Story: Forever by Your Side by dfanfic
Reviewed by: Curione
Finished: 29/10/13

Many, many apologies to the author for the overdue review. I've actually had this for more than a month now but E's been busy and haven't had time to post the review and had only recently just added me as co-author. And I've been too busy to bug her as well. 

Anyway, before I start I shall say a disclaimer that this is just a review and it's really just all my own opinion. I however, understand it's not my fic and the author can do whatever they want to do with it. The author probably has reasons why they did what they did and that's totally fine. No need to bother with rants or rationalizations unless the author thinks there's something clearly wrong with my review or there's something they must say or they'll die if they don't.   

Also, yes, I am referring to the author in third person. This is so that it will detach me a little bit from the review and make it clear that this isn't personal.

Title:

The title was exactly like the title of a generic television soap-opera/idol drama and I was right in guessing, so I guess that's good in a sense. Gives the reader a good idea of what they're getting into. Meh, I'm sorry, I don't put particular importance in titles unless it's very misleading.

Characters:

I find no fault in the author's characters and that basically is the fault. Although you try to give them bad points I still find them a little bit too perfect. I know she's trying to create likeable characters but it's done in a way that makes them bland instead.

For example, although Jaehee is spoilt she isn't written as very annoying. I know the author alludes to it but I don't really see it. She seems like a very regular little girl. Even when she screams at Jaejoong that she hates her, I'm sort of like. She's... five and she just found out her mom's dead and she's sick. She has a right to scream and act spoilt especially since Jaejoong has spoilt her after all. Also, throwing a tantrum after waiting for your dad for three hours is like. A tantrum only? Really? I would have been wrecking the house, been absolute inconsolable, have cried for days and probably would have been sent to a psychiatric hospital for abandonment issues. Or if it happened often and I was spoilt I would totally take the chance to guilt trip my dad who spoils me into buying me that huge dollhouse I wanted. Well, Jaehee sort of did but I think she still let go out it way too lightly. If you still wanted to make her likeable and yet spoilt and infinitely more interesting than she currently is, maybe you could have had something like her being chill and smug when Jaejoong comes home late and is apologizing and she's like "you know what to do right." And then they go for an ice cream.

Anyway, I'm not saying it's bad because the characters are given rather believable reasons for being this way. Like Jaejoong shouting at Jaehee even though he has never spoilt her in chapter eight is understandable since he's utterly confused about meeting his supposedly dead wife. And it's not like the characters are one-dimensional early disney fairytale characters. They do have multiple faces and there is an effort to show that this is so. However, it's not necessarily good because like with the character of Kibum, he's obviously supposed to be the bad guy then the author jumped out a hundred and eight degree turn with him suddenly siding with Jaejoong out of absolutely nowhere when he was so obviously one, or at most two dimensional before. And no, revealing that he was jealous one chapter later doesn't heal the utter disbelief I had.

Even after the plot twists and stuff, I found them still bland. They don't attract me to like them. After I close the tab, I will ultimately mix them up with a thousand of other people in their stereotype and they will be utterly forgotten.

Plot:

I will first say that I'm the sort of person who tends to watch just the beginning and then the end of a drama because the middle usually bores me to tears with all the well... drama. And this plot is almost a texbook example of typical drama plot with all the tangled life webs, nearly unbelievable coincidences and deus ex machinas galore.

Nothing wrong with that, and I applaud the author at least for sticking to the genre very well. It was actually probably well thought out most of the time since tangled webs usually have the unfortunate effect of tangling the unprepared author as well and that would result in disaster.

Oh wait.

I have a split take on the plot because on one hand, the first part was actually somewhat believable (or at least as believable as drama can be), however it utterly bored me. It was extremely predictable and I actually entertained myself by seeing if I could guess all the plot points. For example, when Yeonhee is reminded by Kibum to take drugs, I immediately guessed they were amnesia-inducing drugs (which by the way, kudos to the author for doing a bit of research and it's actually plausible for something like this to happen especially since the family is rich and can definitely buy the drugs even without prescription). Even at Jaejoong actually realizing that Yeonhee is his wife fairly early on in the story - I'm pretty sure something like this has been done before, what with the 101 dramas already done out there and the million of drama fanfics written. Still, there was some semblance of planning and a rather good pacing of plot which I do appreciate although I'm kind of meh on the fact that the Lees actually allowed Jaejoong to actually get even close to meeting Yeonhee. If I wanted to prevent them from meeting, I would have kept very, very close tabs on Jaejoong all the way. I wouldn't have allowed him to become successful, probably thwarting him at every move. Maybe I would have even tried to get him killed. And if I did have a heart or something down there and couldn't bear to kill a little girl because she's still blood, then maybe I'd have become an anonymous donor at the orphanage she was at, but then that'd be an entirely different story anyway so. Anyway, I certainly wouldn't have put my trust on an amnesiac drug because memories are still hard to get rid off and the person is exposed to triggers then it's likely the memories would have come out. THERE'S SO MUCH DRAMA MATERIAL FOR THIS SORT OF THING PEOPLE, WATCH A FEW AND LEARN.

But still, appreciate the planning put into it. And drama needs it's unlikely situations to happen in the first place anyway or there wouldn't be any drama.

And then after around chapter 13 (I kind of forgot  since it all happened too fast), all the plot twists come in. And it's not just one plot twist but one after the other. I don't know why but I have a feeling that someone commented that the plot was too unoriginal and the author went "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED". Suddenly, supposed female third wheel is with the supposed male third wheel, possessive brother because actually childish jealous brother and is actually okay but probably just socially awkward person now turned male third wheel in the once third wheel but now subplot relationship couple and the dad is the bad guy. Oh hey, female third wheel in subplot relationship introduced. And then, main female character hasn't just forgotten but there's a reason behind it otherwise she would still remember and the reason is because IT'S ALL JAEJOONG'S FAULT ACTUALLY. New female third wheel who is kissy, then male third wheel with flowers! Now continuing on with typical drama plotlines just with two pairs of relationships! Hope you didn't mind that little turbulence, it was worrying but it made things interesting at least right?

Yeah that was as confusing for me to write as it probably was for you to read. Worse still that everything happened one right after the other in the span of maybe five of six really short chapters.

Forgive me if all that was a very hard pill to swallow. And I guess that I could go with the 'but oh well, it's drama. Drama is like that - it's supposed to be larger than life and a little unbelievable because it's meant to fulfil that want for the fantastic in ordinary life' argument but... I don't think so. Not this time.

This is a common way of authors to cover up the fact that their writing isn't strong. And I'm not trying to offend - but I do find the author's writing a bit weak. It's mostly steady, but it's uninspiring and there's major problems with verb-tense agreement and it is also in need of a serious proof-read. But more on that later.

Anyway, it's not wrong. But bombarding readers with plot twists certainly isn't the way to do it. After all, there's no tag on the fic that says 'comedy/humor/crack' and that's the only time when something like that actually works. Even if the author wanted to spice it up with plot-twists, there probably should have been better pacing so that the reader isn't bombarded with sudden plot-twists. One is already hard enough to justify, but so many at once? To be honest, after that, I wasn't really interested in reading the rest. I mostly skimmed through the rest of the plot points and I see more and more characters and they're all becoming even more and more forgettable because the author's attention is getting split up and the subplots are becoming as equally important as the main plot.

/le sigh

Besides, other than having plot twists, there are many, many other ways to make a typical plot interesting. One way is to have interesting characters. Another, even simpler way, is to have unique relationship dynamics. Example: it would probably have been utterly hilarious and more realistic if Yeonhee and Jaehee didn't get along the first time they met. The main plot would have still carried on. Jaejoong would still be suspicious and so on and the truth would still have come out. However, when it comes between choosing between the third wheel and the main female character things will be oh so much more interesting.

So, there's my ideas on the plot. But as always as I am with dramas. Things would have been so much easier if people just talked. Or did Facebook stalking. That would have cleared up a lot of things so, so fast.

Grammar:

For this entire section. I will just use one line as an example because the author's entire fic has this problem.

"Jahee, was famous in Jaejoong's company as Jaejoong had always bring her along to his office after picking her up from her pre-school."

Within just this one line we see a great deal number of tenses inside: there is past tense, past perfect tense, present tense and continuous tense. They're all battling each other for dominance and it isn't pretty.

Okay, to illustrate my point, let's put it in the context of a drama. There are three main tenses: past, present and future. These are like the three choices of love interests. When you decide to go with one tense you need to stick with one tense. Switching between tenses is like trying to date the two love interests at once - and what results isn't anything good - it's going to end up in an utter mess. So unless you're extremely confident and extremely skilled, it's not a good idea to try. Even then, it still has the potential to go very, very wrong.

Okay, now that you know your choices, you have to decide which one to start a relationship with. Past tense is an easier companion. When you go with past tense, you just have to do deal with a few of the 'mood swings' and transformations. She can become 'past perfect tense', 'past perfect progressive tense' or 'past continuous tense' etc. However, at least while with her, it is quite unlikely that 'present tense' and 'future tense' will decide to in. 'Future tense' might, maybe, but not very often.

So if you were to write the above line in past tense it would end up like this:

"Jahee, was famous in Jaejoong's company as Jaejoong had always brought her along to his office after picking her up from her pre-school."

Now, the second choice, present tense is a lot more problematic. Not only does she have mood swings, 'past tense' and 'future tense' are going to be asses and are going to in the relationship a lot. Maybe because she doesn't last long after all. The present is very fleeting while the past has happened and is a lot more stable.

So if you were to write the above line in present tense it would end up like this:

"Jahee, is famous in Jaejoong's company as Jaejoong has always brought her along to his office after picking her up from her pre-school."

See the past tense butting in right there?

And the last is future tense. She's the least popular probably because she's the most difficult to write. Poor girl. Also for stories, which are essentially things of the past or at least the present, future tense usually doesn't have a very applicable role.

I mean "Jahee, will be famous in Jaejoong's company as Jaejoong would be bringing her along to his office after picking her up from her pre-school." doesn't make a lot of sense really.

And so, those are the three tenses you can go with. If you're not very confident with writing then I suggest past tense. Past tense is also probably better with typical types of stories because that's what is expected. I usually see present tense for more artistic stories because writing a simple sentence in present tense often sounds clumsy and a little juvenile. Present tense thus is also more often used when a person decides to use a more complicated writing style.

But whichever you choose. The important thing is to PICK ONE AND STAY WITH IT.

Other gripes are punctuation which seem like they got hyper on the fact that they were on a long sentence and decided to dance around the place. Like the same example: Commas are good for long sentences but not for this one.

Also, proof-reading. This author's first language probably isn't English? So maybe I suggest getting a beta? But usually, I find that an easy way out especially for those whose language are weak because then the beta most likely would be changing every single thing and it would be the beta's writing and not so much the original author's.

I guess the only way around is for the author to slowly improve her vocabulary. One way is to read more - fanfic is good I suppose, but not always. It's always good to go with books because you know that the book has been edited and so... Another easy way is to use the internet and find synonyms for words. But check the meaning of the words before writing, or else silly things might happen.

For example, a phrase that seriously bugged me in the fic: "drew a smile". But what the heck is 'drew a smile'? At no point did any character take a marker or pen out and literally draw a smile out on their face. Also when I googled the term, there wasn't such a phrase in existence. Even if the author wanted to be creative, there are so many other words for smile: grin, smirk, beam, look happy... or if you wanted to be more verbose, then maybe "a smile tugged at her lips" or "her lips curled upwards", or "she smiled so brightly her teeth was shining", or even modifiers like "she gave a gentle smile".

Yes. Right. Moving on.

Style:

It works. I have no gripes with how it all comes together really. It's not my cup of tea but it probably is someone else's. Also the writing is simple at least, so it was an relatively easy read.

But yeah. It's just not very... interesting. Like the characters, the writing style is far too simple to even pick on and not the least memorable. I know it says on the requirements that if the style is too complicated, it's bad. But I personally think that a lot of the writing on AFF coddles readers, trying to explain every single thing lest the reader get lost, making sure that sentences are short and bite-sized if not the reader won't swallow it. But if you look at a lot of famous authors, they don't do that. This is not public relations, it's not even news. The readers tend to be there because they're emotionally invested - let them work a bit. Let them be intellectually stimulated. Let them think.  

Anyway, despite the rather overly simplistic writing, I applaud the author for trying at least to make up with plot although... as you can tell, that has it's own problems.

I just want to say that, if I come across a little bitter. The review was actually forming to be more flattering than it is now because for a moment, the author got my hopes up when she put in the slight plot twist of the secret being revealed earlier than I expected, and I thought maybe I was wrong and this would be better than I thought since she's showed that she had put rather good thought into her plot and reasoning in the first part. But then the bazillion plot twists at once thing happened and all my hopes were dashed... 

Yeah, the review's a little harsh but I was hired because of that and you guys were warned...