“Thank you but I’m not really hungry.”

            “You should still eat something.”

            Donghae sat up and sat forward on the edge of the bed.  He hung his head looking at the tennis ball he was still holding.  Ryeowook slowly came in and set down the soup on Donghae’s desk.  He sat on his own bed which formed a corner with Donghae’s. 

            “Taking time to sort out your thoughts is a good thing but don’t cut yourself off from your friends either.  When you need to talk something out, we’re all here.” 

            “Thanks.”    

            “I’m leaving soon with Leeteuk to do the radio; Siwon and Kangin are going to stay here for now.  You should tune in tonight.” 

            “Maybe.”

            “Make sure you eat that and stay strong.”

 

            Downstairs Sungmin had also left.  He drove himself to the hospital although it was against his manager’s wishes.  He entered quietly and found the private room that was arranged.  Of course she wasn’t there yet; it really was a long surgery, so he set himself up in the chair near the bed.  He had packed a bag but he didn’t really know what to bring.  Usually one would bring a person some comforts from home, a favorite blanket or pillow, sweatshirt, stuffed animal.  Sungmin didn’t know what she liked, where her home was or even her name.  He brought her his comfiest sweatshirt and his favorite stuffed animal his fans had given him.  For himself he brought a book and a change of clothes because he didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon.       

            Two hours passed while Sungmin sat in that chair without moving.  He replayed that afternoon over and over in his mind.  He asked himself what could have gone differently, how he could have changed the situation, what could have stopped it from happening.  For every question he drew a blank.  Somewhere in his mind he knew that there were no answers, he couldn’t have saved her, he wasn’t a super-hero and he didn’t have super powers.  If he did have super powers he would have gone back in time already and switched himself in for her.  He was driving himself crazy and he knew it but he just couldn’t accept the course of events. 

            It was close to midnight when they brought her in.  She looked awful, broken leg, wrist, stitches and bandages everywhere.  She had broken ribs and damage to the liver, spleen, kidneys and lungs which had to be repaired, there were also signs of head trauma on the CAT scan.  He was told, ‘she’s still under anesthesia and it will probably be a while longer before she woke up, when she did she would probably be disoriented.’ 

            Sungmin moved the chair next to the bed.  Before she left the nurse gave him a bag with the girl’s clothes and her purse which had been recovered from the scene of the accident.  He sat for a while and held the girl’s hand, he didn’t know if she could feel it but it made him feel better. 

            After some time had passed he decided that he should make some effort to find out who she was.  He didn’t feel comfortable going into her purse however he had no choice.  “I really wish I could ask you for permission but since I can’t I’ll just tell you: I’m going to look in your bag for some ID or phone number or something. We only just met today and I know I’m a stranger to you but you’re here because of me and I feel responsible so I want to help in any way that I can.”  Inside the bag he found a wallet, the girl was American, her name was April Torres and she was from New York.  She was older than he had thought, 24, the same age as Kyuhyun, actually a few days older than Kyuhyun.  April, April, April was English for ‘sawol’ the fourth month.  He thought it was a little strange however it sounded pretty.  She didn’t have much else in her bag, a pair of ballet shoes, deodorant, white medical tape, a few photos and her phone.  There was another thing that was strange, there was a card taped to the back of her phone.  On the card the same thing was written in both English and Korean, “In case of emergency do not contact parents.”     

           

            Back at the dorm Donghae listened by himself to the radio show.  Tonight’s theme was courage in the face of adversity.  Leeteuk and Ryeowook took many calls and read many stories from listeners about their experiences.  Donghae was touched by the listener’s sheer will to survive even in the worst of circumstances.  He understood why Ryeowook had wanted him to listen tonight.  Donghae was stuck in neutral, afraid to move forward and confront his feelings.

            Downstairs Donghae sought out Kangin.  “Hyung, can you drive me up to the hospital?”

            “Why do you want to go so suddenly?”

            “I had been thinking a lot upstairs about my father.  I was missing him and wondering what advice he’d give me in this situation.  I realized he’d have told me to have courage, that even though it’s scary to not know what’s going to happen next, there are people who need me right now and I should be with them.”

            “I think you’re right and your father was a wise man.  Sungmin could use some company while he is keeping vigil.  Bring him a pillow so that he can rest while you keep watch, at this rate he is going to exhaust himself.”

            Kangin dropped Donghae off in front of the hospital, by now it was around 1AM.  “We should take shifts,” Kangin said.  “I’ll send someone to relieve you in the morning.  Good night.”