Chapter 4

It’s Tuesday, the day of the funeral.  We travel to the cemetery in a procession of black cars and walk into the church behind all the pallbearers of friends and colleagues of Siwon and his brother. Everyone is in tears, so am I. I quickly wipe my single tears that dropped from the corner of my eyes, blink twice and I turn around to distract myself.

But then I saw him, I saw Donghae. Am I hallucinating? I saw him looking at me, with his lovely eyes, looking so concerned. I quickly look away. I shouldn’t think of him, especially not today. I reach across and squeeze Siwon’s hand. He squeezes mine back, hard. Siwon needs me.

When the ceremony is over, we went back to Siwon’s dad mansion, everyone is in their gloomy mood, I offer myself to make coffee and some sandwiches with sausages for them. I quickly went to the kitchen. I then serve them on the table when the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it” I said. I walk through the hall and I can see the outline of a person through the stained glass door. I wonder who would call at this hour after the funeral. I open the door and my heart almost beats out of my chest when I see Donghae, standing there.

I stare up at him in shock. Who wouldn’t right? It’s been so long since I last met him. He seems taller than I remembered, and he appears broader too. His outfit doesn’t help either. He’s wearing a chunky black coat and I have to blink twice for this. Up until this moment, I really can’t believe Donghae’s standing right in front of me.

He mirrors my shock expression, but he quickly gets himself together. He cleared his throat. Damn! That’s still y as I remember.

“Are you going to let me in or what?” he glances over his shoulder, impatience.

I finally find my voice back. “ Of course, yes” I step aside and he gets in.

“Where’s Siwon?” he asks, not meeting my eyes. I’m quite surprise, did he hate me that much until he can’t look me in the eyes when he’s talking to me? If he really does, then it hurts. 

“In the living room” I reply, shutting the door behind him. I follow him, but not to the living room. I make my way to the kitchen.

I face the kitchen sink, clutching the edge of countertop. Damn! My hands are shaking, too bad!

Snap out of it, Hyukjae! Snap out of it!

I feel too weak to move, why am I like this? I haven’t seen him for almost two years and he’s treating me like a stranger. I can’t stand it, it hurts. I want to get away from here, but I still wanna see him again.

I hear footsteps behind me and I spin around, expecting to see Donghae, but it’s Siwon. I force a smile.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. What do you need?” I smile warmly to him

“Would you mind making Donghae a cup of coffee?”

“No, wait” I make the coffee almost instantly, and give it to Siwon.

“Here, take it”

“ Are you sure you don’t wanna be out there?” he asks, concerned

“No. No, I still have dishes to do” I showed him the sink

“Why don’t you do that in the morning? I’ll help you. Come into the living room. You haven’t seen Donghae for ages”

He pulls me out of the kitchen and we went straight to the living room. I hope he’s not aware of my shaking hand he’s holding. What should I do now?

Siwon puts the coffee on the table and we sit next to each other, opposite Donghae. I clutch my hands tightly, afraid that someone would notice I’m shaking, and breathing rapidly.

Donghae has taken off his coat and is wearing a skinny blue jeans and a faded black plain T-shirt. It looks vintage and is tight against his torso. He gulps down the coffee I made, and as dirty as it sounds, I find his moving adam apple becomes a bit too y too handle. I gulp hard, I can’t have this feeling. Before anything bad happen, I excuse myself to the kitchen.

I poured a glass of cool water. I drink it in an attempt to cool myself down, why am I feeling this way? It’s been 2 years, I shouldn’t have this feeling anymore. I was too busy dealing with my thoughts and feelings when suddenly the sound of chair, being pulled beside me.

Thinking it’ll be Siwon, I prepare my fake smile for him, in case he would say I’m spacing out again. But no, it’s Donghae. I choke on my water, and spill it onto his shirt. I widen my eyes

“What a great way to greet me” he says, sarcastically

“I-I’m sorry. I thought it’s Siwon” I quickly grabbed the cloth and wipe the mess I made. I just screwed

“I can do this myself, thank you” he said, and harshly took the cloth. Our hands touched and we kind of freeze a bit, maybe I’m dreaming, or hallucinating but I swear I saw him gulping. I’m that alert on his y adam apple. I have a weird .

I blink once and I saw him wiping his damp wet shirt. Oh huh I feel guilty.

I stood there, watching him and then he put the cloth on the table and pours himself a glass of cold water and turn away.

I let out my breath, never knew I was holding it. Calm down. Hyukjae! Calm down!

I grab my glass to calm my nerves, unfortunately, the glass’s not there. Where’s that damn glass? I search for it and suddenly I let out a not so loud scream when I realized.

Donghae! He took my glass!

And I couldn’t be more happier . This stupid grin! Stop showing, I look like a stupid monkey!

“Hyukjae! We need more coffee” I snapped out of my thoughts, hearing that voice, Siwon’s brother.

“Okay!”

And I hurriedly went to boil up the water, and wait. Siwon comes and sits next to me. He massages my back and it’s no doubt I feel kind of relax.

“Are you okay? You should go in front, let me take it from here”

“No, it’s okay. This is all I could help” I smile, assuredly

“You’ve done enough for today, Hyuk. Come on, just go to the hall, Donghae must be missing you. You both got a lot to catch up”

I smile bitterly. ‘Donghae? Missing me? Oh Siwon, if only you knew how he treated me just now’

“No, it’s alright. I-“

Siwon puts his finger on my lips and motion me to go to the front. I sigh.

‘Here we go Hyukjae! You can do it!’

“Ah man..” Donghae leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“You got that right” Siwon’s dad replies. “Oh Hyukjae. Come sit! I was just about to go upstairs. I feel kind of sleepy now” he says while yawning

“But..” I don’t have time to continue when Siwon comes

“Dad, it’s still early”

I hold Siwon’s hand, hoping that he would understand his father. He’s still mourning. Sadly, Siwon’s still oblivious to that.

“Please” I insist. I want to tidy up a bit and make his bed for him, eventhough he’s about to get into it. More than anything, I don’t want him to walk into his marital bedroom alone on the night his wife’s funeral.

“You’re a good boy, Hyuk” Siwon says, squeezing my hands.

I glance at Donghae at the exact same moment, he locks his eyes with me, sending shockwaves down my spine. We quickly look away from each other.

I turn away and hurry up the stairs. My heart beats like crazy.

Donghae used to call me a good boy. Maybe I was, once. Not anymore.

When I return to the living room, twenty minutes later, Donghae and Siwon are alone. They look up to me, hearing my footsteps and Donghae’s the first to look away.

“Sit down”

I take a deep breath and do as he says. He smiles warmly to me and reply him back, showing my honest smile.

“I’ve been telling Donghae about our pad in Seoul” he says “I said he should come to visit us sometimes”

“Oh, right” I manage to choke out. Donghae is watching my reaction. Hopefully he knows me well enough to understand he’s not welcome.

“Are you working now, Hyukjae?” Donghae asks, and I sense he is trying to act normal for Siwon’s sake.

“No, being a mum keeps me busy enough” I reply, trying to inject some nonchalance into my tone. I should feel pleased that he’s not avoiding eye contact anymore, but I feel disconcerted instead.

“He won’t trust anyone else with Aiden” Siwon explains, patting my knees.

“His name’s Aiden?” Donghae asks, particularly to Siwon, but his eyes dart towards mine

“Yes, Aiden” Siwon replies

“Oh, where’s he now?”

“He’s with mum” I say. Yes, I sent Aiden to mum last night when she came here to deliver her last respect for Siwon’s mom, since you know, funeral and toddlers really do not match.

“How old is he?” Donghae asks again

Now, why does he have to ask too many questions concerning Aiden? I frown. But, it’s good, right? I wonder if he’ll be a good father. No! I shouldn’t think like that. Siwon’s good enough.

“He just e” Thankfully Siwon answers again.

“Oh. Happy birthday whenever. I should’ve sent a card” Donghae says

Siwon then excuses himself upstairs, when the maid calls for him, maybe he has an incoming call.

And here I am, alone with Donghae. We fell into a very uncomfortable silence with Donghae keep drinking his water, and me shifting inconveniently.

Donghae’s the one to break the silence.

“I never thought you would name your son as Aiden.”

“Yeah, I kinda like the name” I smile bitterly, I know what he’s been thinking, because trust me, I think the same

“Guess I need to find another name for my son” he tries to crack a joke, smiling ever so awkwardly

“Yeah, you should” I reply

“How’s your girlfriend?” Now, I really hate my mouth! What have I done? No, why would I ask him that? Stupid Hyukjae! I mentally slap myself.

“Good” 

“Where’s she?”

“At her parents”

“She hasn’t bothered coming?”

He shakes his head, and the corners of his lips turn down.

“I don’t know why you bother, quite frankly” I comment

“Yeah, alright, Hyukjae!” he snaps. “ I didn’t come here to get a lecture. Not from you”

I glare him. “Why did you come then?” I immediately feel stupid. Of course he came for Siwon, his bestfriend, his childhood friend and he knows him and his family his entire life.  I look at Donghae. He gives me a hard look and doesn’t dignify my question with the answer I’m not sure I want to hear. I’m aghast to find myself blushing. Keep cool, Hyukjae.

Siwon walks back into the living room and slumps on the sofa next to me. I move myself closer to him. Donghae averts his gaze, and yawns.

“You must be jet-legged. Where are you staying?” Siwon asks, concerned.

Donghae pats his pocket. “Don’t know, some place in the city centre. Dena sorted it for me.”

‘Dena? She must be his current PA and I’m guessing his accommodation details are on the phone in his pocket. I feel a prickle of jealousy. I used to do that to him. I wonder what she’s like, if she’s better at her job than me. If he’s attracted to her . . .

“I should probably get going” Donghae drags me out of my internal monologue.

“You can crash here, if you like” Siwon says, suddenly. I widen my eyes. ‘WHAT?? Oh please, why’

Donghae just smiles in return. “Thanks for the offer”

I’m still waiting for his answer

“When are you going back to your land?”Donghae asks, his eyes flitting between Siwon and me.

Siwon answers, “Hyukjae’s going back tomorrow. I’m sticking around for a few more days. What about you? When are you going back to LA?”

“Tomorrow afty” he replies.

‘Oh, that’s fast. Guess he really came here abruptly. Maybe his works forbid him to stay longer. You don’t have to worry, Hyukjae! You won’t see him again. But why does my heart feel weird now?’

“Private jet?” Siwon checks

“Yep” he shyly smile. ‘ Oh he looks just like my baby.’

“So, are you still going?” Siwon asks, checking his watch. “It’s half past 9 already”

Donghae looks like he’s thinking. “I guess I’ll stay” His eyes shift s towards me. “It’s good to catch up properly tomorrow. If that’s alright.”

I gulp silently.

“Of course it is” Siwon replies quickly.

I hurriedly stand up “I’ll get the bed prepared”

Siwon holds me “ No, it’s okay. The maid can do it”

I just smile. “It’s fine. I’ll do it” and leave the living room, straight to the laundry room to take the sheets. It’s not that I don’t trust the maid, but Donghae hates it when others prepare his bed. When I was his PA, I did all of that. He said I’m the only person he’d let to prepare his bed, not even his mother.

“Thanks for coming” I hear Siwon says to Donghae from the hallway.

I pause at one of the door and listen for a moment.

“It’s nothing. I hope I would be here sooner”

“Dad really appreciates you coming”

“It’s good to see him again”

“You took his mind off things for a bit”

“I hope so. Don’t worry Siwon. I’m here for you. You are my brother. Be strong”

“I’m gonna miss her”

“I know. I’m sorry mate. I think I’ll miss her too”

The atmosphere becomes gloomy all of sudden. I really want to go there and hug them both, but my feet are rooted to the spot.

“Where’s Hyukjae with my ing sheets?” Donghae jokes, trying to clear the air.

Siwon laughs. “He’s been a gem these last few days. I don’t know what I would have done without him”

I wait to hear how Donghae would respond to that, but sadly he says nothing. I step quietly through the hallway and bustle through there.

“Here you go” I say. Donghae hurriedly takes the sheets from me.

“I’ll do it” he says, not meeting my eyes. I smile, bitterly. ‘He does hate me now’

“Alright Donghae boy. See you in the morning” Siwon says and guide me to the door.

“Goodnight Donghae” I say.

“See you in the morning” I notice he replies to Siwon, not to me. My heart sank.

I let out a heavy sigh when I settle on the bed, Siwon’s still in the bathroom. All the things happened today is real, and it’s not like what I expected. Now, why would I think about this? Maybe I’m too tired today. 

‘Do you really hate me that much, Donghae?’ was the last thing I remember thinking about, before sleep hauls me and a tear escape my eyes, leaving a single spot of wet tear on my pillow.

A/N : Hello readers! hehehe, twinny's been nagging me to update before i go, so here it is, chapter 4. twinny! comment me! hahahaha..so there's donghae here, and their meeting after 2 years. how was it? So, i'll be preparing for SJM Showcase..ngee :)) I'm so excited! If any of you are going, we shall meet! And comments are loved! Comment me! I'll kiss ya! Hahaha