12:30. It is 12:30 and Jonghyun said that he would be here at 12. I got up early; or at least what I consider early for myself on a Sunday morning, showered, and cleaned the living room all because I knew Jonghyun was coming over but now he’s late and all I could think was that he’s not coming. I keep checking my phone over and over, in hopes of getting a text from him saying that he was running late or something, but each time I check all I see is an empty inbox. Soohyun and Inguk hyung had gone out on a date today so I was really hoping for Jonghyun to come over so that I wouldn’t be alone and also so I could apologize to him, even though he was the one that really owed me an apology. As I kept thinking of more and more reasons that Jonghyun could possibly be late, my phone vibrated and I basically hopped off the couch to go and open the door. When I did, I saw something I wasn’t expecting. Jonghyun was there, but there was another boy, maybe just slightly shorter than Jonghyun, by his side. I invited them both in and showed them into the living room. Jonghyun sat on the couch and the other boy sat on one of the chairs next to the couch. I ended up sitting next to Jonghyun and then I picked up my pad and started writing my first note. Before I could get out three words, Jonghyun took the pad from me and started writing a note of his own. He handed the pad back to me when he was done and I looked down to see almost a whole paragraph written.

            ‘Hey Kibum, I’m so sorry that I was late. I told my parents last night that I was going somewhere today but they still dumped my younger brother on me. You remember right? I told you I had a younger adopted brother named Minseok. I was going to leave him at home but I knew my parents would get upset, which I don’t understand why since he’s sixteen, but I hope  you don’t mind that I brought him,’ I read before actually understanding the situation and being completely fine with it. I decided to write a big ‘Hi!’ on the pad so that I could greet Jonghyun’s brother.

            When I lifted it up to show Minseok, however, the other boy made a weird face before turning to Jonghyun and saying something to him. He was speaking so fast and half of his mouth was covered by the direction he was facing that I wasn’t able to make out what he was saying. Yet, there was one word I was able to catch him say. That was ‘weird.’ Jonghyun’s brother thought I was weird. I slowly put the pad back down on his lap and started writing my message out to Jonghyun.

            ‘It’s fine. It’s understandable that your parents want you to take care of your little brother. He doesn’t seem to be having much fun though…,’ I stopped writing, trying to decide if I should ask Jonghyun if his brother did in fact call be weird or not, but after a moment of thought I decided against it. What would it help if I had that confirmation? It would just hurt my feelings but it won’t change the fact that he said it. So I decided to just continue the note and apologize to Jonghyun.

            ‘Also I’m sorry for ignoring you for most of the week. I was just upset but I should’ve told you why I was upset instead of ignoring you,’ I finished writing and then handed the pad over to Jonghyun.

            I watched him read it and as he was reading it I saw his brother start talking again and once again I wasn’t able to catch what he was saying but Jonghyun just waved him off before writing his message back. As he was writing I decided to see if his brother wanted anything to drink. So I took a deep breath, cleared my throat and started speaking slowly in hopes he would understand me.

            “Would…you like…something to…drink?” I tried my best to get out and then his brother did something that I wasn’t expecting him to do, even though I should have. He laughed. He was laughing at me. I felt so embarrassed and decided to go to the kitchen anyway to get some drinks so that I could hide my embarrassment and along with the tears that were b my eyes. I guess I wasn’t so discreet with my way of leaving the room, since I practically ran, because Jonghyun came in after me and asked me if I was ok. He had mouthed it slowly so that I was able to understand and I just nodded my head, before pretending to scratch my eyes to wipe away a stray tear that threatened to fall.

            “Are you sure?” Jonghyun asked as he held my head between his hands and looked into my eyes. I stared back at him before breaking eye contact and going back to get the glasses of water for them. I walked back up to Jonghyun and handed him his glass with a smile on my face before heading back to the living room holding mine and Minseok’s glasses.

            “Here,” I said with a smile on my face as if his laughing at me less than five minutes ago didn’t affect me and then I sat back down on the couch, picked up the pad, and read what Jonghyun was writing.

            ‘He’ll get over not having fun and why were you ignoring me? You didn’t tell me last night. Did I do something wrong?’ I read what he wrote and right before writing my own message I realized it was somewhat stupid the reason I was ignoring him and I didn’t want him to think I was crazy or obsessed with him. So I decided it might be best just to let it go.

            ‘Don’t worry about it. It really was nothing. I just overreacted.’ I wrote and handed it back to him.

            ‘Are you sure? You ignored me for a whole week. I must’ve done something wrong,’ he wrote and I just wanted him to let it go, at least for now. I couldn’t afford to be laughed at twice in less than an hour.

            ‘It’s really nothing. How about we get out of here though? Your brother seems to be really bored. We can go to the mall or something,’ I wrote. I didn’t really go to the mall often. It’s not like I really have money to be spending frivolously on clothes and other than buying clothes there’s really no point in going to the mall, especially when you’re deaf.

            ‘Are you sure? I mean won’t you be bored at the mall?’

            Why would I be bored? I thought to myself. I can have fun as long as there’s someone with me.

            ‘No, I’ll be fine. How about we invite Taemin too? Then it can be a whole group thing?’ I saw him read it and then a smile spread on his face and I felt my heart clench slightly. This whole time that he was with me he hasn’t smiled but as soon as I mention Taemin a smile breaks out on his face.

            I felt myself slowly getting upset so I took a deep breath to calm myself down before texting Taemin to meet us at the mall.

            ‘I just invited Taemin, so now it’s up to you to get us there. Since I still don’t know how to take the bus, let alone the train,’ I wrote and I saw Jonghyun giggle to himself but this time I wasn’t upset when Jonghyun laughed.

            ‘Ok, let’s go then.’

            Our trip to the mall was basically me just following Jonghyun and trying to make sure I didn’t get lost in the crowd. I felt like his brother was rushing him, almost like he wanted me to get left behind, but when Jonghyun saw me falling behind he took my hand to help me keep up with him. We had to take one bus and one train to get there and once we were there I texted Taemin to let him know to meet us at the food court.

            As we were walking to go meet up with Taemin I sent a text to Jonghyun asking him if his brother liked video games. We had decided when we were on the bus, that the easiest way for use to communicate while we were out would be through texts.

From Jonghyun:

            Yea he does. Why?

To Jonghyun:

            I was just thinking that we could go to the game store if he wanted. That could cure his boredom.

From Jonghyun:

            Stop worrying about him so much. He’s just being a brat. Let’s just do whatever you want to do Kibum.

            I looked over to his brother and saw him texting on his phone with an annoyed look on his face before letting out a sigh. He’s probably annoyed that he has to hang around a cripple like me. I thought to myself as I put my phone back in my pocket and continued towards the food court.

            When we got there I texted Taemin that we were there but I was able to find him before he could respond. He was sitting at a table toward the edge of the food court, eating a pretzel and his hair was died a bright blond color. Once he saw me, he got up from his chair and ran over to hug me, making sure his pretzel was safe of course. After a minute he finally released me so that I could talk to him.

            “When did you dye your hair?!” I asked before touching it a bit.

            “Earlier today! So I was already near the mall when you texted me! Do you like it hyung?!” he signed excitedly to me until all of the sudden he was no longer excited. All of the sudden his mood dropped. He was staring behind me before lowering his eyes and taking a small bite out of his pretzel. When I turned to look behind me I saw Jonghyun smacking his younger brother on the back of the head and I wondered if he said something mean again.

            “Taemin? What’s wrong? Why are you upset?”

            “I’m not upset hyung,” he spoke slowly so that I could read his lips, but he spoke instead of signing it.

            “Are you sure? Why are you speaking instead of just signing it out?”

            “No reason, just go tired of signing everything,” he said and I knew that wasn’t the real reason. Minseok must’ve said something that made him feel self-conscious and that’s why he didn’t want to speak to me the way we normally did, the way that was easiest for me to understand. I mean, I can read lips, but it is slightly harder for me to do with some words and it’s just easier if someone that knows sign language, just signs out what they want to say. I decided not to push the issue though.

            “Ok, as long as nothing’s wrong,” I said but just because I wasn’t going to push him for what Minseok said didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to ask Jonghyun. I quickly took out my phone to send Jonghyun a text message.

To Jonghyun:

            Did your brother say something that would make Taemin upset?

From Jonghyun:

            Why would he say anything? Did Taemin tell you he said something?

            I read the message over and over, confused, before turning around to look at Jonghyun and his brother. There were a couple of more guys with them and I figured they were Minseok’s friends since they were all crowding around him, but could I have read his lips wrong? Did he really laugh at me earlier and not just something else? Was I simply being oversensitive again?

To Jonghyun:

            No, never mind. I’m probably just imagining things. Anyway, what do you want to do now?

            I sent to him as I walked back over to his side but after he read my message he looked at me with what seemed to me to be a sad smile on his face. Why does he look like that? Aren’t we having a good time together?

From Jonghyun:

            Actually I have to go now Kibum. I have band practice in about an hour so I have to get my stuff and head over there.

            Oh…he had band practice. I was actually hoping that we could hang out for a bit longer but that wish seemed to be coming to an end right now.

To Jonghyun:

            Oh, ok then. I’ll see you later then.

From Jonghyun:

            I’ll text you later tonight.

            That was the last message he sent me before walking off with his brother and his brother’s friends. Once they were gone, I went back and sat next to Taemin who had finished his pretzel and was now eating some candy that he had. Seriously how is he not fat with how much this boy eats.

            “Where’s Jonghyun hyung?” he asked me, signing to me once again.

            “He had band practice. So I guess it’s just the two of us now. Also did Minseok say something to make you upset a minute ago?” I asked, even though I had decided to let it go before, but I had to see if I was actually making this up or if he was actually saying rude things.

            “Minseok?”

            “Jonghyun’s brother, the shorter guy standing next to Jonghyun,” I clarified, even though I figured they would have met before since Taemin was going to all of Jonghyun’s band rehearsals.

            “Oh…he just said ‘oh look, we’re surrounded by even more freaks’” Taemin signed before putting his head down and biting part of his lip. I felt upset knowing that he could say such a thing but I was more mad than sad since Taemin actually heard it and that he made Taemin feel like he should speak instead of sign in front of him so that he could seem “normal.” I put a small smile on my face before ruffling Taemin’s hair to try and cheer him up.

            “We’re not freaks Taemin. He’s just a jerk, ok? So don’t let him get you down. How about we go to Jonghyun’s band rehearsal hmm? You know where they rehearse right? It will make you feel better watching them play right?” I asked and Taemin shook his head before saying:

            “Hyung, there is no rehearsal today. They decided not to have a rehearsal today since they just played a gig yesterday and the day before. Plus they normally don’t rehearse on Sundays. Jonghyun hyung left, because he was embarrassed of us…” Taemin signed and my eyes went wide before I shook my head no.

            “No…why would he be embarrassed of us? He hangs out with you all the time! And he and I text and stuff…” I stopped signing halfway through my train of thought, trying to get my thoughts in order.

            “I can hear though hyung and I don’t have to sign in front of him. Also you guys only hang out at the bus stop and at your place so…I don’t know. He just seemed embarrassed of us. That must be why he made up the fake band practice,” Taemin signed and I saw the sadness in his eyes. It resembled the sadness that I felt in my heart.

            Was Jonghyun really embarrassed by me? Did he not like to be around me in public? What Taemin was saying had to be true. How could anyone not be embarrassed when hanging out with a deaf kid in public when they weren’t deaf themselves.

            I embarrass Jonghyun…that’s why he hangs out with Taemin more than me, because I’m an embarrassment.

Hey, it's been a while I know, but look here's an update! Kibum and Jonghyun are talking again, but now Kibum thinks Jonghyun see's him as an embarrassment. Is that true? Or did Jonghyun actually just have a band rehearsal that Taemin didn't know about? Who knows? Guess you guys will find out in the next chapter!

~Lolo