Story: A Bond of Blood by eraser
Reviewed by: Ahna
Finished: 1/3/13

Title: So far, I think the title fits since blood signifies the vampires and then their bond because she knows what they are. It could mean something else, maybe it’s just a special bond between one of the vampires and her but since the story isn’t done, it makes it hard to judge the title just yet.

Characters:

Aemi- For being an OC, I usually see that the girl usually falls in love or something with the male characters in the first chapter, but I actually like this character because it feels like she actually has a brain. She doesn’t clumsily just fall for someone like other stories; she’s smart about this whole thing. She most likely will start having feelings for one of them as long as it isn’t an instant infatuation type thing where she’s head over heels because that doesn’t seem like her character at all.

Luhan- I felt that he was going to be playing a more important role, but I’m not sure now since we only saw him in the first chapter. I have the hint of him being a vampire as well since he was uneasy when Aemi said she needed a band aid because she was bleeding, but I’m not sure if he’s with the others or in a different “vampire group” or a rivaling group. Time will only tell.

Sehun- I think he is the one that falls for Aemi since he got jealous of Baekhyun later on in the story. He also seems childish (maybe because he’s the maknae?) on his actions. The others looked down upon him biting the girl and that’s what brought her into their world. The fact that he can hear her thoughts could also bring them together in a special bond.

Suho- He hit me as more of the father figure in the story; not sure if it’s because he’s the leader of Exo in the first place or if it just fits. I actually liked his character in this story since he was the serious type where everyone is always like “He wouldn’t like this…” kind of thing. On the other hand, he’s also thinking about the well-being of others, what they should do with the human and such.

Baekhyun- He reminded me of the one that’s usually the guy who’s the loud one of the group while everyone else is the serious kind of people. He also kind of seemed like the sort of comic relief type of character, but I’m not sure if that’s what you were aiming for.

I really liked his character overall, he made me laugh and that’s what I like in these types of stories where one is the funny one who ruins serious moments at times.

Chanyeol- We didn’t really get a good grip on his character since he came in at the end of third chapter, but I feel like he’s going to be the same as Baekhyun since he came into the room all loud and obnoxious.

Plot: I think it’s pretty hard to tell the plot in the beginning, but by the second chapter I started to feel like the plot was going to be that the group of vampires have to keep her quiet about what they actually were or they were going to keep her with them…Maybe to keep a close eye on her?

Grammar: There were some grammar mistakes and some misspelled words while I was reading, but if you just go back and re-read your work, you could easily fix them.

Style: I felt like there was not enough description in most parts or that it was put together quickly. For example, when Sehun first bit Aemi I felt like you could’ve been a little bit more descriptive on that part since it’s a very important piece of the story.

By the time I got to the third chapter, I noticed you started to get more descriptive; when she opened the curtain, that’s what kind of description I like to see. I’m not sure if it’s because you think that you’re rambling on about her just opening a curtain, but in a story, descriptiveness is wanted. I want to see how she’s like after getting out of the bed for the first time from being bitten; is she a little dizzy from her blood being taken? How would Baekhyun react if she fainted or something? On another note, I think it was unnecessary for the parenthesis when she unfurled the curtains or if she didn’t do it in such a cool way then Baekhyun would just laugh. But, then towards the end of the chapter I got pretty confused as to what was happening all of a sudden. Did Sehun just turn into Aemi or am I going crazy?

I will be continuing to read your story to see how you progress and how the story progresses as well. If you want any more help, I'll be happy to help along the way.