BAMMMM!!!! BAMMMM!!!!! BAAMMMMM!!!!! BAMMMM!!!! Someone was banging on my door like there was an emergency. Did they not see the doorbell? I cautiously opened the door. The person on the other side swung it open causing the door to slam right into me. I fell to the ground. I didn’t know how long I was on the floor for, but when I got up I saw my boyfriend. I confronted him.

“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you have a key? Why are you acting like this?”

He came towards me and put his hands on my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

He was frantically packing everything he had. 

“You have to go? What are you talking about?”

He grabbed all of his stuff and walked out the door. He had a peculiar look in his eyes. It was a look that I had never seen, one that showed worrisome and fear. I watched him walk into the elevator and disappear behind the closed doors. I was left without an explanation and very few words. I just stood there and watched him leave me. I walked back to my apartment and looked out the window. It was all I could do. It was probably the last time I would see him. I looked until I saw him appear into my view. I saw him put his bags in an unfamiliar car with an unfamiliar person in the drivers seat. He got in and gave him a kiss. I got as close to the window as I could to see if I could recognize the person, but there was no hope. I slowly backed away from the window and slouched down on the floor. What just happened?

The boyfriend that I’ve had for four years just walked out the door! I got up and sat on the couch with the hope of him coming back to me. I waited and waited. No knock on the door, no phone call, nothing! I threw my phone at the wall in frustration and watched it shatter into pieces. Why me? I took the pillow from the couch, put it over my head, and screamed. I don’t deserve this! I got up and got some ice cream. Ice cream always made me happy, but this time it didn’t. Every scoop I took a tear fell and slid down my face.

As the sun began to set I walked out onto my patio with a glass of wine. I watched the sunset by myself and thought about everything that happened. I had to start over with out the person that I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. I finished my wine, put it on the counter, and walked into my bedroom. There was a note on my bed in the spot where he used to lay. I rubbed my eyes twice to make sure I wasn’t delusional. I picked it up and it read:

I crumbled up the piece of paper and threw it across the room. After all that I’ve done for him he just randomly decides to leave. I remember him coming home drunk lying, crying, and trying to pretend like he was innocent, but I knew. I still stayed. I still put up with it. I still acted like I didn’t know.

 All of a sudden everything began to make sense. He would come home at crazy hours of the night. I used to wait for him and stare out the window. The car I used to see him get out of was the same car he said his ex drove and the one I saw today. How could he go back after all that he put him through? It didn’t make any sense, but there are a lot of things that don’t make sense. I huffed and rolled over and tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t. I hated sleeping alone.

 I decided to go out and get this off my chest. It’s not helping me by sitting here trying to figure out what I did wrong because it was obviously not my fault. I did the best I could. I called up a couple of friends from my home phone and we all hit the club. As soon as I got there I ordered a round of drinks for my friends and I. The whole night I danced to the music and pulsing lights. The music ran through my body making my heartbeat fast. I drank until I couldn’t handle anymore. I swayed around in the crowd watching everything around me turn into a blur. At one point I was just standing there watching everyone around me dance, then I fell out. I randomly woke up and I was in my bed. How did I get home? I guess my friends dropped back home. Was I really that wasted? The only thing that was on my mind at the moment was that I had gone to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror at my dropping eyes and splashed water on my face. I began to question myself. What are you doing Seungri? Pull yourself together! I left the bathroom, went back to bed and fell asleep. 

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