Seungho POV

I head to my room after tucking Jieun in. As much as that story breaks my heart, I have to tell it to Jieun every night. She really loves that story, and as long as she asks for me to tell it to her, I will. But until she’s old enough to understand it all, I won’t tell her the part that makes me cry every time I think about it.

Soyeon died that summer.  Doctors have no idea how she could have died. From the looks of it, she was recovering well and it was almost as if she didn’t have her illness to begin with. I guess only Soyeon knew what was going on, and knowing her, she must’ve stayed strong as long as she could so she wouldn’t lose Jieun during her pregnancy.

I should have noticed the signs that Soyeon was giving off. In the couple of days leading up to it, she kept bringing up old memories and remembering how wonderful they were. Its been almost four years, and I still remember that night like it was yesterday. We just fell asleep, when Jieun was crying. Usually she would stop on her after a couple of seconds, but this time she didn’t stop. I wanted to get out of bed to check on her, when Soyeon held me even tighter.

“I love you so much, Seungho” she said to me, and then kissed me softly. Even though we had been together for a while, every kiss always felt like the first for me.

“I love you too, forever and always.” I said, as I gave her a kiss in return. “Now go to back to sleep, I’ll do it this time” I got out of bed, gave Soyeon another quick kiss and went to check on Jieun. It took me a while to get Jieun to fall back asleep in her crib, and I remembered thinking how Soyeon was able to do it so easily.

Sleep deprived, I walked back to our room and I saw that Soyeon was lying very still. I went up to her and touched her face to admire how beautiful my wife was. But for some reason, she didn’t even move an inch. I had thoughts in my head that I didn’t want to believe, but just in case, I tried to wake her up. But nothing. Okay, I thought, maybe she’s just playing with me. So I checked her pulse. And there was nothing. This could not be possible I thought. Not believing myself, I checked her pulse again. Must be a mistake, I thought. My body knew what was going on, but my brain kept telling me otherwise. I held her in my arms, trying to wake her up. Not letting go of Soyeon, I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and hands shaking, I dialed the hospital’s number. Within minutes, the ambulance came and the paramedics did their work. Soyeon’s doctor also came, and although he tried to hide it, I could tell he was devastated as well. The paramedics had to pry me off of Soyeon, and sent me into the living room, while they did what they had to do.

Up until now, I had not shed a single tear. I have no idea what it was, but there were just no tears. I was sitting on the living room couch, my head in my hands, when the doorbell rang. I went to the door and opened it, and it was Soyeon’s parents. Seeing Soyeon’s mom and dad was when I lost it. I stood there in front of her parents, tears falling non-stop.

“Seungho,” Soyeon’s mom said, reaching her arms out towards me for a hug.

“I’m not ready yet,” I said to her, hugging her.

“I don’t think anyone is” her mom said, sobbing. After hugging her mom, I went to Soyeon’s dad, who I think was trying to keep it together. Without saying a word, I hugged her dad, and like what happened with me, he started to sob as well. In another room, Jieun did not wake up once. But for some reason, that night was the longest and most difficult night of my life.

At Soyeon’s funeral, everyone was a crying mess. I don’t think the thought hit them, but Soyeon had affected so many people with her love that no one realized it until she was not with us. At the end of the funeral, Jieun and I were the last ones to leave the grave. Something just made me not want to leave. With Jieun in my arms, I quietly cried at the thought of Soyeon. Tears continued to fall when a small hand reached up towards my face. Jieun touched my face and wiped away the fallen tears, the same way Soyeon had the night she told me she was sick. Even more devastated than before, I held Jieun tightly. I don’t know how much time I spent there with Jieun, but someone put a hand on my back. It was Soyeon’s mom.

“Hun, it’s time to go” she said softly.

I gathered all my emotions together, nodded, and followed Soyeon’s mom to the car.

There was no way I was throwing away Soyeon’s things. But I could not stand having her things around the house in plain sight. Every time I saw something, I broke down into a crying child. Soyeon’s parents noticed how I was, and suggested that I should clean the house and pack some of her things up, until I could manage without breaking down.

I was cleaning our room and moving things into our music room. I had finished the closet and was moving on to under the bed, where Soyeon stored some things, when I found a shoe-box, that had some weight to it but not heavy enough for it to be shoes. Having no idea what was inside, I opened the box to find a thick envelope. I opened it and what came out were many pieces of sheet music, and on the very top a letter.

Dear Seungho,

If you’re reading this letter right now, I have probably already passed away and my parents have suggested to pack up some of my things.

It’s like she can see future, I remember thinking to myself, and I continued to read.

I know that whenever you clean, you never clean under the bed, so I knew that this was the best place to hide this. Seungho, I have been sick for a long time now. I did not want to tell you, especially with our baby on the way. I knew that even though the medicine was working and I was getting better, there was still a chance that my body would fail me sooner or later.

Hopefully, by the time you are reading this, our child is safe and healthy. Seungho, I can tell you’re very scared to be a dad, but I know you are going to be an amazing father. I trust your instinct and I know you will raise our child to be a very respectable person. But please just remember, while our child is growing up, no sweets after 8PM. I’ve seen what it does to you and how hyper you get, I can’t imagine how our child will be like.

You might be wondering why there are so many papers in the envelope…I’ve been working on a piece for a long time now, since we met to be exact. But for some reason, I can’t seem to finish it. Another thing I would like you to do is finish it for me, Seungho. You’re piano playing is remarkable, and it really is a waste that you chose me over it. Which brings me to this next thing. Go play piano, Seungho. You’ve been so busy with your life with me, that you probably haven’t realized that it’s been a while. It might actually help you deal with everything that has happened. This song will be like you’re stepping-stone back into your love of music. There’s no title to this piece, so I trust that you will find a suitable name for it.

Please give my love to my parents, they have been the best parents anybody could ask for. And without them, I would not be the person I am today. Also give my love to the guys. They’re amazing friends, and I learned so much from them. Hopefully they’ll find someone and get married soon, even though it’s sad to think that I won’t be there is see it.

Seungho, I don’t know if I could express how much I love you. As cliché as it sounds, those three words do not begin to describe how I feel about you. I am just so thankful for having met you and every time I look at you, I get the same butterflies that I did when we were in high school. I love you so so so much, Seungho. I wish I could write it out in words. I guess this is good-bye.

 Love you, forever and always,

Soyeon

I re-read the letter a second time, and as I re-read it I start to sob heavily. I look at the things Soyeon had put in the shoe-box and it contained things since we met. Going through the things in the box made me miss her dearly. How am I suppose to keep going, I thought to myself. And then I remembered the song Soyeon had written. I look through the sheet music, and inspiration had quickly hit me. I got up with the sheet music in hand, and headed to the music room. I sat down on the piano bench, pencil on my ear, and started playing the piece. At first, I was rusty with thinking up the next notes, but as I kept going, thoughts came easily, and just like that time flew by.

~

I change into my pajamas and head towards the bed. On the bedside table is a wedding photo of Soyeon and I, one of the several things I could not pack up.

Your daughter is becoming exactly like you, I don’t know what I’m going to do, I think to myself, hoping Soyeon would hear it.

“I miss you so much, Soyeon” I say quietly. I climb into bed and get comfortable. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m asleep.