Chapter7

Today. Today is the day. I’ve hardly slept a wink, and the little sleep I did was plagued by horrible nightmares. There are dark circles under my eyes and I look so pale that people might think that I live in Antarctic, not in Seoul. Siwon might probably joke that I’ve partied too much with Sungmin. If only he knows . . .

I don’t know what time he’s returning. I haven’t had a chance to pack up all of our things, but I have started to put aside some essentials to get us through the next few days. I don’t want a suitcase to greet Siwon when he arrives. I sigh.

I startle when my phone rings. It’s from Siwon, I take a deep breath and answer him.

“Hello?” I answer the phone, too surprise to sound shaken. Isn’t he coming home today, after all?

“Hye! Where are you?” he asks.

“At home, why?” I reply. Just then I hear the sound of knockings at the door.

“Wait, someone’s here” I am terrified by the thought that it might be Donghae who came back. When I open the door, I see Siwon, beaming at me.

“Boo!” he shouts, and hugs me. I reply equally.

“I didn’t think you were coming home until next week!” I exclaim.

“I’m back for only two days” he cautions. “Then I have to go away again, sorry” he says apologetically. I should be sad, but thinking what might happen later, after I tell him about Aiden, I don’t think he’ll ever say that. I smile sadly.

“Where’s Aiden? I miss him!” he says

“Still asleep. He’ll wake up soon”

“Good! It’s hot! Let’s grab our swimmers and go to the lake later!” he suggests.

“Okay” I say

There’s a lake not far from here, down a beaten track off one of the mountain roads. We normally approach the lake via a wider stream and a grassy bank, but now we reach a concrete platform that looks down at the lake below us, deep and green and crystal clear. As we unpack our things, Siwon hands me Aiden and he went swimming. The two of us stand and watch as “daddy” dive into the water, creating a tidal wave.

“Whoa! That was amazing!” he says excitedly. I smile.

It’s at the time like this that I remember why I love him. My throat aches and my nose starts to itch.

I remember why I love him . . . What a strange expression, isn’t it? Surely you always know why you love someone? Is it possible to forget? Sometimes in my darkest moment, I wonder if I actually love Siwon at all. That’s a terrible thing to say, I know, but it’s true. I’m fond of him. Very very fond of him and I like him immensely, but love?

I loved Donghae. I loved him passionately. I just didn’t like him very much.

We went up to the waterfall and spent a little fun together. A little, that is when my mind is occupied with another things and I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy the moment with my little family. But I’m happy, because Siwon is happy. At least for the time being, he is.

By the time Aiden is in bed that night, I’m feeling so tense and ill that I’m actually dizzy with it. I can’t even touch my food. Siwon notices it.

“Are you still feeling rotten?” he asks, sympathetically

I nod, not meeting his eyes. Don’t be a coward, Hyukjae. I drag them up to look at him.

“Come and sit down” he takes my hand and leads me to the sofa. I gently detach myself and sit on the other sofa. He just stares at me.

“You won’t want to be near me in a minute” I manage to say.

He does, hesitantly. I should start talking. It’s now or never. But Siwon cuts me first.

“It’s Donghae, isn’t it?” his question takes me aback. It is, in a way

“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” he says flatly.

What should I say? I do still love Donghae? But that’s not the point here, he must know what I want to tell him.

“I have something to tell you”. ‘Be strong, Hyuk’

“I’m sorry. So very very very sorry”

“What is it? This is driving me crazy”

“I really am sorry, Siwon”

“Hyuk” his tone is firm.

I take a deep breath and then it comes to me, the way I’m going to tell it.

“A bit under two years ago, Donghae came to the house and tried to persuade me to leave you and to choose him instead.”

Siwon nods, willing me to go on.

“I refused him” I tell him. “But . . . I’m sorry”

“What?” he practically shouts

“We slept together”

“Oh ” he curses. He glares at me.

I haven’t even started yet . . .

“Did you him at my parents last week?” he spits

“NO!” I exclaim. “Of course not! It was just the one time. It never happened since then”

His anger dissipates and I take that as a clue for me to go on. My eyes well up.

“I fell pregnant” I stare at him and he stares back at me, not comprehending, not yet. Tears starts to trail down my cheeks.

“What do you mean?” he’s confused. “You had an abortion?”

I shake my head, very very slowly, not taking my eyes from his. Then, suddenly he gets it.

The look on his face . . . it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

“Aiden?” he whispers. “Aiden is his?”

“I’m sorry”

“No, no, no . . . NO!”

“I’m sorry”

He leaps to his feet and stalks towards the balcony window. I stay seated, giving him space.

“No” he says again, and turns to look at me, with his angered face. “Have you always known?”

“No! I wasn’t sure. I wanted him to be yours. I hope he would born with dark hair and when he was, I cried with relief. But now  . . . he doesn’t look like you at all”

Siwon regards me with hatred in his eyes.

“Does Donghae know?”

“He worked it out”

“When?”

“At your parents. As we were living, he saw a picture of Aiden with your mum . . .”

“I’m going to ing kill him!”

‘Siwon, I’m sorry”

“I’M GOING TO ING KILL HIM!”

I can’t make myself to comfort him, well I couldn’t right, after all that I done.  He suddenly puts his face in his face in his hands and starts to sob. It’s the most awful, heart wrenching thing I had ever heard.

“I’m so sorry Siwon. I really am”

He glares at me and went straight to the room. I cry. Even I already predict that this will happen, but my heart still hurt. Siwon . . .

Three hours passed. I can’t sleep. I’m still here at the living room, since I can’t bring myself to go into the room. The worst, I can’t face Siwon. No, I can’t.

Suddenly I hear the sound of the door opens, and Siwon comes down the stairs. I watch him walking through the hallway straight to the kitchen. After a moment, he comes back. I thought he will go straight back to the room, but he stops in the hall. He looks at me, not saying anything. I guess I should say something then.

“I’ve started packing some things. We’ll go to my parents in the morning” I say quietly

He looks at me in disbelief. Maybe I say the wrong thing

“You’re leaving me? You’re not ing leaving me! You’re not taking my son away from me! He’s my son! That bastard might’ve ed you, but I raised him and YOU’RE NOT TAKING HIM AWAY!” he boils up, I guess his anger won’t ever dissipate.

“ But, I thought that . . .”

“You’re not leaving, that’s final!” he says and went up the stairs, leaving me here.

Siwon cancels all his appointments or works whatsoever, claiming that there’s no way he can concentrate on work now. I don’t know how we get through the next few days, but amazingly we do.

His devastation is crushing though. He can barely look at Aiden without crying. It’s the most horrible things to witness, well for me. And I hate myself for that. I think Aiden is confused. He’s acting fairly normally, but sometimes he regards his father with wariness.

Siwon won’t look at me in the eyes. He won’t touch me too. He won’t come to bed with me. He sleeps on the sofa, refusing to let me sleep there. He even speaks to me amicably enough when Aiden is around. He doesn’t want to know more details about what happen. He doesn’t care that this lie has been killing me too. But I guess he’s just too hurt to realise and I understand him for that.

   And I still haven’t called Donghae. I know that I have to. I just don’t know how. I’ve already been deceitful and I don’t want to cause Siwon any more pain, but we’re going to have to go there soon. Knowing Donghae, he won’t wait forever.

After six days, Siwon finally tells me that he’s going back to Japan or his abandoned work, and I just nod. I’m quite sad, because we don’t really make up for these six days and I feel awful. I miss the little family we have together.

   I send him to the airport, eventhough he says that I shouldn’t. I know he wants to avoid me, but I have to tell him about Donghae.

Siwon is currently taking out his luggage from the boot and I’m helping him. He snatches the bag away from me, saying that I shouldn’t do that. Well, he shouldn’t have to snatch it, is he?

My phone suddenly beeps, signaling that I have a text, and I wonder who would send me text me message at this hour. I take a glance at Siwon and he’s checking his phone.

I look at my screen and I don’t find any name, just a 10 digits mobile number. I furrow my brows. Who could this be? But my eyes widen when I read the text.

‘Have you told him yet?’

Donghae? My heart skips a beat. It must be from him. That’s weird. So weird, I was only just thinking of him.

What should I say? I can’t reply him now, since Siwon’s here, I mean, I can, but I shouldn’t. Anyway, he can wait.

But then, what should I say? Oh God! What should I say really?

‘Yes?’

No, I can’t! That won’t do.

I walk towards the door, following Siwon and I feel my hands are itching to reply him back. So, I type out the message, replying something like ‘ yes, and it’s awful. Please give us more time to adjust. I’ll text you soon’ and I put my phone back into my pocket.

Another minutes later . . .

PING!

Another message.

Siwon is looking weirdly at me. I know he must have feel weird, since I don’t have lots of friends, only Sungmin, and he exactly knows that Sungmin is a kind of busy person, he rarely texts me. He could’ve just called.

   Whatever he’s thinking now, I don’t really care because I’m sure this text is from Donghae and I keep resisting myself from reading it. Who knows what might happen if Siwon knows later? Oh, I can’t imagine that!

   Then, Siwon went to the counter to check-in his luggage and all, and I hurriedly open the message.

‘How soon?’

Oh, for pity’s sake. Leave us alone! No, I won’t reply. I won’t! Bugger it. But . . .

‘I don’t know, Donghae. Have some respect!’

I replied him back! Geez, Hyukjae!

My phone starts to ring, and I take a quick glance at the screen. Oh God! It’s Donghae. I look at Siwon, seems like he’s busy with his stuffs and all. So I quickly stand up and make my way to the restroom.

“What??” I snap

“Are you taking the ing piss?” Donghae asks down the line

“I can’t talk right now.” I reply crossly. “You’re going to have to wait”

“Are you ing kidding me? I’ve waited long enough, thank you very much. Two ing years I’ve waited” he snaps

I gulp. “What about a few days, please?”

“Few days” he replies smugly. “ Friday it is,then”

He hangs up on me. That bastard hangs up on me! Bloody hell ! Calm down Hyukjae, calm down. I take a deep breath, but then I shriek. Friday?? No way, today’s freaking Wednesday! It’s that soon!

   Suddenly my phone rings again, signaling another incoming call, it’s Siwon. I compose myself and take the call.

“Yes, Siwon?”

“Where are you?” he asks

“I’m at the restroom, I’ll be back” I say

“Make it fast, I’ll wait for you at the restaurant” he says

“Sure” reply

There are just a few customers in the Japanese restaurant and I find it quite weird. I just shrug it off and search for Siwon. And I find it really weird when the waiter signals me that Siwon is in the VIP room. Knowing Siwon, I know something’s bad going to happen. I’m sure of it, this is out of his nature. He’s been offered to use this room, but he refuses it every time. I calm myself down and open the door.

I find Siwon’s checking up his phone and I bet he’s in the middle of reading The Sun, since the paper is spread out in front of him. I take the seat opposite him.

I take out my phone and  turn it into silent mode. It’ll be inconvenience if I get a call from Donghae in a time like this. Twenty minutes later, we are still in the same position and I can’t stand it anymore. I went out of the room and smile to the waiter.

“Is this our orders?”

“Yes, I’m about to deliver it”

“It’s okay. I’ll have it”

I bring in the food that Siwon orders for us and yet his eyes are still fixed on the phone. What’s so interesting on his phone I don’t really know, but I do know I can’t stand it any other way.

“Siwon. I know I’m at fault here, and I’ve said it million times. I’m so sorry. I don’t think what you are doing now is going to help. We can make this together, please, forgive me” I say

He looks up from his phone and furrows his eyebrows. “What? You’re saying it’s my fault now?”

“No, I don’t mean it that way. I-” before I could even continue, Siwon shoves my phone right in front of my face

“Then what the is this about?”

I’m really really shock. How did he get my phone? Did I leave it here? Oh my god.

“I was going to tell you” I say hurriedly

“Don’t make me laugh, Hyukjae!”

“I was!” my voice rises. Thankfully we’re in the VIP room or else everybody else would hear us.

“What were you going to tell me? That you and this bastard have been having cosy little chats with each other behind my back?”

“We haven’t! He texted me earlier -”

My sentence is cut short by Siwon hurling my phone in a fury across the room. It narrowly misses my face, clonking against the wall and clattering to the floor. In despair, I stand up and pick it up and discover that my phone has a crack straight across the screen.

    “You broke my phone!” I wail, unable to keep my cool.

    “You’re lucky I didn’t break your nose!”

I stare at him in shock. What did he just say?

“No, you didn’t just say that!” I’m so mad right now!

“But I was!” he says

“Alright Siwon!! I’m sorry for all the misery I caused you. I try everything to fix my mistakes, but you don’t give me a chance, at all!” I say

“That bastard called you! I saw your recent call” he manages to say

“Yes he did. That was what I’m going to tell you”

“What did that bastard want?”

“He wants to Aiden properly. He gives me time until this Friday” I say

I see Siwon tightens his jaw, and we don’t speak a single word after that, until he’s called for the flight.

Siwon then makes a call, about 3 minutes or more and when he hangs up, he looks at me.

“I’m not going. I’m cancelling all my schedules. I’ll be there with you when he meets Aiden” he says, and I couldn’t argue more, but a part of me is glad, I think we could make this out.

A/N: oh, erm.. what should i say? Happy New Year 2013! hehehe, i guess we all did start it with EUNHAE PICTURES right? Oh, I'm so glad! 2012 starts with their HUG! Erghh! Okay! I wish all of you a happiness filled 2013 ^,^ Should i say sorry for this update? It's mostly Siwon-Hyukjae, but it's in the plot, i can't do anything, forgive me -__- But Donghae will appear frequently in the upcoming chapter. And i don't think there will be any Siwon, hahaha, if that would make you happy ^^ Comment me, what you feel :) Anyone with katalk, wassup or bbm can talk with me, freely. I'd like to talk to all of you~ Happy 2013 again ! And twinny! sweet21 for advance! consider this as your bday gift~~hehe