I don’t know what had happened just now, but judging from the situation right now I could already be assured that something is definitely not right.

I fluttered my eyes open slowly despites the warm breeze I felt surrounding me. And it’s strange; it’s not winter anymore, is it?

I opened my eyes just to see someone’s face I’ve been longing to touch.

Those eyes I could not resist staring at. Those lips I could not wait but to wonder how it tastes like.

Those cheeks I’ve been craving for caressing. Those perfect features that only D.O and D.O only have ever had.

I guess he had been haunting me into my dreams after all, I decided to caress his cheeks gently and smoothly that it began to feel addictive for me.

The skin I felt from each of my fingertips is exactly as what I have been wondering of. It’s exactly as smooth as what I have been imagining of.

The way D.O flinch as I touch him is also the same as what I expect him to react, thus I never really done so in my whole time being with him.

A smile rises to my lips as I realized how I have been longing for this touch. And the D.O I saw in my dream; though he was astonished and even flinched, he didn’t try to reject my touch.

D.O’s eyes were widened at first yet it began to reduce to its normal size, which is still huge to me, as I continued caressing his cheeks while I let my smile creeps to my lips. I was still dazed, and even dizzy in my dream.

I decided to close my eyes once again, ignoring the anxious look apparent on D.O’s face.

“He will be alright, D.O” I heard someone says through my dream. He seemed to be talking to my superior, his voice sounds assuring.

Almost too assuring to even be considered worrying about someone’s condition other than D.O; which in this case is, me.

“…Would he, Tao?” D.O says, through his voice the image of his concerned looks could reappear inside my mind for once again.

The latter does not reply; it’s either he doesn’t know what to reply, or he doesn’t even bother to reply.

Not a moment later I could feel someone’s warm and soft hand; smaller and more fragile than mine, clasping itself to mine.

Intertwining his fingers through mine, I could be reassured that this is not a dream. It felt too real to be just a grasp of a dream. Yet it’s also paradoxical.

Beside the half of me that was so sure it’s not a dream, lay the other half of me that was very sure that all of these things happening right now are just another dream.

The reason being? It’s because of how gentle and familiar the hands on mine felt, too gentle that it almost feels impossible. I know, I really am sure that these hands are D.O’s hands; it’s not doubtable.

However the thing that made my other half sure that it’s a dream is the way his touch felt against mine.

It’s gentle and soft, smooth and careful, almost making me fall in love just with the feel of the touch. Almost made me wish that I would not wake up if it were just another dream.

Almost made me drown in happiness, almost made my heart skips a beat, almost made me believe that it’s impossible for D.O to touch me like this.

“Why would he do that, Tao?” I heard D.O muttered into thin air, talking to no one but himself though I know he wishes for Tao to have listened to him and giving him a reasonable answer.

His grip tightened on my hands I want to respond with a little twitch just to reassure him that I’m alive. Yet my hand feels numb.

In fact, my whole body feels numb to the point that I can’t even feel my feet. Only those warming hands of D.O that made me believe the presence of my hand as if his touch was magical.

“What if he does not wake up? What if…” I could hear his gulp.

“What if… he ends up like Ryeowook Hyung?” D.O asked once again, this time his voice sounds more miserable than demanding to my ears. I want to clench my heart in painful frustration; yet again I couldn’t even feel my body.

How am I supposed to move? Why D.O sounds so miserable that I began to feel guilty? How come instead of bringing his smile back to his lips, I brought agonizing memories?

“What if he vanished?”

‘I could not possibly vanish, D.O. I won’t let myself vanish if it could bring harm to your heart.’ I want to scream out loud so that D.O would stop worrying about me, I want him to know that I’m all right.

However my tongue freezes, my mouth and lips feel numb I couldn’t even open them. I was frustrated at myself; I want to move yet I can’t.

I want to hug the trembling D.O I could feel resting his head on my and his intertwined hands. I want to rub his back in such a reassuring way I could ever done. I want to see him smile that I had waken up.

“D.O, I’m so sorry… It was all my fault” I could hear Tao finally opened his mouth to actually saying his apology. …Wait, what? Why would he apologize on behalf of me?

I am the one who keeps on badgering him to brought me back to the past. It’s not even Tao’s fault in the first place, yet why would he went through all the trouble, throwing away his pride to actually apologize over something that is not even slightest his fault.

“I should not have allowed him to go back to the past. I should have forbid him from going too far.” D.O began to sobs softly; I couldn’t stand those sobbing right besides my ear.

It was too heartbreaking to be heard of, it was too breathtaking for someone who loves D.O as much as I do.

“I don’t understand, Tao. Why would he? Why would Chanyeol went back to the past?” his voice raised into an almost aching shriek. “Does he not know the rules of the Life Department?”

As I heard their conversation a little while later, I assume Tao was shaking his head in a disagreeing manner.

“He knows the rules better than Chronos, D.O. I’m sure he knows them too well.” Tao’s voice seems to be shaky enough for me to be sure that he’s trying to constrain all of his disappointment of his self.

I know where the conversation would lead on to, and I definitely do not like how it would went. I still don’t want D.O to know the reason I come back to the past.

That it was for my egoistic mind, trying to dig out his privacy just to see his genuine smile; just so that I could feel warm and happy of seeing his smile.

“The reason he came back to the past…”

No, Tao. Don’t.

“is”

Please, don’t.

“to bring“

D.O mustn’t know of my feelings towards him!

“your smile back”

That’s it… I better not wake up at all.

Silence across the whole room, I think. No one, definitely none of the two; either D.O or Tao, opened their mouth to be sonant of their opinion.

I was about to think that it’s hopeless, that this is the end, when D.O’s grip on my hand tightened. He even circles his thumb on the back of my palm, he even drools- Wait. Drools? No, no, it isn’t drools.

Whatever it is, there’s something wet trailing down my hands. As I heard the sobbing come out of D.O’s trachea, I finally know that it was tears flowing down my hands.

“Just to see my smile?” D.O said in between his sobs and sniffs. I couldn’t bring myself but to feel a tiny bit happy due to his reaction.

To have D.O, someone who once rejected me, crying for my sake. I was actually beaming with happiness inside my heart, so radiant that I want to take back what I had in mind of not waking up at all.

I want to wake up right here, right now. I want to open my eyes and sits back. I want to see D.O’s smile; I want to hug him, caressing him gently and lovingly. Yet I can’t.

“I will smile, Chanyeol. I will smile a lot from now on.” D.O sobs reduced forcefully as I assume he’s trying to make such a beautiful heart-shaped smile I recalled seeing in the past.

“So please, wake up. I will smile a lot, I promise you Chanyeol. Please, wake up” I could hear Tao’s movement slightly; approaching D.O’s shaken self just to patted him on the shoulder. Reassuring D.O that everything’s will be all right.

“It is the first time I’ve seen you crying for someone’s sake, D.O. Of course, I’m talking about after the last time you cried for Ryeowook.” Tao said suspiciously, I could hear a little bit of hesitation in his voice as he reached out to calm D.O.

D.O’s sobbing started to reduce even more to the point that those sobs have literally gone, only some remained there.

“He’s different Tao. I wasn’t able to realize how important he is to me.” If I could open my eyes, maybe it would fell out of my socket due to the shock it gave me. So I get to hear what D.O had been feeling about me?

“I knew he love me. Yet I rejected him” D.O’s confession started to be flowing throughout the room, seeping into my heart making it warm and beating faster.

“I’ve once decided that I don’t want to love anymore. I’m a Grim Reaper I don’t need any love.”

My heart was going to burst in both happiness and pain I felt from D.O’s confession. How could he say that he doesn’t need any love? He has a heart too, and heart is supposed to feel and being loved.

“I thought I’m doing well, I thought I could live without feeling how painful love is.” Though I felt the pain of D.O’s thought, about how he thought he would never love someone in the rest of his life. Of how D.O would prefer not being in love, rather than to feel the pain of his love life.

Still, that’s wrong D.O; that is definitely wrong. Love is made to be painful, and pain is just another seasoning for love. So that we could appreciate more; so that we wouldn’t feel numb of the sweetness of love.

“I was wrong, Tao. I am wrong these whole time” My heart fell for hundredth time of how D.O was doomed to be in this kind of state the whole time.

Why wouldn’t he at least consult me about the burden he felt in his heart? I will find a way to ease his heart right away.

“As the both of you had gone, almost one season passed by with emptiness inside my heart.” I had gone for almost one season? No wonder it’s not winter anymore.

I could even smell some of the Dianthus on the garden outside of the Death Management Department.

“I supposed it’s not because of me, right D.O?” Tao snickered in bittersweet manner I could feel from his tone of voice. But then realization struck me in the head; Tao meant D.O felt empty because I’ve been gone for that long?

“I’m sorry Tao. I didn’t mean to…” Tao scoffed, not that he seems to be insulted or he would mind himself as being forgotten; after all he rarely met D.O, he only give some daily presents to D.O.

“It’s okay. It’s just… I think all of the members of the Life Department would be heartbroken” Tao said with such an easy going manner that I thought I heard a soft laugh escaping from D.O’s mouth.

“I think I’ve fallen for Chanyeol”