Story: EXO-BAP.: Ghost-Busters Edition by iLuvYesung
Reviewed by: Curione
Finished: 30/10/13

Again, a disclaimer. All the following are my personal opinion and any criticism are suggestions to be taken on the author's prerogative. No third-person view because no need, there's no overly harsh criticism here. And writing in third-person is tiring ._.

Title:

It fits. It might seem a little amateurish at first because well, it's a title and without context it's free to interpretation. But I think it fits the style of the writing perfectly.

Meh, anyway, I'm not that fussy about titles.

Characters:

Characters are two-dimension or one-dimension and that's absolutely perfect. Who wants to ruin good crack with gut-wrenching back-stories and multi-faceted personalities - that would just be distracting in this context.

Of course, I did have a problem with so many characters at first because the fast delivery means all the characters and their names are flying around like hungry fruit bats trapped in a room and I'm not that familiar with B.A.P so. @.@

But. Guess what? I didn't really have that problem later as the fic went on and things did slow down a little. And with the one/two dimensional characters, it became pretty easy to distinguish between members.

Anyway, more importantly, you did ask the reviewer to focus on the two groups' team mechanics, so I will. I'm presuming you're asking this because of the competition you joined which makes this a criteria. I would say that going by the criteria in the contest, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I'm just not sure about the Tao/Him Chan relationship thing because uhh... well. I didn't realize you were aiming for that until you mentioned it in the author's notes in Chapter 8 so I don't know how you're gonna do that. Especially with Tao's flamboyance and Him Chan's preoccupation with coffee. (I'm not even sure if I misunderstood you now in the moment of retrospect because I've finished reading what you have and there's no more Tao/Him Chan mentions unless I missed them.)

But I guess you'll figure it out XD

Other than that I suppose I do get this feeling that the two groups prefer to interact with their own group members and do so most of the time except in instances where there's it's a gigantic group together. I guess I'm just saying that there could be a few more interactions between the members of the two groups on a more individual level. Like between Him Chan and Tao in chapter two. So, I guess there could be a few more incidences of that. Like getting people trapped together in a room would be a nice cliché idea to use I guess...

But I don't think it's really that needed.

Sorry I don't think I was that much of a help!

Plot:

Brb. Crying.

Meanwhile, I'm liking the fact that although this is crack and doesn't need to make sense, there's still this semblance of logic to this. Like Tao being totally in denial because well, if not he'd probably be freaking out and running away not insisting on reading feng shui from a fake book to assess an obviously haunted house. I like the fact that it plays on the clichés of a horror plot and blows things out of proportion or deals it in an unconventional manner.

And, of course, explosion by blowtorch would be the reason why their van gets wrecked.

I love all the random bits of fandom cliché that you put in and make fun of. There's too many I adore to quote. Let's just say I love this whole fic, okay?

My only comment in the beginning is that you had a lot of references which some people might not get. Like the 'Black Butler' thing, but later you began to explain all your references and I appreciate that no matter how ugly it looks =3 (not supposed to care about the style but hey, I'm studying design of a sort so I can't help it orz) I would suggest differentiating the author's notes from the rest of the story a little bit more though, because I had a few moments went I was reading and suddenly was like "oh! Wait. These are the author's notes not the story) yet. Maybe a smaller font or something.

That said, don't stop with the references. I enjoyed trying to figure them out throughout the fic, even if I feel stupid when you point out stuff I missed or misunderstood. Orz.

Also, the plot is a teeny bit meandering and could have been done a little tighter, which probably has to do with this being written ad hoc and then posted up as opposed to all the chapters being written already, but hey. This is crack, well-written crack. Who cares. We're not reading this for the plot that much anyway.

That said, I still want to know what happens in the end anyway. WILL THEY SUCCEED IN EXORCISING THE GIRL? WILL TAO KILL THE KITTENS OR WILL HE BE STOPPED? WILL THE GIRL ACTUALLY BECOME A EXO-BAP FANGIRL AND DECIDE SHE DOESN'T MIND THEM HANGING AROUND? OH MY , THE SUSPENSE.

/coughs

Anyway, as a finishing point, I'm slightly afraid about the part with the amount of stuff AFF got right thing being real. Because that would mean all the members have had been pregnant at some point of time. ._.

But that's AFF's fault not yours.

Grammar:

No problems here. Or at least nothing that impeded my enjoyment of the fic.

Here are the sole very minor mistakes I spotted. At least, I think they're mistakes. Your beta did a great job /thumbs up

[Chapter 2]

"It was Baek Hyun-hyung's idea." Him Chan glanced at him and shuts up.

- "It was Baek Hyun-hyung's idea." Him Chan glanced at him and shut up.

[You seem to be writing fully in past tense, so. And since 'glanced' is in past tense, makes sense that 'shut' should be too]

[Chapter 3]

Thankfully, the Jacuzzi was large enough to accommodate seven guys, still leaving enough room to isolate the (creepy/erted) BaeYeol couple.

- Thankfully, the Jacuzzi was large enough to accommodate seven guys, still leaving enough room to isolate the (creepy/erted) BaekYeol couple.

[Chapter 5]

Yongjae thwacked Daehyun on the head with a convenient pine-cone supplied (By the author).

- Yongjae thwacked Daehyun on the head with a convenient pine-cone supplied by the author.

[Because 'Yongjae thwacked Daehyun on the head with a convenient pine-cone supplied' on its own does not make sense. Or if you want you can go 'Yongjae thwacked Daehyun on the head with a conveniently supplied (by the author) pinecone' or something if you really want to keep the brackets.

[Chapter 8]

"Oh, and HI,Jong Up!!!"

- "Oh, and HI, Jong Up!!!"

[Small issue, you just missed a space.]

[Chapter 11]

About thirtyy years ago, my son and his wife...

- About thirty years ago, my son and his wife...

The old lady continued on. "However, when she was five years old, Karen died."

- The old lady continued on. "However, when she was four years old, Karen died."

[I'm not sure if this is a mistake but I'm pretty sure the old lady said that the little girl was four in Chapter 10]

But no biggies. I only saw them because I was looking for them.

Also, just wanted to mention the shortening in chapter 4  where Tao says "Hah! As if! Tolkien never had Tumblr! Coz he's dead!" - I'm a bit split on this because it's fine as it is, and in fact it adds to the idea that Tao is all for 'Tumblr' rather than 'Tolkien' because it's new stuff. But at the same time... the purist in me wants to change it to 'Cause. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Other than that, I'm also slightly bothered by the fact that some names are separated, while others are put together. For example, 'Baek Hyun' versus 'Youngjae'. It's not a big issue but I think it would be neater to just keep to one way of writing. So, either 'Baekhyun' and 'Youngjae' or 'Baek Hyun' and 'Young Jae'. It just feels very, very messy at the moment.

Style:

I love the style. The short sentences allow for a swift delivery which enhance the pure crackiness of the fic. Some parts of the fic I just loved the way you worded things, like. "Juliet on crack. With laryngitis..." Genius. Also, the mixing of styles was well done and made even more hilarious. Like the part in chapter 2 with the brackets with translation and suddenly the last one had a translation for "Chomp" which was blood everywhere and-

Excuse me while I go die laughing somewhere.

I also love the way you break the fourth-wall at times. It's a risky thing because a lot of authors use it to get a cheap laugh and till now I still can't get myself to do it again because I used to when I was younger and it feels so amateurish now, but you pull it off with aplomb. I could go all literature with the Him Chan, Tao exchange before the bath in chapter 3 and discuss how Tao actually also teases the reader along with Him Chan, making the reader feel erted. But I think I'll stop because no one actually will care.

Anyway, just a few things I thought I might point out in this review which I would never usually be bothered with unless reviewing but oh well.

First is the use of congregated name. Point it: confusing for the most part. For example, "Let's go! Go! Go! Go!" BaekYeol yelled hysterically from the backseat of the van, clutching each other in a death grip. For a moment I thought it was only one person Baek Hyun because I wasn't reading properly, then only because I was checking for grammar and the back part of them clutching each other didn't make sense. It's not a very big problem and I would say that joining the names together suits the style, making it more catchy, however, it just makes it hard to read. I made this mistake with the EXO members whom I'm a little more familiar with, you can imagine a bit of the confusion I had with the B.A.P members whom I only vaguely know. Like "Except DaeJae, who just munched their cookies calmly." And you mentioned them so many times I thought it was the name of a B.A.P member of a while. Orz

I know you did try to differentiate it with the fact that it's capitalized and yet not joined, but the difference is a little too subtle to pick up at first glance. But yes, it's not a big problem. And when you mention the word 'couple' or 'pair' behind it becomes much clearer, which you do, do in later parts. Just thought you might want to know.

Overall, I love this fic and would recommend people to read it. It's not like my all-time favourite fic ever that I would push it into people's face to READ IT OR DIE, but it's still really good. I'd still push it into people's face and tell them to read it, but just... without the dying part XD

Of course, I am slightly biased towards crack, but even then, it was well-written, and I'm gonna personally subscribe to see how it all ends. =3 

EDIT:

I was asked to review the final two chapters of this fic since the author had managed to complete it not long after I first reviewed it. So, rather than having a whole new post I thought that I'd just add on my thoughts here since there won't be a full on rant or anything.

First off to say, I love the fic just for what it stands for - good crack with real substance it in. Ironically, most people think writing crack is just pulling stuff out of your . Well, it partially is - but good crack actually is the combination of that with well-timed research and culturally informed references. A good deal of work went into this fic, and it wasn't just some really trippy brain fart of an author who went on a sugar-eating spree (which I'm actually guilty of, lolol), and I really like it for that.

Next, about the ending itself, I think it was a nice wrap up to the whole story. I love how in the end the ghost wasn't actually busted at all but the house gained extra ghosts (lolol), and lolol oh Tao. Also nice hedging in of Himchan-Tao interaction there (I'm very narcisstically gratified that you took my advice, even though it probably wasn't that). I actually expected the fic to go longer but then I realized that the fic was probably meant to stop at chapter 13 because well. Thirteen. Which is good actually, because if the fic went any longer, it would have been draggier than it should be, and that's the dangerous thing about long crack fics. Most crack fics aren't very long because. Well, it's the nature of crack. Reading a chapter or two with nonsense makes us laugh. But too much of a good thing and it gets boring. For this fic, I think the flow overall was pretty well done. I got through the chapters quite easily and I rather enjoyed myself throughout. I just guess the only thing which is a bit troubling is that the chapters themselves are a little long. I keep expecting the chapter to finish halfway before it actually does. While this can be good, for me, it dampens the mood a little because I keep expecting crisp and fast as according to the writing style? But I suppose this is probably my own, unique opinion. Most would be going. Yes, more, moreeeee longer chapter. Hehehehe. 

Anyway, still enjoyed it with the addition of the ending. Still a great fic. Well done. ^^