Youngjae sighed and closed his notebook. His eyes drifted from the worn cover of his journal to the bright autumn park that surrounded him. A leaf blew off a tree and was slowly carried away by the never ending breeze. Youngjae followed the lightly colored object until it landed softly on the ground. It's light color blending in perfectly with the other leaves around it. He gave a small smile at the sight. As Youngjae turned his head he felt the slight brush of thin wire against his cheek. His smile slowly faded away.

Carefully he traced the cold wire up around his neck and across his cheek until he reached the the little earbuds connected at their ends. He felt around his earlobe to make sure the small pieces of plastic were still there. He sighed in relief when they were. Even so as men, women, and childern made their way through the little park, Youngjae felt the need to push them in just a little furthur. Every so often he would receive a glance from a curious child or wondering mother. Wondering why such a young boy was sitting all alone in the middle of a park in the middle of the afternoon. He crossed his fingers that nobody would approach him today.

It wasn't like he asked to be like how he was. It wasn't like he asked to be different. 

And yet here he was.

Whenever someone would find out the truth about him their demeanor towards him would automatically change. They would look at him with eyes that judged. From this one side of him his character would be determined on the spot and more often than not it would result in an aching loneliness. He was different. A change. A freak. Others would even go as far as to mock him. Right in front of him with the knowledge that he would never know what they were saying. And that made it all the better. But they were wrong.

He knew them all.

And not once was he able to utter a single word back.

There were the ones who looked on through eyes of pity and to Youngjae those were the ones that hurt the most. Their eyes would shine with mock tears and then they would carelessly go on telling him how sad it must be to live a life like his and how pitiful it was for someone like him to be compromised at such a young age. They told him that they were on his side. They told him how heartless those other people were and how they would never be able to understand when they themselves would never understand even a sliver of what he was feeling.

They were the careless ones. It was ironic because in the end they were the ones that held no heart and that cut deeper than any insult or judgemental look thrown his way.

All around him Youngjae saw people make their way through the small park. Everyday he would make an effort to come here after classes and just sit and observe. He might have spent hours there when those hours could have been spent doing homework or working on his endless school projects, but no matter how much work he had he wouldn't trade those hours away for anything. There was something about this park that made him want to laugh and cry all at the same time. He felt like there was something there that connected him to the small park. This was the only place he felt truly relaxed.

Something here called to him.

From all the memories he lost three years ago there was hope that over time they would start coming back to him. That he would remember slowly, but surely. Unfortunalty, fate decided a clean slate wasn't enough because the doctors then told him he most likely would never remember. He would never be able to recall those memories.

Youngjae settled for starting his life anew. It hurt. It was hard and it still was. To have to constantly live with the feeling that he was missing something. More than half the pieces of the puzzle to his heart were missing and after three years Youngjae might have finally realized they were never coming back.

This park was the closest he had ever felt to feeling complete.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. One of his hands lifted from his journal and slowly felt over the smooth oak of the bench. He traced over all the invisible lines in the wood until finally coming to a stop back to his journal. He felt the wind softly caress his cheeks. He smelt the fresh scent of decaying leaves still moist from the morning rain. He saw children run by their scarfs and jackets flying by with them.

Youngjae smiled and tucked his knees in to his chest.

A minute passed till Youngjae reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. The time told him it was late afternoon. So he was here for a couple hours already. A muted buzz went off and the phone in his hand vibrated. Youngjae instinctively swiped at the screen.

From Jongup:

How are you doing hyung? I hope you're alright. Text me when you're heading back okay? ^^

Youngjae let out a small chuckle and rolled his eyes a bit. He typed a short message back. Jongup was always the worrier even though he was the younger one. Weren't older brothers supposed to take care of their younger siblings? Youngjae chuckled some more and laid his head atop his knees. Than technically he should have been the one worrying about Jongup instead of the younger worrying about him. Youngjae sighed and absentmindely rubbed circles atop his knee.

Well it didn't really matter anyways.

Youngjae suddenly gave a small yawn as the last few sleepless nights finally caught up to him. He stretched- something akin to what a cat would do and lightly rubbed at his eyes as if to will away the dark circles. He figured maybe closing his eyes for a couple minutes wouldn't be so bad.

Ring!!

The bell rang signaling the end of classes for the day. Students rushed out keen to take advantage of the rare fall sunshine. Amongst the rush there was one who walked slower than the rest. His light footsteps drowned out by the heavy pattering around him. The boy walked with his arms cluctching a small worn notebook, white earbuds swaying with each step he took.

Like the rest there was somewhere he couldn't wait to get too, but he felt there was no point to hasten to his next location. Life was short. Why couldn't they savor every moment instead? Commiting every sight, taste, touch, and smell to memory.

"Hyung!" A voice called out to him from behind. He continued walking.

"Hyung!!" The voice came again this time closer. Until the boy felt somebody grab at his shoulder. He fell back with wide eyes and one hand shooting off his notebook in a defensive position. Only to lower it down a second later to playfully hit the boy now in front of him. He continued walking knowing the other boy would follow behind.

"Hyung wait, don't go so fast!"

The boy tried to catch up with stumbling steps which left Youngjae wondering how he didn't trip over his own two feet. He turned around just in time to catch those words pratically flying off his lips. Youngjae gave a small eyeroll, but stopped nonetheless. He pulled out his phone with his free hand swiped at the screen.

'Jongup you know better than to yell at me.' He showed his screen to the now panting younger male.

'I know hyung,' Jongup smiled and clumsily signed. 'But you were so far away it was worth a try...'

He let his lips form a small pout and Youngjae couldn't help but reach out and ruffle the youngers hair.

'Are you going to that place again?' Jongup tried signing after fixing his tossled hair. Thankfully Youngjae knew the other long enough to understand his rather awkward hand motions.

'Yes.' Youngjae replied with his phone.

Jongup let out another pout and casually switched to talking out loud. "Hyung, why aren't you signing?"

Youngjae responded with another roll of his eyes and a small smile. 'Because,' he started typing. 'I have my hands full and it's awkward to sign with one hand- espically with you.' He added after a pause.

"Ah right...wait what? What do you mean 'espically with me?" It seemed Jongup was as persistent as ever today.

'Don't worry about it Jong.' Youngjae responded with a light chuckle. 'Just keep practicing.'

Since the day Jongup found out that Youngjae would never be able to communicate like they did before he tried his best to learn the new language his hyung would be speaking. Although sign language was harder than he thought he was determined to perfect it. But even now he still got some words and letters wrong. His hands just wouldn't memorize the motions. Youngjae on the other hand seemed to master it within the first few weeks. Signing came as nautrally to him as breathing.

"Hyung," Jongup spoke up again. They were walking side by side now, Youngjae standing slightly behind so he could catch the motion of Jongups lips. "Can I ask you something?"

His tone turned wistful, but Youngjae could tell by the way Jongup's eyes seemed to glow differently. They darkened ever so slightly. Youngjae chuckled and lightly bumped shoulders with him. Jongup returned the gesture with a small smile of his own.

He took a breath and started. "Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Youngjae blinked. 'Why are you asking me this Jong?' He typed on his phone.

"Just wondering." Jongup had on that sunshine bright smile again that all the girls in school would have killed to see. Youngjae sighed and turned his gaze forward shaking his head a little. Jongup was always so random. Still Youngjae couldn't help but think about his question.

Love at first sight.

Did he really believe in it? Or did he just want to go with the cliched answer everyone always said.

'Truthfully Jong?' He typed. 'I don't know." Youngjae his lips while Jongup sweeped his eyes over his answer. When he was done Youngjae continued.

'I mean the idea of falling in love with someone at first sight is..well...it's strange to me. How can we fall in love with somebody we don't even know? Is it really love? Or is it just lust? If we're going off appearances...can we really call that love?'

Jongup did his best to keep up with the older's frantic typing and when Youngjae was finished he let out a light laugh at his answer. Wide eyed Youngjae turned and swatted him with his phone.

'Why are you laughing? It was my honest answer.'

"I'm not laughing at you hyung," Jongup let out another one of his famous smiles. "It's just...wow. I never expected you to think so deeply into it." One of his hands came up to rub at his neck.

Youngjae shrugged his shoulders. 'What can I say? I'm a deep thinker.'

Jongup let out a chuckle. "Right. We-"

'I do believe in attraction though.' Youngjae smiled and held up his phone sucessfully cutting the younger off from his sentence. 'It's natural to be attracted to somebody.'

Jongup blinked at the phone screen in front of him then back at the auburn haired boy besides him. Suddenly he grabbed the sleek black object out of his hyungs hands and opted for another way to say his response. He started typing the beginning of his sentence- only to pause and erase it seconds later. He opted for another thought.

'But then that attaction can turn into love right?'

Youngjae smiled and reached to get his phone back. 'Hm maybe. But love is never black and white.' He paused. 'There's so much gray inbetween.'

'Do you ever think you'll ever fall in love hyung?'

Youngjae stared at Jongup's question. His eyes unblinking until the light on his screen started to dim. He tapped the screen again.

'When the time's right than maybe it can happen.' Youngjae glanced over and met eyes with the younger male. 'Good things come to those who wait right?'

'But what if you have to wait forever?' There was a hint of a pout on Jongup's lips. 'What if-'

Youngjae reached out a hand to grab his phone back. Jongup looked up at him with confused eyes. He let out a wishful smile.

'Well than I'll just have to find them before forever is up.'

A leaf lightly settled itself down atop Youngjae's head and he stirred slightly. Youngjae wrinkled his nose as his eyes slowly blinked open. He rubbed at them and stretched out his arms. His legs following suit. The leaf that landed on top of his head fluttered down onto his lap and Youngjae picked it up, twirling it slightly. It was bright orange with specks of yellow and brown. He gave a light laugh as he realized where it had come from. He let the leaf drop from his hands where it floated down to join the others.

A yawn escaped his lips as he watched the leaf flutter down and a quick glance at his phone made him realize he had dozed off for about an hour. Youngjae also saw the massive amounts of text messages from a certain younger male and internally sighed. He probably would be heading home soon anyways so he saw no need to respond back. He just hoped Jongup didn't get a heart attack from waiting. Youngjae chuckled at the thought, but then quickly shook his head.

From the corners of his eyes Youngjae saw something metallic glint from the late afternoon sun and he automatically turned his attention toward the object. His eyes widened in surprise when he found his notebook on the floor refelcting the sun's rays. It must have fell when he stretched his legs. Tenderly he picked up the small journal and placed it back in his lap- dusting off bits of leaves and dirt in the process. Youngjae stared at the worn brown cover of his notebook.

His lips curved to form a soft smile as he ran a hand over the rough material.

Tucking his legs back up to his chest Youngjae figured staying another hour or two wouldn't hurt anybody- well maybe Jongup, but he would survive. He placed the journal back on top of his knees and flipped open the front cover. Instantly his eyes met with faded black ink, shaped perfectly to represent his thoughts.

His feelings.

His dreams.

His stories.

All written and stored permanetly by his own hand. As Youngjae flipped through the pages he recalled every little thing he had written. From the daily entries of him just writing his thoughts to the more lengthy entries of when he first started his new life. It had all been so overwhelming then. As he read over the faded ink he wondered just how he survived those days.

It all seemed so long ago.

As Youngjae flipped through another page he came across one that was half filled. There was even an unfinished sentence at the end. He furrowed his eyebrows as he held the book closer. Sometimes Youngjae liked to pass the time writing little stories. He wrote of what it would have been like if he didn't lose his memories. If he never had that accident.

If he remembered.

His stories dreamt of what it would be like if he could have lived the life he had three years and a day ago. Hidden in the small world Youngjae created for himself, he let himself fall deep within his own little piece of comfort. Youngjae ran a hand through the entry and went on. His fingers flipped to a page that spoke of a certain day. Almost instantly his mind flickered back to the day Jongup asked him about love and falling in love at first sight.

Was it possible?

He had asked himself that question. Could he really fall in love?

Youngjae suddenly had the urge to write. To just pick up his pen and just spill all his thoughts on the tan pages. Pulling his legs back down and lightly crossing them Youngjae settled his notebook on one leg. He flipped to a new page and smoothed out the creases near the spine.

The words could barely make it on the page before his mind was coming up with more. His pen glided across the paper pulling out his emotions, thoughts, and everything inbetween. He wrote of the conversation he had with the younger. He wrote of love and all the things associated with the word.

What would it be like? Would he know immediately or would the feeling come gradually...

It wasn't until a light tap on his shoulder startled him, forcing his pen to come to a stop, that Youngjae turned his head up to meet eyes with the warmest pair of eyes he had ever come to see. The boy beside him had soft brunette hair that probably was as soft as it looked and lips that could rival his own. Only they were a bit more plump and tinted a rose petal pink. Youngjae wasn't even aware of the flush of warmth that came to his cheeks as he blinked blankly, staring onwards.

Then the stranger spoke.

"Hey, can I borrow your pen?"

A/N: Surprise!
Lol I hope you all enjoyed this little chapter. Wasn't expecting this huh? This chapter was extremely extremely fun to write. Seeing things from Youngjae's point of view, his thoughts, his feelings. Plus, this lets us get to know our Youngjae just a little better.
Things may be confusing now, but it will all come together as the story progresses. I promise. You guys are paying attention to the little things right? Because they are important. Hehe. ;)
Till next time!
~ Yumi