I pulled away from the kiss and shook my head, trying to tell him that I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to move that fast. He seemed to ignore me as he leaned in to place kisses on my neck and moved his hand to my own steadily growing . I pushed him away again and this time voiced the word no.

“Kibum, it’s ok,” he said slowly as he took my hand into his again, “I like you. I want you,” he finished before leaning in to kiss me again, but I wouldn’t let him.

“Stop,” I voiced out this time as I put my hands out to push against his chest so I could keep him away. Yes, I did like him but everything was moving too fast. I mean not even thirty minutes has passed since my first kiss and it seemed like he wanted to do more than kiss right now.

Jonghyun looked at me for a couple more passing seconds before letting out a rough sigh, settling back into his seat, and starting the car. I reached into the back seat to retrieve my phone before adjusting back into my own seat as he drove me back. The ride back to my apartment was awkward; the tension between us thick. I figured I must’ve upset him for not wanting to do more, but I simply wasn’t ready.

When he pulled up to my apartment complex he cut the engine and I looked over to him, thinking he was going to say something. Instead he kept looking ahead and didn’t even glance towards me. I let out a soft sigh as I opened my door to get out of the car and just like that, Jonghyun drove off into the night.

I guess he didn’t like me as much as he said he did. 

It took over a year but here it is! New Chapter!! I'm so so sorry for the long wait for the update, this story isn't dropped, i'm just lazy. Anyway untl next time

~Lolo