Chapter 6

 

‘Text me when you land’ – Siwon.

 

Oh my God! What does that mean? I grip my phone with white knuckles and call him. It rings and rings before reverting to voicemail. I try a couple of times more and still the same. No answer.

                Text me when you land . . .

                Why? Has Donghae told him that he thinks Aiden is his? I try calling Siwon again when I’m waiting for my luggage, and again when I’m at the parking lot. I really can’t think straight, and I need o concentrate on driving this journey, to Sungmin. It is his birthday three days ago. I should spend my time with him three days ago and I won’t meet Donghae. If only. But God knows better . . .

 

Siwon rings me himself an hour later. I pull over and take the call, my voice is shaking as I answer.

“H-Hello?”

“Five missed calls!” he practically shouts. “Are you alright?” he adds, Thank God he sounds normal again.

“Just fine.” I reply as some of the tension evaporates. “But you wanted me to call you when I landed and I wasn’t sure why”

“I said text you divvy. I just wanted to check whether you got there safely”

“Oh!”

Duhhh. . . he wouldn’t ask me to merely text if it was something serious. How careless I am. But I did say I couldn’t think straight am I?

“Are you home yet?” he asks

“No, not yet. I’m going to mom’s to pick Aiden up. How are you?” I ask, restraining myself from asking him about Donghae

“Send my kisses to Aiden. I’m just doing fine, just that I miss you both” he says

“I will. And I miss you too” I wish I could hug him right now, but that’s not the point. My dark side drags my thoughts, kicking and screaming towards Donghae. Finally I give in and ask him.

“Is Donghae still with you?”

“No” Siwon replies. “That was a bit weird. He left when I took you to the airport”

I swallow hard. “Did he?”

“Yeah” he humphs. “ I was only gone half an hour, and I thought he’d at least hang around and say goodbye”

Oh God. He knows. He knows. What should I do??

“How odd” I manage to say

“You know how he is”

“I think I should hang up now. I have to drive to pick Aiden up” I said, as the excuse, since I don’t know what else to talk to him. My mind is full with Donghae, what will he do after this? And what am I suppose to do?

“Okay. Drive safely. I have a surprise for you later.” he says. I wonder what is his surprise for me.

“Okay. Bye.”

 

I stare out through the front window.

Donghae left so suddenly because he knows Aiden is his. I’m sure of that. I wonder if I can convince him he’s wrong.

It occurs to me that Donghae might convince himself of that. He doesn’t want a child, for goodness’ sake. He told me, he told me when I was still working for him. I’m so stupid!

I have a sudden compulsive urge to hurt myself, to punish myself for what I’ve done. I take a deep breath and try to think about Aiden’s laughs and I’m not surprise I feel a bit calmer now.

 

Aiden is with my parents on the terrace when I turn into the driveway. It looks like they’ve been outside under the shade of the umbrella waiting for me. Aiden starts to squeak with excitement before I’ve even unbuckled my seatbelt. The badness fades away and is replaced with an overwhelming happiness and love. I hold Aiden tight, and he giggles in my hold. I smile ever so wide that I feel that my face would ache from smiling too much. My parents just watch us in amusement.

 

I tell myself. Whatever happens, happens. But Aiden is mine, and always will be.

 

I drive straight to Sungmin’s residence after I bid my farewell to mom. I bring Aiden with me too. Sungmin comes to me with delight and we hug for a long time until Aiden starts to squeak. We part and I hold Aiden onto my arms. Sungmin’s facial is kind of unreadable and should I say shock? I don’t know but when I look at him again, he seems normal. He invites us in and offers to carry my carriages inside. So I just shrug it off.

 

“Minnie. I’m so sorry for the late birthday present, but Happy belated birthday my friend” I say, giving him my gift wrapped up with a cute pink wrapper.

“It’s okay, Hyuk. I’m so sorry for Siwon’s mother”

I just smile. “He’s doing fine now, if you want to ask that”

He pats my back and offers his honest smile. I reply back with just the same.

“Now, we should make up for my birthday. Come on, let’s go and drink”

I can’t say no to him. After all, I really should make up for his birthday.

 

We check in at the French restaurant in town. This is Sungmin’s favourite french restaurant. We often come here, not long ago.

While waiting for the order, we chat and chat, filling the information of us, for these past few weeks. Sometimes Sungmin pays his attention to Aiden too, and I find him staring at him, but I don’t think it’s a big deal since it’s been a while since he sees Aiden.

“So how was the ceremony?”

“Quite well. I wish I could do more”

“I heard that emm… Donghae went to visit Siwon.”

I look at him. But I can’t lie to him, is it?

“Yes he did come”

“So how do you feel? Seeing him again?”

“It was strange” I admit. A waiter comes over, interrupting us. Our orders have arrived and we delay our conversation.

“I’ll tell you later” I say, he nods and we busy ourselves with the food. And not to miss, Aiden too.

 

Later, we also go to the mall since Sungmin needs to buy his kitchen stuffs. I walk with Aiden in his buggy, accompanying Sungmin.

As we reach Sungmin’s home, my baby has been soundly asleep in his buggy and I put him on my queen sized bed. I have my own special room in his house, that’s how close we are.

 

Sungmin and I are now in the kitchen. I help him tidying his kitchen while he keeps all his things he bought from the mall. We are kind of tired after that and we crush on the sofa in the living, of course with drinks.

 

“I’ve been very patient, but now it’s time to talk about Donghae” he says mock seriously.

“Do we have to?” I sigh. I thought so. He won’t let this matter about Donghae go.

“Hyuk, don’t calm up” he says firmly. “I know you. And you know you can talk to me about everything.”

“I know” I say quietly.

“So, what was it like? Seeing him again?”

“I told you it was strange”

“Go on”

I feel him in on the way he looked at me during the funeral, then to the initial shock at the opening door and how he acted like he barely knew me, to the part where he put on an act in front of Siwon. Eventually I tell him about me coming down in the middle of the night.

“He was . . . . . different” I reveal. “More like the Donghae I used to know”

“Oh no” he says, shaking his head

“Minnie, cut it out. I don’t mean I feel the same way about him as I did back then”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. He’s different now. He’s more complicated and kind of a mess” I say

“But he always was a mess, Hyuk. That didn’t stop you back then”

I just sigh. Because most of the part he says, is true.

“I just really can’t figure out what I feel about him, anymore.” I admit

“You just have to take your time. You and him” Sungmin says and he gives me my drink.

I take the drink, it’s just my strawberry milk. I told you I don’t drink anymore, am I?

Should I be happy, since I have my best friend with me now? He listens to my problems concerning Donghae when I don’t even have anyone else to hear me out. Yes, I really am thankful.

“Don’t make that face! You’re not that nice!” he scoffs.

I just smile. He just really can’t take it when I’m being kind of emotional.

 

I suddenly hear Aiden’s cry. I quickly barge into the room, followed by Sungmin. Aiden seems uncomfortable with his diapers I think, since he keeps shifting here and there on the bed. I change his diapers and the he calms down and eventually fall back to sleep.

 

Sungmin sits on the left side of Aiden while I’m on the right. He stares deep into Aiden’s sleeping face, something tells me that there’s something he’s been thinking of.

“What’s on your mind, Minnie?” I pry, as the uncomfortable feeling starts to creep in.

“No I can’t be right”

“What is it?”

He’s not meeting my eyes and suddenly the discomfort swells in to nausea.

“I didn’t know if I should say anything” he says, edgily.

“Then, don’t” I reply quickly, willing him to shut up.

He turns to look again at my son, sleeping so peacefully.

“Don’t” I repeat, my voice firmer. I was wrong to lower my guard. I’m remembering Sungmin’s face when he first saw Aiden at the front this morning. It’s the same look he’s giving me now.

“He doesn’t look like Siwon”

“I know. He takes after me” I force a tickling laugh

“He doesn’t look much like you either” he says. “Wait” he goes to his room and comes back with a magazine in his hand.

I know that magazine. That’s the exact same magazine that I borrowed from Siwon not long ago, and hide it in my closet.

I bury my face in my hands, my stomach churning horrendously.

“I saw this a few weeks ago” he says

“I’ve seen it” I mumble. “You don’t have to show me”

“I thought they looked similar” he continues. “But I didn’t realise how similar they were until I saw Aiden this morning. I didn’t know whether or not to talk to you about it, but you’re my best friend, how could I not?”

I don’t say anything.

“Hyuk? Please look at me”

I let my hands fall to my laps, my face is expressionless. He stares at me for a good period of time, a mixture of sympathy and concern written all over his face.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” he asks

“Right about what?” I say slowly, wanting him to spell it out. I just can’t say it, and I don’t think I will.

“He’s Donghae’s, isn’t he?” he whispers. “ He looks just like him, each and every part of him”

I meet his eyes and then I crumble. A lump comes out of nowhere and the tears eventually fall down. Sungmin touches my arms, and I let him.

“You know you can trust me” he says

I keep crying and sobbing. Sometimes I glance at Aiden, but he doesn’t even stir with my loud sobs, it’s a relief since I don’t know when will I be able to stop. Sungmin is beside me.

“Have you always known?”

I shake my head and whisper, “No”

“What happened?”

I take a deep breath. I have to tell him. I can’t stand it alone. All of this seems so difficult for me. I speak with my tremble voice.

“ I-It was when Donghae came back to convince me to go to LA with him. He wanted me to leave Siwon but I refused.” I look at him, and he nods, urging me to go on. “I didn’t have the will to stop when he . . h-he starts to kiss me and . . .” I can’t continue this. “He has . . . a hold over me. I feel drugged when I’m around him.

“I know” he takes my hands and squeezes hem.

“I used to torment myself” I say. “ My pregnancy . . . I used to torment myself with ludicrous scenarios, I can’t help it. I’m scared”

“Does Siwon know?” he asks

“No, and you can’t tell him” I warn him

“Hyuk . . .”

“No Minnie!”

“He’ll find out. How can he not?”

I start to feel slightly hysterical.

“You have to tell him.”

“How can I do that? It would destroy him!”

“He needs to know the truth”

“No, I can’t tell him. Aiden is used to have Siwon as his father. And you know what Donghae’s like – what sort of father would he make?”

Sungmin shakes his head. “It’s not about Donghae and Siwon. It’s about Aiden. You have to think of him.”

“Of course I think of him, every minute of everyday” I cry, sobs well up inside me.

“I know you do, you’re a great mom. But this is not about him now, it’s about him in the future. He won’t remember this time when he’s older. Sad as it is, he won’t even remember that Siwon was his dad”

I brush away my tears but they keep on falling

Sungmin continues. “ You have to sort this out before he’s old enough to remember. It’s the kindest thing to do. I’m sorry, Hyuk” he says, hugging me

I hug him back, nodding. Somehow I know it’s true.

“You have to promise me that you’ll tell him soon, ok?”

I stay still for a while, still crying, but finally I nod, if this is for the best, then I will do it. I will tell Siwon.

 

The next day, my head feels so heavy that I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of the bed. Sungmin takes Aiden for breakfast while I pack our things. I carry the bags to the car and sit next to Sungmin and Aiden on the couch.

“Are you okay now?” he asks

“I am. Thank you” I smile

“Don’t worry, you’ll be just fine”

“I hope so” I say and take the biscuits on the table. Aiden is giggling on Sungmin’s laps

“I think I better go now.”

“I’ll take you out”

 

I put Aiden in his baby car-buggy besides me. And I bid my farewell to Sungmin. He hugs me one last time so tight and I hug him back, equally. I need this strength. “You’ll be okay” he whispers into my hair. “It will be okay. These things happen for a reason”

I pull away, smiling. “Thank you”

He goes to Aiden and kisses him. “Bye, Aiden”. Aiden smiles

“He’s beautiful, Hyuk” he says to me sincerely. “You’re lucky to have him”

I nod quickly. “See you, Minnie”

“See you Hyuk. Keep in touch”

“Sure” I reply. And I drive home.

My drive home is full with my complicated thoughts, of Siwon, Aiden and Donghae.

 

Sungmin calls me that night, and I really feel thankful since I don’t feel like myself anymore. Everything seems so wrong.

“I wanted to check if you’re alright” he says

“No. I’m anything but,” I tell him, my eyes welling up. “I can’t bear the thought of hurting him like this. I mean, he’s already dealing with the death of his mother”

“You haven’t spoken to him yet?”

“No, I don’t know how I’ll keep up the act, but I don’t want to drag him home early”

“He’s going to know something’s wrong” he says gently. “It’s better that you tell him sooner rather than later, even if it does mean him ducking out of work early, so to speak”

“Oh God . . . Minnie, what have I done?” I start to sob

“I don’t know how you’ve lived with this secret all this time. It must have been awful” he says

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I deserve everything I get”

“Hey . . . you’ve probably can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, but you couldn’t have gone on carrying this burden around. It would have worn you down in the end, even if the truth hadn’t come out” he says soothingly

I take a deep breath and try to stop crying. What he’s saying makes sense. But then I hear a car engine roaring at the hills and suddenly stop right outside our house. Who would’ve been here at this hour?

“Minnie, I think I’m going to go”

“Okay. You take care. Call me if you want to talk” he says

“Thank you Minnie”

And I hang up

 

I hear the car engine’s been switched off and everything fell silent again. Aiden is asleep and I’m here alone. Did I lock the front door? I don’t know. I quickly run across the living room and check that the door is bolted. It is. Are all the windows closed? Yes. I feel relieve.

 

BANG! BANG! BANG!

The person’s at the door. I’m startled!

“HYUK!”

‘Donghae?’

“Donghae?” I ask through the wood

“Open up!” he shouts, pounding at the door again

Stunned, I unlock the door and Donghae is standing there

“He’s mine, isn’t he?” he demands to know. That caught me off guard.

I stare at him. His face is anguished.

He pushes past me into the house. “I want to see him”

“NO!” I close the door behind him. “What the hell were you thinking, turning up out of the blue like this? Siwon could’ve been here!”

“What the hell was I thinking?” he glared at me. “Sorry, did you just ask me what the hell was I thinking?”

I ignore him. “Please keep your voice down. Come through to the living room”

“I want to see my son” he says slowly, adamantly

I turn to look at him, a deadly calm settling over me. “You can’t. He’s asleep”

“So he is mine” he looks calm

“Come through the living” I repeat and lead the way to the living hall.

I sit on the sofa perpendicular to him, and then I wait. It’s not long before he raises his tormented eyes and stares at me.  He looks pale and tired.

“I want to hear it from you” he says quietly. “Is he mine?”

I nod. “It would seem that way”

“Has Siwon always known?”

“No.” I pause. “I’m telling him when he gets back”

“You won’t have long to wait” Donghae says. “Contrary to popular opinion” he adds, mildly sarcastically, “I wouldn’t have turned up out of the blue, even if I do only have a window of a day”

“A day?” I ask, panicked. “He’s not coming back until the week after the next!”

Donghae closes his eyes, irritated with himself, and then opens them again. “He was going to surprise you. And I wasn’t suppose to tell you”

“Oh God . . .” I suddenly remember what Siwon said when we had a conversation yesterday. Is this his surprise for me? I should’ve been happy, but I’m not. “H-he’s back tomorrow?”

Donghae nods.

So now I have less time to prepare, to pack up all our belongings, to speak to my parents . . .

Donghae sighs deeply. “How could you let this happen, Hyuk?”

Rage rushes through me. “How could I let this happen? Funny how I seem to remember there were the two of us there when you forced me to have with you!”

“I didn’t force you to have with me!” he scoffs, getting to his feet

“You may as well have, coming into my bedroom like that when I was getting changed! What the hell were you thinking?”

“Here we go again with what the hell was I thinking?”he says irately, pacing the room. “What the hell were you thinking, not telling me you were pregnant? I had a right to know!” he points at me angrily. “I waited for you, Hyuk! I waited three months for you goddamn it! You could have told me! We might have been able to work it out!”

I laugh bitterly. “Are you living in a ing cuckoo land? Look at you! You’re a mess! Should I remind you how you were back then? You’re unpredictably wild! Who the would want you to be a father?”

He glares at me. Second pass before he speaks. “That’s not your choice to make”

“I thought he could’ve been Siwon’s” I say, a slight tremor to my voice.

“How long did it take you to work out that he wasn’t? Anyone with half a brain can see that he’s mine. I don’t know how Siwon hasn’t worked it out, I thought he’s brighter than that!”

“Don’t you dare speak about him like that! He doesn’t deserve it!”

“Oh ” he mutters, pushing his hands through his hair and collapsing back on the sofa, the desolation returning. “He’s never going to forgive me for this”

“No, I don’t imagine he will” I say

Donghae looks up. “Well, he’s sure as hell not going to forgive you either”

“Are you kidding me? Do you think I don’t know that? Aiden is going to lose his father over this! Siwon is going to lose the son he thinks is his! I may as well cut him open, tear out his heart and rip it into shreds!”

I snatch at the Royal box and empty it of its last five tissues. Donghae comes to me, and hug me. He lets me cry in his arm. I find comforts in it. When I calm down he’s looking at me tenderly.

“I want to see him, Hyuk”

I nod, my resolves gone. “But you can’t wait him up”

“I won’t”

He lets me go and I lead him upstairs to Aiden’s bedroom and push open the door. Donghae is so close I can feel his body heat. Aiden is fast asleep in his cot, his face lit by the glow of his night light.

I step back while Donghae tentatively approaches. He bents down and stares at my son, our son. He slowly leaning down and kiss both of his chubby cheeks and he Aiden’s face. And I see Donghae wipes up his eyes. Looking at the scene, tears trek down my cheeks and I brush them away.

After quite a while, Donghae approaches me, and I slowly turn out of the room and walk, but I realise there are no footsteps behind me. I turn around to see Donghae standing outside Aiden’s room, his dark brown eyes glistening.

“He’s beautiful, Hyuk. What’s he like?” His voice sounds croaky

I smile sadly. “He’s the best. He’s very funny, very sweet, a real little character.”

Donghae looks at me and he smiles tenderly. I suddenly feel suffocate.

“Come away from his room” I urge him.

“I want to meet him properly” he warns me when we reach downstairs. His face is deadly serious.

I nod. “But I have to speak to Siwon first. Please” I implore. “Please give us some time”

He takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. “I’ll wait for you to call me” he says firmly. “But make it sooner, rather than later”

That doesn’t feel like a promise, it feels like a threat.

 

A/N : How was it?? how was it?? hehehe, I manage to hold myself from updating earlier just so that i could post this on Christmas Day, as a sepacial present for you on this very special day~~ Merry Christmas to all! Hope you have a good one! And don't forget to comment me! I'll still sulk if you don't!