Chapter 10

Siwon leaves early the next morning to catch his flight. He has a taxi collect him at 5.45 am, before Aiden is awake. I stand out on the cold stone doorstep and wave at the cab driver to let him know that his passenger is on the way.

Siwon is with Aiden, in his room. He won’t wake him. He doesn’t want to say goodbye to his face. He thinks its better this way. And me? I’m not sure what to feel at this very moment. It’s not my choice. I just have to live with the consequences.

The door of Aiden’s room opens and Siwon comes out, looking crushed. He walks towards me with his head down, but before he reaches the door he breaks down. I try to go to him, but he puts his hand up to keep me away.

     “I’m sorry.” I think I’ve said it so many times it should be engraved on my tombstone.

He shakes his head and doesn’t meet my eyes. I grab some tissues and give it to him.

“No.” He steadfast. He vigorously wipes away his tears. He takes a deep breath and tries to compose himself before speaking.

“I don’t want to lose him.” His voice is wavering. “But I need some time. I don’t know how long - ” And then his speech cuts off so I hand him another tissue, my heart full of hope that maybe all is not lost as he dissolves into silent sobs. “I’ll be in touch” he says, and then he walks through the door and closes it behind him, his steps are rush. He walks and walks, without looking back.

I collapse onto the floor beneath me and cry so hard I fear my chest will burst. I can’t be a mother today. How can I be a mother today? I cry and cry that I feel my head starts to spin and I’m getting dizzy.

     Aiden will wake within the hour. I have no longer than that to wallow in my misery. It’s not enough. I need help. This is really eating me out. Donghae . . .

     In daze, I crawl across the floor to my bag and pull out my cracked phone. With my trembling hands, I type out a message to him . . .

       ‘Siwon has left me. Come as soon as you can’

I send the text to Donghae’s phone and then slump back against the wall as more tears trail aimlessly down my cheeks.

     He’s gone. Siwon is gone. Our life together is over.

Images and memories begin to strike me, one after one. Siwon holding Aiden for the first time,  Siwon tackling Aiden to near hysteria, Siwon laughing so hard that one of his button pops off, Siwon looking at me with that soft eyes, and Siwon’s soothing words when I’m in trouble. Oh my god! How can I let this happen? It’s true that I don’t passionately love him, but I still love him, I need him. My comforts have gone.

I wasn’t expecting to be bombarded with those memories. It hasn’t been all rosy. It’s been far from it at times. I wipe away my tears and blow my nose before taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

Donghae calls me at 8 o’clock. He arrives within 45 minutes. I hear his bike, but I still wait for him to knock at the door instead of going out to meet him. I barely have the energy to stand up.

“You shouldn’t drive so fast,” I say flatly, looking at his chin. He hasn’t shaved this morning.

“You’re alright?” Donghae asks. His voice is sympathetic, worried.

I step away from the door to allow him to enter, but I can’t meet his eyes.

     Aiden babbles away in the living room and crawls excitedly through to see us. Donghae throws his biker jacket on a chair in the hall and I manage a small smile at my son as Donghae lifts him up into his arms.

“What have you been doing, my boy?” He glances through to the living room. “Building blocks? Cool! Come on, let’s go!”

I close the front door behind him.

     “Do you want a coffee?” I call after him robotically.

     “No, I’m fine” he says over his shoulder.

I go through to the living room and perch on the armrest of the sofa. Donghae sits on the floor with Aiden.

     He looks up at me. “You don’t look good. Want to talk about it?” he asks quietly.

     I shake my head and watch Aiden as he tries to put one block on top of the other. Donghae quickly builds a tower and then lets my giggling son topple it. Donghae smiles and ruffles Aiden’s hair. “You’re a good boy!”

     I feel dead inside. My tears fall and I quickly wipe the trails, but Donghae’s quick to notice that. He stands up and sits beside me, handing me his navy blue hanky. I take it and wipe my remaining tears.

     “Come,” he opens up his embrace, inviting me, to provide warmth and shelter that I need. I slowly move forward into his embrace and cry. He hugs me tightly, transferring his warmth and I feel calm. Eventually my cries slowly stop. Aiden suddenly crawls towards us and tries to climb the sofa.  Donghae then moves forward, with me, still in his embrace and takes Aiden, to sit on his lap. Aiden giggles. Donghae wraps his left arms around me and the other one holding the still giggling Aiden. I smile and kiss Aiden’s cheeks.

“Are you feeling okay now?” Donghae asks, after quite a while, I’m still laying my head on his shoulder.

“I think so. Thank you, Donghae” I look up to him and smile.

“It’s okay. Where’s him?” He asks.

“He went to Japan, for the project” I reply, playing with Aiden

“When’s he coming back?”

“In a week. I’ve got a week to pack up, decide where to go.”

“You’re moving out?” He sounds surprised. “Where are you going?”

     I shrug. “Honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to my parents yet”

     “When will you do that?”

     “Probably tonight, when Aiden’s in bed”

     “I can take him out if you want to call them now?”

I look at him again. “Where would you go?”

     “I don’t know. Walk up the road, whatever you want. He might like to look at my bike or something” he says

     “You’re not taking him on that” I say strongly, eyes widen, feeling like a mother again.

     “Yeah, right.” He scoffs. “I may be a moron, but I’m not that much of a moron” he sulks.

I smile at him. “I know that. I’m sorry. You can take him”

When he’s gone, I pick up the phone, a different kind of feeling dread filling my bones. ‘What should I tell them?’ No one enjoys disappointing their parents, and that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I don’t bother to go through the usual pleasantries, instead launching straight in.

     “I’m afraid I might have some news for you and you’re not going to like it”

     “What?” Mum’s voice is full of apprehension. “Don’t tell me Aiden’s sick again?”

     “No, That’s not it.” I sigh.

     “Then, what is it, sweetie? You make me worried.”

     “Siwon and I split up”

     “Oh no! What happened?” Mum asks. I hear my dad’s voice in the background.

     “Let me tell you why . . .” I continue

     “Okay,”

     “Don’t get angry, mum”

     “I won’t! Promise!”

I take a deep breath and then it all comes out in a rush. “Aiden is not Siwon’s son, he’s Donghae’s”

My mum gasps. “Oh sweetie . . .”

This phrase is used time and time again as I go on to explain. I feel remarkably calm. Even the tears seem to have dried up.

     “What are you going to do now, Hyuk?” Mum asks eventually.

     “I wondered if we could come and stay with you and Dad for a little while”

     “Well, of course. When?”

     “In a couple of days? I need time to pack up, and also Donghae’s here”

     “Donghae’s there?” she asks in amazement.

     “Yes. He knows.”

     “How’s he taking it?” From the tone of her voice, I know she’s not expecting a positive answer.

     “Better than I thought he would” I reply, still taken aback by this fact.

She hesitates before speaking. “I know that both you and Donghae are so close, but I never expect this would happen. Are you feeling okay now?”

     “I’m okay mum.” I smile.

     “Good. Ring me when you’re coming. We can talk later. Take your time, sweetie”

     “Thanks mum, and I’m sorry for troubling you” I say, apologetically.

     “No, you’re not, my son” she replies, and we terminate out conversation. Mum can explain it to Dad later. I feel strange. Why? I realise that some of the weight has been lifted up from my shoulders, and terrible though the truth is, I feel oddly free that it’s out there. I take another deep breath. I should tell Sungmin about this too, but I don’t really have the energy. I should pack too, but I’m so tired. I lie down on the sofa and cover my face with my arms. Eventually I fall asleep.

The sound of Donghae’s motorbike wakes me up. I leap to my feet, startled. I hurry to the door and out onto the terrace. Aiden is sitting on top of the machine. Donghae has hold of him with one hand while he revs the engine with the other.

     “You’ll scare the life out of him!” I shout in alarm, standing barefoot on the tiles shaded by the table.

     “Look at him, he loves it!” Donghae shouts back, a huge grin on his face. “Right, baby?” he asks Aiden. I look at Aiden and he is indeed smiling his head off.

I watch them in bemusement, my hand held in a salute above my eyes to protect myself from the sun. I go back inside and grab Aiden’s hat before slipping my feet into my silver flip-flops. I join the boys in the driveway.

     “Do you like that?” I ask Aiden as I pull his hat on. He’s too busy playing with the shiny handlers to take much notice. The bike is a Ducati. It’s hella expensive.

     “How did it go with your parents?” he asks.

     “Just fine. We’ll be staying there later” I reply. “Have you been out for long? I fell asleep”

     “You must’ve needed it”

     “I look tired, do I?”

     He tilts my chin up with his thumb and forefinger and peers into my bloodshot eyes. My heart quickens.

     “Don’t answer that,” I say hastily, pulling away. “How long was I out for?”

He turns his attention back to Aiden. “About an hour and a half. We went for a walk up into the village and came back down about five minutes ago”

     “Did you take the buggy?”

     “Hell, no. You won’t catch me pushing that thing. He sat on my shoulders.”

I roll my eyes. Good job I put sun cream on my son before they left. “We should probably go inside before we bake”

     “Come on, then.” He lifts Aiden up and off the bike before following me into the house.

Needless to say, I enjoy Donghae’s company. He entertains Aiden while I start to pack. Listening to him talking to Aiden like ‘Am I cute, baby’ while doing his baby face and also ‘This is good’ while carrying Aiden throughout the living hall as they play together is good distraction to me. I feel at ease that I mostly smile to myself while I pack.

     We don’t have many belongings, so it takes less than I’d expected. I leave Siwon with everything that we bought together, everything except for Aiden’s things. I’m appalled to think of the money he has spent on a son he thought was his. I note myself that one day I’ll pay him back. Not that he’d ever want to take money from me.

     Donghae sticks around until I’m done with my packings, and I realise its quarter past six. I can just about manage defrosting some food for Aiden, but I can’t do adult cooking tonight.

“Takeaways?” he suggests

“No thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

He frowns. “You should eat something”

“You should stop being nice to me because it’s freaking me out” I says, gently

He chuckles. “I’m a nice guy”

“No, you’re not.” I give him a look and he raises one eyebrow at me.

“Wait here. I’ll be back” he says and rushes out, grabbing his helmet and keys. He then ignites his bike, leaving me wondering where he wants to go. I frown, did he just ditched me? Or did he leave without saying goodbye? I’m so piss off!

     I’m in the middle of feeding Aiden with his food when I hear the zooming sounds of the bike. ‘Donghae?’

     I rush to open the door when he bangs it loud enough for me to hear. And I saw him drenching in sweat, with plastics of food in his hand. Don’t tell me . . .

     “I’m nice, aren’t I?” he smiles, even though he obviously tired, by looking at his breath and his chest moving up and down.

     “Oh God Donghae! You shouldn’t do that! Come inside, you’re sweating!” I say, grabbing the plastics of food he bought and keep it on the dining table. I march back to the living, where Donghae is and turn on the air-conditioner with a quite low temperature and high speed fan.

     “Hey, relax! I’m not going to die out of sweat!” he says, smiling.

     “No, you’re not. But you’ll smell unpleasant.” I told him, trying to hide my smile. It’s always good to like that.

     “What? I’m not smelly!” he says, frowning.

     “I didn’t say that.” I smile.

     “You’re evil!” he pouted, and crouches down next to Aiden and feeds him his food.

     “You don’t need to do that. Let me do it.” I say, feeling guilty for the troubles I cause him.

     “No, it’s okay. I should do this. Besides, shouldn’t you be eating? The food’s going to get cold.” He says, eyes fix on Aiden, with an ‘aaaaa’ sounds, trying to feed him.

I smile. “You bought a lot of food for me to finish them all myself. We’ll eat together.” I say.

We end up eating together at the dining, with Aiden too, of course. He surprisingly eats a lot today. Donghae brags about that, saying that Aiden likes being  fed by him. I just shrug it off, but silently I smile. Maybe today isn’t a bad day after all. I’m quite surprise to find that Donghae buys my favorite food, not to mention my strawberry milk too. My stomach suddenly groans, fortunately not that loud for Donghae to hear.

I eat the food, enjoying the taste of my favorites. The food feels tastier than before, I wonder why. Maybe because of Donghae?  The facts that Donghae’s here, eating with me and I’m looking at him feeding Aiden and treating the mess the little one caused that he barely touches his own food, makes the food taste even more delicious. I smile. I don’t care. Maybe today I should just let Donghae looks after Aiden while I enjoy my food.

I am still eating when Aiden tries to reach my half box of strawberry milk with his small chubby hands.

     “I give him his milk, but he still wants that” he says.

     “It’s okay, Donghae. Your food’s getting cold” I smile. I give Aiden my strawberry milk and he reaches it out with both of his hands, indicates that he wants to hold it himself. I let him, while I continue eating my food.

     “No, no. Its okay, baby. I have my own drink.” I hear Donghae says.

I glance up, and I saw Aiden’s extending his hands with my strawberry milk to Donghae, supposedly means that he wants Donghae to drink it. When Donghae puts the carton back, he reaches for it and makes some whining sounds.

     Donghae sighs. He takes the carton, held it and looks at me. “Can I drink this?”

Aiden’s still whining, not satisfies since Donghae hasn’t drink it.

     I gulp. “S-sure”

     Donghae then hesitantly drink it from the straw and I saw his adam apple moves. God, why am I so attached to his adam apple. My weird . I gulp, hard.

Soon after, I see Aiden giggles and claps his hands. Donghae puts down the carton and kiss Aiden’s cheeks.

     “Naughty boy!” he says, and I secretly smile, knowing what he means by that. Our indirect kiss.

Its half past eight and Donghae’s still with Aiden, playing the Lego, while I just sit on the sofa and watch them. It’s a wonderful feeling, as a mother.

Aiden then reach out his hands, indicates that he wants Donghae to pick him up. Donghae pick him up and he snuggles closer, resting his head on his shoulder yawning. He must be sleepy.

     “He must be tired, let me.” I say to Donghae.

     “It’s okay. Let me put him to sleep.” He says, while humming some lullaby. I see Aiden’s eyes start to drop, little by little.

     “I’ll prepare his bed” I walk to Aiden’s room. I feel kind of weird. Aiden doesn’t usually like Siwon to sleep him off. The last time Siwon did, Aiden cries so loudly and ends up sleeping in my arms. Siwon doesn’t dare to try it since then. I then realise that there are too many things that Aiden won’t let Siwon do, and Donghae did all of them today, without a single cry from Aiden. What’s that suppose to mean?

     Donghae then appears with a soundly sleeping Aiden in his arms, and I signal him to put him on his baby bed. When he’s done, we walk out of the room to the living.

     “Thanks a lot for today, Donghae. I mean it.” I say, honestly.

     “Are you feeling better now?” he asks, concern.

     “I am. Better than ever” I smile.

     “It’s good to hear it. Are you going to be okay if I leave?” he asks again.

     “What? I’m not a kid. I’ll be just fine” I assure him.

     “I mean it, Hyukjae. Tell me you’re going to be okay, or I won’t leave.”

     “I told you I’m okay.” I smile again.

     “Are you sure?”

     “Donghae! I told you to stop being nice to me! You’re freaking me out!” I say, still smiling.

     “Hey, I’m a nice guy okay!” he argues back.

     “Yes, yes you are”

     “I’ll be off then.”

     “You’d better go before it gets dark, anyway” I say.

     “Okay, Mum”

     “I think you’ll find my name is Mummy sooner. Now, bugger off,” I joke

He grins and touches my arm. I step away and pick up his bike gear, then lead the way out to the terrace. I hand him his jacket to put on and place his helmet on the table. He turns to face me.

     “You’ll be alright, NutHyukie” his eyes soften.

     “I am, MrHottie”

     “I can’t believe you just called me that!” he exclaims and put on his gloves.

     “I miss calling you that” I smile

I send him off at the door. He puts on his sneakers and we walk together to his bike.

     “So, we’ll see you tomorrow?”I ask

     “Sure. I don’t fly out until 3” he says, patting his helmet under his arms.

My heart dips. “I didn’t realise it was so soon.”

     “I have to go back for meeting.” He says.

     “Ah, I see. How could I forget you’re busy Donghae!” I say

He smiles. “When will you go to your parents?”

     “We may set off when you go. !”

Something occurs to me and I don’t even chastise myself for swearing.

     “What?” Donghae asks

     “I don’t know how we’re going to get there” how could I be so stupid?

     “Isn’t your Alfa out in the driveway?” he asks, confused.

     “No, it’s Siwon’s. I can’t take that.” I shake my head, adamant. “I won’t take that”

     “Oh. Well, look, I’ll sort it.”

     “What do you mean you’ll sort it?”

     “I’ll buy you a car.” He stubs his out on the wall.

     “Donghae, you’re not going to just buy me a car,” I say, frowning. ‘Actually, we can catch the train. Taxi to train station, yes.’ I’m thinking out loud.

     “No, you’re not going with the train. Not the cot and all your luggage” he chips in.

      Oh.

     “We’ll be fine,” I say firmly. “Now, see you tomorrow” I smile.

     “See ya.”He winks and pulls on his helmet.

A/N : Did you like it? Did you? Ahh, what have I done? What did I do this whole time?? I'm so sorry , really! *sorrysorry dance* I'm wayyy too busy to get this written even a single word, *sigh* I have tonnes of assignments you don't wanna hear me ranting it. It's enough I even got a great migrain from that, tyvm. But on top of that, I manage to finish this up, settling aside my unmotivated self *hehehehe*, inspired by all Eunhae moments that never stops, oh god, whyyyyy eunhae!!! But it's okay, I can totally live with that! Hahahaha.. I can't deny that works really tire me off I feel too unmotivated *sigh* I'll try whatever it takes to write. But I can't promise you a fast update, cause I'm not that fast,hhe. I'll try anyhow, so can all of you wait? *puppy eyes* 

And twinny! This is my surprise for you, hope you like it, you've been dreaming about this don't ya??hhe. Thanks for waiting! Also my beloved readers @MaSupermAn @sujuhyukkie I just read your comment (and all you too, I just read your comments, I'll reply later, don't worry! hhe) I'm so so so sorry for my slow update, and thanks for waiting. I hope you like this update! I sincerely sorry for making you wait for this. And thankyou for liking this BBM. Sobs.It's not that great.Geez! 

I don't have time to check the errors, spare me the grammar errors okay. And leaving comments would be motivated somehow. ^_^

Gosh, this is the longest A/N I've ever posted! Hahahaha. Thanks for wasting your time on this. I hope you understand my situation. I'll watch you commenting *raising eyebrows*