29.
Little by Little - because you stay -
Jung Sooyeon.
It's my sister's name. We're not related by blood since I'm adopted by her parents. When we met for the first time, I thought that she's really pretty.
That's why I felt really sad when she started to ignore me. She said something about me taking everything from her. Did I do a mistake, I ask myself.
However I didn't give up. So one day I tried to catch after her because she forgot her keys. Apparently someone snatched her bag and, without even knowing anything, I tried to rush after the man.
Everything became twisted that day.
He was desperate. So desperate that he brought a knife to end his own life. He's tired to continue living on this world.
Just like my father.
I tried to stop him but ended up suspected as the one who stabbed him instead. I could defend myself but I didn't do it when I remembered his expression when he talked about his children.
Then it came to my mind: Ah, that's why I'm here. I couldn't make it to save my father so I am given a chance to save someone else.
Sooyeon Unnie doesn't need to know why I was there at the wrong time, wrong place. She started to say that I brought shame to her family.
Ah, I guess this is what I deserved of being a bad daughter.
Mr Jung, I hope you will open your eyes soon and meet your children. Take them to the beach they love and be happy.
- a note by Jung Aerin, written two weeks after the incident of Jung Donghwa
*) this note is still kept in Aerin's drawer
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Jung Yonghwa.
He is a lecturer at my university. A cooking lecturer. He shares a same family name with me even though we're not related.
When all people there avoided me because they're scared, he doesn't. He talks with me. He listens to me. He stays by my side like an older brother I never had.
Even after he came to the hospital and saw Mr Jung at the hospital, he doesn't avoid me. Sometimes we meet after college time just to talk about barely nothing.
Sometimes I really think he wants to say something but he chooses not to so I don't bug him. If he really wants to tell me, then he will.
Ah, today I meet Jinyoung again! He's a friend I knew eight years ago. He's really good in playing violin and nice too but, I don't know why, he talks and smiles less now.
However despite his cold and sharp tongue, I can sense his kindness. People change but a part of them never. Part of him always will be kind.
Today marks three years since my father's funeral. I visited his grave and wonder if he has forgiven me.
Appa, I'm doing well now. I hope Appa and Omma are together happily even without me there.
Yonghwa Oppa asked about my right eye and I assured him that it's alright. After three years, I'm used to one-eye-sight only. Sometimes I still drop things but it will be fine eventually.
He also asked me if I wanted to tell the people about the truth, that I was going to help Mr Jung Donghwa but I refused.
His children would not be thrilled to know their father wanted to do suicide.
Besides... truth is only something that people want to see and hear.
- a note by Jung Aerin, written a week after Jinyoung's arrival at Seoul
*) this note is lost
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Jung Eunji.
She introduced her name to me when Mr Jung Donghwa had gained his consciousness yesterday. I am not the first person to know that.
Sooyeon Unnie is. I didn't know how she could be there until Yonghwa Oppa explained everything to me in details.
He arrived with Jinyoung and a girl who asked the nurse whether she could see her father yet or not. My heart wrenched when I heard the word 'father'. Did it mean his children know about his suicide attempt?
Sooyeon Unnie apologized to me before Yonghwa Oppa told me that he knew who Mr Jung's children are. He is. Eunji is. Jinyoung is.
Three of them are siblings. Jinyoung went with her mother who remarried again with another man. Eunji lived with Yonghwa after their father left.
Yonghwa Oppa kept saying sorry that he didn't tell me the truth from the first. He wanted me to wait until his father woke up, so I could rest assure that everything would be alright.
They said there are two reasons why people don't talk about something. Either it doesn't mean anything or it means everything.
For Yonghwa Oppa, Jinyoung, and Eunji, it means everything.
So I just smiled and told him that I was supposed to be the one who apologized. In fact I should be thankful.
Now I know why Sooyeon Unnie suddenly came to my college and stood up for me. I know why Jinyoung said he wanted to talk with me after his performance.
He never managed to say it personally because the call about Mr Jung came. I believe he wanted to tell me about his father.
How could I be so ignorant? I should have checked about his children's background but I didn't. They're so close to me but I didn't know.
Mr Jung, your children love you so much. I'm glad you're awake now.
- a note by Jung Aerin, written on a notepad in her laptop the day Jung Donghwa woke up
*) this file is not saved
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Jung Jinyoung.
I smiled when I saw his name on the wide digital screen, mentioned as a promising, talented future violinist. I think Yonghwa Oppa, Eunji, and their father is proud.
I hope their mother also shares the same amount of happiness even though she doesn't really care about music and violin.
After graduation, Jinyoung pursued his dream and love for violin. Yonghwa Oppa left his job as a lecturer to join him in music industry as his personal manager.
Last week Yonghwa Oppa told me that Eunji will hold her first art exhibition in December. He sent two invitations for me and Sooyeon Unnie who is working hard as a professional dancer.
Two years. I can't believe it's been two years since Mr Jung gained his consciousness and saw his children again. I still remember his wide eyes when he recognized who stood before him.
Everyday I would come to visit him while the doctor kept telling him to practice since it's been a while after his comatose. I was afraid he would lose hope but, no, his children were there for him.
"Thank you, Aerin. If it's not because of you, I think I would die in regret. You saved my life and my soul."
He said that to me and, I don't know why, I cried.
It's like... I feel like my father has forgiven me through Mr Jung's words.
Now, even with only left eye, I'm working my best as a translator for foreign books, giving encouragement worldwide with what I can do. For some, it's just a random, small-paid job, but with this job, I can reach for people who are far from me.
Because Jinyoung once said this to me.
"Just little by little. Even with the smallest thing you can do, you can save a world where someone tries to live on."
"Because you stay, the world keeps going on."
- the last page of "Little by Little", an autobiography book written by Jung Aerin
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