Warning: Slight use of language

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"Himchan you don't have to do this."

Yongguk reached out towards the dark haired male. His tense eyes darted back and forth between him and the building they stood in front of. His hand outstretched awkwardly in mid-air between the two of them while the other was held tightly within a fist by his side. How he kept them from shaking was a surprise even to him.

Himchan looked down at the hand Yongguk extended then directed his gaze to meet Yongguk's eyes. Within them he could see just how much Yongguk was holding back. Although he managed to keep a rather calm exterior Himchan could see that inside he was close to breaking down. His dark eyes reflected back his own inner turmoil. Himchan his lips and reached out to him. He slowly closed Yongguk's hand and lowered it back down to join the other by his side. His movements were abnormally steady.

He exhaled a breath and turned his eyes back towards the tall, grey mass in front of them. Out of reflex his hands clenched into fists as he thought about what awaited him in there and he automatically clenched his eyes shut as the thoughts ran through his mind.

"Yongguk," he spoke. "It's the only way."

"No it's not." Yongguk reached out again. This time fully grasping Himchan's arm. "It's not. There's other ways. We'll find another way. You don't have to go."

Yongguk's voice was boarderline pleading. His grip on Himchan's arm was becoming unconsciounsly tighter.

"Yongguk, let go, you're hurting me." Himchan shook the arm that was being gripped and immediately Yongguk retracted his hand muttering a quick apology.

Himchan sighed. "But this is the only way we'll know for sure." He looked away. "It's the only way I'll know for sure." He added in a quiet whisper.

Yongguk bit his tounge from saying anything more. He knew what Himchan wanted. He wanted it so desperatly as well if it meant it would bring the Himchan he came to know and love back. But was this really the right choice? Would it really make things better? He let the questions circle through his thought process as he watched Himchan approach the doors to the building.

"It'll be fine." Himchan whispered, more to himself than the other male who stood behind him. "It'll be okay."

"Let me go with you." Yongguk took a step forward. Himchan's answer came quick as he held back a hand to stop him.

"No."

Yongguk stopped mouth agape. His body was starting to become hot from the thin layer of sweat forming around it. He felt a drop of it slide down his neck and fought the urge to wipe it away.

"But-"

"I'll be fine, Yongguk." Himchan lowered his hand. "It's just- this is something I'd rather do alone. I need to be sure." He turned his gaze upwards. "I just need to be sure."

Yongguk sighed and took a step back. "Are you sure?"

For the first time that day Himchan let out a light chuckle, although the sound of it was airy and dry. "I'll be fine. It'll be fine."

Yongguk tried swallowing the lump in his throat.

"But," Himchan continued. "you'll be here to catch me if I fall right?" He looked over his shoulder, a small smile gracing his lips.

At this Yongguk let out a small smile of his own. "Yeah. Always."

Any other time he would have teased the younger male for being so cliche, but right now he figured that maybe a little cliche was what he-they- needed right now. Anything to keep Himchan from falling again. Anything to keep that smile on his face.

Himchan widened his lips. "I'll be back soon."

And with one last nod Yongguk could only watch as Himchan disappeared into the confines of a building that held the point of no return.

 

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Never before did time seem to run so slow. It was like the clock on his watch was personally out to get him by making the seconds on the screen tick by even slower. Daehyun glanced at the small device on his wrist while internally cursing it for mocking him. He scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked around at the people passing by and thankfully none of them were giving him strange looks. Here he was in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of the day, shamelessly degrading the watch on his wrist as if it could actually be out to get him.

"I must be going crazy." He muttered as he let out a resigned sigh.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets Daehyun rolled back and forth on his feet, his eyes scanning left and right looking for that familiar splash of autumn red. The weekend was finally here and Daehyun figured his homework could wait until tomorrow because today was just something he couldn't afford to miss. He'd been jittery all day yesterday and even more so in the morning. He even almost dropped his phone into the toilet. Thankfully it clattered onto the rim of the seat and fell the other way away from the water. He had everything planned out, almost down to the minute even. It was going to be the perfect day.

Daehyun bit down on his lower lip and darted his eyes around the crowded streets again. It was drawing dreadfully close to the designated meeting time and a certain auburn haired male was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly he stopped rocking on his feet and eyed the hair falling over his eyes with mild annoyance. He blew a puff of warm air up towards his forehead and gave a slight flick of his head, but the stubborn strands refused to stay still. Daehyun let out another sigh and snuck a peak at his watch again. So maybe he had arrived a little earlier than he was supposed to. But could he blame himself? Not really, excitement and early morning jitters got the better of him. Not to mention the couple hundred butterflies currently fluttering up a strom in the depths of his stomach. Daehyun was sure if anything unexpected happened his breakfast would end up all over the sidewalk and that wouldn't have been a pleasant sight.

Maybe coming early was the right decision after all.

Beep! Beep!

He jumped and quickly pulled the phone out of the back pocket of his jeans. Looks like he remembered to set the alarm for today afterall unless the high pitched beeping device in his hand said otherwise. Daehyun fumbled with his phone before finally getting a decent grip on the sleek plastic. He mumbled something under his breath and blushed slightly when he met the stares of random people on the streets. He mentally cursed the tiny black object in his hand. Why wouldn't it turn off?

Unbeknown to him if he had been paying even a sliver of the attention he was before in eyeing the streets he would have noticed a certain dark red brunette make his way up to where he was standing and eye him with a curious expression, before finally figuring out what was going on and then proceeding to chuckle silently at the scene.

"Yes!"

Daehyun held his phone up in triumph as he had finally figured out how to get the device to stop with the noise. Suddenly a flash of purple obscured his vision. He went cross eyed looking at it and it took him a second before he recgonized what it was. He swallowed and prayed it wasn't who he thought. But then again who else would plaster a sticky note right in the middle of his forehead? Sighing Daehyun raised his hand and plucked the note off his head. He rubbed the spot lightly to get rid of the sticky residue left behind.

You know, you make the cutest faces when you're flustered.

He pouted slightly at the remark and stuck his tongue out at the person who made it. He heard the other's quiet chuckle and Daehyun allowed his anger to be washed away because a laughing Youngjae was his favorite Youngjae- next to a sleepy Youngjae of course. He wasn't even that angry anyways.

"You came!" He yelled with exaggerated hand motions, a light laugh spilling from his lips.

Youngjae only smiled and gave a slight nod of his head. 'Did you wait long?' He motioned with his hands before realizing his mistake and then quickly hiding them behind his back. His face flushed a pretty rose petal pink.

"No! No!" Daehyun assured, waving his hands out in front of him. He tapped Youngjae on the shoulder and shook his head. He didn't wait long really, an hour was nothing. He would wait forever for the boy currently standing in front of him.

"I didn't." Daehyun spoke again when he was positive Youngjae was looking at him again. He smiled at the other's relieved expression. "Are you ready to go?"

Youngjae smiled again with quick nod of his head and Daehyun stumbled a little in his steps. He caught himself before anything worse happened though. Youngjae gave him a concerned expression, but he just shook his head and waved it off. No need to let him know that his smile did more than just stop his heart.

"Oh, but before we go I have something to show you."

Daehyun tugged at Youngjae's hand and motioned for him to come closer. He held up a finger and pointed it at himself. His grin widened when he saw the puzzled look Youngjae was giving him. Daehyun let out a breath. He hoped Youtube wouldn't stear him wrong now. He waited another second before slowly moving his hands in an array of carefully designed motions all set on getting his message across.

'Hi. I'm Daehyun. It's nice to meet you.'

He held his breath as he carefully placed his hands back own by his side. There, he had done it. He had pulled an all nighter in an attempt to learn the alphabet for signing and that was just for his name. It probably took another hour or two to figure out how to sign the rest of his little greeting. He just wanted it to be perfect and now just he hoped he didn't make a fool of himself by signing something completely unforgiving. Oh god, he would bury himself alive if that happened.

Subtly he snuck a glance at the boy in front of him and tried reading his reaction. Only, it would have been much easier if he actually had a reaction. The look Youngjae had on at the moment was blank and the expression in his eyes was unreadable. A whole minute passed and Daehyun gulped. Oh god he had probably messed everything up and signed something completely embarassing. Now he would never be able to face Youngjae again and he would probably have to live the rest of his life hiding in a box because he would be to ashamed of himself and wait-

Daehyun furrowed his eyebrows together.

Was that laughing?

Almost immediately Daehyun snapped his head up and he was met with Youngjae's radiant smile. His frown deepened. It was worse than he thought- Youngjae was laughing at him now. He was ready for that box now, but Youngjae just shook his head and reached out to grab his hand. Daehyun allowed his hand to travel where the other was guiding him. Soon after Youngjae reached out to grab the other one as well and placed them in the center right inbetween the two of them. He motioned for Daehyun to keep them there. Daehyun raised an eyebrow, but kept his hands still.

A second later and he was widening both his eyes in a mixture of wonder and confusion as Youngjae was slowly maneuvering his stilled hands in a similar way he had been before. Only his movements were more sure and precise and definitely went way beyond what Daehyun learned a couple nights before. He stood there puzzled, trying desperately to figure out what Youngjae was up to. He tried tugging on his hands a little, but that only led to Youngjae gripping onto them tighter. And when Youngjae looked up to catch Daehyun's gaze, the other merely gave him an amused smile and made no move to stop whatever it was he was doing.

Daehyun fought the urge to shake his head in disbelief, this boy was just full of surprises, and instead tried focusing on the movements Youngjae was doing with his hands. He did the best he could to try and memorize the way his hands were moving, but it was hard considering the way his eyes kept straying up to Youngjae's face every other second or so and it was distracting considering how soft Youngjae's hand felt compared to his own. Did he use moisturizer? Hm, he would have to ask later.

A minute later and then the hold around his hands were gone. Daehyun kept them up for another couple seconds or so and wondered if everything really did happen that quick. It might have been just a minute, but to him it felt like an eternity. Time just seemed to stop whenever they were together, or at least that's what it felt like to him. Shoot, he didn't manage to memorize any of the motions and now he probably would never be able to figure out what Youngjae was trying to say with his hands.

"Aw Youngjae," Daehyun opted for his pout. "What were you saying with my hands?"

Youngjae merely shrugged. Then motioned something too fast and too quick for Daehyun to catch; all the while keeping that knowing smile on his face.

"You're not fair you know that?" Daehyun teased while playfully narrowing his eyes. Youngjae just lifted his shoulders again and averted his gaze elsewhere as if to say 'Me? Unfair? I don't know the meaning of that word.'

Daehyun scrunched up his face and tried asking again. "Come on Youngjae, tell me, please?"

The younger merely shook his head and started walking forward down the street, but Daehyun wasn't fazed and followed him from behind.

"Please?" He asked again.

Youngjae probably couldn't see him, so Daehyun just figured that the continual shaking of his head was an automatic response to whatever he thought Daehyun was going to ask next. Daehyun chuckled at the sight. This boy. He caught up quickly with just a few steps.

"Come on Youngjae." He was sure Youngjae could see him now. "Why can't you just tell me huh?"

Daehyun could tell Youngjae was having a hard time trying not to laugh. He had his lips pressed to a thin line, but the look in his eyes screamed out in humor and amusement. And just when Daehyun thought he was going to crack Youngjae shook his head again and pressed a finger to his lips.

"Oh so were keeping secrets now are we?"

This time Youngjae really did let out a laugh, but shrugged his shoulders in the process. Daehyun rolled his eyes.

"You're unbelievable you know that?" He smiled a teasing smile. "I'll figure it out. You just watch."

Youngjae tilted his head and raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'I'd like to see you try'. Deahyun decided to let that action go unoticed. They were walking side by side now. The two of them weaving a path through fall littered streets. The sun was gone, hidden behind a thick blanket of grey clouds. But there was no breeze so the air was warm and comforting. Daehyun smiled. It was perfect for what he had planned.

"Well now," he started, nudging Youngjae on the shoulder. He turned to give him a curious gaze. "Since you're so keen on keeping secrets. I guess I'll do the same."

He saw Youngjae's eyes widen slightly and then narrow suspiciously at what he was saying. Daehyun bit back his smile and tapped a finger to his lips.

"I won't be telling you where we're going today. So you'll just have to find out for yourself."

And with that he skipped on ahead not missing the shocked expression the younger boy had when he passed though. Laughing he let Youngjae catch up to him with a non-amused look plastered right in the middle of his face.

Daehyun let out another smile. "Come on, you know you saw that coming."

He winked and he didn't miss the way Youngjae's cheeks seemed to be a little bit darker after the fact. It must have been the way that Youngjae was currently smiling at him or the little hand moment they had before or maybe even the way that Youngjae always seemed to be just a little bit flustered whenever he did something that threw him for a loop. Either way what prompted Daehyun to do his next action was something he completely had no idea of.

Daehyun glanced down and saw the way their hands were swinging slowly back and forth. More often than not their hands would sweep by and brush each other ever so gently. Each time that happened Daehyun felt a surge of warmth eminate from that little spot of where their hands touched and maybe Youngjae felt the same considering the way his cheeks would darken each time they did so. Swallowing Daehyun figured it was now or never. The next time their hands brushed by each other Daehyun didn't let the warmth disappear. He swiftly grabbed a hold of Youngjae's hand softly but firmly. He blushed. Youngjae's hand felt even softer when it was fully encased within his own and the fleeting warmth was now rather a blazing fire.

Miracously though Youngjae made no move to pull away. Which made Daehyun's heart swell up to twice its size. He tried hard to suppress the large grin that was pulling at the corners of his lips, but he failed miserably. Daehyun snuck a glance towards the other boy and caught him staring at him as well. They both quickly looked away. Daehyun coughed and nudged the other on the shoulder.

"We're almost there," he started. "You're gonna love it. I promise." And this time Daehyun let a warm smile curve onto his lips while Youngjae gave a slight roll of his eyes, but responded with a small nod nonetheless.

"Thank you." Daehyun whispered.

He didn't know if it was more for himself or the boy he was currently tugging along. Maybe it was for the both of them. But then again he figured it didn't really matter because within the whole time they were walking together Youngjae's hand stayed cradled warmly within his.

 

The fair was bustling with people when they had arrived and now it was even more crowded as noon shifted into early afternoon and families decided to bring their kids out for some much earned fun after a hard week at school.

Youngjae's reaction was priceless as Daehyun half dragged half tugged him into the hustle and bustle of the lively event. Daehyun wished he had a camera to capture the expression he currently had on his face. He would have stood there frozen if not for Deahyun's 

"So?" Daehyun yelled over the loud commotion of people. "What do you think?"

A huge grin curved onto his lips as he waited for Youngjae's reaction. Thankfully despite the massive throng of people Youngjae still was able to catch the words flying off Daehyun's mouth and the movement of his lips. He gave somewhat of a helpless smile in return and unconsciounsly tightened his grip on Daehyun's hand. Daehyun felt the extra pressure and inwardly cheered. He could sense Youngjae was a little nervous, if not a lot of nervous, by the way his eyes darted around and the pressure on his hand was now twice what it had been before. Daehyun gave him a reassuring squeeze and pulled him closer, away from the influx of people.

"Is this your first time at something like this?" He spoke making sure Youngjae could see his lips moving and when he saw Youngjae's tentative nod he couldn't help but drop his mouth open in shock. Youngjae looked alarmed.

"Wh-what?" Daehyun stuttered. "How can this be your first time? I- I mean you really haven't been to a street fair before?"

He changed his question when he saw just how lost Youngjae looked. It was confirmed when Youngjae shook his head. Daehyun set his mouth into a firm line and immediately changed the direction they were walking in.

"Change of plans. Food can wait. We're going to visit every little thing here so you can get the full experience. No buts!" He added when he saw that Youngjae was about to hold up his hand in protest. They set to walking away from the main crowd of people into a place where it seemed to be less crowded. Figures people would be near the food. It was lunch time afterall. Daehyun guided Youngjae along muttering something under his breath about living under a rock his entire life and how can somebody not go to a place as fun as a street fair? Youngjae glanced up at his sullen expression and let out a chuckle.

Daehyun turned and gave him a pointed look. "I heard that. Now come on, there's some really fun things you can do at street fairs as well as cool stalls you can look at to buy things. When I was younger I once played a game here where if you threw a ball into a little cup full of water you could win the fish swimming inside of it. But I think the game was rigged because none of my throws went in. I swear I mean how does a ball bounce off a cup three times! Three times. Then there was..."

As Daehyun rambled on Youngjae, somehow, was able to keep up with his non-stop chatter and let out a laugh or chuckle when it was necesary. Suddenly Daehyun stopped and Youngjae very nearly stumbled into his stilled form. He was just about to tap him on the shoulder in question before Daehyun turned and gave him an excited smile.

"We're here!"

They were definitely there as in front of them lay rows and rows of white pitched tents, all holding some kind of game or vendor trying to sell their latest, state of the art product. Or so they claimed.

"Come on!"

Daehyun gave a light tug on Youngjae's hand and urged the other to choose where they should head first. He saw the way Youngjae's eyes seemed to widen and light up at the prospect of so many little stalls to explore and even more so as he chose to make their way towards the gaming tents where various prizes could be won and traded. Mostly they were just cheap stuffed animals that anybody could probably buy from a generic toy store, but there was just something about them being a fair prize that made the appeal of them even more alluring than when they were sitting on shelves in the stores. Daehyun nearly rolled his eyes and fought back the laughter when Youngjae dragged him towards a particular looking game that had him recalling back precious childhood memories.

He gave Youngjae a knowing smile. "Really?"

Youngjae shrugged and gestured for the man running the station to come over. He motioned he wanted to play and that was that. Only when he reached into his jeans for his wallet Daehyun beat him to it and placed the correct amount of bills into the mans hand. He shrugged in response to Youngjae's narrowed eyes and proceeded to hand him his little white plastic balls.

"Your turn. Lets see what you got."

The next couple hours flew by as the two of them, mainly Youngjae, went to and visited every little thing there was to offer at the crowded stands. Daehyun internally smiled as he saw the pure excitement flashing through Youngjae's eyes as they went and explored all the places the fair had to offer. They tried on hats from a local vendor, played around with some toys from a kindly old lady, and experimented with this weird new hand cream that swore to keep your skin as smooth as the day you were born. Although truthfully Daehyun thought it smelled like old gym socks and when he shared this with Youngjae the younger had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep his laughter in. They had even got into a stuffed animal fight which resulted in them being shooed away from an annoyed looking stall owner. They happily ran the opposite direction only to burst out laughing seconds later.

Although some of their time was spent browsing through the many choices of the vendor stalls; it was safe to say that most of their time went into playing those cheap fair games that nobody could ever seem to win. Youngjae espically had a hard time even just trying to throw a ball into a cup.

"Remind me never to play video games with you." Daehyun playfully teased. "Your hand-eye coordination is terrible."

Youngjae smacked him on the shoulder in response. But he was determined win. Daehyun saw the way Youngjae looked at those over stuffed stuffed animals and Daehyun was eagar to show Youngjae his skills at a certain favorite of his. Something that involved whacking moles on the head with a giant hammer, it varied from place to place. When they arrived there was surprisingly nobody else at the stall and they were able to get a game started between the two of them. Prizes varied depending on how high you could get your score within the set time of a minute and a half.

"Ready?" Daehyun challenged with his hammer raised high.

Youngjae gave him a pointed look that Daehyun took as 'please, I was born ready' to which Daehyun playfully scoffed and boasted, "Just try and beat me then. I was born to whack."

Daehyun turned to reposition himself again, however he missed the challenging glint in Youngjae's eyes when he turned to get ready for said whacking. The buzzer started and a minute and a half later Youngjae stood triumphantly with his extra large prize while Daehyun could only gape and stand stunned. Youngjae merely patted his cheek and waltzed past him with a smug smile plastered right in the middle of his face. It took a second for Daehyun to recover and as he caught up to a now struggling Youngjae trying to carry his prize, Daehyun figured that seeing Youngjae's smile and genuinely content expression was worth a loss or two of his own. Even if it meant giving up his title of expert mole whacker.

And while a pouting Youngjae was definitely an adorable Youngjae Daehyun didn't want the other to trip face first while carrying around an extra large plushie so he offered to hold the thing while they went and played more games. After a couple rounds of ball throwing, ring tossing, and balloon popping Daehyun was really getting hungry. Carrying around a huge plush polar bear was harder than it looked, especially when that bear was half his size. If any he was using more energy than necessary to lug the thing around. Youngjae on the other hand looked completely content cuddling the medium sized penguin within his arms.

Daehyun turned to him. "You know, I take back what I offered. Shouldn't you be carrying around your own prize?"

Youngjae rose an eyebrow at Daehyun's question and held up the bright blue penguin in his hands as an answer.

"That's not what I meant." Daehyun grumbled as he re-adjusted the large white bear in his arms and Youngjae bit back the laugh bubbling forth. 

Now the two of them were headed to get frozen yogurt because ice cream was unhealthy according to Daehyun and also because Daehyun just wanted to calm the grumbling in his stomach and rest his arms from hauling that oversized stuffed bear. The frozen yogurt store that stood right near the fair was extremely appealing to him as they walked past. He couldn't resist. Youngjae, on the other hand, adamentaly disagreed about yogurt being the healthier choice, but allowed Daehyun to have his way anyways.

Daehyun internally smirked at the loud rumbling coming from Youngjae's stomach as well.

When they had settled their stuffed animals into two of the many colorful chairs that stood scattered outside around the shop and picked out their interesting choices of yogurt Youngjae insisted on paying the bill. Even when Daehyun clearly pointed out that he was the one who invited him out so therefore he should be the one paying. Youngjae merely stared at him with an impassive expression and even went as far as to distract him by feigning excitement and pointing towards an unknown object in the distance. Daehyun, being the easily distracted person he was, couldn't help but sneak a peak at what said object was only to find out a second later that there was nothing there. He turned back with a non-aumsed expression only to find that Youngjae had already paid for the yogurt and was now heading back towards the door with a smug smile placed firmly on his lips.

"Hey that's not fair!" Daehyun called out. He pointed an accusing finger. "You distracted me."

Yougjae rolled his eyes and took a big bite out of his self paid yogurt. He made sure to exaggerate how good it tasted and then promptly proceeded to stick his tongue out at him when he was done. Daehyun gaped. Youngjae let out another smirk.

"You're unbelievable." Daehyun muttered.

Still, unable to accept that he had been tricked, Daehyun continued to call Youngjae a meanie and question why he couldn't just let him pay. He figured acting childish once in a while wouldn't hurt anybody. If Youngjae could do it than why not him. He was the one who invited Youngjae out on this little date, yes he called it a date, so it was natural for him to want to pay. Although he wasn't about to voice this out. Heaven knows he might just scare the poor boy off if he did. After a good couple minutes of one sided bickering Daehyun admitted Youngjae was a clever meanie and unable to resist the callling of fresh frozen yogurt quickly gave in and accepted the extra large, extra chocolate chips, extra whipped cream frozen treat. Youngjae smiled knowingly and took a another bite of his medium sized green tea frozen yogurt- extra gummy bears of course.

"Yeah, you enjoy that yogurt." Daehyun quietly murmured while simultaneously plotting how he could get revenge. A playful smirk appeared on his face when he had thought of one. So immediately after the two of them started eating he made the excuse that he had to use the bathroom. Youngjae being the understanding person he was kindly offered to hold onto his yogurt till he returned.

So began Daehyun's plan for revenge.

Making sure Youngjae's was completely absorbed in enjoying his frozen treat Daehyun made his way towards the counter and quietly pleaded with the grumpy looking cashier guy to give him back the money Youngjae had paid with. The cashier raised his eyebrows in amusement as if his request was actually something he would do. Sensing this Daehyun quickly explained his intentions and pulled out his own wallet as if to assure the guy that he was going to pay and not just run off with the money. All the while during their little debate Daehyun kept darting his eyes towards the door because what if Youngjae was wondering what was taking him so long and he suddenly turned to see him not in the bathroom but at the counter quietly pleading to exchange money.

The cashier guy gave him an incredulous look, but proceeded to carry out his little plan. Daehyun mentally cheered and pocketed the used bills before quickly thanking the guy and making his way back outside where a certain auburn haired boy stood. He slowed his footsteps before arriving and did his best to even his breathing. Nervousness apparently didn't do well with his respiratory system. Upon finally reaching Youngjae he clasped a hand on his shoulder and proceeded to reach for his now slightly melted treat of frozen goodness only to be stopped short when Youngjae suddenly held it out of reach. Daehyun stood confused and let out an embarrasing sound similar to a wail when Youngjae made no move to give it back.

"Aww Youngjae why?" Daehyun whined. "Can I have my yogurt please?"

Maybe Youngjae was one of those people to fall for pouty faces and puppy dog eyes. Youngjae remained unmoved and eyed him with narrowed eyes.

Okay so maybe not.

Youngjae tilted his head towards the hand Daehyun had on his shoulder. Daehyun stood confused for another minute. He shot the other a puzzled look unable to understand why Youngjae was being like this before something finally clicked. He gulped. If he had went to the bathroom like he had said and properly followed bathroom procedure he wouldn't be in this situation at the moment. The washroom was currently out of paper towels, Youngjae would know because he had used the restroom just moments before they bought their treats, and if anybody washed their hands they would be rather wet after coming out. Daehyun gulped again.

"Youngjae it's not what you think." He tried assuring.

It wasn't really a convincing sentence considering his hands were about as dry as the middle of the day in the Sahara desert and one of his hands was reaching for his now definitely melting yogurt while the other was placed firmly on Youngjae's shoulder and- shoot. Daehyun let out a nervous chuckle. Now after a rather awkward exchange of removing his hands, washing them, and getting the approval from a still somewhat skeptical looking Youngjae the two of them sat contently eating their yogurt while watching people stroll through the fair.

Daehyun snuck a glance over to Youngjae and mentally smiled. During their little exahchange with the yogurt he had discreetly placed Youngjae's money into his jacket pocket.

Revenge plot: Success.

Okay so maybe it wasn't really revenge considering he was doing something opposite of what the word entitled, but still no matter what he went to call it his plan had worked. Give or take an awkward moment or two.

 

"Youngjae, can I just- say something?" Daehyun asked quietly.

Only a short amount of time had passed since their frozen yogurt expedition and now the only remnants that remained were the small melted drops clinging onto the side of the cup. The two of the sat relaxed on identical cheap plastic chairs with a similar white table in the middle- stuffed animals and the need head out were set aside for the moment. Truthfully Daehyun was a bit glad they were taking a break from all the excitement. Youngjae looked the same as he sat, content to watch people pass by, with a hand propped up to support his chin while the other was laid out in front. He turned when Daehyun tapped him and raised an eyebrow at his question but nodded his approval anyways.

Daehyun took a breath and unconsciounsly drew circles over the skin of his left hand. "I just, wanted to thank you for coming out with me today." He his lips and hesitated a bit before continuing. "Truthfully, I never thought you would agree, yet, here you are."

A breathy chuckle escaped his lips as Daehyun ran a hand through his hair. "And well- gosh this is harder than I thought um.."

Youngjae tilted his head, but motioned for him to continue. Daehyun let out a shy smile in response.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for letting me. Thank you for letting me borrow your pen that day. Thank you for listening to me when I go off on my rambles-" He paused.

"Thank you for taking a chance with me today."

Daehyun noticed the way Youngjae's eyes widened ever so slightly, but he could see the small smile beginning to curve onto his lips. It gave him the courage to continue.

"I know that maybe coming to the fair wasn't the best idea, considering that you're-" Daehyun lowered his eyes and cleared his throat. "But then I thought to myself, why does that really matter? I-I mean I'm not saying I don't care about you. I do. I honestly do, but I figured you're disability doesn't make you who you are. It doesn't change the Youngjae that I fell so hard for. You're still you and well I just wanted to show you that no matter what you throw at me we can still find a way to have fun and just, well, be ourselves."

Daehyun reached across the table and gently took a hold of Youngjae's hand. "I wanted to show you that even though you told me about your disability it doesn't change the way I think about you. Even though you told me about your past and your memory- I don't care. Youngjae I don't care that you can't hear. I don't care that you only remember the past three years of your life. I don't care about all those things because to me I already fell hard for you way before I even knew. Knowing now it only makes me add to the list of reasons of why I adore you and the fact that you chose to tell me, it musn't have been easy and I respect you even more for that."

Daehyun grabbed a hold of both hands now and held them close to his heart. He smiled and looked straight into Youngjae's glassy eyes. "Call me stupid. Call me foolish. Call me crazy for falling in love with a person I've barely known for a week. But what I've said is true. I like you for you Youngjae- and nothing could ever change that."

Daehyun let out another warm smile, this time it was paired with slightly watery eyes. "I just wanted you to know and that's why I'm saying it now. Thank you for listening." He added after a short pause and peaked at the other through his lashes.

Youngjae merely sat there with wide eyes. He kept his hands in Daehyun's though. However, a minute later and Daehyun saw the first tear slip free from Youngjae's right eye. It spilled over from the pressure and trailed a shimmery path right down his cheek.

"It seems I'm always making you cry huh?" Daehyun let out a breathy chuckle and reach over to wipe away the impending tears.

Youngjae just shook his head and leaned back to avoid Daheyun's hand. He had his lips pressed to a thin line and it looked like he was trying hard to control whatever it was that struggled to break free. Daehyun sat there slightly shocked for a moment before furrowing his eyebrows in concern. Did he go too far with what he said?

"Youngjae-" He tried speaking up.

Youngjae just shook his head again only this time he let out a watery smile in the process. A tearful chuckle escaped past his pressed lips as he raised a hand to try and stop the moisture from flowing forth. Daehyun sat stunned for the moment. Youngjae was crying yet laughing at the same time, constantly shaking his head and glancing over to meet Daehyun's eyes before breaking into another one of his tear-filled laughs. Before Daehyun could have a chance to ask what was wrong Youngjae motioned something towards him. Daehyun gave him a confused look before Youngjae swiped a hand across his cheek and pointed with his free hand to the small rectangular shiny black object that lay within Daehyun's pockets.

His face lit up in realization when he figured out what Youngjae was trying to say. "Oh, sorry." Daehyun flushed a little and reached down to dig out his phone. "Here."

He handed Youngjae the small device and watched as he proceeded to press a few buttons then start furiously typing something onto the tiny little screen.

'Daehyun, you are unbelievable.' He read when Youngjae showed him his screen filled with uniform black letters. Daehyun couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"Unbelievable huh?" He whispered knowing full well Youngjae would understand despite his barely audible tone. He shook his head and reached for his phone only to have Youngjae shake his and hold it away from his reach. He leaned back and continued typing.

'You know I've never met someone quite like you, despite me only remembering a short part of my life. You baffle me Daehyun. I just can't seem to figure you out...'

Daehyun rose an eyebrow at that. He wasn't sure if he should have cried or laughed at what Youngjae thought of him.

'Truth be told when I saw where you were taking me today I had a mild panic attack. You may have noticed already, but crowded places filled with people aren't exactly my definition of fun. There's a reason why I prefer to be alone. Always. Always. Whenever I go out I'm reminded of the one thing I lack compared to others- and I hate it. I know they aren't doing it on purpose, but whenever somebody tries to talk to me, tries to figure out whats wrong, I feel as if they're mocking me. Rubbing in my face the one thing I'll never be able to have...'

As Daehyun read over the words displayed on his phone he couldn't help but feel as if there was more to Youngjae than he originally thought. The things he already knew, they were only the beginning, there was still so much more. He looked at the other with soft eyes that glowed with a mixture of awe and sadness. He knew he would never be able to fully understand all Youngjae went through. He would never be able to come close to imagining the what Youngjae could have possibly went through. But the least he could so was offer his ears to listen. To try and get to know as much as he could about the boy with the dark auburn hair. The one who wore white headphones to distance himself from the world. The one who wrote everyday in a small worn journal filled with his stories of the past, present, and future. The one who by chance he had met that fateful day in a secluded autumn park.

Daehyun reached over to lay his hand over Youngjae's and the younger gave him a soft smile in response.

'Then you came in and just threw everything I thought I knew out the window. I'm not sure myself why I chose to tell you all those things that day. It just happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is...'

Youngjae stopped typing here and let a sigh pass through his lips. He stared at the message until Daehyun nudged him by his arm and encourraged him to continue with hopeful eyes.

'What I'm trying to say is- Thank you for listening and for giving me a chance. Even when you barely know me and I barely know you. You still stuck around even after the fact I told you I was far from normal. And now here we are spending the day together at a street fair, the last place I would ever think to go, doing things that I would never have done before. Jung Daehyun you are one giant mystery that I'm still struggling to figure out. But honestly? I can't deny I want to keep trying to decipher the type of person you are.'

The tears had stopped flowing now although a few stray ones remained behind within his gaze. Youngjae's nose was slightly pink from the unexpected crying and his eyes, while they weren't red-rimmed, were wide and a touch swollen around the edges. But despite that Daehyun thought Youngjae still looked absolutely flawless when he smiled. As he finished reading he glanced towards the sniffling boy only to find a half asumed half thankful smile in place of the frown he had on earlier.

Daehyun merely curved his lips up into a smile identical to the one across from him and shrugged his shoulders.

"What can I say, you just captured my heart the moment I laid eyes on you."

'And you're so full of cheese too Daehyun.' Youngjae gave a light roll of his eyes. 'That I'm certain of.'

Daehyun chuckled at Youngjae's comment, glad that the heavy atmosphere between them was starting to disappear. He never liked serious talks, but sometimes they were necessary to get what he wanted to say out. He would do whatever it took for Youngjae to understand. But despite all that there was still one thing nagging Daehyun in the back of his mind. He chewed on his bottom lip in hesitation. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to ask, but he wanted to know. Before he could work up the courage to ask however, his gaze was met with a very familiar white screen.

'You know, you're so obvious with your expressions. Just spit it out. It doesn't do any good for you to be sitting here brooding about it.' Youngjae paused then deleted his previous message to continue. 'Plus, I'm not that fragile...so don't hold back. Please."

Daehyun glanced up and met with Youngjae's encouraging gaze. Although he was slightly sidetracked by his still glassy eyes and pink cheeks. He gave a hesitant chuckle. Seems like Youngjae saw right through him.

"Can- can I ask one more question Youngjae?"

'I thought we established that you could. Come on Daeh-'

Youngjae stopped typing when a hand was placed on top of his own. He looked up in confusion. Daehyun gave a sheepish smile in response.

"I-I know, but it doesn't hurt to ask right?"

And Youngjae fought the urge to throw back a witty response. He let a sigh escape his lips and was just about to lean his head on his hand to continue watching random people pass by until he caught the movement of Daehyun's lips.

Daehyun noticed the slightly put off look to Youngjae's expression as he turned away. Damn, had he done something wrong again? He just wasn't sure if he had a right to pry into the youngers life, much less ask him an extremely personal question. He thought being hesitant was the normal reaction. But screw it. If Youngjae wanted him to ask than he was going to go for it. Youngjae could always choose not to answer if he wanted to anyways. With that little piece of security Daehyun took in a breath of air and spoke the one question lingering in the back of his mind since the day he knew.

"Do you miss it?"

His voice was soft, gentle even as he spoke four simple words. Four words that held a whole world of meaning. Daehyun wasn't sure if Youngjae saw him ask or not. The younger had turned away before he could finally pluck up the courgae to speak up. He was prepared to ask again, this time making sure Youngjae saw the movement of his lips, until he saw Youngjae scoff and close his eyes. When he opened them again Daehyun could see the fresh tears glistening, just a hair away from spilling over.

Youngjae shook is head and a few tears slipped free. He reached for Daehyun's phone in the middle of the table.

'What. My hearing?' Youngjae let out a helpless smile. 'You have no idea.'

Daehyun was about to open his mouth and respond only to shut it back up again from the look Youngjae shot his way. It stood on the boarderline of frustration and utter helplessness.

'You have no idea...how much I wish I could say I did.'

Now Daehyun was confused. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out the meaning to Youngjae's words.

'You must have forgotten, but let me remind you. I remember the last three years of my life. I woke up in a godforsaken hospital room, stark , with no memory of who I was, who my family was. And lets not forget the everlasting silence that came with it. I couldn't even understand when they tried talking to me...because I couldn't hear a god damn thing they were saying.'

Youngjae stopped and rubbed at his watering eyes. He let out a soundless laugh at the situation. Daehyun could only stare silently. His eyes dimmed as he finished reading. Now he was really wishing there was something more he could do for him. More than just taking him to an over crowded fair. More than just saying that he cared. No, he needed much more than that. Youngjae sniffed, but continued his typing.

'You asked me a question. Now let me ask you a question Daehyun and maybe you'll understand better. How can you possibly miss something you never even had?'

Daehyun let the question run through his mind as he observed the blank gaze Youngjae currently wore. He realized with slight horror that Youngjae was referring to himself. His brain scolded himself for even asking his question, but heart resonated with understanding at what Youngjae had meant.

Now, maybe, he was just one step closer to mending the wounds in Youngjae's heart.

A couple minutes passed before one of the two spoke up again. Daehyun figured the silence was what Youngjae needed at the moment. He tried not to think of the fact that the whole of Youngjae's life had been silent, but this was a different kind of silence. Youngjae looked like he needed time to let his words sink in. He needed time to get his thoughts together and Daehyun was more than happy to give him that time. He needed time to gather his thoughts as well. But when one of them did speak again it surprised the other who received his message.

'You know, you remind me so much of somebody. Somebody I know, or rather knew...I guess. It's just whenever I'm with you I feel this odd surge of warmth in my heart. I don't know if it's you or something else from my past that's trying to come forth. But it's there. And truthfully? It's a terrifying feeling.'

"Youngjae, what do you mean?" Daehyun questioned with a soft voice, despite the fact that it didn't matter. He was just trying to understand.

'You frustrate me to no end Daehyun because I just can't figure you out. Why did I decide to lend you my pen that day? Why did I decide to respond to you even when I knew the outcome would be less than pleasant? Why did I decide to reveal everything to you? It doesn't make sense...yet it makes the most sense.'

There was that helpless expression again and Daehyun wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe away his insecurities. He wished he had the answers to all the questions Youngjae was asking, but he barely even knew how to respond to all they spoke about earlier. How in the world was he supposed to respond to this?

'You...you...whenever I'm around you my mind just brings up things I'm trying to remember, but I can't. And my heart...it does weird things whenever I'm with you. There are times when I'll feel like I can't breath. It clenches and I just feel like letting loose the tears at that point. There are times where I feel extremely happy just to be near you. I'll feel like I'm on top of the world. You make everything in my life all muddled and I can't figure out if that's a bad or good thing.'

Youngjae let out an exhausted breath and placed his hands over his eyes, letting Daehyun's phone sit untouched on the table in front of him for now. Daehyun stared on with mixed emotions. He reached a hand up to place on top of Youngjae's head in a gesture of comfort, only to lower it a second later. His other hand lay hidden beneath the table where he quickly clenched it into a fist when he couldn't do what he wanted to.

'You make me want to remember the past I never will. To remember the people I must have loved. To remember all the things I must have done. To remember what it's like to have what I never had.'

"It's hard to forget people you've loved." Daehyun whispered.

'Or like trying to remember somebody you've never met.'

Youngjae gave a wry smile in response.

And immediately Daehyun's mind flashed back to the day Youngjae told him about his lost memories. About the man that he dreamed about and saw in his- what were they visions? Flashbacks? He didn't know. All he was sure of was there was more to the boy he found sitting quietly in that small little park on that fated fall day. More than he could have ever imagined, but then as he sat there staring at the tearful boy in front of him, a fond smile curved onto his lips.

Youngjae's eyes started to water and soon after a stray tear fell free, only to be followed by numerous others as he blinked in surprise at the sudden downfall of moisture.

'Sorry.' He spelled out while trying to wipe away his tears. 'I got carried away. You didn't need to hear all that.'

Youngjae sniffed and tried wiping away more of his tears. This time Daehyun really did reach his hand out all the way. He grabbed a hold of Youngjae's shaking ones and gave the other a gentle smile.

"Don't be." Daehyun soothed. "You're just letting it all out. That's what I'm here for right? To listen. So don't hold back when you're around me. I'll always be here." He mouthed the last part just as more tears seemed to slip free from Youngjae's eyes.

The more Youngjae tried to wipe them away the more seemed to fall. Soon they were carving shiny trails down his pale cheeks. Daehyun saw his bottom lip quiver and not so long after he heard the unmistakable sounds of soft crying. All coming from the auburn haired boy who sat across from him. It quite nearly broke his heart to see Youngjae the way he was now- with a red nose and swollen eyes. Daehyun wished he could find a way to make all the tears disappear. For now though it seemed the best he could do was cup the sides of Youngjae's cheeks and wipe away as many of them as he could.

He whispered soothing words to him even if the effort was in vain. He didn't care. Anything to get the boy in front of him to stop crying, but even his best efforts were limited. It took a bit for Youngjae to calm down and for the tears to finally stop, but they had stopped.

'I'm sorry I broke down like that.'

"It's not your fault." Daehyun assured. "I'm glad I was here to help you let it all out."

Youngjae nodded and gently rubbed at his eyes. He winced slighty from how tender they were.

'Shall we head back to the fair?' He sniffed and tilted his head towards the dwindling fair crowd. He still had Daehyun's phone within his grasp.

Daehyun opened his mouth to answer until a thought struck him. They could, but they wouldn't. Screw whatever else Daehyun had planned for the day. This was much more important. He hoped Youngjae would come to like it as well.

"No." He smiled a knowing smile. "I have something else planned."

Keeping the smile curved perfectly on his lips Daehyun stood and made his way around to where Youngjae sat. He extended his hand and internally chuckled at the confused expression Youngjae was giving him.

"Trust me." Daehyun breathed. "Please?"

He extended his hand again. This time he felt Youngjae's gentle, but frim grip mold so perfectly into his own and he didn't miss the way Youngjae's eyes seemed to flash with the smallest amount of something he knew all too well himself. He felt himself breaking out into another heart warming smile. This could work afterall.

 

"Here it is." Daehyun announced as he swung the door open. "It's not much, but- it works for me."

He went around to the side of the room and clicked on the lights. The room seemed to flicker to life as numerous fluorescent bulbs lit up in an organized path. Soon the whole room was illuminated and Youngjae stood by the doorway, eyes wide and mouth agape. Daehyun started crossing the floor only to stop a moment later.

He glanced towards the doorway where Youngjae still stood. "It's okay for you to come in you know." He teased with a chuckle. Youngjae blinked and hesitantly took a step forward.

The room was actually quite large as Youngjae walked through. He turned a little to the left he pratically jumped in shock when he saw his reflection suddenly staring back at him. He had seen the mirrors across the room when Daehyun the lights, but he didn't expect for all the walls to be mirrored. In fact the whole room was covered in the glassy material, minus the ceiling. It was also quite bare save for the small couch and table near the back. There was a stero player on top of the table, what looked like to be round speakers, and a metal bar that ran across a majority of the glass walls, except for the very back one. Other than those few appliances the room appeared to be fairly simple with its faded wooden floors and mirrors.

'Where are we?' He typed on the phone he was still clutching in his hands. He appeared calmer than he was back at the fair. His breathing had evened and his eyes were now a faint pink compared to the swollen red they were earlier.

Daehyun had to squint and then re-walk across the room to see what Youngjae had said. He smiled when he read the message.

"We're at my school, well university, and this-" He did a broad sweep of his arms. "- this is where I spend hours practicing the things I love most."

Youngjae gave a puzzled expression to which Daehyun only chuckled. "To simply put it- this is where I practice my singing and dancing." Daehyun motioned towards the speakers and bar that ran across the walls.

"Granted, there are much better places to practice singing. We have state of the art recording rooms here, but I spend most of my time here anyways so I figured why not kill two birds with one stone." Daehyun let out a fond smile. "This rooms as good as any recording room and it's even sound proof. Plus, the voice projection here is amazing."

Daehyun finished with a small wink towards Youngjae who still looked like a deer in headlights in the middle of the room. He smiled a soft smile and slowly moved towards the other.

"It's nice huh?" He questioned.

Youngjae nodded his head in agreement. Daehyun lowered his gaze and chewed on his lower lip. If he was going to ask he had better ask now.

"Would you like to see me dance?" He smiled nervously and gestured towards the speakers and mirrors.

Youngjae tore his eyes away from the bright lights and looked at Daehyun with a blank expression. Daehyun smiled and repeated his question. He hoped Youngjae would say yes. It would help what he had planned to do for later. Thankfully Youngjae gave a small nod of his head. Daehyun internally beamed. He quickly led him to the small couch near the side of the wall and motioned for him to stay there while he got ready. Youngjae sat with no questions. He held onto the phone in his hands as if it were his only lifeline.

Daehyun threw him a reassuring smile as he approached his sound system and pretended to fiddle with the buttons. He feigned the process of choosing a song when in reality he already knew which one he wanted. The extra time was just time for him to get his head together and calm his heart. He could do this. All he had to do was follow what his heart told him. Cheesy, he knew, but it worked- at least for him. Taking one last deep breath Daehyun quickly clicked the button on his stero and jogged to the middle of the room. He held the remote in hand as he positioned himself to start.

And with a click of a button the music began.

Youngjae sat entranced.

He was utterly confused when Daehyun led him towards a rather large building and even more so when he first set foot into the room. Now he was sitting on a worn leather couch watching the one person in his life that baffled him to no end dance as if it was the last thing he would ever do. As if Daehyun wasn't confusing already. He might not have been able to fully appreciate Daehyun's singing, but Youngjae silently thanked the heavens that he could still see Daehyun dance.

Youngjae let out a small smile as he continued to follow Daehyun's movements.

Daehyun caught the smile on Youngjae's face and flashed one back in response. The music flowed through his body as he moved effortlessly to the beat. With each step Daehyun felt the courage within him build. He could do this. He grinned and clicked the button on his remote to stop the song. He knew it would make no difference to Youngjae, but he knew it would mean the world to him if he knew. Even with the music put on pause there was no falter in Daehyun's steps as he did a couple more moves and then effortlessly twirled towards where a certain auburn haired boy sat.

Youngjae blinked. One minute he was contently watching Daehyun move around the room and the next the said boy was now standing in front of him. He was panting slightly, the slight heave of his chest showing just how much effort he placed into his dance, and he had extended an arm right in front of him. Youngjae glanced up and caught Daehyuns half encouraging half pleading gaze. The invitation was clear. Youngjae knew what Daehyun wanted but-

He hesitated. Was this really okay? He wouldn't be able to hear anything and he knew Daehyun knew. Yet he still offered to anyways? Just what was he thinking? Unable to wait any longer Daehyun moved to gently grab a hold of Youngjae's hand and pull him upwards away from the sofa. He smiled a reassuring smile.

"Trust me okay?" Youngjae read coming from his lips as he felt Daehyun maneuver them into the position he wanted.

Youngjae nodded as Daehyun deemed the both of them ready for what he had planned. It was only a second later that Youngjae realized the position they were in. One of Daehyun's hands was placed in his while the other pulled him close by the waist. Even his own hands were in position as one of them was held by the boy in front of him and the other was placed onto his shoulders. Youngjae gulped and looked at the other with pleading eyes. Daehyun merely curved a soft smile onto his lips and pulled him closer.

Then, slowly, Youngjae felt them start to move.

He was slightly taken aback at how graceful Daehyun seemed to be on the dance floor. When he was dancing by himself his movements were set and determined- all poised technique and structure. Now he was like a completely different person as the two of them swayed across the dance floor. No limits. No arrangement.

Just free, effortless movements.

Tentatively, Youngjae leaned his head down onto Daehyun's shoulder. He missed the small smile that appeared on Daehyun's face when he did so. He didn't know what it was, but there was just something about Daehyun that made him feel like home. Sure, there were moments where he felt like breaking down, but even then his other feelings would always rise over those. Daehyun didn't treat him like he was about to break with the slightest movement. Daehyun listened with open ears and arms. Daehyun- was just Daehyun. And Youngjae couldn't have asked for more.

He closed his eyes just as he felt something tickle at his left ear. His eyebrows creased at the feeling, but then there it was again. Though this time it stayed and the small vibrations resonated through his ears and down throughout his body. There was a pattern to what he felt and suddenly Youngjae never felt the urge to cry more than he did at that moment. He bit down on his lip to keep his sniffles in, but the tears flowed out nonetheless.

Daehyun was singing. Youngjae had been attentive enough to figure out the rhythm to Daehyun's words weren't random. They were carefully set and structure so. However unknown to him, Daehyun was singing the soft melody of a song he had wrote nights ago. It spoke of pain, love, and hope. The pain of what he felt, the love they would come to have, and the hope that everything would come to be okay.

Youngjae felt the tears come back to his eyes again for even though he couldn't hear what Daehyun was saying or singing. He knew that this was what the older had planned all along. Daehyun didn't just want to say what he said. He needed to show it as well and as Youngjae swayed and twirled within his arms he felt a small spark of something ignite within his chest. Telling him that maybe, just maybe, somebody as broken as he was could find love as well.

He lifted his head up from Daehyun's shoulder and caught his gaze. Daehyun's eyes were gentle as they bore into his own. He saw no pity or regret within them. Only the need to understand.

There was something else within those eyes of his that Youngjae couldn't place his finger on, but as they continued there soundless dance and as Daehyun smiled his warm smile, Youngjae found that whatever Daehyun had hidden there would be nothing short of what he was feeling now.

 

There was the quiet hum of the elevator as the large metallic box slowly ascended towards the desired floor. The sides rattled and shook a little as if all that excessive movement was too much for the old parts to take. The walls were a pale beige color or at least that's what they appeared to be. It was hard to tell considering how much dirt and grime caked the walls. The interior was in major need of a good cleaning and it wouldn't hurt to try and get rid of the smell of dank dust and cheap chinese take out. The man inside barely noticed the jostle, much less the degraded inside of the elevator. If any, he was more focused on the line parallel from where he stood that indicated the break between the doors. His dark eyes nearly piercing through the material as he stood waiting for the next time they would open.

5...6...7

The minute Himchan stepped within the building his entire body froze. His eyes took in the dirited walls layered with peeling wallpaper and cheap paint. The dim lighting above didn't help with the atmosphere as he almost had to squint to see ahead of him. Himchan turned his head and looked around. Was it always like this?

He shook his head.

No. Surely things couldn't have changed that much in a couple years.

Could they?

8...9...10

Himchan managed to convince his feet to move and they went forward- deeper into the unknown. A couple feet later and he came across an empty doormans desk, the dark wood worn and scratched from years of wear and tear. Somehow he wasn't surprised. He would have been if he had found it otherwise. He ran his hand over the rough surface and a small sigh escaped past his lips. Figures there wouldn't be a doorman.

More time must have passed than he thought.

11...12...13

No matter.

He knew where to go.

14...15

The elevator stopped with a faint ding as the metal doors suddenly swung open revealing a narrow hallway with black and white tiled floor. Numerous pea green doors lined one side of the hallway and scratched gold numbers stood on a plate screwed in next to them. At least nothing had changed here. Himchan allowed a faint smile to flit across his lips. The doors were starting to close and Himchan stepped out just as they shut tight. He inhaled a deep breath and turned to walk down the hallway. His hands clenched into fists. Shallow breaths were now making their way out of his throat and a bead of sweat carved a path down the pale column of his neck.

Suddenly the walk down the hallway seemed a lot shorter and Himchan now stood in front of one of the numerous green doors that lined the hall. The number on the golden plating read 1506. Sixth door down from the left. Just like how he remembered. Himchan let out a small chuckle. At least nothing had changed here. Then as quick as it came the smile disappeared from his face and his lips thinned to a nervous line. His gaze flickered towards the lone window located at the end of the hall where daylight flitered in through foggy glass. His mind went back to who was waiting for him outside this dreadful building and for a second he was tempted to abandon his mission and go back to his sure source of security and safety.

Himchan shook his head free of the thought.

No, he had to do this. He swallowed and exhaled. He was going to do this.

Tentatively Himchan raised a fisted hand and knocked softly on the painted green wood. He barely used any force, but he knew his knocks were heard because not even seconds later there was muffled shuffling coming from the other side. Himchan held his breath in anticipation.

"Hyung! You're back early! What, did you forget your k-"

The words died on the boys tongue as soon as he opened the door. Himchan stood still, his breath caught in his throat as he and the boy locked gazes. He heard the other's sharp intake of breath and then suddenly-

Slam!

"Wh-"

Himchan's jaw dropped in shock. His arms went limp and fists turned back into hands as he reeled from the impact of the slam. A second later and the primary shock wore off. His hands turned into fists again and started banging- this time with more force- on the door.

"Yah! Hey! What's the big deal?" Himchan ceased his pounding temporairly, partially in fear of attracting unwanted attention from the neighbors but also to see if the other would answer him. He heard rapid breathing coming from the space just beyond the door. Well he knew who those belonged to.

"Hey!" The pounding resumed. "Open up, please!"

"I-I already told you what you wanted to know." Came the muted whimper from inside.

Himchan tried jiggling the doorknob, but it was locked. No surprise there. A cry of frustration left his lips as no matter what he tried the door to the otherside just wouldn't open. Sighing Himchan leaned his forehead against the door and placed both hands up alongside his head. The wood felt cool pressed to his heated skin.

"Please," he whispered. "I just need to be sure."

Anybody passing by would have surely laughed at the sight. A grown man leaning up pathetically against a door, begging to be let in. Thankfully the halls were empty this time of day. Just when it seemed like hours had passed that unmistakable whisper came from inside again.

"Why are you here?"

The voice sounded calmer now, less startled.

"I just came to talk."

"I already told you everything." Came the rushed reply.

Himchan pressed closer towards the door and squeezed his eyes shut. His hands fisted again as he opened his mouth. He was on the verge of tears.

"Jongup please." His voice broke at the end. "Please, I just need to be sure. I just- need to be sure." He whispered.

Minutes passed and not another sound was heard from the otherside. Himchan was beginning to think he should had never come. What was he thinking? That they were just going to let him in like he was some old friend? In a way he was, but not anymore. Ever since then it had never been the same and even now nothing had changed. He was stupid enough to believe he could have come in the first place. Trying to stifle back the moisture suddenly appearing in his eyes Himchan let out a shaky breath and slowly moved away. He took one last longing look and then finally turned to walk away.

But before he could take one step there was the faint click of a lock sliding back and the soft creak of a door turning ways. Himchan held his breath. The look of shock and utter relief that appeared on his face was comical. He held in his cry of gratitude. The boy that held the door open stood with his hand on the knob and gaze turned downwards. Himchan swallowed as he clenched and unclenched his hands.

"Long time no see." He whispered softly.

Himchan could see the muscles on the boy's arm tense and the white of his knuckles on his hands as he took in the words.

"Long time no see." He whispered back, voice barely audible.

They stood for another minute or so, neither one refusing to break the silence. Himchan swore the atmosphere between them could be cut with a knife. It was getting slightly hard to breath till finally Himchan decided enough was enough.

"Can-" he swallowed. "Can I come in?" He spoke softly, afraid the boy was going to slam the door on him again if he did otherwise.

Jongup raised his head and gave a hesitant nod. He flinched slightly when he felt the brush of fabric from Himchan's jacket as he moved past.

"Thank you."

As Himchan stepped in he managed to meet gazes with Jongup and he noticed the wary look the other gave him. The way his eyes darkened and moved away when he looked into them. His true emotions hiding under guarded eyes and tense muscles. He swallowed hard.

Was this going to be okay?

Himchan heard the door close from behind and the unmistakable click of the lock sliding back into place. He took the chance to let his gaze wander around his new surroundings. The apartment looked small judging from the size of the room. No doubt he was in the living room as there was a large, plush sofa pushed up to one side of the room while a decent sized TV stood across it. A wooden coffee table decorated with various stains from who knows what was placed in the center of the room. Beyond the table there were numerous pictures hanging off the walls and even more littering the window sills as the glass frames caught light from the afternoon sun and reflected it back into the room.

As Himchan let his eyes sweep over the pictures there was one in particular that stood out the most. Unconsciounsly he moved forward, toward the one photo that stood in the center of the rest. He came to a stop in front of it. His eyes looked over the tiny frame analyzing every little detail. Himchan wasn't aware he was close to tears till his vision started to get watery. It was a simple photo. One that was encased in a plain wooden frame and glass covering. Yet, why did it stand out so much? The photo held a still frame of two boys, one with light brunette hair and the other with dark auburn hair. Both boys were smiling at the camera, a joyful look in each their eyes. Although the one with brunette hair seemed a bit more hyper as he had the other in a choke hold and was playfully ruffling his dark red hair. Himchan immediately pegged the one initiating the choke hold as Jongup. Even now he still looked the same- with the same dark hair and squinted eyes. But the other one, the other boy-

It just didn't make sense. It was just a simple picture. Nothing special.

Yet the other boy, the boy that stood bent under Jongup's grasp in the picture, with his bright smile and dark auburn hair. His eyes were crinkled up slightly from the position he was in and the look of joy on his face was hard to miss. Himchan held back his tears. He didn't want to blur up the sight in front of him. Not after so long. He reached out a shaky hand. The glass felt cool under his fingertips as he lightly carassed over the boys face. A shaky breath was let out in the process. There was no mistaking it. Suddenly Himchan turned his head sideways to the right and again to the left. There stood more pictures, almost identical to the one that currently stood before him, with the same boy, with the same auburn hair.

How did he miss those?

Each picture portrayed a different scene and a different expression. Sometimes he was by himself, other times he was with Jongup or somebody Himchan couldn't place a name to.

It was him. It was Young-

"What do you want?" Jongup's voice questioned from behind.

Himchan jumped and whirled around. Since when did he move away from the door? Jongup stood there behind him with arms crossed tightly across his chest and definite glare directed towards him. His sharp eyes were piercing as they looked on with dark intent and Himchan couldn't help but squirm a little under his gaze, even if he was the older one.

A strained minute passed while during that time Himchan turned away from the photos and did his best to calm his mind. It was whirling with questions and while he had the answers to some, there were most he couldn't even begin to fathom.

"I asked you, what do you want and what are y-"

"How long?"

Himchan's response clearly stopped the other from finishing his sentence. Jongup uncrossed his arms in surprise and stood there with his mouth slightly agape, as if he wasn't expecting for Himchan to question him back. Himchan cleared his throat and locked eyes with him.

He asked again. "How long?"

Himchan wasn't stupid. He knew Jongup knew exactly what he was here for. He knew. Now he just wanted answers. Answers he would never be able to get on his own. More silence passed between the two of them and Himchan was about to open his mouth to demand Jongup tell him until he actually spoke up again.

"From the moment he woke up." Jongup admitted, his glare toning down a shade.

"But-" Himchan gaped. His eyes smoldered with a mix of confusion and frustration, although it was more the latter. "they- they told me he was-  he was- d-dead."

He choked out the word. Even now after three years he had a hard time accepting it. He could never admit to himself outloud what was the reality. If he spoke the words aloud than that meant they were true. If he didn't say it than there was a chance. A chance to escape what was the truth. That's what he always told himself; that's how he lived for the past three years.

But maybe now he didn't have to live that way anymore.

"H-how?"

"He wasn't dead!"

Himchan barely got his question out before Jongup bursted with a claim of his own. He flinched at the other's harsh tone. Jongup closed his eyes and breathed in deeply before continuing again. This time in a much less jarring way.

"He never died." He calmly stated. "He was just in a coma. At least that's what the doctors said when I asked."

Himchan in a breath and stepped back. He met Jongup's eyes and for the first time since he stepped into the room they had almost a regretful look to them. Gone was the anger and spite. Now replacing it was the shame and remorse.

"Him- h-hyung." Jongup spoke in a voice no louder than a whisper. Himchan's eyes widened at the familiar name. No. This was wrong. This wasn't right. Suddenly it was becoming hard to breath again. He closed his eyes and tried to shut out the voices screaming in his head. His head throbbed and he wasn't aware he that he was crying until he felt soft hands wiping away the tears. He opened his eyes.

"H-hyung." Jongup tried again. "I-I'm sorry. We- I- we tried to tell you, but- but they wouldn't let us and-"

At this Himchan backed away even more. The voices in his mind ceasing for one single moment- focusing solely on that one single sentence.

We tried to tell you.

"You tried to tell me?" Himchan's voice was dangerously low. "You tried to tell me? To HELL you tried to tell me!!"

Jongup's eyes widened in alarm. "Hyu-" He tried speaking.

"You never told me a damned thing! You or them! Was this some kind of sick joke?! Huh? Was this your idea of a sick joke Jongup?"

Stunned Jongup just shock his head quickly back and forth. There was no questioning the rage Himchan was going through now. His eyes seethed molten brown. They burned with such intense fury that Jongup had to back away a good couple feet.

"Like hell you tried to tell me. I knew nothing! All these years and never once did I know anything except for the fact that I thought- no knew- he was DEAD. Dead Jongup. And now after all this time I find out that not only was I lied to," He spat out the words. "but he was alive this entire time. This entire ing time and nobody even tried to let me know. Not you or them. Tell me, how is that right?"

For that Jongup had no words.

"The second he was taken away from me was the day a part of my heart was too. All those years. All that pain. It's something I'll never be able to get back."

"It- it was for the best." Jongup whispered with downcast eyes.

Himchan roared out again.

"FOR THE BEST?! What the hell do you know what was for the best? He meant so much to me. To you and I both. He meant so much to so many people. And now- now he's alive and- and not once did you guys try to find me. Why Jongup why?" He was crying now, the tears flowing out freely from pained eyes. "Why did everybody but me know he was alive?"

"WHY DID YOU LET ME LIVE WITH THE PAIN OF HIS DEATH?!"

Jongup visably shrunk away from Himchan's scream. His own eyes were starting to mist over with a thin later of moisture. There was too much yelling going on within the room.

"Hyu-" He gulped. "Hyung, I'm sor-"

"No." Himchan fisted his hands. His voice hoarse from the screaming. "Don't give me that crap. It's too late for that now."

He took a breath, trying to calm his unsteady nerves. "Just- just answer me one question." When he caught the other's shaky nod he continued.

"Why?"

It was eerily silent for a few moments. Strange considering how loud it was moments ago. Now all Himchan felt was an aching numbness, after all that now he just wanted answers. He'd had enough with the pain. He just wanted the suffering to end. Why wouldn't it end?

Hadn't he suffered enough already?

He stiffled a sob at the thought.

Jongup looked up from his gaze on the floor. His eyes filled with an overwhelming amount of grief for the older male breaking apart in front of him. But what could he do? Maybe...maybe he could offer him the truth. The outcome would be diasterous, but Himchan had the right to know. Hadn't he suffered enough?

He took a breath, but just as he opened his mouth to speak another voice filled the air.

"Jongup, why is there yelling in the house?"

Himchan froze. He heard Jongup's surprised gasp and another from behind him. There was something horrifyingly familiar about that voice. He prayed to the heavens it wasn't who he thought it was. Only, Jongup's terrified whisper confirmed his horrors.

"Mom."

Slowly, Himchan turned around. He swallowed hard when he met eyes with the one other person he thought he'd never see again.

"Him- Himchan, is that really you?" She spoke with a shaky voice, as if not really believing who was standing in front of her.

Swallowing, Himchan could only nod as she approached with hesitant steps. She had one hand stretched out in front of her and he visably flinched when she softly placed it on his tear stained cheek.

"Oh Himchan."

She sounded heartbroken, like it was her fault he came to be this way. Himchan wanted to believe that; he really did. But her hand was so warm and comforting and the way she was gently wiping away the left over tears on his cheeks- it was all getting to be too much. Then much against his will more tears started flowing out. They poured out in a never ending stream as he fought desperately to keep control. He was fighting a losing battle. His chest heaved with fresh sobs as he struggled to get air into his lungs. Her thumb brushed away all the fresh tears spilling over. The touch of her hand was comforting both physically and mentally.

He never knew how much he missed that hand or that voice.

"Himchan," She spoke worriedly. "What happened? What's wrong?"

He wished he could answer her, but he couldn't. The pressure inside his chest hurt too much. His heart hurt too much. Plus, it was near impossible to talk when he was shaking the way he was.

Mrs. Moon placed both hands upon his cheeks and forced him to look her in the eyes. "Himchan-"

"He knows Mom."

Mrs. Moon froze and broke away for a moment. "What?" She whispered in confusion.

Out of the corner of his eyes Himchan could see Jongup making his way over with careful steps. He didn't stop until he was right besides them. And if Himchan was in a calmer state of mind he might have noticed how red his eyes were or how there were clear tear streaks running along his cheeks and marring his perfect complexion.

"Youngjae," Jongup confessed. "he knows."

Shock followed by horror replaced the distress on Mrs. Moon's features. She looked back towards the heaving male in front of her and suddenly she understood why.

"Oh Himchan, I'm sorry you had to find out this way." She shakily wiped more tears away. Her hands shook for a brief moment before she forced herself to steady them.

Himchan could only stare at her as she wiped away more of his tears. His heaving had calmed and now he was just trying to regain lost breath. The tears were nowhere near stopping though and they still flowed strongly out through his eyes. No doubt they were very large, red, and puffy now. Finally, Himchan seemed to regain enough to croak out one word.

The one question he wanted the answer to all along.

"Why?"

"I know you must be confused right now, but please understand. We never meant for things to go this far. We never wanted to hurt you."

Never wanted to hurt him?

Never wanted to hurt him. He mentally scoffed. Well it was a bit too late for that now. He had been hurting for the past three years. Three agonizing years and they only now come clean? Only now do they come out with the truth and it wasn't even them who initiated it. If he hadn't made that call would he still have found out? If he didn't follow Daehyun to the park that day would he still be hurting like how he was now? Would he still be living with the thought that his one and only brother was dead? His head hurt. This was too much to take in at once. He needed time. Time to think and get his head straight and being in this apartment, where they were, wasn't helping him clear his head.

He clenched his eyes shut. Enough. He's had enough.

"Himchan-"

"Mom pl-"

Himchan didn't hear the rest of what they were going to say because in the next moment his ears caught the unmistakable sound of a lock clicking free. There was the sound of a door opening and then the slight rustle of a plastic bag. Then nothing.

The room stood silent.

Slowly Himchan turned his gaze towards the source of the sound and the vision hit him like a freight train. All at once a hurricane of emotions flew through him. The sight was unreal.

"Youngsoo."

 

Crack!

"Oh shoot." Daehyun muttered as he bent to pick up the broken picture frame. He was careful not to cut himself on the shattered glass thay lay scattered across his floor. He quickly closed the door behind him and set his bag down on the table near the door. He was thankful that his parents were out working at the moment. He gazed down at the mess and gave a mental sigh. Time to go grab the broom and dust pan. He stepped over the mess and headed towards the closet near his room. He was careful to avoid any stray pieces.

The broken frame was still in his hands when he made it to the closet door. Gently he dusted off the light wooden frame and inspected the damage. Slowly he traced over the spot where the glass had cracked and splintered. It was right over the spot where Himchan stood, the break running a clean line through his entire figure. Daehyun sighed. He would have to get a new frame. Though he let a small smile touch his lips when he saw the picture encased within. It was a picture from the first time he had invited Himchan over for dinner. He remembered the older male arriving an hour late and apologizing profusely because apparently there was traffic and rain and this little old lady had to take her time crossing the street. But he'd brought cake he had proclaimed happily as if that would make up for the lost time.

Daehyun let out a chuckle.

Thankfully his mother, being the perfectionist she was, was still fussing over dinner when he'd arrived and his father, bless his heart, was doing his best to lure her away from the kitchen. Trying in vain to convince her that dinner was perfect and that no she didn't need to add extra soy sauce to the chicken. It was salty enough already. When Daehyun led the still sheepish and slightly damp Himchan towards the kitchen his mother immediately stopped her cooking and went to fuss over him instead. It was a comical sight indeed and then when she saw her son snickering in the background she insisted they take a picture together.

"To remember the moment." she stated.

Daehyun smiled fondly at the thought.

He hoped Himchan, wherever he was, was alright. God knows the kind of trouble he could get into and truthfully he didn't want to imagine. It had been days and now Daehyun came to the conclusion that either Himchan was extremely clueless to his surroundings or he was purposfully ignoring his calls. Now Daehyun figured his best friend wasn't that oblivious, so it must have been the latter.

But why?

That's what he wanted to know.

Why the sudden disappearance? The sudden stop in communication?

Didn't- didn't he matter? Shouldn't he at least be able to know whether he was okay or not?

Daehyun clenched the photo tighter. He shook his head and tried to free himself of the negative thoughts. Time. Himchan would come back with time. He had to trust Himchan. He would come find him when he was ready. He would be back when he was done doing whatever he was doing now. Daehyun swallowed hard.

He just hoped that whatever he was doing- he was okay.

 

Himchan stood frozen.

He silently gaped at the figure standing in the open doorway.. He couldn't believe it.

"Yo- Youngsoo." He whispered. Himchan took a slow step forward and reached out a hand. "Youngsoo."

It was like something out of a dream. It quite felt like that as he took in the sight before him. Surely this was nothing short of a miracle. Himchan felt the tears rush back up again, but he struggled to hold hem back because he didn't want to blur his vision at a time like this. He needed to drink in every moment, absorb every word and sentence being said. They were too precious to lose.

"Youngsoo." Himchan called again as this time his face broke out into a watery smile.

It suddenly felt as if the whole world disappeared and all that was left was himself and him. Two people surrounded by a void of black. He couldn't take his eyes off him. He had grown, no doubt, and his cheeks looked like they had lost their squishable fat. His body was lean, maybe a little too lean, but Himchan figured that maybe he looked better this way. He looked radiant. His hair was now a beautiful shade of auburn, much like the color of the fall leaves coating the streets during this time. The sides were shaved slightly while the middle was styled up with a touch of hairgel. And those eyes. Oh, those beautiful eyes.

Himchan let out a tearfilled laugh.

Those large, glowing chocolate brown eyes. He had missed those eyes. He missed everything about the boy that stood in front of him. And now he was finally back. He was finally back.

Right?

Himchan's eyes glazed over with confusion. Why- why wasn't he running to greet him? In fact, why wasn't he doing anything? Shouldn't he be overcome with joy and happiness now that they were finally reunited after so long? Shouldn't he be shouting his name at the top of his lungs and coming up and jumping into his arms just like they did back then?

"Y-youngsoo what's wrong?" He raised both arms and moved closer. "Wh- what are you doing? Aren't you going to come give your old hyung a hug?"

His voice sounded shaky as if he was about to break at any point in time, but he refused to let go. What was happening? The boy in front of him looked exactly like his Youngsoo. In fact Himchan was positive it was him. So why didn't he look happy? Estatic? Relieved?

Instead, the boy was shaking like a leaf. His dark brown eyes darting back and forth around the room. Occasionally he would dart his gaze towards Jongup or Mrs. Moon who stood steps behind him, but he made no move to walk anywhere towards them. As a matter of fact the boy looked the complete opposite of happy.

He looked absolutely ing terrified.

"Youngsoo!" Himchan exclaimed. His eyes widened as his breathing became shallower and shallower. "Why aren't you saying anything?"

The boy in front of him visably swallowed and shook his head. He clenched his eyes shut, hands coming up to hold his head, and slowly sunk down to the ground.

"Youngsoo!! Yah! What are you doing?!" Himchan was screaming now. "What the hell are you doing?! Get up. Get up. Please!"

The boy continued to stay on the floor, shaking his head and clenching his eyes shut. Himchan didn't even realize he was crying again until he felt warm hands wiping away his tears and pushing him back gently. His mouth opened to let out a sob as he tried to resist the hands pulling him away.

"Himchan please."

Oh so it was Mrs. Moon who was trying to push him back.

"Himchan calm down. Please." She pleaded quitely. "You're scaring him....You're scaring me." She added a second afterwards.

What? What was she saying? No. No! He didn't want to go yet. He couldn't go yet! Finally after so long he was standing right there in front of him. Why, why wasn't he moving? He wasn't going to let him slip away again. For the first time after so long he was there- alive and breathing. Himchan let out another cry. He had to be there.

He quickly broke away from Mrs. Moon's near non-exhistent grip and ran towards the front of the room, ignoring the shouts of protest from Jongup. He all but crash landed in front of the still crouching boy and without hesitation reached forward to grip the boy firmly on his forearms. To which the other immediately jumped up in shock at what was happening.

"Youngsoo! Youngsoo!" Himchan was crying now, tears flowing out and carving shiny trails down his pale cheeks. But despite all the tears there was a huge smile plastered right in the middle of his face. There was no denying the unbelievable joy he felt as he held what he lost so long ago inbetween his hands, even if it wasn't a full on hug.

"It's me! It's your hyung- your Himchannie hyung! Himchan. Himchannie. Don't- don't you remember? What happened? Hyung has so much to tell you. So much happened after you left. Hyung thought you were gone forever. Don't- don't ever leave me again alright? Okay? I'm so glad you're back. Now we can finally make up for all that lost time. Right Youngsoo? Right? Youngsoo? YOUNGSOO?!"

Himchan nearly fell face forward onto the wooden floor when the other suddenly wrenched his arms away and ran towards a very worry stricken Mrs. Moon. He ran into her arms and she was quick to try and sooth him. And while the action was small it sent Himchan's mind into a whirlwind of question. He scrambled up again; his mouth agape from shock and disbelief.

He tried running towards the other again only to find himself restrained by lean, but slightly muscular arms.

Jongup.

"Hyung, no! Please calm down." He pleaded. "You can't just grab onto Youngjae hyung like that!"

Youngjae? No. That was Youngsoo. That was his brother. His precious little brother, so why were they not letting him go? Himchan struggled against Jongup's hold, but the boy was stronger than he looked.

"Youngsoo! Youngsoo please!" He cried. "Why are you doing this? What happened to you?"

Slowly he started to pull less at the bindings surrounding him and sunk to the floor. His knees suddenly didn't have the strength to hold him up anymore.

"Hyung..." He heard Jongups pained whisper from behind.

"It's me Youngsoo. It's your Himchannie hyung. Remember? The one who would always ruffle your hair and help you with your homework? And then you would complain I wasn't helping because I was doing the problems just as wrong as you were. Huh? Remember that?"

His eyes clouded over with a mixture of distress, deep pain, and suffering. He didn't get it. What was going on? That was Youngsoo wasn't it? Why were they calling him Youngjae. Youngjae. That wasn't his name. What were they doing? Why was Mrs. Moon making those weird motions with her hands? What was going on?

"Youngsoo!!" Himchan called out one more time in hopes that the other would hear and turn his head towards him. But the boy just kept his gaze focused on Mrs. Moon. He had stopped shaking by now and was taking in deep breaths with closed eyes.

Finally Himchan couldn't take it anymore and wrestled himself free from Jongup's grip. He rushed towards where his brother sat, ready to try and convince him that all was going to be just like before again. He almost made it before he felt another set of strong arms grab a hold of him from behind and pull him away.

"No! Let me go! Youngsoo! I need to see him. Youngsoo!" Himchan struggled. He kicked and flailed his legs and he swung his arms, but the hold around his waist didn't budge an inch.

"Channie, please. You need to calm down. Take deep breaths. Remember why you came." A slightly breathless voice rang out from behind him.

Yongguk? Was that Yongguk? Only one person ever called him 'Channie'. But it couldn't be him. Wasn't he supposed to be outside? How did he even get in? During his struggles Himchan caught a glance at the still open door. Oh yeah. The door was never closed. Still, Yongguk or not, that wouldn't stop him from getting what he wanted.

"Youngsoo! Youngsoo, please! Look at me!" He was sobbing now. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

He didn't know who he was directing the question towards. Youngsoo? God? Himself?

He let out a painful cry of despair.

Why did everything he love always have to be taken away?

Suddenly the world around him started to get hazy. Shapes no longer held their forms and colors blended together to form one giant glob of something undescribable. His knees suddenly gave way and he felt Yongguk's hold around his body tighten. His head tilted back and he caught the wide, confused eyes of a certain auburn haired boy sitting just feet away from him.

"-an! Channie!"

There was somebody calling his name. Yongguk? Was it him?

The world was starting to fade as everything came together and fell apart at the same time. Nothing made sense anymore. Logic. Reason. He didn't understand. The last thing he could remember was Yongguk's fear filled eyes as they clouded over with panic. He felt his own lips move with feather light pressure as he managed one last fleeting whisper.

"I'm sorry."

Then everything went black.

---

 

 

 

A/N: *inserts dramatic music here*
Are you guys able to piece some things together? I listened to a lot of Lifehouse while writing this chapter. Lol. You can probably tell for certain parts.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this update! 17K. Oh goodness.
~ Yumi
p.s. (ﾉ_ _)ﾉ I'm sorry I missed the deadline (multiple times). o(>< )o Things have been hectic and I'm sorry. If you want the full story just ask, but long story short college is starting, I'm moving in, changing jobs, got a new computer and its just been crazy. *collapses* The next update won't take as long, I hope, and once everything settles down there will be more frequent updates. Maybe even monthly? :o That's a miracle considering my update rate.