Chapter 11

The car turns up at 10 o’clock, a pearl white Audi Q5 with shiny alloys and leather interiors.

     “What did I tell you?” I stare at Donghae, gobsmacked. “No! You’re not buying me a car! “

He rolls his eyes. “Hyuk, it’s like a drop in the ing-”

“Don’t swear”

“. . . . . ocean for me. Take the fu ------ Take the car.”

     “I can’t!” I say. “I can’t accept it”

     “Yes, of course you can” he says firmly, directing the truck driver to lower the car onto the road with a flick of his finger.

I move closer to him. “Donghae, please. You gave Aiden the watch too. I can’t accept this” I plead

     “Drop it in the ocean, NutHyukie. And yes you will accept this” he smiles

     “Stop calling me NutHyukie!”

     “Why?”

     “Just stop”

He chuckles, infuriatingly. The truck driver comes over to us with some paperwork.

     “You don’t want to make him take it away again” Donghae says in a soothing tone. “Think of poor Dena, all the effort she went to, to find it in time”

                I glare at him and take the pen from the driver. Again I wonder what Dena is like, what she must think of me. I turn back to Donghae and point the pen at him accusingly. “Okay, I’ll take this, but I’m paying you back”. I sign my name where the driver indicates while Donghae just laughs.

                Donghae then pays his attention to Aiden. He swings Aiden up on his shoulder, while Aiden just lets out his ever so cute giggles. The driver holds the keys out to Donghae, but he nods his head in my direction. I take them with building excitement, even though I don’t feel like I have the right to be excited about anything right now.

                “Come on, let’s go and see mummy’s new car” Donghae says to Aiden over the roar of the truck engine. A sandy cloud of dust puffs off in our direction as Donghae covers Aiden’s face, so that he won’t breathe in the dirty dust. I feel warm inside seeing that. Well, I couldn’t be blamed right? I’m a mother.

                “What’s Dena like?” Curiosity has got the better of me.

                “She’s great,” he enthuses, breaking off to go to the front passenger seat.  “And married” he adds with a knowing look to me over the car roof.

‘Married??’ Relief surges through me, and unconsciously I smile, my very small smile. But that doesn’t go unnoticed by Donghae. He just chuckles and I’m instantly annoyed with myself. Seriously, Hyukjae, stop thinking about it!

                Donghae climbs in and I follow suit. This car is left hand drive, and Siwon’s Alfa is right hand drive since we bought it from the UK, but it shouldn’t be too hard to get used to the change, right?

Aiden sits on Donghae’s knee and leans forward to press the dials and knobs on the dashboard. I glance at him, scrunching my nose,  he’s comfortably sitting on the knee of someone he hardly knows. A child’s innocence. I hope it’s true that young children adapts quickly to new situations.  I hope so with all my heart.

                I drive my new car around the city with Donghae and Aiden, testing the car, as Donghae says, but I notice that it’s not a big deal, since I, myself hardly tour around the Seoul for so long. We sometimes stop at the mall, and the convenience store, as Donghae suggests. He thinks that I may need additional things that I might not realise I need. I decline, saying I have enough, but stubborn Donghae is always stubborn, he goes out of the car with Aiden, leaving me to find the parking myself. I saw Aiden giggling on his shoulder that I unconsciously smile too, and proceed to find any empty spot to park.  It’s funny, and kind of weird, that I feel so many emotions and feelings these past few weeks. Maybe I have to admit that, I like these new sensations in me, but I have to face the truth, the reality, that my little family has gone. I need to stay strong for my life, and Aiden. Sigh.

                We safely arrive home at half past 12, after wandering around in the mall, buying new clothes for Aiden, and loads of toys also for Aiden. I leave the newly shopped things in the car. I don’t want to stay another night in the house without Siwon, I feel sinned, and guilty. Donghae helps me switch the car seats from Siwon’s Alfa and load all of our luggages into my car. I’ve told Aiden that we’re going to stay at Nanny and Grandad, and he’s too young to understand it’s anything out of ordinary. I tidied the house for Siwon, it’s going to be hard enough for him to walk back home empty. I write him a letter, and leave it on the coffee table in the living room. There’s nothing in it that I haven’t already said, but I want him to have something solid that will remind him of how sorry I am. I hope he reads it before tearing it up.

                Donghae leaves before we do. He’s not the sort to stand and wave goodbye. Still the Donghae I know. But we still have to say goodbye, no?

                “Thanks for all your help these couple of days. I don’t know what to say, but really, thank you, Donghae, I really mean it” I say as he sits astride his Ducatti with his helmet still on the handlebar. I feel kind of awkward trying to convey my appreciation, this is so not in our relationship, totally not. “Have a good flight home. I hope everything work out fine for you” I try to smile, but who am I kidding, it’s Donghae, and he knows me, in and out.

                He gets down from his bike and hugs me, kind of tight, but I don’t really care, I need it. His comfort, because I know, I won’t get any after this. Because after this, my whole new life will begin, and I’m scared. I hug him back, equally tight, and my tears stubbornly pour out. I was so immersed into the hug, until I feel Donghae steps back a little. I look up at him, suddenly feeling guilty, I’d damp out his shirt. I touch his shirt, “Sorry, a little carried away I guess.”

                He wipes my remaining tears, and I held his hands. “You’ll be okay, NutHyukie” he smiles. “You’re going to be okay.” He pulls me into a bear hug, and pats my head. “And stop crying, it doesn’t suit you” he laughs, a little, I can feel the vibration through his chest. I smile, and we parted.

                “I guess that’s it.” I say.

                “Do you think you can drive like this?” he asks , concern. He eyes me with that brown eyes, and I suddenly feel insecure. Snap out of it, Hyukjae!

                “I’m okay now.” I smile. Yet, he still eyes me. “I am. I’m alright, Donghae” I assure him. He then walks to the passenger seat, and lean his head towards Aiden. “Hey boy! I’m going to miss you a lot. Take care okay, and your mommy too.” He smiles at Aiden and kisses his cheeks, multiple times.

                “I want to come back and see him again soon, can I?” he asks, eyes still on Aiden.

                “Sure” I reply.

I walk him to his bike. He turns around, “Your parents are in Incheon, is that what you said?” he asks.

                “Yes. Incheon Airport is the nearest.”

                “I’ll call you next week to sort something out.”

                “Okay.” I feel pleased.

Donghae pulls his helmet on, leaving the visor up. “See ya, NutHyukie” he says, and looks at me. His brown eyes look more intense, because that’s all I can see of his face.

                “See ya, Donghae” I say and he pulls my hand and held me closer. My heart suddenly beats loudly and very quick that I have to breathe in slowly when he kisses my cheeks. I blink, he smiles. He touches my cheeks one last time and retreats.

                “See ya, Hyuk” He flips his visor down and starts up the ignition. I nod. He roars away, leaving me alone with my son. I still stare at the path, until I no longer hear the roar, and loneliness suddenly creep up inside me.

                We’re going to get used to this. But I appreciated the distraction while we had it. I inhale a god amount of air and smile, unconsciously touching my cheeks. It’s a good start, I guess. I walk to the car and get in to find Aiden plays with Donghae’s watch. Buckled into our respective car seats, I stare out one last time at our little house. Lonely though it was at times, I did love it here. I don’t know if I’ll ever return.

                I breathe in deeply and the smell of the new leather interiors and a little Donghae smells fill my nostrils.

                “Okay, baby?” I say to Aiden

                “Da-da-da-da-da,” he babbles

Gear in, I drive the car away from the house, leaving everything behind. ‘I won’t regret this. I will start a new life, without any lies.’

My parents live in a two storey cream coloured villa with a dark wood shutters and leafy green vines creeping up the walls. It’s situated up at the hills and the view across the valley is spectacular, especially at sunset, which is when Aiden and I pull up. He’s already dozed off, almost three hours drive, he should be tired. My parents, both are waiting for us down at the garden, mom’s favourite resting place of all times. I smile at them, at least they’re happy, and motioning towards Aiden and upstairs. They just nod.

I take just a few minutes to make sure that Aiden is settled properly on my bed, before going down to the living hall to discover that Dad has already unpacked most of our belongings from the car.

                “Thanks Dad,” I say quietly.

Mom comes in. “I didn’t know if you’d eat on the way, but I saved some dinner for you, just in case” she says.

                “I’m not really hungry,” I tell her.

                “Come out to the terrace,” Dad urges. “You should eat something and I’ll get you a glass of your pinky milk as well,” I smile. He tries, to cheer me up and I feel pleased.

                “Sure, Dad,” I call after him.

                “So, I’ll get you some dinner then?” Mom persists.

I nod. “I guess so. Thank you mom,” I add, feeling compelled to be particularly polite to my parents.

                We go outside and sit at the glass table on the stone tiled terrace, facing the rectangular shaped swimming pool. Dad’s coming out with a big box of strawberry milk and my favourite glass. The maid comes out, serving my dinner, and I thank her, politely.

                “How was the drive?” Dad asks when we’re seated. Mom moves to sit next to him, leaving me alone, facing them.

                “Fine. Good.” I tell him.

                “And the car?” he asks. “Bit too nice for a rental, isn’t it?”

I swallow my food, hard. “Donghae . . . he bought it for me”

They both reel backwards and glance at each other with surprise.

                “It’s not a big deal,” I tell them. “He insisted, he said it was like ‘a drop in the ocean’ for him” I try hard to explain, so that they won’t misunderstand.

                “Well if he can afford it, why shouldn’t he buy my little boy a car? You are the mother of his child, after all.” I trace the cheeriness in my dad’s tone is forced. He tries to be cool, he really tries, but I know him better. I hold his hands, “Dad, don’t force it. And I’m really really sorry for disappointing you” I say.

                “I’m okay. You’re my only son. Whatever happen, happens. You’re still my son.” He says. I caress his hand, “Thanks, dad”

                “Oh Hyuk” my mom says. Here we go.

                “I know, mom.” I respond. “I don’t blame you for being disappointed, but I’m trying to do the right thing, now”

She nods, tears in her eyes. I look down at my food. I have absolutely zero appetite, but I don’t want to let mom’s cooking go to waste.

She shakes her head disapprovingly. “I knew something was up that time we came to see you in Japan.”

                “Nothing had even happened between us then.” I respond indignantly.

                “No, but I could see it, the way you were running after him, and the way he looks at you.”

It was when we were on a business related trip, where Donghae needs to sign the important agreement with one of the conglomerate in Japan. He went haywire and I had to leave my parents having dinner at the restaurant to go after him.

                “It was my job,” I say wearily. “It had nothing to do with my feelings for him.”

                “But still,” Mom says.

The surrounding becomes silent, a really quiet one. I pick up at my food. My head is throbbing, I feel dizzy, I want my bed so bad.

                Mom breaks that killer silence in the air, “It’s all in the past now. You don’t have to feel bad about it, I’m here, and we’re here for you, Hyuk.” She stands and comes to me, hugging me. I hug her back, I’m so grateful to have such wonderful and understanding parents.

                “Thanks mom, dad. Really, I am. And I’m so sorry again, I just wish I hadn’t done it” I say.

                “No you don’t!” Mom says shrewdly

I look at her in astonishment.

                “If you hadn’t done it, Aiden wouldn’t be in our life. None of us would change that for the world.” Mom says

                “That’s right, Hyuk. You don’t just say you regret having Aiden, are you?” Dad says, he too, moves beside me, holding my hands.

                “Oh my God, what am I thinking? Oh God, no! Never! Aiden’s the best thing that happens in my life” I say, eyes b with tears.

                “Now, stop thinking about it. We’ll be here for you, always, baby” Mom really knows to use her words to calm me down. I mouth a sincere ‘thank you’ and hug them.

               “Oh goodness me. Lee Donghae’s the father of my grandchild.” Mom tries, with her humour, and we all laugh.

                “Mom!” I say, still laughing.

                “I’m going to be a billionaire’s mom in law.” Still going.

                “And I’m the father in law” It’s dad now.

                “Oh God, stop it, you two!” I smile. At least, they’re still trying to cheer me up. Watching them, suddenly I remember the conversation Donghae and I shared, before we parted, ‘You’re going to be fine, Hyuk.’

                Inhaling, ‘Yes, I’m going to be just fine. This is a good start’ and I continue savoring my food. 

A/N : 2 ing months! Now where should I start? How about SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY!!! Honestly, deep down from the very bottom of my sincere heart, I apologise for my late update. I know this is not enough to make up for my 2 months absence. Ahh, but I edited this a little bit, and I think it's okay, compared to the pre-edited. I hope you like this. It's particularly focus on Hyukjae, for the beginning of his new life, and the people that support him. You're gonna be on his side too, right? Hehe. And . . . I'm sorry again. Do I even deserve to ask for comments? I guess I don't, but if you would, do comment..I love you all! :)) Also, spare me the grammar and spelling errors, I'll check it later ^^ I hope this will make you feel better, my baby MaSupermAn , thedylla17 , evildamon_lea and other readers.. Welcome too, my fellow new readers, hope I don't bore you~