Pickup time for MissyKuromie

Story Title : White World

Author : MissyKuromie

Reviewer : -CherryBlossoms

Title: (4/5)

The title is quite intriguing and it would be something I would never come across in AFF before. It does have that sense of mystery in it which I quite like in romantic stories. Obviously since it has a fantasy concept, you should have made your title have that eerie feelings which you did. Your title is a strong start to the story however saying all that, although the title was original; it didn't spark interest as much as it should. The title seemed short only capturing our attention for a short moment. I am not saying to change the title but in your next story, think about keeping the title to a right length.

The capitalization was great! No improvement can be made on that as the capitals in 'White' and 'World' gives that broad approach getting our attention quicker. Overall, I must say I would have clicked your story regardless of what the characters were. Well done!

Description/Foreword: (7/10)

To start off, I would have been more pleased if the 'fantasy featuring g...' would have been removed. We don't need to know as we can find that by ourselves later on. Apart from that, the description was quite good and it lured me on to read more. Like the title, it had a sense of subtle mystery but still have that fantasy theme to it which I loved about your story. It was like a book's blurb and it did had me hooked and eager to find out more about your story.

Needless to say, the foreword was also really fantastic and it just made me want to read it further on. The length was just right and I could really see your writing skills coming out. The info was there but it was secretive enough as to not give the whole plot away. I truly like that!

But on the other hand, the structure was quite poor. The info about the map of Eiseris and the plagiarism work as well as the status update and the review should be at the bottom since we want the readers to read a little about the story first, not what the reviews are. That was the only main concern here though.

Appearance: (7/10)

The appearance did depict what the story was about but in a sense, I think you have made it thick too much, it looks like an oil painting rather than a poster. Try to use more colours that are more than just grey, black and white. It brings out a bland theme which is suited more towards an angst poster.

Also, try adding a background because the story will look neater and more organized. The expressions and the evidence of showing the genres was great. The obvious white shows the 'White World' and they weren't smiling maybe showing it was a more of a serious story than a comedy.

Plot: (20/20)

The plot is very original and I couldn't see any flaws that had to be corrected; I am in love with the plot. It was quite a clever plot you got there and it had me on the edge of my seat right from the start. The usage of fantasy is rare and even then, common plots are used but I was pleased to see a very different plot compared to the others. It was really like a novel which I would want to read.

Characterization: (18/20)

The characters are still a bit mysterious but their personalities are showing in every chapters as it progresses. Since it is only the tenth chapters, I still got to see their full personality coming out but judging from now; it is still quite confusing to understand the concepts of each characters.

Languages: (25/25)

There was no fault at all in your story no matter how hard I tried to look. You have a great sense of literature in your story because I understand the story more because of how you wrote the story in such a detailed way. I am pleased that I for once am reviewing a story without showing mistakes. One tiny advice is too consider using short sentences as well. Using run-on sentences are great but they can be quite a breather for us so perhaps consider that.

Flow: (8/10)

The flow was quite fast at times and I feel I wasn't able to grasp the situation before the next one came along. In future, despite those long chapters you wrote, try to cut it down in half so the flow wouldn't look fast paced.

Total: (89/100)

I loved reviewing your story and I really wish you the best of luck in future. Honestly, I thought that was a novel when I was reading it!