Warning: Minor use of language.

The first thing that came to mind when Himchan fluttered his eyes open was how bright the lights were. The next thing he realized was how uncomfortable he was. He shifted a bit and suddenly groaned at the splitting pain that shot through his head. He lifted a hand to try and sooth the ache only to realize there was a needle attached in the soft skin by his elbow. Himchan gulped. Hes always hated needles and the sight of it now was definitely not helping the headache. He could already feel the nausea start to set in. Himchan's gaze flickered upwards and he came to realize the room he was in looked oddly familiar. Bright white walls were framed around him along with a small table and chair besides the bed to his right. Himchan should have realized he wasn't home in his room the moment he felt the stiffness of the bed he was in.

The headache made his head throb and it was painful to even try to think of doing anything else but breathing. It took a bit for him to be able to actually sit up, but he managed to accomplish it eventually. The room suddenly became a whole lot clearer. Himchan blinked a couple times to adjust the the new lighting. When his eyes landed to the front of the room a certain sleeping figure caught his eyes. The said figure was extremely familiar, but that didn't stop the questioning tone from seeping into his voice.

"Guk?" Himchan croaked.

The said figure jolted, blinked a few times, and then turned to meet Himchan's questioning gaze. A deep sigh of relief passed through his lips and Himchan could see Yongguk's shoulders sag as the tension left his body. The next thing Himchan knew Yongguk was standing besides him, holding his hand, and asking how he was feeling.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Himchan winced internally at how raspy his voice sounded. "What are you doing here? Why am I in the hospital?"

There were more questions on Himchan's mind, but the small frown that suddenly appeared on Yongguk's face halted any furthur talking.

"You don't remember?" Yongguk asked.

"No I-" Himchan didn't manage to finish because the moment the words left his lips a flash of pain made his head throb. A hiss left his lips and he raised his arm to grab a hold of a chunk of hair.

The frown on Yongguk's face deepened and he rubbed soothing circles on the hand he was holding. He used his free hand to gently stop Himchan from pulling his hair out. "Just hang on okay? I've already called the nurse to come check up on you now that you're awake."

"What?" Himchan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean now that I'm awa-"

At that moment there was the smooth sound of a door sliding open and the loud rustling of fabric. The nurse walked in moments after. She looked fairly old and had a rather round, stocky build to her. But there was a gentle smile on her face as she slid the door closed and approached the edge of the bed. She picked up a small clip board attached to the end of the bed frame and proceeded to flip through it.

"Well Himchan I'm glad to see you're awake." Her chipper voice only served to aggravate his headache and Himchan hissed as the throbbing intensified. The nurse glanced up and flushed slightly at her mistake.

"I'm glad to see you're awake." She whispered again in a quieter tone. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine." Himchan answered. "But what happened? Why am I here?"

"Why don't you start by telling me the last thing you remember." She stated. Her hands were gentle as they moved to check his pulse and remove his IV.

Himchan furrowed his eyebrows. The last thing he remembered. He remembered going up to Jong up's apartment and confronting him for the first time in three years. He remembered hearing Mrs. Moon's soft voice again. He remembered... He remembered-

"Youngsoo." He whispered. "Youngsoo."

"What was that?" The nurse questioned. Yongguk tightened his hold on Himchan's hand.

"Youngsoo!" Himchan yelled. His dark eyes darted back and forth frantically. "Where is he? Where did you take him? Where's Youngsoo?!"

The nurse seemed startled and took a step back while Yongguk grabbed a hold of Himchan's shaking shoulders. "Himchan breathe. Breathe. I promise you Youngsoo's fine. Right now, I need to you calm down."

"No! No!" Himchan cried. "Not until I see him. It's been so long. So long. Where is he? Where is he?!"

Himchan was on the verge of tears before Yongguk placed both hands on the sides of his neck and forced him to look into his eyes. He spoke his words loud and clear.

"I promise you will see Youngsoo again."

Himchan searched through Yongguk's eyes looking for any hint of doubt. His heart fluttered uncontrollably in his chest, but he could feel his breathing eventually slow to a steady pace. A couple seconds passed before Himchan took one more steadying breath and dropped his gaze.

"I'm sorry. It's just- I can't-" Himchan's voice cracked at end. "How do you know?"

"I just know. I promise you'll see him again." Yongguk reassured. "But right now we need to take care of you. You lost consciounsness Channie. You fainted in my arms. Do you know how terrifying it was for me to see you like that?"

Yongguk squeezed the hand he was holding and bent down to bury his head into Himchan's shoulder. "Please, don't ever scare me like that again."

Himchan swallowed and looked down. His hands fisted into the sheets. When Yongguk eventually lifted his head Himchan could see his eyes were glassy with a layer of fresh tears. His heart hurt at the sight and for a moment he was tempted to reach a hand out to place on Yongguk's cheek. But then he remembered where he was and why he was there and the thought was immediately retracted. Himchan swallowed and turned his attention towards the nurse.

"I remember what happened." He said softly.

The nurse merely smiled a small smile and replaced the clipboard back onto the end of the bed. "I'm glad to hear that." She responded back just as quietely. "You gave us quite a scare there Himchan. You were quite dehydrated, but your body seems to be recovering just fine. You're in good hands here, plus your boyfriend seems to take very good care of you."

Himchan tensed at her comment while Yongguk gave the nurse a watery smile.

"Well, I think my job is done here for the moment." She clasped her hands together and headed for the door. "I'll be back later to check up on you Himchan. Ring if you need anything."

When she was gone the room was once again shrouded in a blanket of silence. Himchan watched the second hand on the clock tick by slowly, the events of yesterday afternoon replaying through his head. He had seen Youngsoo. Held him. Cried against him. Yet, why did he seem even furthur away? Why didn't Youngsoo recgonize him? How could he have changed so much? He wanted, no needed, answers to the hundreds of questions running through his mind. It was time he got what he was looking for.

"Yongguk." Himchan whispered, slowly raising his head to meet the elder's gaze. "You-"

"What is it? Are you in pain? Do you need anything? Water? Food?"

Himchan pursed his lips. "No, I just need one thing."

"What is it?" Yongguk asked.

"Tell me, how long have you known?"

By this time Yongguk had reached into his bag and had a bottle of water gripped in his hand. Himchan could see the plastic constricting as Yongguk's grip got tighter. Himchan suddenly found it hard to breath as the tension in the room increased with each passing second.

"What do you mean?" Yongguk said tightly.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"I don't kn-"

"Don't lie to me."

Himchan threw a fierce glare over to him. He had had enough of lies. Yongguk swallowed, his adams apple bobbing up and down at the action. He slowly walked over to the bed and gently laid his hand on top of Himchan's fisted ones in the sheets.

"Is now really the best time to be asking this? Aren't there more pressing matters at hand? You want to see Youngsoo right?" Yongguk said. "Well once you're discharged we can go see him. That's what you want right?"

Himchan's eyes burned with anger as he wretched his hand away. "Stop playing around and answer the question. Did you know?"

Yongguk was at a loss for words as he stood there with his mouth still open. "I-"

"Yongguk, please." Himchan pleaded in a soft voice. "Don't you think I've been lied to enough?"

The next few seconds that passed were arguably the most painful few seconds Himchan's had to date. But he had to know. He had to know the truth as he searched through Yongguk's eyes. The eyes he had come to love over the years. The eyes that held his upmost amount of trust. Yongguk's answer would do more than burn away at the inside of his heart.

"Yes."

Himchan in a breath and felt his eyes mist over as Yongguk's answer sunk in. Who knew a simple three letter word would be so painful to hear.

"How long?" Himchan whispered.

"A couple days after the accident. After you were told Youngsoo was gone. Something didn't feel right, so I went back to the hospital to do some digging." Yongguk looked down. "I found out more than I expected to."

A single tear slipped free as Yongguk was talking. Himchan felt it slide down his cheek until it dropped onto the white hospital blankets.

"Chan-" Yongguk reached out a hand only to have it slapped away.

"I thought Youngsoo was dead all these years and it turns out he's been alive this entire. ing. Time." Himchan began slowly. His hands dug crescents into his palms as he spoke. "Then I find out everything I thought I knew about him was a complete lie. My life for the past three years has been a lie. A LIE. I've been living a lie. Our relationship was a lie." His voice broke at the end.

"They had their reasons-" Yonguk tried to reason.

"The hell would you know anything about what they did and their reasons?" Himchan's breathing sped up. His eyes now full of unshed tears.

"You knew. You knew!" He accused. "And you never bothered to tell me the truth. How can you live with yourself when you've been lying to me for the past three years?"

"Channie please, you don't know-"

"You're right, I don't know. I don't know a damn thing!" Himchan screamed. The tears now running painfully down his cheeks. "I haven't for the past three years. How do you expect me to believe anything you tell me anymore when you've been lying to me this entire ing time?!"

"You have to understand." Yongguk made another attempt to reach for Himchan's hands only to have him jerk away. Yongguk grabbed a hold of them anyways. When he did he found the younger male was shaking. Himchan's shoulders were quivering from the force of his cries. His hands were still clenched tightly into fists and he was trying hard to break free from his grip. Yongguk found his heart cracking slowly around the edges.

"I never meant for it to get this far. They made me swear never to tell you. They thought it was the best for the both of you. After the accident-" He swallowed. "you were already suffering enough."

Himchan stopped struggling and just sat limply on the bed with Yongguk holding his wrists. The tears continued to fall. "If you didn't want me to find out, why did you let me go to Jongup's house yesterday?" Himchan asked. "You knew I would get my answers."

Yongguk sighed. "When we were at the park and we saw Youngsoo I knew it was only a matter of time before you would go looking for answers. I just didn't expect you to figure it out so soon. Please understand I- we- they did it beccause they didn't want you to suffer more than you already had. That way- it would be like a fresh start for the both of you. I didn't have a choice in the matter."

"There's a choice for everything Yongguk and you happened to choose the wrong one." Himchan turned his head away.

How could he do this? He just didn't understand. Himchan always knew something was off about their relationship after the accident. The change was there, but it was subtle. He chose to ignore it opting to do his best to move on because as much as he cried and screamed there was nothing he could do to bring Youngsoo back. Now it turns out Youngsoo was alive the entire time and for some godforsaken reason they didn't think it was smart for them to at least let him know. If they had explained to him, maybe it wouldn't had escalated to this. For the past three years Yongguk had been the one he could count on to always be there for him. He was the one Himchan could go to for anything and everything. Yongguk was the only thing he had left from the past. It seemed like fate wasn't done with him yet. It was too late for answers now.

"I should have known." Himchan whispered. "I'm so stupid."

The tears had spilled free again and were carving painful trails down his cheeks. "All those years, I knew our relationship changed I just couldn't place my finger on what. You were always treating me like I was going to break. Like I was the most fragile piece of glass, always skirting around me. Now it all makes sense."

"You know that's not true." There was a pained edge to Yongguk's voice. "I care about you more than the world, you know that. I sincerely wanted you to be happy."

"It all makes sense." Himchan whispered again. "It was all a distraction. Just a distraction. A distraction from me finding out the truth."

"Himchan that is not true!" Yongguk was on the verge on yelling. "You've known me long before the accident happened. Are you really going to let those three years define who I am and the relationship we have?"

"That's not the point!" Himchan yelled, his voice cracking from all the screaming. "Youngsoo was my family. He was the only family I had. Can't you understand that? When I was told he died I-I" He struggled for the words. "a part of me died too. To keep something as important as this from me. What- What do you expect me to believe? How did you expect me to react?"

The sudden knock on the door halted what either of them were going to say next. They sat frozen until the door slid open to reveal a boy with mussed brunette hair and large, glassy eyes.

"Hyung?"

A/N: In honor of BAP's recent comeback here's a new update. ^^ It's definitely been a while, and I apologize for the long wait, but I'm back now! Are you guys prepared for the truck load of feels coming your way? Also, is it bad that I enjoy writing angst?
To all the new subscribers, thank you for subscribing and I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it. And to all the older subscribers, I hope this update was satisfying and I thank you for putting up with my irregular update times.
Much love to you all! ~ <3
~ Yumi
P.S. Finals are almost done which means summer is right around the corner! Summer = more time for updates = awesomeness. Are you ready? Cause I sure am. ;)