The Past I Should Not Know

I looked straight into my superior’s eyes in hope that he would start talking about his past; continuing his explanation. And so he did.

“Once there was a young Grim Reaper that just received his work for only three days.” Okay, so I suppose he’s talking about his self.

“His personal assistant is someone that is supposed to be chosen for the next Grim Reaper, but the late Grim Reaper chose the newbie instead of him.” And that personal assistant must be Kim Ryeowook, isn’t he?

“I think you know it that much, don’t you Chanyeol?” He asked me as he smiled; weakly as always.

“It’s not hard to figure it out, D.O” I shrug my shoulder in response as he continued his explanation.

“The thing you don’t know, and that young Grim Reaper also didn’t know is that, the personal assistant have some hatred towards the chosen one.” D.O averted his gaze from mine, trying so hard in looking at the ceiling hazily.

“It’s reasonable, though. No one will accept the unfair condition he had gone through. And so he hate the young Grim Reaper; but he hid it so well that the young Grim Reaper would never even imagine that coming.”

My heart aches so much to hear how hurt D.O sounds.

“The Grim Reaper let his assistant call him by his real name, he’s the first one and maybe the only one, that was allowed to do so.” I clenched my fists in agony; D.O’s voice sounds shaky that I thought he must have been through these painful memories all these time again and again, all by himself; alone.

“The Grim Reaper also allowed his personal assistant to take his heart.” Yeah and so I know, it is my superior who fell for this personal assistant. It’s aching me more to hear what he have to say; moreover that I have feelings for him.

“The Grim Reaper confessed, and did not expected for his feelings to be replied, but it was.” D.O keeps on talking and talking; I realized that avoiding the usage of real names had kept him strong enough in re-telling this story.

“They started to build their relationship. Such a harmonic relationship with mutual understanding, the Grim Reaper hoped over all of his blood to have the relationship last in eternity.” D.O shook his head, as if he was recalling those beautiful memories.

“However the Grim Reaper would never know; the personal assistant’s short lifespan.” He turned to me just to show his bitter smile, I saw my vision blurred from the tears accumulated in my eyes.

“He died in his young age, Chanyeol. And until the last moment, I don’t know if he genuinely loves me, or just to get his revenge.” My tears fell down the same time I saw D.O’s crooked smile, it pains me to see how my superior is trying to be so strong yet he couldn’t.

D.O finally let the last sentence go as it is from his heart; completely forgotten of pretending as if it wasn’t his own story. I stood and walked over to his side while I still keep locking gazes with him. I realized that my tears are falling down, but I ignored it.

I snuggled myself closer; hugging my superior gently, patting his back in hoping that it would lift some burden from his heart. For the first time in my past few months working under him, I really want to get his genuine smile back. I want D.O to be happy, as he should have been; I want to see his sincere smile coming from his very heart.

“Silly, are you crying?” D.O asked as he runs his fingers through my hair, his gentle touch is making my heart beating so fast.

“Here, here, my giant puppy head. Don’t cry” D.O said as if it’s me that is hurt, and not him.

I let go of my arms from him as I faced him, trails of tears are still apparent all over my cheeks.

“I, don’t know if that Kim Ryeowook is playing with your heart or not, D.O” I caressed my superior’s cheeks as I said so, staring straight to his eyes with loving gazes.

“But please realizes this; me, and all of the Department of Life loves you. You deserved to be loved, D.O. You need to move on” D.O put his hands over mine that is caressing his cheeks.

“Don’t torture yourself anymore by living your life as if you shouldn’t live”

Tears accumulating in his eyes, D.O averted my gaze as he peels of my hands over his face.

“I’m not torturing myself, Chanyeol…” I gritted my teeth and clenching my dropped hands; I couldn’t stand watching D.O breaking his self more than this.

“Yes. Yes you are. You need to let those memory go, D.O” I touched his forehead with mine, trying so hard to let him know my points.

“You’ve got us, D.O, you’ve got me” I said, unknowingly confessed my feeling towards him.

D.O’s big eyes widened in shock, he finally replied my eye gaze.

“See that eyes.” I smiled warmly towards my superior; towards Kyungsoo, which I’m not brave enough yet to call him by that name. Yet deep inside, I want to be the second, and maybe the last one to be allowed to call him by his real name. I really want to.

“That eyes. That beautifully enchanting eyes, are the very reason for me to finally decided to join the Death Management department.” A trail of D.O’s tears fell down to his cheek, and I wiped them immediately.

“My eyes are not beautiful… They don’t deserve to be loved” D.O said with some vibe that if I’m not mistaken, is sheepishness. I considered my superior is quite shy as pink tints started to be apparent throughout his cheeks.

“Everyone deserved to be loved, D.O” I said as I caressed his cheek gently; not intending to let go of my hands that is cupping his face.

“Everyone including you…” I reached closer just to crash my lips with his plump, smooth one. I might be crazy to even considering to kiss my own superior, moreover he’s a Grim Reaper all right.

I mean, he could have eaten my soul right away. Yet here I am, reaching for his plump lips; D.O’s luscious, scrumptious looking lips that are ready to be eaten just like the red apple offered to the Snow White.

I know it could be poisonous, I know it’s not how it should have been. Yet I’m still craving for his lips, craving for his love though I know he still couldn’t forget about his past. One look at D.O’s face right now, anyone could see emptiness inside his soul.

An inch further before my lips crashed with his; he put his fingers to my lips while shaking his head gently.

“I’m not included… You can’t love me, Chanyeol. No one can” The sentence itself succeeded in crushing my heart into pieces, it felt like someone has ripped my heart out of its place.

“But indeed I am, D.O! I am in love with you!”

He gently shook his head with a knowing smile plastered on his face, though it hurts me to see the smile just now; I still love that smile.

“Then you’re mistaken” Said D.O before he stood from his chair, and walked away with hurried steps. Leaving me dumbfounded inside his office; which is empty by now.

I could hear wind howling outside the window, accompanying the lump inside my aching heart. Carefully I closed my eyes trying not to let myself crushed, trying hard not to let that lump consumed my soul.

Soooo tomorrow is kyungsoo's bday! ^^ and tonight is kaisoo's earlier celebration :3

though I'm more to a chansoo shipper, I'm expecting both kaisoo and chansoo moments tonight ^^

and I'm waiting excitedly for the fanaccounts xD teehee~ though I hope I could join the celebration T_T

anywayy~ this is the third chapter ^^ please enjoy :D