Last Something That Meant Anything
There's a Light That Never Goes Out
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. Chapter title came from Mayday Parade song The Last Something That Meant Anything
"I've been there."
Yesung hyung's words echoed through Donghae's mind for ages. Even as he watched the older's retreating back after he grabbed the razor, he couldn't remember a moment when he had been more confused. Surely he was not talking about the grief of losing a family, since Donghae knows that both of Yesung's parents and his brother are still alive. A girlfriend? No, impossible --not that he was implying anything but Yesungie has been single for the years that he knew him. It's not as if he would mourn over for someone he love. In fact, Donghae could swear that he has not seen his hyung sad at all. He was always the happy, eccentric, turtle-loving hyung that everyone loved. So what did he mean by that?
He decided to follow Yesung hyung to the room he shared with Ryeowook.
Donghae tiptoed on the halls until he reached the door. As he turned the knob, he was greeted by the dimly-lit messy chaos of their room and the first thing that got his attention was Ddangkkoma' lighted cage. He stared at the land turtle for a long time. It blinked twice, as if starting a conversation. You're lucky, Donghae thought, you don't know what anything feels like.
It blinked again. Did it understand me? he wondered.
He walked over to the small stool beside the cage, which is right between the beds. The peaceful sleeping figures of the two members were unlike anything he has seen/ experienced in recent times --innocent, happy and carefree. Ryewook was hugging an oversized pink hotdog pillow as if his life was depending on it. And he was slightly smiling too, which Donghae found rather odd but thought that perhaps he was just being the eternal maknae even in his slumber. Yesung hyung on the other hand looked so calm, peaceful and rested. He also had the ghostly smile on his face that gave an air of contentment. Was it just a little less than 5 minutes ago that he talked to him in the bathroom?
Donghae got off the stool and left the room. Perhaps what's bugging him could wait until morning.
--
Donghae woke up because somebody fired a canon outside his room. Well technically, there wasn't a canon at all, but by the sound of it, probably 5 to 10 party poppers were simultaneously detonated in the living room not to mention the loud shrieks and laughter from the SuJu members.
Heechul is back from the hospital. And they were throwing a sort of Welcome Back or Thank You For Not Dying At Us party for him.
They don't have a schedule for that day (not as a group anyway), only the older members, except Heechul, needed to go to a variety show taping in the late afternoon. They have the rest of the day to spend it as they wish.
Donghae got up from bed and went to the living room to greet his hyung. The moment they all saw him, a hushed silence automatically filled the room. Do I look like an effing librarian now? he thought angrily.
He immediately felt guilty afterwards though. He felt as if he was the life and fun out of all the other members. Well, he couldn't blame them, sadness and depression is extremely contagious. Not to mention fatal.
"How are you hyung?" he asked as he approached Heechul.
"I'm fine, I'm fine! Thank you!" he exclaimed excitedly in his broken textbook English, he was the only one in the room who did not go remotely quiet when Donghae arrived. He just won't let go of his charming yet tempered self. "Give it one or two weeks and wheelchairs will be the next look for this season. I always start the trend, don't I? he continued as he spin himself in the wheelchair.
"So how was young Fishy?" he asked when Donghae did not respond.
"Good." fishy replied, his face as blank as peeled potato. He tried to smile a bit but he was so out of practice that it came out like he was suffering from a bad case of constipation.
"Mmm. Liar. Very bad liar."
"What?!" he said, anger painted in his voice.
"Oh... you heard me that's why you're angry." Heechul said dismissively "Well as far as I know, that's a compliment on your character. You rather be a good liar?"
The others exchanged uneasy looks.
"It's good to have you back here, hyung." Donghae said coldly, and he left the dorm without another word.
--
His feet were thinking for him since his mind was obviously on the verge of explosion due to Heechul hyung. If he was going to be honest with himself, he doesn't really know why he was angry at all. It was not like the first time Heechul pulled a smart- retort on him.
He was angry and off all reasons.
Somehow he ended up in the rooftop. Of course he would. There was no way he could really get out of the dorm building without washing himself and looking like a hideous mess. He somehow looked like those men in mugshots. (A/N I actually don't believe this. There's no way Donghae could look like those XD)
He decided to sit on the edge, that way he could get more air to clear his head. And thankfully it worked. He wasn't that angry anymore, but he couldn't face anyone yet. People celebrating wasn't too right for him.
He looked down and saw the moderate traffic on the road in front of their dorm. Those cars contained people going to work, or school or anywhere they needed to be. Some of those were probably fathers who were sending their children to school. He bit his lip. Appa, can I go where you are now?
He could jump and be done with it. But what would happen next? Will he really see his appa? Will it hurt? There are thousands more questions and could probably be answered if he would just do what he was thinking.
"If you're going to do it, make sure to dive head first." said a carefree voice to his left. It was Yesung hyung. Aish. Why does he keep on appearing on moments like these? "With this height, you'll only get your ribs shattered and your legs broken. But there's no way to fix a crushed skull, so make sure to dive headfirst."
"Why are you telling me this?" Donghae asked, somewhat annoyed.
"No need to thank me, just a helpful advice from your hyung." he replied as he sat beside him. Well not really beside him, but just enough space to know that if Donghae really made up his mind to jump, Yesung wouldn't be framed for murder.
An awkward silence hovered between the two. It was Donghae who first spoke.
"Hyung? What do you mean by 'I've been there?'" he asked tentatively "the one you said last night... I mean this morning."
Yesung stared at him for a bit as if pondering whether he would answer the question or not. Or maybe he was just remembering their conversation. It's hard to predict. You see, Yesungie is like that --unreadable and unpredictable. He blinked twice. He's starting to be like Ddangkkoma, Donghae thought.
"There. It's a specific location. Like coordinates on a map." Yesung explained casually, like commenting on the weather "You stand there in the middle of somewhere, trapped. And you don't have any idea on how to got out of that place. Like a labyrinth 20 feet high and 100 miles wide." He paused for a bit, contemplating his next words "But if you heard someone who has gone through that same place, and now have moved on or somehow got out, that almost always brings people hope."
Donghae just gave him a blank, quizzical look. "So sadness is a place then?"
"Yeah. I know someone who lived there for years." he replied nonchalantly.
There. (Gaah! I'm starting to hate that word!~) Anyways, hope you liked it!
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And yeah, Heechul's back and Yesung's weird. (but who cares? they're perfect XD )
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PS. SiHae is in my country right now but I can't see them. waah! *cries in the corner*
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