I was woken up by the feeling of someone shaking me. As I slowly opened my eyes I saw my older cousin Soohyun standing above me. I gave him a small smile before mouthing ‘Good morning.’ He did the same back before backing away to let me get up. I looked at the clock that read 6:00 am and let out a small breath. I hated how early I had to wake up for school but I wasn’t one to complain since Soohyun had to wake up even earlier to make sure I was up and drive me. I’ve told him many times that I can take the bus but he’s overprotective and doesn’t want me on public transportation. So he makes time in his schedule to pick me up and drop me off. Sometimes he’ll have his boyfriend, Inguk, come to get me if he can’t make it as well. I always feel bad that I’m troubling the couple but Soohyun will constantly remind me that it’s fine and he does it because he loves me.

            I know what you’re wondering. Where are my parents, right? Well they aren’t dead, so you can get rid of that idea. They’re back in my hometown of Daegu. They had finally raised enough money to send me to Seoul for me to attend a specialized school and even though I told them I didn’t want to leave they insisted that it would be for the best. So I was shipped off to Seoul to live with my 25 year old cousin Soohyun. My parents were only able to pay for the first year though but fortunately enough my grades were high enough for me to get a partial scholarship. My parents and Soohyun are both chipping in to pay for the rest. Another thing for me to feel bad about. It’s not like Soohyun makes a lot of money, no he’s a simple business man, yet he is paying for almost everything I need along with my parents, but I kept telling myself that once I get a well-paying job I will pay back everything that they’ve done for me.

            It didn’t take me too long to get ready in the morning. I put on a simple outfit that consisted of a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and an off white long sleeve shirt, since it was the middle of fall, then I was ready. I got into the car and watched the scenery change as Soohyun kept driving. The steadily falling leaves from the trees in the neighborhood and the cool air all signaled that winter was right around the corner. I liked winter, especially the snow. Its white color and the peaceful feeling it gave me. I ended up getting lost in my thoughts and soon Soohyun was pulling up to the school. Before getting out I looked over to him to see if he had anything to say.

            ‘Have a good day at school. I will pick you up later, so wait for me.’ He signed out to me. I nodded before getting out of the car and heading inside. Yes, I Kim Kibum, am deaf. I was born with my hearing, however, by the age of five I was completely deaf. They said that I had delayed onset hearing loss. My parents tried hearing aids and they worked for a little while but by the time I was five my hearing was completely gone and nothing could help. I can remember some sounds but most of them have become lost in my memory. This also led to me being able to speak but my speech isn’t very good. At least I wouldn’t think it is since I can’t even hear my own voice.

Anyway this is the reason why I’m at this school. It specializes in teaching deaf and blind kids. The classes I am in are taught in sign language for the most part. The teacher still speaks because there are some kids that can hear slightly but most of us are completely deaf.

            I’m in my second to last year in the school. The school teaches kids from grades 6-12 but, the younger kids were put on the other side of the building. I did however make friends with one of the younger kids. His name, Lee Taemin. I saw him in the gym dancing when I was on cleaning duty for that hallway last year. I have to admit that I slightly hated him when I saw him dancing. The reason being that he could hear music; I wanted so badly to hear…well anything. Yet here was this kid, dancing to music, with the biggest smile on his face. I ended up walking in and interrupting him. He looked at me with a confused face before I signed to him that I had to clean the gym and he was in the way. He quickly apologized, signing back, and went to pick up the radio, but he didn’t leave right away. Instead he came back over to me and signed me his name.

            I decided it would only be polite to introduce myself, so I did. I noticed he had a hearing aid in both ears and then asked him how he could hear the music. Really just curious about how bad his hearing really was since he didn’t open his mouth once while signing, which most people with partial hearing did. He told me that he can only hear faint sounds and that all he could hear in the music were the deep background rhythms and that was only when he turned it all the way up. Before I knew it I had learned a lot about the boy; that he was two years younger than me and that he really wanted to be a dancer if his hearing ever got better. Ever since that time we’ve hung out with each other often. This year shouldn’t be any different.

            I went over to my locker to retrieve the books that I needed for the first half of the day and as I was doing so I felt someone jump on my shoulders. Once I steadied myself I saw that it was Taemin and he had a huge smile on his lips. I put my books in my bag before asking him what had him so excited. I hadn’t seen him for the last week and I was actually curious as to where he’s been.

            ‘I can hear Kibum.’ I looked at him with wide eyes before asking how. ‘I got a cochlear implant in both of my ears. My parents had finally gotten the money for it and now I can hear!!’ He signed excitedly and I couldn’t help but feel extremely jealous of the younger boy. I knew my parents would never be able to afford something like that but yet here he was jumping up and down because his parents had the money to fix him, while I was left forever broken.

            ‘That’s good Taemin. I’m happy for you.’

            ‘I know! I can hear music clearly now and let me tell you Kibum it’s beautiful.’

            ‘I bet it is but I have to go to class now. So I’ll see you later.’ I signed wanting to get away from the younger boy. I knew that I should have been happy for him but I just couldn’t find it in me to be happy for him. Not when I wanted that happiness that he had.