‘Hyung! Jonghyun will be here soon and the food still isn’t done and oh my God I can’t wear this! It looks like I’m trying too hard right hyung?! Why did I invite him over?!’ I sign frantically only to have my cousin grab my arms to calm me down. He holds my arms for a couple of seconds and looks into my eyes as I slow my breathing before releasing them.

‘Calm down Kibum. You look fine and the food will be done in another ten minutes. Wow I’ve never seen you this nervous over anything. You must really like this guy,’ Soohyun signs out as he laughs to himself and I hit his arm lightly just as Inguk walks into the kitchen. He looks to both of us before signing,

‘Soohyun are you teasing Kibum again?’

‘Only a little,’ my cousin confesses causing Inguk to hit him as well.

‘Well stop, its Kibum’s first date. He doesn’t need you being…well you, to make him more nervous,’ Inguk signs and a large smile graces my face. I’m glad to see he’s on my side. The next thing I know my pocket is vibrating and I nervously pull out my phone to see Jonghyun’s text saying that he is here.

‘He’s here!’ I excitedly sign causing both my cousin and his boyfriend to laugh this time.

‘I’ll go let him in, you drink a glass of water and calm down a bit,’ Inguk signs out and I nod my head.

I honestly can’t even seem to remember how it got to this point. One night Jonghyun and I are texting like we normally do and then all of the sudden I “accidentally” invited him over for dinner. By accidentally I mean that all I did was say “you should come over for that dinner date soon.”

To which he responded:

How about tomorrow?

To which I said:

Sure not thinking he’d actually come today! Yet here we are, about to have our first dinner “date.”

Soon I feel a hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump and spill my water on the front of my shirt.

“…” I voice out before looking to see who touched me only to see Jonghyun standing in front of me with a large smile on your face.

“Hi, Kibum,” he says slowly before apologizing and looking at my chest and …I’m wearing a white button up shirt the he so obviously can see through right now.

‘I’ll be back,’ I quickly sign out before running to my room, completely forgetting that Jonghyun doesn’t even know sign language, but right now all I could think of was getting out of that wet shirt. I quickly change into a different shirt and when I come out I see Jonghyun and my cousin talking. I knock on the adjacent wall to signal that I was there and Jonghyun takes quick strides over to me.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he slowly mouths out and I shake my head as my way of letting him know that it was no big deal.

‘Kibum, how about you and Jonghyun go and set the table. The food should be down by time you guys are down,’ Soohyun signs out to me and I nod my head before grabbing some plates gesturing for Jonghyun to do the same, even though I’m pretty sure Soohyun told him to help me as well.

We set the table in silence, which is pretty much how my entire life has been, but with Jonghyun it never feels awkward. Even though I can’t talk to him like a normal person he doesn’t make into a thing where I really feel different.

Soon the table is set and Soohyun and Inguk are bringing the food out. Dinner surprisingly goes by smoothly, with Soohyun and Inguk talking to Jonghyun and Soohyun working as the translator between Jonghyun and me as well. It was good; fun and when it was over Soohyun even offered to wash the dishes so Jonghyun and I could have some “alone” time as he liked to put it. After hitting him though, I decide to take Jonghyun into my room so we could watch a movie. As I’m closing the door, I feel a hand wrap itself around my wrist. I turn to see Jonghyun standing very close to me. He extends his other arm and closes the door the rest of the way before stepping closer to me.

I feel my heart start beating faster and my breath catch in my throat as he moves closer until he stops. He’s standing up straighter to be at eye level with me and I can feel his breath on my lips.  I don’t know what to do. Do I look away? Push him away? Run away? Or…do I kiss him? My hormones seem to make the decision for me as I push myself forward just enough to place my lips on top of his, but when I do, he doesn’t do anything. So after a while I pull away only to see him still in the same position staring at me.

Maybe he didn’t want to kiss me. Maybe he just wanted to talk…, did I overstep some boundaries? Is he going to hate me or even worse, think I’m obsessed with him now?

All of these thoughts flood my head as I push his arm away that was trapping me so that I can get away. I don’t get far however before I feel his hand on my arm again, but this time I yank my arm away. I will not embarrass myself again. The next thing I know I am being turned around and he is staring at me again but this time he speaks, slow enough so I can read his lips.

“Kibum are you sure?” he says and I stare at him confused. Am I sure about what? Jonghyun can probably sense my confusion as he moves his face closer before asking again:

“Are you sure?” I don’t know what it is about him but I find myself nodding my head and the next thing I know his lips are on top of mine and he is finally kissing me back.

The kiss is rough, rougher than when we were in the car last week. He is pulling my body closer to his that it makes me feel as if nothing could come between us. One of his hands makes its way into my hair and he surprises me by pulling on it slightly. I yell out softly and the next thing I know I feel his tongue in my mouth as his hand moves its way from my hair to my . As he starts massaging my cheeks while simultaneously pulling me closer to him, I feel myself start to become aroused, especially since he keeps pulling me into his crotch and they keep rubbing together. So with much difficulty I push him away. It’s not that I want him to stop but I also don’t want to get caught by my cousin either.

That doesn’t stop him though, because next I feel his lips on my neck as we’re moving backwards until I trip on my bed and flail backwards and onto the floor, bringing him down with me. Not only do I hurt my head and back, but it finally breaks up the kiss as Jonghyun laughs at me. I push him off of me and stand up from the floor and just in time because the next thing I know, my door is being opened and Soohyun is asking me if everything’s ok.

‘Yea, we’re fine. We just fell on the floor,’ I respond and I notice his eyes shifting from me to Jonghyun and back to me again.

‘Well good, as long as you’re ok. Also leave the door open, you know just in case you fall again,’ he signs out and I can totally see the suspicious look in his eyes. Well great, I see a fun talk in my future. Soon I feel my phone vibrate. I dig it out of my pocket to see a message from Jonghyun.

            ‘So what did he say?’

            ‘Nothing…just to leave the door open,’ I respond.

            ‘Well if he wants a show…’ Jonghyun replies and soon I feel him come closer to me but I quickly move away shaking my head to let him know that we weren’t going to be giving my cousin any kind of show.

            Jonghyun put his hands up in surrender before slowly extending one towards me. I look towards his hand suspiciously but in the end figure it will be fine as I place my hand in his. He walks me over to my bed and we both sit at the end of it, staring at each other.  I can honestly stare at Jonghyun all day, but I felt it starting to get a bit awkward so I turned my face away from him and toward the open door. That only causes Jonghyun to return my face back to him as he continues staring at me. Until he finally speaks.

            “Kibum…you know I like you right?” he slowly mouths out and I nod my head in response.

            “Well then…do you like me as well?” he asks and I have to think about it. I like hanging out with him, I like talking with him, and I certainly like kissing him, so I guess that means I like him. So I nod my head yes and a smile breaks out on his face.

            “Good,” he mouths as he leans in for a kiss. It’s starts as one small peck and then another one, and then another, until he pulls away and we’re just staring into each other’s eyes, noses touching as our breath intermingles with each other’s.

            Soon he pulls away from me and turns towards the door. I follow his gaze and see my cousin standing at the door with his arms crossed and I quickly jump up from the bed.

            ‘What’s going on here?’ he signs out and I hastily respond,

            ‘Nothing. We were just talking,’ I sign.

            ‘Yea, talking. How about you guys come talk out in the living room’

            ‘Hyung, I swear, we were just talking. Why do we..?’

            ‘Kibum, don’t make me repeat myself. Now either come to the living room or your friend can leave,’ Soohyun signs out and I let out a sigh before taking Jonghyun’s wrist and dragging him out of the room.

            We end up watching TV for a little while, with my cousin and his boyfriend sitting in the room with us until Jonghyun said it was time for him to go home. I walk him to the door and we share a goodbye kiss before he promises to text me later.

            I walk back into the living room after locking the door and see Soohyun and Inguk still sitting there. I’m just about to head into my room when Soohyun starts to sign something out; deep down I knew this was coming.

            ‘So…you and Jonghyun, when were you going to tell us you guys were dating?’

            ‘We’re not dating…not really,’ I sign out.

            ‘Then why did I catch you guys kissing? Clothes all disheveled?’

            ‘I fell on the floor. I was just being clumsy and…’

            ‘So you’re going to lie to me?’ Soohyun signs out and I saw Inguk place a hand on his shoulder and whisper something into his ear.

            ‘Listen…I don’t mind you dating, but I do worry about you moving too fast. You’re still young Kibum and I’m worried about you’re still young Kibum and I’m worried about you,’ he signs out and I let out a soft sigh before signing,

            ‘You don’t have to worry. I promise I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do. We’ve only kissed three times, but I’m definitely not ready for anything more than kissing, so don’t worry hyung.’

            I then go into my room to end the awkward conversation before it goes any further and as I lie on my bed I think about Jonghyun and the kisses we shared in my room, on my bed and can’t help to become slightly aroused. Maybe I do like Jonghyun more than I originally thought.

I updated so irregularly, sorry, but here you go! I tried!!

~Lolo