You woke up in the morning only to find your door locked from the outside. You tried to open the door, even to destroy it, but you were not strong enough to break through the sturdy wooden material. Desperate to get help, you tore the paper off the door only to find Horan and the rest of your attendants outside your door, kneeling.

“I am not insane! Please! Believe me!”

“It was the king’s orders, princess. Please forgive us.”

Horan raised her head and looked at you through the hole you created on the paper clad door. Her eyes were dewed with tears and her lips were quivering. Locking you up inside your room was against her but what could she do? She was just a mere attendant serving inside the palace.

“We need to keep you inside your room at all costs, your majesty. At least until the doctor comes to observe you.”

“I understand.”

Not wanting them to get in trouble, you decided to wait and hope that this will be over soon; all of this, the rumor and the nightmares that got you into this gossip in the first place.

-

“Are you alright?”

It was the middle of the night and Joonmyeon had unlocked you from your beautiful prison; waking you up with his comforting embrace.

“I was worried, I didn’t know that they will lock you up in your room like this.”

You buried your face in his neck, enjoying his warmth. He placed his hands on your face and kissed you longingly and lovingly. You remembered someone telling you that the warmth of the hands is also the warmth of the soul. True enough, his hands were warmer than anyone you know. That same warmth had reached to your heart, effectively making you fall for him; reaching out to you like nobody has.

“Come. I’ll get you out of here.”

He held out his hand to you and you gladly took it, wanting to get out of this place.

“How would you do that? There are guards everywhere. Every gate is nearly impossible to go through.”

You asked him, worried about anyone finding about your escape.

“I can’t get you out of the palace but wouldn’t it be better if were together?”

He tried to cover his face with his other hand, not even daring to look at you. He was embarrassed of himself and he was sure he heard your giggle after that statement.

“Yeah.”

Your cheeks were furiously heating even through the chill of the winter wind was blowing at your face. The snow was beautiful, milky like Joonmyeon’s beautiful bright yet pale skin. His hanbok too was white, contrasting his intense eyebrows, dark hair and chocolate brown orbs. His lips was tinged with a little color bringing life at his pristine face, very much like the little red roses that bloom that decorated the snow covered ground.

It was easy to travel from your palace house to Joonmyeon’s as there weren’t much people going around the wings of the palace because of the cold. The cold was creeping through the back of your neck but you were too nervous to notice. You entered his quarters, the place that was filled with your memories of him. It is where you both had your first kiss, at least on what you remember. It also where he held you, lovingly and gently, in his strong pair of hands; embracing you, loving you.

“Sorry, I had let you out of your room but all I can do is to hide you here.”

The light in his face had darkened with his expression full of guilt. He can’t do much as he was still a prince after all.

“You’re not hiding me.  You’re just letting me stay here with you.”

You smiled at him.

“What do you mean by not hiding you? I am trying to hide you.”

His eyebrows furrowed, his worry was getting greater.

“But you shouldn’t try to hide me. This is wrong!”

Your heart was beating fast and was beginning to become heavy. You can't bear to argue with him.

He held your arms, forcefully unlike his usual gentle touches.

“Why? Aren’t you afraid? You could get killed or thrown out of the palace!”

His eyes were starting to water and his breathing was faster than before.

“I’m not afraid.”

You bluntly said to him, trying to suppress your feelings for tears would mean that you lost to him; that you give up.

“Hiding would mean that I am guilty of insanity. Please.”

“Those people, those ministers have more power than you and me! They can make you look insane even you’re not! I’m not letting you get out of my sight again. I won’t let them get near you.”

His arms enveloped you and his grip was tighter, as if he was trying to crush you.

“Just one day… Just let me be selfish for one day and keep you here by my side!”

-

Joonmyeon hid you at the study at the back of his quarters. It was like the one you had on the back of yours but bigger. There were hundreds of books on the shelves that were hanging on the sides of the walls and maps of different places in Joseon and China. On his desk, there were different kinds of brushes, paper and puzzles. Every book you wished to read were there and it was wonderful that he had tried to keep you in his room for that day.

You picked up a book and looked at it. The moment you opened it, you were mesmerized by it and began turning one page after the other and saw a familiar flower pressed at the middle of it. It was the blue flower that had yellow steaks on it. Its beauty had been preserved, just like your memories of him at that one fine autumn day; beautiful and still vivid in your memories.

You opened another book and had found another pressed flower. It was older this time as it was stiffer and dryer than the other one but it was still fragrant will a faint musky yet sweet smell. You know this smell. It smelled like one that fell of your book; the one that had that man’s writing and the one that had flowers pressed in its pages.

In my search, could you be the one that holds the link that connects my dreams and my reality? Can you bring me back those memories?

Your heart was beating fast. Finally, you are close to finding out the answer to your questions about those dreams, these flowers and the verse yet you were hesitant to ask him. What if he is not Suho, the lover you have in those dreams?

You began to check the table that had his writings in it if the writing style matched the ones on the verse and if the handwriting was the same. You found one scroll that contained his writings, it had the same neat and well written letters in it and found relief.

Joonmyeon is Suho, my guardian and my lover missing in my memory.

-

“Horan! The princess is missing!”

The attendant was at the state of panic when she saw that you were not in your quarters the moment she opened the doors to bring in your breakfast. Usually, you quietly sat on your table and read books but you are now nowhere to be found.

“What?”

Horan couldn’t believe what she just heard the lock was secure from the outside and was impossible to be opened from the inside. You couldn’t have escaped without any help from someone outside your door, she’s sure of it.

“Is the lock in place when you went here this morning?”

“Yes.”

“We need to find her quickly.”

Horan was in alarm, not because that she might get punished or fired but because the doctor might come to check on your condition anytime. Besides that reason, she was also worried because you might have been taken away by someone and had been killed yesterday; just like her old mistress.

Her old mistress was the Joonmyeon’s mother, a lady just like you; sprited and well educated. She discreetly studied classics that aren’t meant for a woman and deviated from tradition which displeased conservative minds. She was kind, beutiful and a joy to behold. She even taught Horan to read and write. Unfortunately, there came to be one ill-fated night for her. She was kidnapped and killed inside the palace. Her body was found floating in the pond and a note was found near the place of her death. It read ‘Education is solely for the men of Joseon’. Her death was just too brutal and merciless. Horan prayed that this would not happen to you as she never wanted to have the past repeat itself again.

“I’ll call the guards to help.”

The attendant started rushing to the palace guards to call for help but Horan stopped her.

“Don’t! We have to search for her on our own.”

She didn’t want to let this spread throughout the palace because it might cause trouble for you.

“But if something happens to her, we’ll get killed for neglecting our duties! I don’t want to die.”

“Trust me. It’ll be better if we search for her on our own.”

-

Joonmyeon caught you sleeping inside the study room after falling asleep while reading a book. He took a long and deep sigh before encircling his arms around your sleeping form. He placed a kiss in your hair just like what he usually does, taking in your sweet scent. He noticed a dried flower, a rose, in your hand.

“Minyoung, please remember me. Those memories, it will be wonderful if you remember them. Call me Suho again; just one more time will be enough.”

He recalled how many times the both of you had embraced and kissed each other, disregarding the roles you had in this complicated society; without being a prince and princess but as lovers. He continued to hold you as you began to wake up.

“Suho? Are you Suho, Joonmyeon?”

Your eyes are still watery from their sleepy state.

“Could you repeat that? Please?”

He couldn’t believe what he just heard. His prayer came true and his heart was filled with joy. His heart felt like it was about to swell and explode from happiness.

“Suho?”

You began to touch his face. This face, you’re sure that you’ve already seen this face a thousand time before and those eyes had took a thousand of glances of you before; even before you met him as a prince.

“Finally…”

He took a deep breath before kissing you gently, letting you feel the softness of his lips and the warmth of his breath.

You felt that every second slowly passed. You felt each other’s heart pounding softly like droplets of rain water falling softly in a calm and light rain. It was magical. It was like you were in your own little world where nothing mattered more than you and him. Your lips parted but your hearts didn’t; beating for each other, linked.

“Do you remember everything?”

You just shook your head and smiled then returned to his embrace again.

I finally found you.

“It’s alright. We’ll make new memories.”

-

“She didn’t show any signs of insanity. Insane people stare at something for a very long time, frequently change moods when you talk to them or even hallucinate but the princess didn’t show these signs.”

The doctor said to the king.

“I already know that, my friend.”

The king chucked at his old friend, enhancing his wrinkly cheeks and aged features.

“I just want to appease those bothersome Norons.”

“Nothing will ever settle those Norons than having your crown, Your Highness.”

“I know.”

“I also found out who was behind the rumor that was spreading. A minister had tried to bribe me.”

The doctor had put the money on the king’s table. I had amounted to 3000 yuan, a large sum at that time.

“You’ve done a good job, my friend. Let’s drink some more, I’ll beat you this time at samsam!”

The king had poured another cup of liquor for his friend and brought out the samsam board, where a game that resembled checkers could be played.

-

It became peaceful at the palace during the remaining days of winter at the palace. The minister that had spread the rumor had been fired and stripped out of his noble status. Along with him, his family also suffered from the disgrace this brought out. You never knew that this happened as the kind king didn’t tell you about it as he wanted you and Joonmyeon to not worry or feel burdened.

“Prince Joonmyeon, it’s time for you to go. You have important matters to attend to.”

Yoonshik was fanning himself with a bright yellow paper fan.

You saw him and froze, your head aching as the matured man was sweetly and apologetically smiled at you for you had seen this man before in your dreams. You know this man. You might have just caught a glimpse of his face after turning around, cradling your shot lover into your arms. This is the man who pierced an arrow though Joonmyeon’s body; the man who was wearing black and a face filled with guilt that day.

Why?