21.
Little by Little - because you stay -JUNG.jinyoung
"Yah," I look at the girl who is cleaning the table after the simple dinner we had. "Why did you become that woman's stepsister?"
The question has already stayed in my mind for quite a while but I never bother to ask her until tonight. She insisted that I should have a proper dinner instead of ramen every night so she prepared fried rice for two.
My eyes scanned her apartment when she was in the kitchen. There is almost nothing except some furnitures here and there. There are some books scattered on the table and she even has a bookshelf next to the door of her bedroom.
She still loves to read but perhaps it's the last and only thing I really know about Jung Aerin nowadays.
It's not my business. I know it. But a part of me can't help but to wonder how she ended up as a stepsister of someone who seems to hate her till the end of time.
When we're little, I never really asked about her family but I remember that I saw her father came on the meeting between teachers and parents. Did her father marry the woman's mother?
"That woman...," Aerin stops cleaning and tilts her head slightly. "Do you mean Sooyeon Unnie?"
I don't nod or react. There it is. Another strange feeling that Aerin is not focusing at me even though she is looking my way. This feeling has been lingering lately and I don't like it.
"Hmm...," she is done with the table and walks to the kitchen to wash the dishes. "My father... Three years ago he... did suicide."
Suicide?
"They said it's his mistake," she continues calmly. "It's his last day on jail but he ended everything by his own hands. I still don't understand why."
Jail?
"Sooyeon Unnie always wanted a little sister so her parents looked for one. When they saw my family name on the list of orphans, they picked me right away," Aerin turns off the faucet. "They are really nice. They keep assuring me that I would be alright."
I frown and try to absorb all information before coming up with one question, "What did your father do?"
He must did something terrible if he ended up in jail. I have a feeling that it has something to do with Aerin herself.
She accidentally drops a plate upon hearing my question. When she squats down to pick it, I rush to her side and cup her face with both of my hands.
For the very first time since I met her again in Seoul, our eyes meet within such a close distance. Our faces are only inches away and my eyes are fixed on hers.
Now I know what the strange feeling is. The feeling of how Aerin doesn't pay attention fully to me even when her eyes are on me.
"What did he do to your right eye?" the question slips my mouth without second thought.
Her left eye is completely alright but something is unusually wrong with her right eye. It doesn't look anywhere but me and it's not as bright as the left one.
"Are you...," I close her left eye with my right hand slowly, "...unable to see anything now?"
Aerin opens to say something but closes it again immediately. She clears nervously and her calmness has disappeared to nowhere as I discover her secret.
I move away my hand and she stays still, sitting on the floor with closed eyes. None of us says a word as silence catches us.
"The doctor said it's traumatic optic neuropathy," she speaks. "Caused by indirect injuries, it's a blunt trauma caused by fall accident when my father pushed me from the staircase. I... He was slightly drunk."
"I lost my vision but only for my right eye. I always wonder why but... I just...," her voice starts to waver. "Did I cause his death? Did he feel that his life was a burden because of me? Did I..."
Aerin stops; she is choked by tears. Her head hangs low and I know she is crying as unwanted memories trap her in mind.
This is why she often drops things randomly. This is why she never really stays close to me so I will never notice her unnatural eye. This is why she has all those books; to train herself with one eye.
Not even knowing if there are still other memories she hide that can break her down, all I know that Jung Aerin in front of me is nothing but an ordinary girl who has her own fears.
She locks the fear deep down inside, holding on so she can live her life with a smile despite the fact that the unknown reason why her father did a suicide haunting her every day and night.
How does she feel whenever she looks at Jung Sooyeon's father? Doesn't it kill her to have people judging her with no mercy when she is keeping all the burden by herself?
I move slightly and pull her into a hug. Resting my head on hers, I bury my face on her hair, inhaling her scent that reminds me of two things in one time.
Loneliness and peace.
Strange.
Aerin doesn't stop crying and I don't stop myself from kissing her hair secretly.
I never really care of the rumor spreading about her and the incident but I guess someone needs to reveal the truth somehow.
This girl will never try to kill someone.
Aerin doesn't deserve those hateful stares whenever she walks around.
I don't know what's gotten into me but I already know what I will do tomorrow.
To find out what really happened.
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