chapter fifteen 
                                  home

“Let’s find your family.”

Chanyeol beamed. Seriously, life doesn’t get boring when he was around.

“Why so sudden?”

You asked him, intrigued by his random thought.

It was warmer than most spring days; almost like it was summer and you’d want to stay at the patio for the rest of the day and do nothing but just sit there and watch the bloom of the peach blossoms.

“Don’t you want to know how they are doing now?”

He kissed your forehead then your cheeks as you lazily yawned. He circled your tiny form within his arms, cradling you.

“Don’t you want to see them?”

“What are you doing?”

You pushed him, trying to escape his arms.

“If someone finds out, we’ll both be in trouble.”

“No one will, at least for now. I promise you that I’ll be able to save enough money to remove your name from the kisaeng directory someday.”

He intertwined his fingers with yours. The spaces between your fingers fit each other’s perfectly. It was pure ecstasy.

“Come on.”

“Wait.”

In your heart, you were happy yet you were afraid. Would they even recognize you? Or worse...

What if they don’t want to see me anymore? What if they’re already living a happy life without me?

“What’s the matter?”

His smile on his lips disappeared and his eyebrows furrowed.

“My hat.”

You faked a smile and fastened your hat in your head, being careful that you don’t ruin your hair. Kisaengs should look their best wherever they go and you are not an exception to the rule.

“Let’s go.”

He held your hand as the both of you headed outside the kisaeng house. The warm weather seemed to have grown hotter as your cheeks heated. Your heart was bursting and you could not be anymore happier.

All I wanted in this life was to be with you like this, to share happy moments with you, nothing more. I promise you that I would wish nothing more.

Arriving at the depths of the mercantile district, a place where you didn’t dare to go in the years of your kisaeng life, you saw that more and more, the middle class merchants seemed to be wearing less extravagant clothing. Stress can be seen in their faces, probably from computing and budgeting money, paying taxes that were much higher than what they’re supposed to be originally and dealing with the corrupt officials who were supposed to protect the people with all of their might but instead chose to benefit themselves by using brute force if the merchants don’t comply to their wants. Soon enough, some families would suffer the same fate as yours, broken and kept apart to survive.

“Our house should be here.”

You said. The wood on the doors seemed to have not tasted much varnish for past few years, aged old and chipping. Your heart was beating faster than usual though you can’t explain why.

“Hello? Is anyone here?”

Chanyeol knocked on the door.

“Hello?”

No one answered while he continued to knocked. There was no sound of footsteps approaching the door, no one to open the locked door for the both of you.

“Just as I thought. They don’t want to see me. Let’s go back to the kisaeng house.”

You felt as if your body weakened, your limbs were turning into mush and all energy inside you felt like it all disappeared.

“Let’s wait a little. Just a little more. Maybe they’ll open up the doors.”

He gently held you hands, rubbing his thumbs on your skin.

-

“What the hell are you two doing there!”

You cursed as you threw rocks at the grave. You kneeled as your legs began to weaken.

“Stand up!”

 It felt like you had been standing in front of your parent’s grave forever. A woman had seen the two of you waiting in the door of the house. Telling the both of you that she knew where the owners of the house are, she led you to a pair of graves, both your parents’.

“What am I supposed to do?! Pay you my respects and not be angry?”

Hot tears fell from your eyes. This was too much. How dare they leave you like this? Without a goodbye? Without a single word.

“You sold me a crazy man and made me a slave! The least you can do is to survive and wait for me to return!”

You tried to beat your own chest in high hopes that the pain will go away. Why did the sun have to be especially bright this day? Did it want to mock you? Maybe it is punishing you for being such a bad child, for not knowing that your parents already died and for not being on their side during their last moments. It’s not your fault! It’s theirs! The reason that you could be by their side is that they didn’t want you! They gave up on you!

“Why aren’t you answering?!”

You yelled again, hoping that they’ll hear. You were hoping that they’ll appear in front of you and scold you. The heat was creeping through your skin and the  hat you wore didn’t do much help in hiding you from the harsh warmth.

“Yunhee. Stop it now.”

Chanyeol said as he was trying to support your failing body. You looked miserable and those hands of yours were bruised and soiled by the rocks that you were throwing desperately.

“Let’s go home.”

You didn’t move a muscle. You didn’t want to leave yet. You want to throw rocks until your parents appear in front of you again.

“What home? I don’t have a home. My home disappeared when they died.”

“No. You still have a home.”

He pulled you in a tight hug and chuckled with his deep voice. Your heart beat began to stabilize as you felt his comfortable warmth.

“Don’t you remember that I am your home now? The moment I laid my eyes on you, I wanted to shelter you, protect you from anything that is bad in this world. Let me be your home.”

Then with a swift move, he lovingly kissed your tears away.

“So don’t you dare leave me, okay?”

How could I forget?

You happily nodded and smiled at him.

My home was with me all along.

-

“Have you heard?”

You saw Yoora’s reflection in your mirror as you were carefully putting powder on your face.

“We’ll have a special guest tonight. A famous Chinese musician. Rumor also has it that his face is as beautiful as the sunrise.”

“Beautiful as the sunrise?”

You chuckled, wincing as the powder dust had gotten into your eyes. It looks like you had put on a little bit too much.

“Who knows? I only rely on the information I receive. I guess we’ll have to see him in order to know.”

She shrugged as she got the small pot of peach rouge on your makeup box.

“Here I’ll put this on you.”

“You don’t have to do that for me Yoora.”

You gently smiled at her.

“You should take care of your makeup first.”

“I insist. I can quickly put on makeup on my face within seconds.”

She had gotten a light lavender powder from her own collection and dusted it on your cheeks.

“You’ll be one of the highlights for tonight’s performance and since it’s for a special guest, you should look extra special tonight.”

You just smiled in reply. As kisaengs, you were taught to depend solely on yourselves and your own ability as the competition in the kisaeng house was practically heavy and the women inside almost never share the secret to their own craft. You wondered why you had learned to depend on other people like Yoora or Chosun. It was a strangely pleasant experience. Getting to know the others, you came to hate some but you also learned to love some.

Each and every one of you was unique with your own beauty and ability, like the notes produced by your gayagum. Some kisaengs were talented and had benefitted by letting it shine, allowing them to become one of the most recognized beauties in all of Joseon and some were subtle but had silently crept up in the hearts of their patrons. The various talents of you and your sisters was the only thing that makes men respect you, the only thing that prevents them from violating you, touching you and treating you like you’re some kind of es.

Other kisaengs say that you have the most comfortable lives. Being artisan kisaengs had gave you the assurance that  you could not be forced into giving ual service as the ones of your kind belong to the higher class of kisaengs, not to be played with but to be preserved and honored. Your sisters had contributed much to the progress to the fields of music, art and poetry but sadly, you were still looked down upon.

Known to bear the body of a slave and have the mind of an aristocrat, you still have to entertain drunk men and bear with their boozed-up breath afterwards, evading their numerous attempts to kiss you. Anyway, you were just a possession of the government, another decoration in the dusty streets of Joseon.

“There.”

Yoora’s sweet  voice woke you up from your thoughts.

“You look just like the newly bloomed peach blossoms, simple and pretty. Thank me by playing nicely for my dance later.”

“You know that I always play nicely.”

You said as you looked in your mirror.

Beautiful.

She did a good job. Your skin was glowing with a mix of lavender and peach on your cheeks, it’s really amazing how a simple mix of gentle colors could make such a difference. Your lips were painted with a light pink that was getting into a shade of coral on the inside, they were sparkling and your eyes were lined with a gentle shade of brown, not the usual black that you didn’t like too much. It was like she had painted an artwork in your skin.

“He’s here!”

One of your sisters happily told you as she almost tripped on the wooden floors. It looks like the pretty boy musician’s reputation is not only known by Yoora but some of your other sisters as well.

 Funny, your sisters had never been like this excited before. Is he really that handsome as they say? Oh well, it would be a refreshing sight to welcome the young musician as most men who come at the kisaeng house at night were all old and wrinkly. It would be a nice change.

“Come Yunhee! I’m dying to see him!”

Yoora pulled you up as you looked at her. True to her word, she can do her own makeup within seconds. Her lips were colored with a bright red, taking the spotlight and her long lashes were dyed in a pitch dark black.

You stood in line with your multitude of sisters as Chosun had taken the center stage, dancing to the beat of five drums. It was a dazzling sight as she always looked like a goddess. Maybe it’s just your unreasonable bias in her beauty but this day, she truly looked like one.

Her pale white skin glimmered in the light of the full moon and the slight sweat in her skin imitated gems and decorated her face and neck. She wore a bright blue skirt that had a luxurious display of golden peonies. She was dazzling, lethal and oh so tempting. For sure, the Chinese musician would like her performance the best.

A few minutes passed and Chosun had finished her dance. It was your turn to showcase your talents. Shyly you picked up your gayagum, nervous to perform after Chosun. Usually you were accustomed to perform with her, playing her music or dancing along with her but this time you needed to perform separately. She was the best among your sisters, wasn’t it too cruel for them to make you perform after her?

You sat on the elevated platform and have laid your instrument on your lap, breathing before you can play a single note. The air was rather tense and your can clearly see the Chinese’s face amongst the crowd. His face was lit by the multitude of lanterns and the same amount had surrounded your form. He was handsome, no beautiful like a girl. His gaze was fixated on you, making you the only being within the extent of his world.

You gracefully lifted your hands and placed them on the proper strings. You had struck your first note and began to make your second one; each note that followed gradually increased tempo and had created a frenzy of distinct harmonies, another spell that bound the people around you. Your arms felt like wings of a butterfly, graceful and light.

One by one, each note that was played complemented each other, taking you to another world. The song will finish soon but before hitting the last note, a string snapped and one of your fingers were cut. Blood began to ooze from the slight cut on your skin. The momento for the song had already stopped as you already missed a second of the timing the moment you winced; you cannot continue the performance anymore.

The Chinese man stood up and clapped, letting you regain your pride. He gently motioned you to come near him with his hand. He was wearing jade colored clothes that were similar to what most young nobles in Joseon wore. He smiled at you when you came near him.

“You’re pretty, just like a doll and since I’ll just be here in Joseon for a short while,”

He spoked in fluent Korean. Amazing, he spoke it like a native. He gently held your hand and kissed it without your permission, such a bold move. His hands were smooth but the fingertips were rough.

“I’ll take you as my souvenir.” 

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